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Any advice?

Last posted Nov 04, 2012 at 09:52PM EST. Added Oct 31, 2012 at 05:21PM EDT
41 posts from 22 users

My name is Lea, I’m 13 years old. I make poor grades in school, Every night when I get home, instead of doing the work assigned to me I blow it off and do anything else from playing video games to spending countless hours on the internet.

Ever since first grade I have just chosen not to do my work because it was never an interest to me and I always got away with it. Now that I’m in 8th grade, I am failing multiple classes with a zero. I hurt really bad inside and I don’t know why. I tend to have break-downs and I cry a lot in class. My imagination tends to take over when I should be paying attention. I feel like no matter how hard I try to ignore It, the pain inside of me keeps me from functioning normally. A lot of people say it’s just because of hormones and crap like that, but of all the girls at my school, I’m the only one you’ll see with cuts on my arm and the only one who cries on a daily basis.

Yes, I cut myself, not I’m an attempt to kill myself, just to numb the pain. Trust me, I wouldn’t kill myself.

I tend to believe I have some sort of mood swings because I’ll be crying one minute and laughing the next. I also tend to have violent fantasies even though I would never hurt anyone. My doctor said that that’s not normal and she asked my mom to see what kind of medication I can take.

I don’t understand what’s wrong with me and I would like to know what steps I can take to controlling my emotions and being more confident in doing my work.

Thanks.

Last edited Oct 31, 2012 at 05:23PM EDT
Oct 31, 2012 at 05:21PM EDT
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Do you have ADHD? Try playing a song you know really well in your head. That’ll help manage the excess brain power that distracts you from focusing on stuff. Just a suggestion.

Oct 31, 2012 at 05:25PM EDT
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I suspect a mood disorder of some type. They’re not that uncommon, and they cause emotional symptoms such as you described. I’m no specialist, so I couldn’t tell you which. They have medications & other treatments for them, but you’d need to get diagnosed first, before any treatment, so as to have the correct treatment for whatever it is you’ve got.

Oct 31, 2012 at 05:29PM EDT
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I would suggest seeing a psychiatrist or therapist, at least to get a diagnosis. I would also try and see if there is any help you can get for your issues that doesn’t involve medication first.

Oct 31, 2012 at 05:39PM EDT
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With my academic bent, I would suggest a psychologist or a counselor as well. See if a professional can get you a diagnosis, and then see if it can be helped with medication, counseling, or a combination or both.

I prefer being able to talk with a professional before relying upon medication, but medication has its place as well.
 
Until then, I’ve always felt that participating in extracurriculars in high school gave me extra motivation to do well in school. I wasn’t able to play football in my senior year of high school, because I didn’t perform as well as I needed to in physics during 11th grade. But I tried everything that I could so that I could keep playing football.

And sometimes, doing something organized that you like or that you’re good at can help out in other areas of your life.

Oct 31, 2012 at 05:57PM EDT

The only things I’m REALLY good at are singing (which I tend to do when working). And drawing (which doesn’t really help). I’ve been wanting to get into programming for a while because I’m interested in it and I thought it might help with… something… i dunno.

Oct 31, 2012 at 06:01PM EDT
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Sam wrote:

The only things I’m REALLY good at are singing (which I tend to do when working). And drawing (which doesn’t really help). I’ve been wanting to get into programming for a while because I’m interested in it and I thought it might help with… something… i dunno.

Don’t really let it get you down. Thing is, the more you try and fight yourself on things like this, the worse off you are. Brace yourself, I’m gettin’ meta. Think of it like this; you’re exerting energy trying to push back impulses and stuff, right? Well you’re also exerting energy the other way too, having the impulses in the first place. So once you figure out your own business and all you’ll be able to do your own thing easier. Here’s a nifty visual.

Oct 31, 2012 at 06:18PM EDT
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Problem #1 is that you’re smart enough to have gotten away with not working and that set you into a bad habit which is hurting you in school when the work suddenly requires more attention and effort than you are accustomed to giving.

The way to fix this is to give yourself the new habits of doing your schoolwork as soon as possible and as well as possible. Counseling and etc may help but you ultimately have to do this yourself. Some quotes to keep in mind:

  • From Ben Franklin: “Never put off until tomorrow what you can accomplish today.”
  • From my grandmother: “Work’s all done? Go have fun.” The corollary is to keep off of video games, KYM, etc until your homework is done.

