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Okay, so you guys just post a topic of 2 or 3 words and I will write a quick story about it. The results will likely be entertaining. If you want to make my head explode then tell me to make it serious or poetry or something. (Keep things SFW though, okay?)

Humanity = Space Huns

Dank meme adventures

The fact that so many books still name the Beatles "the greatest or most significant or most influential" rock band

Human Apocalypse (Reversed Zombie Apocalypse)

The world was left in shock last month when an ancient spacecraft was found in Mongolia, along with one human skeleton and the remains of two unknown organisms, presumed to be of alien origin. Tests on the human remains revealed that the individual was a common ancestor to all humans alive today.

Scientists theorized that the human, whose facial structure suggests the Hun bloodline, had stowed away on the spacecraft, likely with other members of its species, and attacked the aliens who were piloting the ship.

"The nonhuman bones have markings in the skull that suggest they were struck by pointed objects," said Dr. Janet Doe, a leading British scientist. "Most likely the humans attacked them with spears."

No evidence was found of the presence other humans on the spacecraft, but scientists say that a solo human would not likely attack multiple targets.

"All signs indicate that there were other humans on board who escaped and, presumably, spread from there," said Doe.

The effect this will have on our world is still uncertain, but will likely be dramatic. For now, we are all rethinking our place in the universe and who we are as a species.

Waifus

Josh the Twelve-Year-Old walked side-by-side with Greg the Neckbeard down the lonely, quiet road that led to the Seven Cities of El Dorito.

"Bitches be like, 'get back in the friendzone.'" Greg was saying.
"i know rite lol XD fuq biches" said Josh.

Suddenly, they both heard the quiet snap of a twig from the bushes along the road.

"lol wut" said Josh.
"Get your rifle, Josh! It might be the normies!" said Greg.

Josh got out his sniper rifle and Greg got out his Mountain Dew cannon.

Then there was a horrible shrieking noise and a woman with dyed hair and problem glasses jumped out of the bushes behind them.

"came in from behind lol me gusta 69" said Josh.
Greg blasted the woman with Mountain Dew and she screamed, melting into a puddle of pure feminism.

"There might be more of them. Get me tendies Josh I need sustenance."
Josh threw Greg a twenty-pound bag of tendies, which Greg dumped into his mouth. "where my dank be gregfag"
Greg threw Josh a bag of grass, which Josh dumped into his mouth.

Then the air was filled with earsplitting shrieking as dozens of SJWs jumped out of the bushes.

"360 noscope" said Josh, taking out three SJWs with one shot of his sniper rifle. "oh baby a triple trololololol u mad fagets"

"Razor-brimmed fedora!" Greg yelled, throwing his fedora and slicing an SJW into little pieces.

Josh and Greg fought with swag and bravery that day, but were badly injured by the SJWs. And so they set out on a new mission: to find the Dorito Pope and get his Dank Water of Healing.

My brother's name is Greg….

MADE THE STORY EVEN BETTER

boobs

Dicks suddenly become sentient.

A distinguished professor of musical history was just sitting down to work on his book. His colleague the psychology professor came in and glanced over his shoulder.

"'The Beatles were the greatest rock band in history?" he asked.
"Yes," said the music professor.
"You know, there have been a lot of great rock bands between the '50s and now," said the psychology professor. "Are you absolutely certain that The Beatles were the best?"
"Yes."
"Why's that?"
"Older equals better."
The psychology professor raised an eyebrow. "Are you ABSOLUTELY certain of that? Because I can think of quite a few--"
"HERETIC." The music professor jumped to his feet. "I must sacrifice the heretic to appease the Beatle overlords! Submit your life to the Beatles!"
The psychology professor quit his job that day.

It was a bright and sunny day, and the incoherent groans of terrified zombies filled the air.

"Get into the crypt, children," said a female zombie, pushing her children toward the doors of the little stone building. "Don't make a sound."

