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Mind Fuck Copypasta

Last posted Aug 05, 2011 at 10:53PM EDT. Added Aug 05, 2011 at 02:15PM EDT
19 posts from 9 users

[Note: For the best effect, read it from beginning to end.]

January 22, 2027: Dr. Hagiru Sato and his scientists from Japan, Canada, America, and Britain begin work on a matter-energy transfer machine.


February 11, 2033: First machine tested successfully after over one hundred failed tests. Controversy over the destructive nature of the technology ignites.

July 18, 2033: A catastrophic incident with an energy-matter transfer machine destroys Hiroshima, a devastation not seen since the Atomic Bomb dropped nearly 90 years before. Japanese officials move to ban the technology, Western powers urge them allow it, despite the mishap

April 22, 2035: First sighting of infected individuals. Most are animals, some Humans are susceptible to infection. Most seen around the ruins of Hiroshima, which has not been rebuilt.

May 13, 2035: Northern Japan is split off from its Southern half, as a nation wide quarantine is in enacted. Anarchy soon spreads through the infected regions. 15% of the humans are immune to the disease and show no side effect. 84.9% are affected fatally by the disease, which causes cancerous growths. 1% of those exposed are shown to successfully mutate. The “Virus” is found to be a spreadable corruption of genetic material, which causes rapid mutation in infected individuals. All large animal life above ground soon become mutated.

January 1, 2040: 98% of all animals in Japan are wiped out; ecosystems rules entirely by infected individuals.

May 8, 2048: Japanese Defense Force engages infected individuals to preserve quarantine. Coordinated attacks by infected humans and animals are seen. High levels of intelligence confirmed.

May 10, 2048: They fail, the nation of Japan ceases to exist.

October 13, 2048: The United States Carrier George W. Bush is attacked and sunk by an unknown force. Later revealed to be a coordinated attack by the infected. Use of Atomic weapons to destroy all life on Japan considered, but denied.

February 12, 2052: Remaining inhabitants of Japan have appeared, by outward observers, to have begin adopting the infected ones into their religions. Part of this religion is a total weapons ban, and the banning of violence against infected individuals. This is surprisingly effective at ceasing conflict with the infected individuals.

April 2, 2055: Infected have seem to spread to North America. Military preparedness results in far more contained infection. Hundreds of thousands in North America, Canada, and Mexico die.

March 11, 2061: The United States Army begins experimenting with the combat prowess of the infected animals, who are shown to have a friendly connection to humans who treat them well, much like dogs. Initial tests exceed expectations. Later that year, China, North Korea, Russia, and Vietnam sign the Kommu Pact, ensuring protection against the now overpowered west.

July 2, 2063: The Kommu alliance declares war on the United States. Infected used to great effect.

November 9, 2066: The war ends. Communist states are dissolved, all of Asia is now under the control of NATO.

December 25, 2072: The now divided regions that were once Japan begin to open up to the outside world. Mostly through scientific trade off.

February 1, 2081: Japanese scientists sneak into heavily infected Brazil. They recover the DNA of what they believe is to be one of the first infected. Beliefs are that the infected are actually the next phase in evolution, and to find one of the originals would help better the understanding. There are many tried-and-failed cloning attempts, before the final experiment is successful. The result of this experiment, capable of self-induced Energy-Matter transference, is responsible for for the deaths of before escaping.

May 22, 2081: Ash Ketchum turns 10 years old.

Sauce

Last edited Aug 05, 2011 at 02:17PM EDT
Aug 05, 2011 at 02:15PM EDT
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^
Didn’t know that one yet, thanks. I lol’d.

Have another:

Last edited Aug 05, 2011 at 03:04PM EDT
Aug 05, 2011 at 03:04PM EDT
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And now for something completely different: An excerpt from Douglas Hofstadter’s six-word biography

.
I’m So Meta, Even This Acronym
.

Aug 05, 2011 at 03:23PM EDT
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I think I like the “Ash is in a coma after an accident at the beginning of the show then his mind is creating a whole world around his will to get out of the coma, with a touch of brain damage” version better.

Aug 05, 2011 at 03:35PM EDT
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>Implying this copypasta isn’t incredibly old

I can’t find the original 4chan post, but it is way older than the sauce you gave.

Last edited Aug 05, 2011 at 04:23PM EDT
Aug 05, 2011 at 04:17PM EDT
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Tomberry wrote:

I think I like the “Ash is in a coma after an accident at the beginning of the show then his mind is creating a whole world around his will to get out of the coma, with a touch of brain damage” version better.

That sounds awfully familiar.

Oh yeah…

Aug 05, 2011 at 04:19PM EDT
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Tomberry wrote:

I think I like the “Ash is in a coma after an accident at the beginning of the show then his mind is creating a whole world around his will to get out of the coma, with a touch of brain damage” version better.

“Ash is in a come after an accident at the beginning of the show then his mind is creating a whole world around his will to get out of the come, with a touch of brain damage”

Ftfy.

(/vp/ meme. See: http://img6.imageshack.us/img6/450/ashisinacome.png)

Last edited Aug 05, 2011 at 04:57PM EDT
Aug 05, 2011 at 04:27PM EDT
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[for the best effect read from top]

I hate my fucking life. I’m a god damn failure.


I’m almost 20 and haven’t been able to score a better job than a fucking cook at a local fast food joint. What makes it worse is that I live in a small town so business is pretty limited, and where I work is the only place that’ll hire high school graduates. This is the only job I’ve ever had and I will probably never get a better one. My coworker harasses me verbally all day. If I told my boss, he would just cut my already low salary. All that f**kface cares about is money and her fat daughter.


