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There are reports of a naked man being shot after eating another man's face in California. The police are blaming it on "cocaine psychosis" – but we know better. Gentlemen, we have been preparing for this for years. It's time to put those bunkers and food caches to good use. I don't know if I'll ever see you again, but good luck.

The article says the situation was actually in Miami, so I'm going to say that it actually was cocaine psychosis. There are a lot of drugs down here, after all.

Zombies, eh?

Platus, have you been going on /x/? I saw a thread there last night about this. And yeah, it's probably drug-related.

Bahaha, I'm in California.

I'll be fine for a while.

Unless it already spread.

ohgodohgodohgod.

This is why I live on east coast.
East Side, motherfuckers.
And off to Canada as I go as the U.S. will fall from the zombie apocalypse, and the north pole is the best place to be in a zombie apocalypse. It's so cold the zombies will barely move…can't even get through snow, even the virus will spread much more slower in the cold temperatures.

Is it bad that a small part of me, deep in the wastelands of my mind, hopes that this is actually a zombie outbreak?

I have not been to /x/ – the idea just seems kind of obvious.

What really creeps me out is that the guy didn't go down when they shot him first. They had to do it a bunch of times, and he just kept eating until he was finished off. I wonder if the last one was a headshot?

Is it bad that a small part of me, deep in the wastelands of my mind, hopes that this is actually a zombie outbreak?

No, sting_auer, it just means that you are normal.

Well, the multiple shots required could be explained by the cocaine.

The thing is, guns really don't have a lot of power to incapacitate people unless the round is really large or it hits something especially important, like the heart, brain, or a joint.

A crossbow has more stopping power than a handgun. The reason that guns usually bring people down is because of the pain, not because of actual incapacitation.

Oh yes, I'm aware of that. But this thread will be a lot more fun if we all act as if this were a zombie outbreak being covered up by the government.

Getting shot in the chest usually isn't enough to kill someone. When adrenaline kicks in, blood and oxygen are already flowing through your body at a faster rate. At that point, you'd have to lose enough blood to be knocked unconscious, because the person isn't going to feel enough pain to lose consciousness. Losing enough blood to become unconscious takes time. That's why headshots are usually the way to go when a police officer has to kill someone.

EDIT: Ninja'd by Sting.

NONE OF YOU GUYS KNOW HOW TO HAVE PARANOID FUN!

I'm going to go talk to the NRA. THEY at least know how this works.

Holla holla get dolla.

I hope the zombies are as prepared as I am.

I live in Texas.

Zombies… Good luck…

God… Don't get in my way…

I wouldn't jump to saying it's zombies so fast. I'm not a zombie, but I still find faces rather tasty.

It was an honor knowing you all while we still had the chance.

How does cocaine make you want to viciously eat someones face?

Too much of it can cause insanity

Zombies are real and they're in Haiti.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Zombie#Haiti

We're talking about a pathogen-based zombie plague that increases aggression and is contagious.

Not a drug induced near-catatonic state that causes the victim to be very vulnerable to suggestion and doing whatever they are told.

In this case, I'm glad I live in the south. Everyone's armed. As for faces, raw face is just gross.

Llamas with hats reference detected.

Also it is possible to at least have a rage virus to infect people and to infect people to get them so angry to hurt other people and which infect those people in the process as well, but the virus must be a mutation of rabies. Rabies is the closes we got to a rage virus, if they are genetically experimenting with rabies secretly…lets hope it does not get out like in the movies…

I live in UK. We're going to have fast zombies here. Damn.

If we're lucky, the majority of zombies in the US will be fat and slow. You know, cardio.

Rabies – or any virus, for that matter – isn't a good candidate for a weapon, due to the fact that viruses mutate rather quickly compared to, say, a bacteria or other pathogen.

In theory, you could create a bacteria that produces a chemical similar to the rabies virus (essentially a dead rabies virus), which would mutate slowly but still be infectious. Just don't let it be air-transmittable and you're fine.

Perfect biological weapon right there. Terrifying, powerful, highly infectious, but easy to contain to a certain area.

This is getting weird.

Police: Hackensack man stabbed himself and threw intestines at officers

Damn…that guy has been on some hardshit…and his mental state must be as stable as a Francium…

Welp, good thing I came up with a plan.

If stuff really hits the fan, I'm evacuating Stockton and heading back up to Orland. We're hunkering down in the High School and turning the fields into farms, topping the fences with barbed wire, since there's so much of it. Using plywood shields and spears made from wood and scrap metal.

bring it on, zombies.

(Assuming these are actually zombies >_>)

"As stable as Francium"

That was amazing. Can I hug you?

Goddamn it, stay out of Canada.
The US can't make an organized defense if their citizens keep breaching the perimeter.
Refugees will flood my country and destroy any hope of anyone surviving.

Sorry for bumping this again but I have these gems:

Grab Your Boomstick: The Zombie Apocalypse May Actually Be Upon Us

and a post on 4chan's /b/ I saved:

http://pastebin.com/embed_iframe.php?i=D2iS7dJx

I have my music set to loop this during the zombie Apocalypse.

Shit, now they're coming to Canada too.

Also, the victim of the face-eating attack has been identified.

Okay, that's pretty freaky. It is possible that the Hazmat scares are unrelated, but… Wow. I really am a bit worried now.

More information on the dismemberment in Canada.

So apparently there is a crazy porn star from Toronto running around, killing people, and mailing their body parts to political offices. Good times.

why are so many gory crimes been happening lately?

The US government has officially denied the existence of zombies. And, in doing so, move us only further along in the standard "zombie apocalypse" plot. These guys should try to be a bit more genre savvy.

OKay, everyone stay calm, don't jump to any conclusions >_>

If stuff gets bad, then the government won't be able to hide it, nor are they likely to try to hide it. In the worst case, we'll hear about it through the news and have plenty of time to be ready for it.

its on

Inconceivable

post your zombie fighting music.

In case you haven't seen it, this thing is cool:

http://www.class3outbreak.com/

Well that's an interesting thing. I really hope that they aren't done with it, because it could really use some work >_>

I might have been miss spoken on the whole "only the rage virus got a chance of existing" thing.

Turns out there is a fungus that can get into the ant's brain and have it venture to the perfect conditioned areas for fungi to grow.
Now imagine the fungi able to do this with humans.
It may not be a virus that will make zombies. But a fungi, which it can control the brain. But who knows, our brains/body defense systems are way to much for this fungi.
Until the government experiments with it.

I've heard about these things. It's actually pretty neat when it isn't your brain being eaten by fungi. I wonder how something like that would affect a human though, considering that we are (1) not nearly as hive-minded as an and, and (2) in possession of much more complicated brains.

And that is where the genetically engineering scientists comes in!!
They do it not for pay or fame or not because of the probable repercussions.
They only do it because they can, because it's SCIENCE!

(Source.)