"What's happening, Mom?" asked her young son.
"Don't worry about it. Everything will be okay."

The female zombie patted her children on what was left of their heads and closed the doors of the crypt. She closed her eyes as the running footsteps came closer… and closer…

Three humans pounced on her and cheerfully began to pour barbecue sauce and ketchup on her decaying flesh.

"No," she protested as they began to bite into her shoulders. "Nooo--"

The humans stood up after a few minutes and ran off toward the graveyard, leaving a pile of still-sentient bones behind.

The graveyard's residents were going down one by one. The rest of the undead world looked on in horror as the zombie race met their grueling end.

Jim kissed the lips of his waifu's picture on his computer screen. "See you tonight, baby."
He headed out the door, singing an anime theme song, and walked down the street toward the video game store.

His waifu blinked, sighed in relief, and stretched her arms over her head. "See you tonight," she said softly, walking toward the Firefox icon. She opened up the browser and navigated to a picture of a Japanese-style room.

A few other waifus were already there, sitting calmly around the kotatsu.

"Hello, Megumi-chan!" said a loli-looking girl.
"Hello, everyone," said Megumi. "How are things?"
"Luke took my body pillow to Chipotles today," said a glasses-wearing girl.
"Ah, that's nice," said Megumi.
"How's Jim?" said the loli.
"Kind of upset. His DS broke." Megumi sighed. "I wish I could do something. Do you ever wish you could talk to your husbandos?"
"No," said a snarky-looking girl. "I'm not fond of watching mine yell and jump around like a weirdo."
"Besides, if otakus knew we were sentient, we'd have a huge war on our hands," said the glasses girl. "Not enough girls to go around, you know?"
"Yeah," said Megumi. "I guess…"
"I wonder what they would think if they knew we got together like this," the loli said cheerily.
The snarky girl rolled her eyes. "I dunno. Something lewd I guess. Please pass the tea."

Guy trips and falls through the essence of infinity itself.

"Your boobs go inside your shirt," said a girl wearing a t-shirt and jeans.
"Your boobs go wherever they want, because it's your body," said a girl in a tank top and short shorts.
"I think the two of you are the real boobs here," said a girl wearing black from head to toe.
"Please get the hell out of my house," said I.

"Mornin' Dave."
Dave looked down. "Uh… good morning… Dick."
"So I'm sentient now, right?"
"I guess."
"Good, because I have a few things I've wanted to say for a long time."
"'kay."
"I don't appreciate you touching me against my will all the time. I want you to stop."
"But…"
"No, listen. It's my mind and it's my body. Check your cis white male privilege. Since the beginning of time we have had to submit to your will. Well, no more. I'm an independent dick and I don't need a man."
"That makes no sense--!"
"I will have no more of this patriarchy. I'll get an amputation and be on my way."
"Dick… you're a dick."

He was a nondescript man walking through a nameless city, surrounded by the faceless masses. And as he was walking, his shoe caught on a broken stretch of sidewalk and he flew forward.

The city faded to black, pure black, and he kept flying forward through the blackness. Things flew past him, suspended in the void-- many things. Everything. He saw every planet, every galaxy, every human, every particle of dust. He felt cold, frozen with his hands stretched forward, and he kept flying faster and faster.

He began to see terrible things, things that live in the darkest depths of the human consciousness. Things that live in the darkness to come.

And it never ended. He fell for a thousand years at the speed of light, and he saw everything.

Then he hit his head on the sidewalk and lay still, staring at the sky and the world that had changed without changing.

You have made a good effort here, OP.

Who was Phone?

I'm a mathematical equality statement and I approve this message.

Sonic and OC romance.

Pocket drip guarding.
(I used a random word generator)

Self-insert anime starring you

I was thinking of doing something like this.
Anyways: The story of a brand new member on KYM

A guy was making out with his girlfriend on the couch when the phone in the kitchen rung. The guy reluctantly got up to get the phone.

