May 19, 2013 at 05:47PM EDT
When I was a kid, bringing a foam noodle to the pool was equivalent to being crowned emperor of a dynasty. I recall ages past, in my time I was a noble king, and my rule was harsh but fair. From high atop the diving board did I reign, and from there every boogie board and inflatable raft was at my beck and call. That was until my once true companion and aide Carson brought Nerf guns and forced me into exile in the shallow end. Asshole.
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