So I took me long enough to write this (around 4 hours considering the time I’m writing this now, and the time I wrote the Topic Title) and I probably won’t see this until much much later due to the fact that in my time zone its way past midnight, so I apologize.
Anyways to get to the point, for some weird reason I have this lack of passion in many of the things that I once had fun doing. I don’t think it’s a depression or that I’m sad about anything but there is a driving force inside of me killing off the urge to do what I normally do for fun. I’ll get more important, pressing things done such has tasks around the house or my homework (though it will take some time and motivation) finished eventually. But everything else isn’t even second, like if I have nothing to do on that day, I’ll find myself litterally doing nothing for hours and hours. (from the mental viewpoint) I won’t even put the effort or time into as something that you need very little commitment for, like a video game but my brain has this mental barrier saying that: “Oh you shouldn’t do that, you’ll just lose yourself in that [again]” even though I know that won’t happen.
The other thing, is (now I’m not sure if its that same ‘driving force’ at hand here) it is like a werid laziness I have that makes me resist me doing things like going on my computer or playing games. My mind (I know this for a fact) will, on purpose, cloud it’s self saying it isn’t worth it. That doing what isn’t important will take “To much effort” and that, all that effort isn’t worth it. It is true, that many times espeically on KYM I will put a lot of effort into things, which will be wasted. Like for example I send PMs to a fair amount of users in epic length. Many times it gets deleted, or I get error pages, or it doesn’t send, or a shit-ton of other shit, and it takes me 8 times as long to get it done. But even with my past failures, I know that shouldn’t be the reason this is happening to me.
Now I’m not sure if it’s one main reason or if its many, but there seems to be this single ptoblem plagueing me and I need it to go away. I have seeked advice from a few friends of mine, but they have failed. So I ask you guys, some of the smartest kindest people I know (should that pe an honor or a very sad reality?) to help me out. So that I can be the best I can be, and so I can be more active again!