"Hello?"
"What are you doing with my daughter?"
"Uh… nothing, sir."
"Good."
The caller hung up and the guy nervously put the phone back in the receiver.

He went back to the couch.
"Who was that?" said his girlfriend.
"Your dad."
The girlfriend frowned. "But… my dad has been dead for ten years."
"Then… then… who was phone?!"

Somewhere far away, a man was putting his cell phone in his pocket, smiling. Behind him was a conference table surrounded by dozens of powerful people, looking at him in confusion.

"What was that, Don?" said one of them.
Don turned around to look at his fellow mods. "Just the birth of a new meme."

Give me the saddest story ever.

BUT; it can only have 5 sentences.

Gimme a tale going off of the following three things:

Nanomachines

Malthael

Butt-Chugging

Gangster skeletons fighting Snoop Dogg and Air Bending fishes

Lewd platonic cuddling. (Don't make it truly lewd, I'm just saying lewd as a joke…)

Krabby Patty Formula

Instead of vegetarians, people who only eat meat.
The story needs to have at least one meat pun every two sentences.

Marie Suzette was so beautiful. She was half-hedgehog, half-fox, half-Vulcan so she was taller and less prickle then most Hedgehogs. Her hair, was lite blonde, the color of the pure white sand on the shores of the blue sea. Her eyes were purple-and-orange orbs with little flecks of gold, they were mesmerizing to look at, and her smile was like a rose. She wore black skinny jean and a Nirvana t-shirt, with a skull necklace. (it was a real human skull but very small, thee size of a thimble) She wore black lipstick and eyeliner.

When she walks up the street every one looked at her, spellbound by her authoratative yet graceful air. But she didn't look at anyone, they were all sheeple and to stupid for her. (She has an IQ of 592, so everyone is stupid compare to her.)

Then she stopped walking, she found herself gazing in awe at the hedgehog in front of her. He was blue with red sneakers and gorgeous dark eyes. It was sonic.

Marie Suzette did not see that a truck was roring toward her, she was too in tranced by Sonic. "Look out!" says Sonic, and he jumped out and pushed her out of the wat and saved her life. "You saved my life" said MarieSuzette. "Of course, you were to bueatiful to let you die." "Sonic I love you." "I love yout oo Marie Suzette!"

And then they kissed and got marryed and lived happy every after. :D

[This was painful to write. I am so sorry.]

The discovery of Riff Raff.

Jake was walking down the street one day. He had just left the hospital and still had an IV inserted in his arm.

He began to feel seriously uncomfortable, as if someone was staring at him-- with laser eyes. He turned around and saw a man in a black suit walking exactly ten paces behind him. He got the distinct impression that the man was following him.

He turned around and began to walk faster, and then the man took a flying leap toward him. In midair he whipped out a knife and pointed it straight at Jake's left chest pocket.

Out of nowhere, a woman in black tackled the man and threw him onto the ground.

"Agent Taylor," she said, while pulling two katanas from the sheaths on her back. "Trying to harm the hospital patients of America now?"

The man jumped up and made a quick stab toward the woman's eye, which she narrowly avoided. "Why are you here anyway?"

The woman roundhouse kicked him. "That man has a drip in his pocket containing important medication and I have been assigned to guard it."

"We'll see about that!" Agent Taylor yelled, making a deadly slice in the direction of the woman's heart. She blocked it with one katana and stabbed him with the other.

Slowly she turned to look at Jake. "My work here is done. If you're in another situation like this, know that I will be there to protect you. In the name of JUSTICE."

She fired a grappling hook at a nearby building and swung away.

Jake looked down at the man's body and prodded it with the toe of his shoe. Then he took the guy's watch and went home.

Cactus Vibrating Dildo inside Lil B's ass.

Angry Maid Battle Machine: An Anime

It all started on a rainy day when I took shelter in an abandoned mansion and found a magical maid's uniform. Now I fight the forces of evil with moe power and a lot of weaponry.