You have to convince yourself that doing your homework is important to you. Does the work matter? Maybe not to you. You might think that you know the material (and that assumption might lead to an unpleasant surprise on a future test) and your teacher might think that you know the material. The homework is how you prove that you know the material. Treat every assignment as a challenge to show what you can do, and say to it: CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.

Don’t only try to pass the class. Aim for an A. Everything you do, do to the best of your ability. Try to learn more than what the teacher is teaching about the subject. Imagine the different possibilities of where the subject can lead.

If anything is unclear, get it cleared up. Ask you teacher, ask a friend, ask someone else’s teacher. Don’t be afraid to go above your grade level to find the answers. Knowledge does not come in grades; our society only chooses to package it that way. You are learning for yourself, and the school system is only a structure to help you along.

I can’t help with the psych stuff. If you’re able to get over the school pressures on your own, some of that might go away.

Make sure you’re eating well (veggies! variety!) and getting enough sleep.

Last edited Oct 31, 2012 at 11:27PM EDT
Oct 31, 2012 at 11:26PM EDT
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(dividing into two comments because kym ate my horizontal rule and vertical spacing and it will look better this way)

As for getting into programming, I can offer some suggestions:

0. Pick a couple hours out of the week as your programming study time and spend that time to study programming every week. Put in extra time whenever you want, but if you are serious about learning then you will have to put in the time.

1. Learn some shell scripting so you get a feel for writing algorithms which take an input and produce an output. If you only have access to Windows, install Cygwin for its text-file utilities.

2. Learn about the hardware so you know what the software is doing. Learn what the different parts of a computer do. Read a little bit about assembly language. Understand that everything is a number to the hardware, memory is a series of numbers, it takes time to get data from memory to put into the registers, and so on.

3. Set up a web page. Understand that the web page is an input file for the computer program that is your browser, and try to imagine what the browser has to do to transform that text file into a web page.

4. Learn your first real language. I recommend Python if you want to start writing programs now or C if you want to get a stronger feel for the interaction between the software and the hardware. Learn the basics of file I/O, conditions, loops, arrays, etc. Learn to use a debugger. Create simple games like blackjack and towers of hanoi with simple keyboard input and console output. For a challenge, develop a subroutine that automatically plays the game.

For Python: It is relatively easy, it has good online documentation, and it enforces a standard coding style which will make you see the importance of making your code look nice and readable when you start comparing your Python code to any code you may have earlier written in another language.

For C: Many languages are derived from it, the language is close enough to the hardware that there’s little mystery in what the code does, and it’s relatively simple so there’s not much of it to learn. Your local library probably has the K&R book. Learn pointers and memory management so that you can be happy that modern languages take care of most of this for you, but you could recognize a memory management problem if you ever run into one.

5. Learn more abstract programming practices using a language with classes, object orientation, associative arrays, garbage collection, anonymous functions, and closures. I recommend Python for this. Write another simple program using what you’ve learned. Rewrite one of your earlier programs in the higher-level language using what you’ve learned.

6. Read about Lisp, a language that has few of the features you’ve learned and still encourages elegantly designed programs. Start noticing that many programming problems can be reduced to functions calling functions that operate on lists.

All the while, read websites about general programming practices. Read Hacker News on ycombinator. Read the bad code examples on the Daily WTF. Look up some programming “patterns”. You won’t understand everything at first but you’ll pick up knowledge without realizing it.

Oct 31, 2012 at 11:29PM EDT
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@Lea

My name is Lea, I’m 13 years old. I make poor grades in school, Every night when I get home, instead of doing the work assigned to me I blow it off and do anything else from playing video games to spending countless hours on the internet.

Congratulations, you are a typical, ordinary depressed teenager.

I’ve seen and dealt with many people who went through life just like you are now.

Ever since first grade I have just chosen not to do my work because it was never an interest to me and I always got away with it. Now that I’m in 8th grade, I am failing multiple classes with a zero. I hurt really bad inside and I don’t know why.

Wanna know why it hurts? It’s because you are growing up. Life is changing. With that change comes new responsibility. The first responsibility you will face is that your slacking off comes with consequence now. You hurt bad because when you don’t do your work you fail and you know it. You won’t get off easy anymore

So you work. Actually want to achieve. Slacking off and procrastinating is normal, everyone does, I do it. But at the end of the day, you must accomplish what your teachers ask you to do for your own sake

Try doing your homework first when you come home before anything else. Make your games the reward you get for finishing your homework now and not later.

