My mother is typing this for me, because I can’t. She is crying. The reason she is so sad is because I’m so sick. I was born without a body. It doesn’t hurt, except when I try to breathe.
The doctors gave me an artificial body. It’s a burlap bag filled with leaves. The doctors said that was the best they could do on account of us having no money or insurance.
I would like to have a body transplant, but we need more money. Mommy doesn’t work because she said nobody hires crying people. I said, “Don’t cry, Mommy.” and she hugged my burlap bag. Mommy always gives me hugs, Even though she’s allergic to burlap and it makes her sneeze and chafes her real bad.
I hope you will help me. You can help me by spreading my story. Dr. Johansen said that every time someone shares my story, Bill Gates will team up with AOL and send a nickel to NASA. With that funding, NASA will collect prayers from school children all over America and have the astronauts take them up into space so that the angels can hear them better.
Then they will come back to earth and go to the Pope, and he will take up a collection in church and send all the money to the doctors. The doctors could help me get better then. Maybe one day I will be able to play baseball. Right now I can only be third base.
I try to be happy, but it’s hard. I wish I had a kitty. I wish I could hold a kitty. I wish I could hold a kitty that wouldn’t chew on me and try to bury its turds in the leaves of my burlap body. I wish that very much.
Billy “Smiles” Evans