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What do you look for in a significant other?

Last posted Feb 19, 2013 at 04:26PM EST. Added Jan 31, 2013 at 08:44PM EST
80 conversations with 47 participants

Ashbot wrote:

I’m so desperate that i’d take any girl. If I had enough self-confidence to have preferences i’d go for a nice girl with long brown hair that I can trust and relate to.

That’s a dangerous position Ashbot, as it makes you vulnerable when approached by the wrong person. Being too specific for your significant other isn’t a good thing, as it only results in rejecting what would otherwise be great partners, but keep some quality control in check. Humans are a dangerous species, last thing you want is the person you love betray you. I’ve seen it happen, even in very close circles, it’s not a celebration.

Just offering friendly advice here.

Last edited Feb 03, 2013 at 05:22PM EST
Feb 03, 2013 at 05:20PM EST
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Mack TheUnoriginal wrote:

I would like an elegant companion from a more civilized age who isn’t all that touchy-feely.

Then again, I could also spring for a more bubbly girl, so who knows. My taste in women is pretty varied from day to day.

I guess, though, I’d like someone who I didn’t need to talk to in order to communicate with, and here’s what I mean by that: I’d love nothing more than to be with a girl at about 2 AM, the two of us just sitting around. Not having sex, not really doing anything. Just enjoying each other’s presence. We wouldn’t talk because we wouldn’t have to. Just sounds freaking awesome to me. And really, that could happen no matter what kind of personality my hypothetical significant other would have.

Now, I’d also like her not to be too physically clingy. First of all, it would take me forever to even begin to be comfortable with that, and second, on the rare occasions that we held each other, it would be extraordinarily valuable. I’ve always hated PDA, so none of that, hopefully because we wouldn’t have to.

I don’t want her to be cold, though, just not OVERLY expressive. Aside from the extreme extrovert, I feel like there’s a lot of leeway there in terms of personality.

Being Christian is kind of a dealbreaker, if for no other reason than I’d just like to not argue all the time. Someone who shares my values, ya know? I also like a girl who keeps secrets.

Physically. Hm. Height? I’d like someone on the taller side, but really any height will be fine. Weight? Just not morbidly obese. Sounds shallow, but that would probably be a dealbreaker as well. As for hair, just like every other male on the planet, I like red hair. But a rich brown, almost a deep red, is amazing. I’d also prefer a longer haircut. Ethnicity is no object. In fact, I think it would be cool to date someone of another race who has an atypical eye color, though I’m sure the chances of that are slim to none.

Let me also say that I freakin love girl’s eyes. Not in a gross, keep em in a jar sort of way, but in an admiring way. I love expressive, large features, and eyes can be gorgeous. I prefer colored eyes (green, preferably) but I’ve seen plenty of brown eyed girls that are gorgeous. I love big eyes. Oddly colored eyes. Shiny eyes. Anne Hathaway’s features are a good example.

>hating PDA and touchy-feely
>2013

What are ya, a weirdo?

Feb 03, 2013 at 09:27PM EST
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Teh Brawler wrote:

>hating PDA and touchy-feely
>2013

What are ya, a weirdo?

The way I see it, there’s a difference between being afraid to show your feelings for your significant other and being insecure/needing constant reaffirming gestures that you care/trying to show off.

I feel the same way. I have no problem with holding hands or putting my arm around a girlfriend. But to do it constantly is not something I’m very comfortable with for anyone I know, and it’s very annoying for me when I’m with my friends who are dating and they’re sorta off in their own world.

I understand if you want to hang out with your girlfriend/boyfriend and your platonic friends, but if you’re going to zone out for a good chuck of the time, then I’d rather you just stay at home or have your own time. (I have more of a problem with my dating friends cutting me off mid-conversation and not thinking anything of it.)
 
There’s also the conservative Christian aspect to it. I’d rather not get myself riled up with a lot of touching in public or in private. If I’m not going to do the deed, then getting blue balled in the process isn’t something I even want to approach.

We can just talking about feelings and stuff (and I won’t be shunning my friends in the procWHAT DO YOU MEAN “I’M BITTER?”

Feb 03, 2013 at 09:58PM EST
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Verbose wrote:

The way I see it, there’s a difference between being afraid to show your feelings for your significant other and being insecure/needing constant reaffirming gestures that you care/trying to show off.

I feel the same way. I have no problem with holding hands or putting my arm around a girlfriend. But to do it constantly is not something I’m very comfortable with for anyone I know, and it’s very annoying for me when I’m with my friends who are dating and they’re sorta off in their own world.

I understand if you want to hang out with your girlfriend/boyfriend and your platonic friends, but if you’re going to zone out for a good chuck of the time, then I’d rather you just stay at home or have your own time. (I have more of a problem with my dating friends cutting me off mid-conversation and not thinking anything of it.)
 
There’s also the conservative Christian aspect to it. I’d rather not get myself riled up with a lot of touching in public or in private. If I’m not going to do the deed, then getting blue balled in the process isn’t something I even want to approach.

We can just talking about feelings and stuff (and I won’t be shunning my friends in the procWHAT DO YOU MEAN “I’M BITTER?”

My dear Verbose, I love you, but you need to stop taking me so seriously.

Feb 03, 2013 at 11:56PM EST
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I proposed to my girlfriend last December and we’re getting married after we both graduate, so my list of what I look for in a partner is practically a list about her, so here I go:


  • Ambition (she has wanted to design cars since she was fourteen)

  • Wit (Her sharp tongue is what got my attention in the first place)

  • Intelligence

  • Independence

  • Strong self-expression (she’s not afraid to act how she wants to act, but at the same time…

  • Tact (she understands how to act in what situation in real life)

  • Tolerance of other people, but not of stupidity

  • Common interests (video games, television)

  • Shared political views

It doesn’t hurt that she’s hot as well, though.