When you finish your work, you will feel better about it (even if you get it wrong) because you did something and you won’t get bitten in the ass

Another thing that really helps with that depression is exercise. Go running or cycling around the block every now and then. You come back with a clearer head, trust me it helps.

Sitting around doing nothing = depression.

A lot of people say it’s just because of hormones and crap like that

Nah, I think it’s just depression (if I have not made that clear already). Although I could be wrong, I’m not our resident shrink: Verbose. He might have a better idea than I do.

How many friends do you hang out with at school?

Yes, I cut myself,

Stop that. It’s not helping. Find another outlet. How about that exercise I mentioned? Next time you feel like filleting your arm, go for a run.

I tend to believe I have some sort of mood swings because I’ll be crying one minute and laughing the next. I also tend to have violent fantasies even though I would never hurt anyone. My doctor said that that’s not normal and she asked my mom to see what kind of medication I can take.

I don’t know, but your doctor is probably right. You aren’t managing your emotions very well and that’s gotta be fixed.

I point back to what the other posters here have said and seek advice from counselors, doctors, parents or whatever. Do what they say

Just don’t go it alone. Okay?

Last edited Nov 01, 2012 at 12:03AM EDT
Nov 01, 2012 at 12:03AM EDT
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Lea, by your description, you’re a lot like me when I was your age. I wasn’t failing any classes that drastically, and I didn’t cut myself, but I slacked off all the time (hey, I still do sometimes, and I’m a freshman in college now) and never wanted to do anything but internet. It seems really hopeless, doesn’t it?

Well guess what.

It isn’t.

To be honest, I really would rather talk to you in person right now. You can’t have any idea how passionate I feel about helping you right now by simply reading this post. I’m not going to try to contact you, ’cause that would be weird, but understand that YOU CAN GET OUT OF THIS.

And you know what? You’ve already started. You just admitted you have a problem. Not that I want to equate this to AA, but in any bad situation, admitting that you have a problem is the first step.

Before anything, if you haven’t admitted your problem to people you know, especially adults you trust (read: your parents, but if you need support when you have to admit it to them, and trust me, you will, ask another adult you trust for support. Note: you NEED to tell them too so they support you. That’s why you have that bond of trust). Verbose, BSOD, and mostly everyone have said it, but you should really see a psychologist. I don’t mean any offense, but you may have a mood disorder and to see a psychologist or psychiatrist, you’re going to need to get them to consent.

Now for the positive: A lot of people have raised good points. I’m glad I refreshed and read BSOD’s, cause he nailed a lot of good things. You are growing up and getting more responsibilities. The first thing you need to do is accept that, and take them. Trust me, it’ll be hard, and you’ll do it more and more as you get older, but you get used to them. It’s still hard for me to take new responsibilities; it’s hard for pretty much everyone. I’ll give you an example: I spent all of my bank account on STUPID stuff over the weekend through Tuesday (no regrets on Assassin’s Creed though), and I don’t get paid till next Friday. Pretty much all I’ve got until then is the stuff I already own, a room, and every meal except Sunday dinner. But I’ve learned a lesson from it. That’s what you do when you take those responsibilities. You learn from them. And you know those classes you’re failing? If you start to take the responsibilities in those classes, you just may learn to like them. I know I did.

Yes, I cut myself…

Lea. You need to stop. It’s not helping and it never will. Just by your OP, I can tell you’re ashamed by it, and right in the sentence before:

I’m the only one you’ll see with cuts on my arm…

Do you know what you’re suggesting? You’re suggesting you try to find other cutters at your school. You’re self-conscious about it, and you need a sense of belonging. It’s not dulling the pain, it’s only making it worse. You need to find healthy and uplifting activities to replace that. You know how you said you like to draw, and how you said it’s useless? I don’t think it is. You already enjoy it. Now I’m no psych major, but I think if you try to draw things you like, things that support you, that’s already a start. Draw your fears and worries being destroyed by the ways you want to change! You need to admit it’s not impossible to escape what you’re feeling, and truly believe it. Show yourself achieving it. I can’t draw, so that’s not a strength, but I have a great imagination and mind, and I’m really good at putting a cause to a future effect. My strategy is that every time I finish an assignment or manage to control myself monetarily, I imagine that it’s one more step towards success in the future. Use your strengths to cheer yourself on, and replace those negative habits with your positive ones.

