May 19, 2012 at 01:54PM EDT
Still a bit too much hyperbolic statements, but at least you’re backing them up with facts. So that’s an improvement, it shows why you say it’s big. You’re still a bit too short though when describing multiple situations in a row, it goes like “This happened, pretty big. Then this. Also this.”. Try to make the text go a bit more fluently.
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