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how to stop being dependant on other's opinions?

Last posted Dec 29, 2011 at 10:55AM EST. Added Dec 27, 2011 at 10:28AM EST
25 posts from 20 users

soooo….

after anilyzing myself some more finally came to this conclusion. i am very dependant on the opinions of other people.

i must always try to make sure that /everyone likes what i like/hates what i hate
that people have the same opinions i do and the things that i claim to be the best to get as many positive comments about them and etc…

the only problem is that as far as i know. controling emotions is impossible. so even if the dumbest troll talks shit about something that i like and i tell myself all the “hatter’s gonna hat” things. i will still be hurt and still feel bad.

any practical suggestions other than just “not giving a fuck” because it doesn’t work for me

dga- Oh wait…

Ok, how about this? Make a list of all the positives things about you. And if someone insults you, look to see if their insult is the opposite of one of the things on your list. That way you personally know that they are wrong.

Ha ha ha. Now this is something I’m an expert in. As long as we’re talking people on the internet’s opinions.

It’s easy not to care what people on the internet think. As long as you remember they are just people on the internet. I don’t know who you are or what you’re like, and you don’t know any of those things about me either.

Why should someone who doesn’t know you, has never met you, and has no intention of seeing you as a real person have an effect on you?

It shouldn’t. These people aren’t real to you and you aren’t real to them.

Now, if we’re talking about real people who know you and that stuff, I got nothin’.

Captain Blubber wrote:

Ha ha ha. Now this is something I’m an expert in. As long as we’re talking people on the internet’s opinions.

It’s easy not to care what people on the internet think. As long as you remember they are just people on the internet. I don’t know who you are or what you’re like, and you don’t know any of those things about me either.

Why should someone who doesn’t know you, has never met you, and has no intention of seeing you as a real person have an effect on you?

It shouldn’t. These people aren’t real to you and you aren’t real to them.

Now, if we’re talking about real people who know you and that stuff, I got nothin’.

well the way i work is “the majority counts” i won’t be affected by a snigle person. but when it’s something a mass, then it gets me.

like when there is a forum discussion about something that is important to me and i see more opinions that i hate, it makes me feel bad.

even if it’s just one offesive messege but it has a lot of karma/rep/thumbs up. it also hurts…

no positive thoughts helped me so far…

Mister J wrote:

You are now depending on our opinions on the issue of not depending on opinions of others….

Pretty much this. You’re depending on this forum’s opinion about your dependency on opinions. You might want to try therapy or just flat out hypnotherapy.

I think Mister J was already implying this, but this is an incredibly ironic thread title, especially given your recent posting history. But then, what can one do but ask other people about how to handle the opinions of other people right?

I have a suggestion for that actually. I’m going to go out on a limb here and assume that you are Jewish (I know; call me crazy). That being the case, you may be interested in the views of a Jewish writer with whom you may not be very familiar. I quote here:

If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask G-d, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you. But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind.

Whatever you may think of the source, I believe there is wisdom here for any believer in G-d. While I know our own insecurities make it hard to adopt such an attitude in the face of society, the only person whose opinion matters in the end is G-d.

While this may seem in some ways to be a very philosophical and fancy way of saying “not giving a fuck”, I think the real issue here in a practical sense is getting your priorities straight. Even if you are not a particularly religious person, the idea here is that you need to first make the decision of choosing what is of primary importance to you, really. Once you’ve made that decision, try your hardest to see everything from that perspective, and not the perspective of others.

Cale wrote:

Is G-d the robot form of God?

Just in case you’re not being sarcastic, “G-d” is often used by Jewish writers to ensure that they do no use the Lord’s name in vain. In Hebrew, He is referred to often as “HaShem” i.e., “The Name”.

Brucker wrote:

Just in case you’re not being sarcastic, “G-d” is often used by Jewish writers to ensure that they do no use the Lord’s name in vain. In Hebrew, He is referred to often as “HaShem” i.e., “The Name”.

Huh. I thought you were "In-character’…

Well I just learned something new.

Easy, just when you get pissed, just stop right there and remember these words:
“This is the internet.” <-- saved my ass a lot of times. You have no idea.

Last edited Dec 27, 2011 at 04:24PM EST

Oh Jolly….

Jolly, Jolly, Jolly…

You know what your problem is? Pessimism.

I’m not to sure what to say to you other than you focus too much on the negative aspects of life. Rather than write a huge wall of text detailing why you need to change your focus in your life I’m just going to show you this:

Last edited Dec 27, 2011 at 08:22PM EST
Skeletor-sm

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