Realize, however, that you need to reward yourself for doing those difficult things. Use the internet. Draw yourself a prize. Sing a victory song (recommending the FF6 mix of the Victory Fanfare, that’s still an achievement song for me). But don’t fall back into your old habits doing it. Remember how I said to get online? You need to set yourself a time limit and hold to it. Have your parents hold you accountable if you need it. When my parents MADE me get off the Xbox to do homework/read instead/do other stuff, I soon found it easier to concentrate on homework because I knew I couldn’t use it anymore, and using it after my homework helped even more, as I could look forward to it. And I know you can lie. I did. Make sure that your parents check that you did it. Write the whole assignment in a planner so they can double-check that you didn’t half-do it.

A final side note: I’ve told you to give several responsibilities to your parents. Now look, I know they’re annoying at that age. I was thirteen once, too. You need to realize that if you trust them and ask them for help in the process, they’ll be happy that you still trust them and can give your problems to you. Preteen and early teen years are difficult for parents; a lot of kids that age have trust issues with them, and it really puts them down. Show them you can be a responsible young lady.

That’s what I truly believe you can be with some effort, Lea. You may not think so right now, but I sincerely think that underneath all of that turmoil is a wonderful young woman who can be successful in whatever she does. That sounds kind of creepy, but please, stay just a bit longer. I want you to pull out out of it, and I know you can. I did, from similar circumstances, and I thought I was a wreck. You just need to try, and use some tools to help you.

I wish you the best.

Somehow I managed not to get ninja’d once. That’s crazy, I wrote that for an hour.

EDIT: Twins two down reminded me of something I was going to write anyways – you’re obviously a smart girl. You talk to people five, ten years older than you, and you do so at a level that astonishes me for a thirteen-year-old. You’re not stupid. Just put that great brain of yours towards work instead of towards avoiding it.

Last edited Nov 01, 2012 at 01:14AM EDT
Nov 01, 2012 at 01:04AM EDT
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Nah, I think it’s just depression (if I have not made that clear already). Although I could be wrong, I’m not our resident shrink: Verbose. He might have a better idea than I do.

Since I’m no professional (I just majored in psychology, and most of my classes weren’t clinical), I’d hesitate to even give a diagnosis myself, but it could be depression. Strikes me as being something else, maybe bi-polar, but I don’t know just how much your mood swings. It doesn’t seem to be mania, but it’s really hard to say via an Internet forum.

It also crossed my mind that you might not be able to convince your parents to get you to see a therapist, so in that case, your school counselor would be alright to talk to as well.
 
And in case you had any hesitations about seeing a shrink, I’m fairly sound-of-mind, and I’ve taken a few trips to see a therapist myself, especially during a tough time. I was likely depressed in college, and I had a really tough time in the last couple of years. The first time, I sorta just “rode it out,” but I didn’t get to feeling better until I talked to some family members (so I still talked to someone openly and honestly.) More recently, I saw a therapist, and life went much more smoothly.
 
And yes, now that I’m in public health, I’m a bit surprised that I didn’t bring up exercise. I feel much better when I get back into my routine of running (especially when I can play sports with friends,) and even though I should be more tired, I somehow have more “mental” energy to do other things. Some people call it endorphins. I call them happy dolphins.

>implying that dolphins can be anything but happy
 
 
Oh! And I sang tons in middle school and in high school. It was a ton of fun. If you can, then I’d keep up with singing, even if you just do it while working on something (maybe some happy songs.)

Nov 01, 2012 at 01:06AM EDT

Oh man, growing up is really getting to you, huh?

Don’t worry, you’re not that much different from the rest of us. We all go through phases like this; it just hits some people harder than it does others.

Take this one step at a time. Stop considering getting into programming. Or anything else. Focus on the one thing that’s most important right now- your mental health. (If drawing and singing helps you cope, by all means, continue doing so.) Based on your descriptions though, I do believe you are suffering from a mental condition that is negatively affecting your well being, physically and psychologically, as well as your grades.

Don’t cut yourself. Channeling your emotional pain into physical pain is just not the way to go about it. It doesn’t solve anything, and it doesn’t help either. Please, get that checked out by a psychiatrist. Seriously, it helps out a TON. Right after my first year in high school I did so, and it was just so amazingly helpful and it made everything seem so clear and it completely changed my outlook on life and seriously just go. I regret not going sooner and silently suffering during my teenage years.