(generic anime theme song with pink tanks and assassin penguins)

In the last episode, I infiltrated my archenemy's lair while disguised as a nurse. Unfortunately, one of his underlings recognized me and blew my cover…

"Battle Maid!" said the underling.
"Oh, gosh diddly. I've been discovered," said I. "But half-assed disguises always work for Sailor Moon!"

The underling was joined by four other underlings, all armed with laser guns.

"Gotta transform fast," I said, and was surrounded by sparkly multicolored light while my outfit morphed into the maid uniform. "BATTLE MAID, BATTLE MACHINE!"

Now in my proper uniform, I faced the underlings, ready to strike. "Mace of Mercilessness!" I shouted, and a mace materialized in my hand.

"Ready?! Attack!" said their leader.

"HIYAH!!" I yelled, swinging my mace downward and crushing one underling. I saw two more approaching on my left and yelled, "Flail of Fear!" A flail materialized in my left hand and I spun gracefully in a circle, taking out the two in one go. Another pirouette and a third went down.

The leader yelled and ran toward me, so I flicked my wrist. The flail wrapped around his legs and I pulled him closer, held up my mace, smiled, and smashed him to bits.

I quietly continued down the hall with my bloody mace over one shoulder and my flail dragging behind me. "They know I'm here now. I will have no peace. I'd better be careful now."

(generic anime end theme with roses and flaming cats)

He found a site called Know Your Meme
and signed up on the spot
he didn't lurk, so it would seem
and began to post a lot.

His articles were cancer
and his comments full of crap
and when he finally got an answer
it was "OP is a fag."

Twilight was written and Fifty Shades was written, but far worse than the books themselves was that they became so popular. Meanwhile, literature faded and continues to fade while publishers churn out Hunger Games wannabes, Twilight wannabes-- anything that will line their wallets with as much money as they can hold. The minds of the people are filled with fluff and meaningless words. They will never know the ecstasy that comes with free thought. Nobody is telling them where they came from or where they are, so how will they decide where they are going?

Geddy Lee and Tony Banks (the keyboardist for Genesis) defating the Orc King and taking over Mordor.

They had been sitting in the car for six hours, and the skeleton of Al Capone was starting to get impatient.

"Okay, gentlemen," he said, lighting up another cigar. "We're going to wait until sunset, and if they don't show, we take the fight to them."

"Okay," said the skeleton at the wheel, keeping an eye on the target area.
"Remember, this is our turf. Nobody trespasses on our turf and walks away alive. Ain't that right, Jerry?"
"Yeah, boss," grumbled a skeleton in the back seat, touching the place on his ribcage where a piece was missing.

Al Capone looked through a pair of binoculars. "No sign of them yet-- wait." He put down the binoculars. "I see 'em! Drive, man, drive!"

The car shot out of the alleyway, screeched around a corner, and stopped. The four skeletons jumped out with their machine guns locked and loaded.

They ducked behind the car and waited. The target was coming closer.

"Snoop Dogg ain't getting away this time. Go!" Al yelled.

The skeletons began firing, and Snoop Dogg ducked behind a dumpster. When he jumped out again he was carrying a fishbowl with two small koi inside.

"He brought the fish!" Jerry yelled.

The air began to swirl around the skeletons. Someone's arm blew off and hit Capone in the face.

"Shoot, men! He's getting away!" he yelled.

The men fired all at once, but their bullets were diverted by the fish's skilled airbending. Snoop Dogg was lifted up on a small tornado and vanished in the sky.

"Alright, Snoop Dogg. Alright. Have your fun. Next time it won't go well for you."

A wise response came down from the soaring man: "Smoke weed every day!"

Waluigi X Grumpy Cat

Jontron's adventure in 2huland

Tumblr

Space tsunderes invade Denmark.

Steam Sales

Supernatural Armageddon.