Outside of work, I don’t do anything. My best friend is mentally retarded, but I suppose that’s better than nothing.
I am also in love with one of my few friends. She’s an athletic, smart, gorgeous southern belle who just moved here, but I’m sure she hates me too. F**k.
My neighbor basically hates everything I do and all he does is praise himself and cry about his bald head.


I’m stuck in my home town because I never learned to drive. I fail the driver’s license test EVERY F**KING TIME I TAKE IT. F**K THIS. Worst of all I live in a f**king pineapple under the sea.

Last edited Aug 05, 2011 at 04:41PM EDT
Aug 05, 2011 at 04:38PM EDT
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Mister J wrote:

[for the best effect read from top]

I hate my fucking life. I’m a god damn failure.


I’m almost 20 and haven’t been able to score a better job than a fucking cook at a local fast food joint. What makes it worse is that I live in a small town so business is pretty limited, and where I work is the only place that’ll hire high school graduates. This is the only job I’ve ever had and I will probably never get a better one. My coworker harasses me verbally all day. If I told my boss, he would just cut my already low salary. All that f**kface cares about is money and her fat daughter.


Outside of work, I don’t do anything. My best friend is mentally retarded, but I suppose that’s better than nothing.
I am also in love with one of my few friends. She’s an athletic, smart, gorgeous southern belle who just moved here, but I’m sure she hates me too. F**k.
My neighbor basically hates everything I do and all he does is praise himself and cry about his bald head.


I’m stuck in my home town because I never learned to drive. I fail the driver’s license test EVERY F**KING TIME I TAKE IT. F**K THIS. Worst of all I live in a f**king pineapple under the sea.

Now this one I DO have a picture of. Which I posted in the YLYL thread a while ago.

Aug 05, 2011 at 04:46PM EDT
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Philip J. Fry wrote:

“Ash is in a come after an accident at the beginning of the show then his mind is creating a whole world around his will to get out of the come, with a touch of brain damage”

Ftfy.

(/vp/ meme. See: http://img6.imageshack.us/img6/450/ashisinacome.png)

My translator still writes coma as “coma”… or “brain dead”.

Aug 05, 2011 at 04:48PM EDT
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Tomberry wrote:

My translator still writes coma as “coma”… or “brain dead”.

Please highlight the white text right under “ftfy”.

Here, I’ll change the color to make it easier to see.

Last edited Aug 05, 2011 at 04:59PM EDT
Aug 05, 2011 at 04:51PM EDT
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I’m still continuing to write it as “coma”, no matter what.
(Seriously though. A /vp/ “meme” which yields only 7 result on Google and no result on 4chanarchive? Come on! you best be trolling)

Aug 05, 2011 at 04:56PM EDT
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I’m making a joke. An inside joke. The inside being /vp/. I do that all the time. No one understands it, but I don’t really care. Sorry if I confused you.

Last edited Aug 05, 2011 at 04:59PM EDT
Aug 05, 2011 at 04:58PM EDT
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Philip J. Fry wrote:

>Implying this copypasta isn’t incredibly old

I can’t find the original 4chan post, but it is way older than the sauce you gave.

True, this one is incredibly old. But it was the first one that I found when I looked for it again.

I also have this one:

My job is so fucking unbelievable. I’ll try to sum it up by first telling you about the folks I work with:

First, there is this supermodel wanna-be chick. Yeah, okay, she is pretty hot, but damn is she completely useless. The girl is constantly fixing her hair or putting on makeup. She is extremely self-centered and has never once considered the needs or wants of anyone but herself. She is as dumb as a box of rocks, and I still find it surprising that she has enough brain power to continue to breathe.

The next chick is completely the opposite. She might even be one of the smartest people on the planet. Her career oppertunities are endless, and yet she is here with us. She is a zero on a scale of 1 to 10. I’m not sure she even showers, much less shaves her “womanly” parts. I think she might be a lesbian, because every time we drive by the hardware store, she moans like a cat in heat.

But the jewel of the crowd has got to be the fucking stoner. And this guy is more than just your average pothead. In fact, he is baked before he comes to work, during work, and I’m sure after work. He probably hasn’t been sober anytime in the last ten years, and he’s only 22. He dresses like a beatnik throwback from the 1960’s, and to make things worse, he brings his big fucking dog to work. Every fucking day I have to look at this huge Great Dane walk around half-stoned from the second-hand smoke. Hell, sometimes I even think it’s trying to talk with its constant bellowing. Also, both of them are constantly hungry, requiring multiple stops to McDonalds and Burger King, every single fucking day.

Anyway, I drive these fuckers around in my van and we solve mysteries and shit.
Aug 05, 2011 at 04:59PM EDT
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Don’t be so upside-down with yourself.
Deep inside jokes lose their meaning in translation.

Last edited Aug 05, 2011 at 05:02PM EDT
Aug 05, 2011 at 05:01PM EDT
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Wheatley wrote:

That sounds awfully familiar.

Oh yeah…

I fucking love that show

Aug 05, 2011 at 10:23PM EDT
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Fridge wrote:

And now for something completely different: An excerpt from Douglas Hofstadter’s six-word biography

.
I’m So Meta, Even This Acronym
.

so you read xkcd too, eh?
http://xkcd.com/917/

Aug 05, 2011 at 10:53PM EDT
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Skeletor-sm

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