You’re in 8th grade. You’re at the cornerstone of your educational career. It’s not high school yet, although it will be soon. You have still have a chance to turn everything around before it’s too late.

I understand it’s a state of mind, I do. Coming from an Asian background, I’ve always prioritized education above all else, even at the cost of my emotional well being. Whenever I got a B I would sulk for hours. The only thing that kept me from cutting myself was my timidity. If that’s not your background, I totally understand. But education is important. It’s what keeps society going; it’s what frees us from the imposition of the will of others. It’s not the grades. If you put in your greatest effort and get a C, that’s a C well earned. But if you blow everything off and scrape by with a A-, you totally did not deserve that grade and have accomplished nothing at all.

And that’s your problem. You’re a smart person, you truly are. Being able to interact with people a decade older than you on such a personable level is just wow. You get zeros not because you’re stupid-- you get them because you’re not doing your work, instead preoccupying yourself with internet excursions and endeavours. And those are perfectly fine things to do, so long as you get all your school work done.


You can’t change the past, nor can you directly affect the future. What you can do is take the present, and set yourself on a trajectory for success. And that’s the key thing-- the trajectory. Of course there will be distractions, twists, turns, dead ends, forks, all those things along the way, but in simply looking (but not obsessing) to the past and considering the future, you’ll have a direction, however hazy it may be. You just have to follow it.

Motivation is a hard thing to come by. And at this point, your utmost priority is your mental health. Go see a psychiatrist. Please. It’s scary, I know (4 syllables?), but it will help you realize more about yourself than you imagined you could.


Forgive us for these massive walls of text. We’re just really concerned. Many of us have gone through, or are going through, similar moments in our lives, and to see another human being suffer so is just too much to bear.

There’s just one final thing I would like to ask:
How is your environment? Your peers, your parents, your teachers, your friends, your family, your school, yourself. I think we could make a very probable preemptive diagnosis right here.

Last edited Nov 01, 2012 at 01:11AM EDT
Nov 01, 2012 at 01:06AM EDT
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>do a backflip

Nov 01, 2012 at 01:42AM EDT

Running hurts too, just in a much more positive way. It also has been shown to combat depression. Or you could try lifting. Do you even lift?

Tangents aside, I’ll agree with the above who said it sounds like a mood disorder. I’m very rusty on my Psychology, so you shouldn’t take my word for it, but mood swings aren’t typical of depression.

Ever since first grade I have just chosen not to do my work because it was never an interest to me and I always got away with it. Now that I’m in 8th grade, I am failing multiple classes with a zero. I hurt really bad inside and I don’t know why. I tend to have break-downs and I cry a lot in class. My imagination tends to take over when I should be paying attention.

Trust me when I say that I know these feels all too well. I was depressed when I was around your age, and I would be saddened for the stupidest reasons: Imagining how much more advanced high school and college work would be, vacations/weekends ending, etc. I felt hollow, like I was breathing carbon dioxide instead of fresh air. Games were the only thing that returned me to a neutral state, and so I clung to them like A drowning man clings to a life preserver. The worst part? This was essentially for no reason. My life wasn’t really all that bad. I, like you, had coasted all the way through school until middle school, at which point my careless attitude towards homework caught up with me, and my grades started failing. This probably did cause some stress which contributed to the depression, but when you step back and look at it it’s not really that big of an issue at all. You can work with your school to figure out a plan that works for you, you could be homeschooled, you could even take a year off. And even if you don’t have access to those things, it’s still not that bad. It just feels that way because there’s a chemical imbalance in your brain. That’s all depression is: Your brain, for one reason or another, doesn’t produce enough Serotonin, and your moods go to hell. For me, once I could put a label to it, it vanished.

But I’m rambling. Just to iterate the most important points: Talk with your parents about altering your school schedule and/or consulting a Psychiatrist/ologist, get a little exercise in, seek a creative outlet, or listen to beautiful music on youtube. I suggest starting with this beauty. It reminds me of drinking tea at 5am and watching the sunrise, or of laying and talking with a love in the sun.

Depression (If that’s what it is) is about 50% attitude and 50% physiological. Let professionals or time sort out the second; the first is up to you.

