DeadParrot222 - Comment #566,502

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Twins the Serendipitous Serval
Twins the Serendipitous Serval

Well, Deadparrot222, if you tried to write a sadfic, you failed. That was the least sad sadfic I have ever read in my life time. That being said, I thoroughly enjoyed your little happyfic (is that a word) here. The last chapter was truly beautiful, and you somehow managed to make it emotional without resorting to the sentimental, almost maudlin, Hollywood style ending that gets old quick. And I’m usually the type of person who likes to complain about endings (good lord, the show is horrible with them), so you can take it from me that you did a good job with this.

As for constructive criticism, the the dialogue was a bit weak, almost as it if felt out of place in your story, at least at first. When you started to weave in your wonderful prose style in Rainbow’s tale in the 3rd chapter, is when I really became immersed in the paracosm you’ve created in Tiny Wings. The pacing was also a little uneven. It was really nice at the beginning, but you began to falter in that massive third chapter, before finally catching up towards the end of it. This goes hand in hand with the whole “split the chapter into two” comment I had earlier. It would take a bit of structuring and planning, but it would help make the story even more enjoyable than it already is now. Just some things to keep in mind for your next fic, if you are ever so inclined to do so.

Thanks for kindling in me a newfound appreciation of Scootaloo (and Rainbow). That filly is really going to be something.


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