When I first wake up in the morning after a dream, I have trouble separating the dream from reality. This leads me to say weird things to myself as I stumble out of bed and to the restroom, such as this morning when I said to myself “Hey, the tattoo on my dick is gone… Oh wait, that was when I used to be a horse. Haha, I’m so fucking stupid. I haven’t been a horse for three years now”
Here’s the context of the dream in question:
I was lounging in my apartment when one of my roommates barges in with a bunch of beach toys, demanding that we all go to the beach. My other roommate was confused as to how we’d get there because in this dream, my car had been ash for a week due to a fire. Liam, the roommate who barged in, said not to worry about it and demanded that we leave right now without even enough time to pack for the beach. Regardless, my other roommate and I went to pack for the beach, but Liam kicks me out of the window and when I land, the three of us are at a nude beach.
My other roommate, Tabby, was the only one who was fully clothed other than me. The beach patrons notice us and laugh at us for being fully clothed. Embarrassed, the two of us try to shield our respective genital areas and run across the street to a small cafe that for some reason had a Victorian-era theme. The owner was very displeased with us since we weren’t in ridiculous makeup and powdered our faces before serving us. Tabby and I sat down at a table when my phone suddenly started ringing. It was my girlfriend. She said that she was on her way, but her car broke down. She asked if she could be downloaded instead.She spent the rest of my dream in my phone, which was now a PET from the MegaMan Battle Network series. Tabby was excited by this development, and pulled out her own PET and requested that we battle. Alia, my girlfriend, didn’t have any objections to this development.
Sadly, Tabby’s Net Navi got lost in the machine, so it was up to Alia and me to find it. After a terrible reenactment of Tron, Alia found Tabby’s Navi, which was a shark. The shark navi was too tired to battle, so Tabby decided to leave. Then, Alia suggested that in order for us to become closer as a couple, I had to become a horse. I asked the cafe owner where the nearest hospital was, and he pointed across the street. The nude beach was gone and in its place was a large hospital. In the waiting room for the hospital, I played Yu-Gi-Oh with Beetlejuice. He lost and turned me into a cat. When the nurse called me, the doctor took a look at me and told me that it’s harder to become a horse if you’re a cat, but said that he could transition me from a cat to a cheetah and then a horse, which would be easier, but would take longer. Alia already signed the papers for me, so I had no choice. I spent three months as a cheetah. I was supposed to return to the hospital after a week of being a cheetah, but I had to go on the run because I was mistaken by the FBI for another cheetah who was accused of embezzlement.
I was then able to become a horse. Alia suggested that we get married at that exact moment. The doctor cleared an operating room and turned it into a chapel, where all of our friends, but none of our family, were waiting. The doctor announced that because Alia was in a PET, we had to go into the digital world in order to finish the ceremony. Everyone was linked up to the internet like the Matrix and we ended up in a pasture like the wedding at the end of Napoleon Dynamite. Alia was dressed like Princess Peach, and I was in a corset custom-made for horses. Vows were exchanged, but instead of rings, we had each others names tattooed on our respective sex parts.
However, the FBI still thought I was the cheetah they were chasing, and crashed the wedding in the digital world. Alia and I were forced into hiding, as we led a life of excitement and espionage for three years because it turns out while we were running from the FBI we were still FBI agents for some reason. And then I turned into Jeremy Renner. Except Asian.