Nov 01, 2012 at 01:48AM EDT
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Sam wrote:

The only things I’m REALLY good at are singing (which I tend to do when working). And drawing (which doesn’t really help). I’ve been wanting to get into programming for a while because I’m interested in it and I thought it might help with… something… i dunno.

I missed this post the first time opened the thread, I got something to say here too.

If you are really good at singing, then build on that. Practice singing as your hobby and find more tips on how to do it better. Who knows, so long as you really have a passion for it and enjoy doing it then it might just lead you somewhere.

Speaking of passion, how passionate are you about programming? Because just like singing, you gotta get into the spirit of the programmer if you want to go somewhere with it. Right now it sounds like you aren’t sure what to do with it

Let me tell you something:

I got into programming because I love doing it. I feel in my element writing code and making computers bend to my whim. I love feeling in control when something works. I love solving problems when they don’t. Overall, I just love creating things

I have goals in the future to write my own software or make my own online community. Start an online business even.

If you have that kind of spirit, then you are fit to be a programmer, do you think you have it?

Nov 01, 2012 at 05:16AM EDT
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I have had similar problems of just not doing any homework.
Just make sure you get the important stuff done in highschool, and you will be fine.

Nov 01, 2012 at 01:30PM EDT
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I conclude that your psychological issues are caused by the desire to sleep with your mother at a younger age.
Also do more cocaine.
((Perhaps you might want to try a psychologist who isn’t a forum?))

Nov 01, 2012 at 01:59PM EDT

Pick up Cello lessons, talk to your parents.

Read a book, set goals. Say things like “I’ll do one hour of homework today”. Reward yourself.

Eat healthy and get lots of sleep, if you still feel moody, get some prescription medication from a doctor.

Simple easy things like this make life liveable.

And hell, don’t ask us, sit down and have a healthy conversation between another individual you trust, and try to get some help.

Last edited Nov 01, 2012 at 04:02PM EDT
Nov 01, 2012 at 04:01PM EDT
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My #1 goal in life is to work for Nintendo. I guess that’s where the programming and art talent comes in… and I can be a voice actor to.

Nov 01, 2012 at 04:38PM EDT
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It is easy to be frustrated or upset over the things that happen (or do not happen) in school. Work with your teenager to help him understand that there will always be good things and bad things in life, and the only thing you can really control is how you react to those events. A positive attitude can make life more enjoyable and open up new opportunities at school, as well in his future career and future relationships.

Last edited Nov 01, 2012 at 04:45PM EDT
Nov 01, 2012 at 04:42PM EDT
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Uh, remind me how a site for documenting Internet memes is a place for good advice.

Nov 01, 2012 at 04:49PM EDT

I know where you are coming from.

I underwent a great depression recently, due to suicide attempts with my mother. I had no sleep for a week, trying to look after her, and to make sure she wouldn’t try to hurt herself again. I locked all the knifes in a safe. I even installed video cameras in every room in the house. (Even the bathroom) But I digress. My point is, you can’t get to much help. My advice is to be more social. Make some more friends, go to a movie, Just hang out. Due to this, you’ll be distracted by any bad thoughts. As for your school work, don’t think about the future. What matters is right now, and the future is a mystery. And chances are, to become a programmer, you need to study, and study hard. Otherwise, you’ll go nowhere in life, without studying.

I hope this helps.

@Zipperbars
Wow, have a heart you asshole.

Last edited Nov 01, 2012 at 04:52PM EDT
Nov 01, 2012 at 04:51PM EDT

I’m sorry to hear all that, OP. I used to have a hell of a time staying focused and taking even the littlest interest in academic things back in high school but you gotta do what you gotta do.

Also even the most careful person can loose too much blood or get an infection when cutting themselves, so I hope you stop doing that. I don’t have time to check if this has been suggested yet but some people say that wearing a rubber band around your arm (not one that fits too tightly though) and snapping yourself with it a little can safely simulate the feeling. Wish you luck.

Nov 01, 2012 at 08:06PM EDT
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@Zipperbars

Because she might not know who else to turn to. We could be the only “friends” she can reach.


@Lea

My #1 goal in life is to work for Nintendo. I guess that’s where the programming and art talent comes in… and I can be a voice actor to.

Excellent. Goals. Just what I want to hear.

Not gonna lie. Getting into Nintendo will be really, really tough. It’s a promising reward but you will need to put in all your effort to get there. Do it anyway.

Do well in school, listen to your teachers, learn about Nintendo’s history and get involved in some fan projects on Nintendo titles. As well as programming, also consider voice acting and animation because Nintendo wants more than just programmers. Work hard and you might just get there

Nov 01, 2012 at 08:26PM EDT
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@Zipperbars
Wow, have a heart you asshole.



He’s stating a fact, simmer down.

Nov 01, 2012 at 08:40PM EDT
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Talk it out. Just talk. Talk to someone you can really trust. Talk to a parent or a teacher. Talking to a psychologist is a good idea: if you are sick, you need a doctor. Talk to a sibling or a neighbor. Talk to little kids. Talk to God if you have to. Just talk it out, thinking about your feelings and then explaining them to someone calmly can help to sort things out.

Everything will be okay in the end. If it’s not okay, it’s not the end.

Nov 01, 2012 at 10:31PM EDT
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If it is managing your time that causes problems, try setting up a work/reward system. For example, say you’ll do an hour of homework, then spend a half hour on the internet, repeat until your homework is done. If doing homework for an hour straight is too overwhelming, instead of giving up early, take a 10 minute break to draw/sing/run/read a book/do jumping jacks/whatever. Just make sure it’s something that won’t be too distracting.
Not sure about psychological issues, I have no knowledge of that field.
If you want to start programming, I recommend Scratch for starters and Codecademy once you get bored with Scratch.
Best of luck in your time of trouble!

Nov 01, 2012 at 10:58PM EDT
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I haven’t gone through any depression, and I’m 15 years old. I’m actually very hard to make angry, though. I’ve learned to control my emotions, and release them into a video game of some sorts. I also have OCD, which would normally trigger something, but only every once in a while. Just stay inside of your comfort zone. Forget about all that crap that teachers tell you about leaving it. It’s pretty hard. Watch a few movies like American History X, or Fight Club. They actually changed my view on the world a lot. You should look into it.

Last edited Nov 01, 2012 at 11:27PM EDT
Nov 01, 2012 at 11:21PM EDT
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Pseudogenesis wrote:

@Zipperbars
Wow, have a heart you asshole.



He’s stating a fact, simmer down.

The forums is a place of friendship. This too is a fact.

Nov 02, 2012 at 12:26AM EDT
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Ann Hiro wrote:

The forums is a place of friendship. This too is a fact.

As it should be. He didn’t say “Tits or GTFO,” he merely pointed out that perhaps seeking help from a more professional source than a meme forum would be a wiser choice.

Nov 02, 2012 at 12:36AM EDT
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Pseudogenesis wrote:

As it should be. He didn’t say “Tits or GTFO,” he merely pointed out that perhaps seeking help from a more professional source than a meme forum would be a wiser choice.

Somebody isn’t just going to go to some doctor, and waste their money if nothing is wrong with them. They need to be sure about things. I personally believe that this place is great for that sort of thing. KYM has a large community of members that are understanding, and you can relate to.

Last edited Nov 02, 2012 at 12:43AM EDT
Nov 02, 2012 at 12:39AM EDT
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Pseudogenesis wrote:

As it should be. He didn’t say “Tits or GTFO,” he merely pointed out that perhaps seeking help from a more professional source than a meme forum would be a wiser choice.

That’s like someone reaching out for help in a fire, and someone who is watching, saying why you should save the person or not.

Nov 02, 2012 at 07:29AM EDT

Nikolaki8 wrote:

I know where you are coming from.

I underwent a great depression recently, due to suicide attempts with my mother. I had no sleep for a week, trying to look after her, and to make sure she wouldn’t try to hurt herself again. I locked all the knifes in a safe. I even installed video cameras in every room in the house. (Even the bathroom) But I digress. My point is, you can’t get to much help. My advice is to be more social. Make some more friends, go to a movie, Just hang out. Due to this, you’ll be distracted by any bad thoughts. As for your school work, don’t think about the future. What matters is right now, and the future is a mystery. And chances are, to become a programmer, you need to study, and study hard. Otherwise, you’ll go nowhere in life, without studying.

I hope this helps.

@Zipperbars
Wow, have a heart you asshole.

Hey, don’t be so butthurt. I’m just saying the truth. It’s best if she goes to a forum actually suited for this stuff, instead of a place like this.

EDIT: Oh yeah, awful analogy you got there. Doesn’t fit this situation at all.

Last edited Nov 02, 2012 at 08:10AM EDT
Nov 02, 2012 at 08:09AM EDT

Pseudogenesis wrote:

As it should be. He didn’t say “Tits or GTFO,” he merely pointed out that perhaps seeking help from a more professional source than a meme forum would be a wiser choice.

A bunch of friends giving advice for free is just as good as seeing a single paid professional.
There are a good amount of users here with personal experiance to help Lea out.

Nov 02, 2012 at 12:28PM EDT
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Nikolaki8 wrote:

That’s like someone reaching out for help in a fire, and someone who is watching, saying why you should save the person or not.

And that certainly justifies to bluntly insult someone for asshole.

Both Pseudo and Zipperbars make a legit point here. An internet forum is not the best place for personal advice. KYM happens to have several users here with similar experiences who are willing to help her, which is Lea’s luck (or good choice), but you cannot guarantee a result like this anywhere. This is also backed up by the fact that most people here advice Lea to talk about her problems with someone closer (parents or teachers) or more professional (counselor or therapist) than an internet forum.

I’m not telling you we shouldn’t help, based on the tone in the OP post Lea needs it, and currently we might be her best option. But please look for the reason behind a post first next time, before jumping to conclusions and going with the blatant insult, makes calling someone else an asshole very ironic.


As for the actual topic:

Most of the things I can bring up have already been brought up, so I’ll just give you the short version for now:

Try to look for help from a trusted circle to help you. Like others, I simply cannot say it enough.

Having trouble to find the motivation to learn is completely normal, and many of us here had it. Besides the reward system many suggested, or taking breaks, just go with something more direct is my advice. If you have a difficult test the next day, let your mother confiscate your phone and switch off the router until you’re done (let her rehearse you as well to check this). Remove the distractions from the source in the beginning, and you can eventually remove them yourself once you get used to it, even when they’re available. A friend of mine is pretty addicted to his Xbox, so he lets his parents hide the power cord whenever he needs to study for exams, works great.

Do something you love to put your mind at ease. You mentioned drawing and singing, build on that. Programming might be a few levels too high for a 13 year old. See if you stay interested in it first, read and learn some of the basics. If the interest stays, you can work on it when you get a few years older, but if you have what it takes, go ahead. Also look for a hobby that requires you to move, running or a sport can help, it enables you to put your energy in that sport instead of stressing.

Look for the source of your mood swings, remember when they happen. You can say at random, but this is hardly ever the case. A lot of times there’s a trigger that causes them, look what this is and then try to fix that.

Nov 02, 2012 at 05:58PM EDT
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Ann Hiro wrote:

A bunch of friends giving advice for free is just as good as seeing a single paid professional.
There are a good amount of users here with personal experiance to help Lea out.

Including myself; I posted above. Neither I nor Zipperbars are saying that nobody should help, I was only saying that jumping to an insult so quickly is not conducive to making these forums ‘a place of friendship.’ Sorry for any confusion.

Nov 02, 2012 at 10:12PM EDT
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Ann Hiro wrote:

A bunch of friends giving advice for free is just as good as seeing a single paid professional.
There are a good amount of users here with personal experiance to help Lea out.

I’m not telling her to spend money on a doctor or something, I’m telling her that it would be better if she went to sites dedicated to issues like this.

A simple google search gives me this:
http://www.psychforums.com/
http://www.uncommonforum.com/
http://thepsychologyforum.com/

The people there are definitely more experienced, and they can give great help for free. That’s why it’d be better if she went there.

Nov 03, 2012 at 12:41PM EDT

OK, OK, I was wrong. I get it. Requesting lock because everyone is getting butthurt.

Nov 04, 2012 at 08:39PM EST

Nikolaki8 wrote:

OK, OK, I was wrong. I get it. Requesting lock because everyone is getting butthurt.

Lock denied, you guys can just calm down. Just try to be constructive because this thread’s supposed to help Lea.

Nov 04, 2012 at 08:50PM EST

Nikolaki8 wrote:

OK, OK, I was wrong. I get it. Requesting lock because everyone is getting butthurt.

Constructive information in reply to your post is not something I’d describe as “butthurt”, Ann even got the chance to give a friendship speech.

Nov 04, 2012 at 09:52PM EST
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Skeletor-sm

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