Feb 04, 2013 at 12:09AM EST
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Ashbot wrote:

I’m so desperate that i’d take any girl. If I had enough self-confidence to have preferences i’d go for a nice girl with long brown hair that I can trust and relate to.

You should ask someone out :D
(Just don’t be afraid to try!)
You may not have any preferences, and that’s fine. But don’t be with someone just because you’re lonely or whatever.

Last edited Feb 04, 2013 at 09:40AM EST
Feb 04, 2013 at 09:15AM EST
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Verbose wrote:

The way I see it, there’s a difference between being afraid to show your feelings for your significant other and being insecure/needing constant reaffirming gestures that you care/trying to show off.

I feel the same way. I have no problem with holding hands or putting my arm around a girlfriend. But to do it constantly is not something I’m very comfortable with for anyone I know, and it’s very annoying for me when I’m with my friends who are dating and they’re sorta off in their own world.

I understand if you want to hang out with your girlfriend/boyfriend and your platonic friends, but if you’re going to zone out for a good chuck of the time, then I’d rather you just stay at home or have your own time. (I have more of a problem with my dating friends cutting me off mid-conversation and not thinking anything of it.)
 
There’s also the conservative Christian aspect to it. I’d rather not get myself riled up with a lot of touching in public or in private. If I’m not going to do the deed, then getting blue balled in the process isn’t something I even want to approach.

We can just talking about feelings and stuff (and I won’t be shunning my friends in the procWHAT DO YOU MEAN “I’M BITTER?”

I think you’re just about spot on, Verbose, but “afraid” is not exactly the word I’d use. Granted, there’s a degree of revulsion to the notion of doing anything you’re uncomfortable with, but still. I just wouldn’t be comfortable being functionally attached to the hip for the length of a relationship. But what I’m really looking for is a relationship in which such action isn’t necessary. A relationship where we understand one another to the point that we don’t really need to touch one another.

Another reason for this: as someone who’s been single for quite a while now, I absolutely loathe seeing really handsy couples. Not only is it uncomfortable to be around, but it just reminds me how NOT in a relationship I am. And yeah, I’d like to avoid blue balls if I can, so there’s that.

For the most part, I’d love talking about feelings with a girl. But maybe I’m just a sissy.

Feb 04, 2013 at 07:07PM EST
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Unfortunately, I haven’t had too much experience with dating, so I really have yet to discover what I like. I would like a woman near my level of intellect and with a degree of extroverted-ness that I can recess onto, but not too extroverted since I have difficulty speaking with the hyper-talkative type. I also want to be able to talk openly about my feelings with her.

As for interests, I don’t expect anyone to have my exact interests, but I want at least like to share something like a sense of music or taste in TV shows and movies. And coming from a moderately Christian background, I would like someone that shares some of those values but I’d be willing to date someone outside my religion as well (frankly, I don’t like the women in my religion too much).

As for appearance, I’m not picky. I’m OK with anything as long as they look acceptable (aka not hideous). However, I do really like red-heads.


I know all that sounds really ideal and demanding, but it’s the best idea I have right now and like I said, I still need to explore more. But as much as I would like to be in a long-term relationship, I don’t think I can accommodate a girlfriend into my life right now. I have a hard major and I have a lot I need to think about.

Feb 04, 2013 at 11:35PM EST
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In all honesty, Muffins, if you don’t have a lot of experience with dating, it’s best not to have too many expectations. When I first started dating, I didn’t want to date anyone who was smarter than me. It was a huge turn-off at the time. Nor did I want someone who was overly outgoing, partially because I used to be an insanely jealous man.

Speaking from experience, a lot of the tastes I have now developed because I stopped expecting certain kinds of things from the women that I would date. And now that I’ve been dating my soon-to-be wife for a long time now, I’ve found that a lot of the things I listed as traits I look for in a significant other are traits that in her that I’ve grown to love over time. In my above list I listed intelligence as a huge factor in what I look for in an S.O. Alia is a thousand times smarter than me and twice as outgoing. These are traits that I only like now because they’re traits that define her whole being.

It’s nice that you’re thinking of exploring more, by the way. Just don’t go too crazy.

Feb 05, 2013 at 01:21AM EST
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So, it’s Valentine’s Day. Bumping to ask a couple of questions: first, is anyone currently actively pursuing a significant other? How’s that going?

Second, to those who HAVE SOs, what do you like about them? What are you doing for the holiday?

Feb 14, 2013 at 05:31PM EST
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Well I did not see this thread till now so I will respond to the original OP’s post:
I want a crazy bitch that is a total psychopath. It really excites me when I have to keep one eye open every night as she is standing in the door way with a hammer at midnight. I love the quiet ones, you know what they say about the quiet ones. The girl likes to make it so that when ever minute I am out of her sight she texts me wondering if I am cheating on her. I love it best when a girl won’t stop stocking me after we break up and sabotaging my future relationships so she can have me all to her self, that really turns me on.

What I want is a female that can be sweet and kind to me, because I would be the same as well. I would hope she likes my sense of humor and like internet things like I do, but that is a rarity in reality it seems. I do like a shy girl but idk if I would have a chance to get to know her sense I am shy myself. :s
Most importantly (to me at least) of all I just want a girl that is loyal, that is one of the most rare quality these days it seems. The longest lasting couples I know of are my parents and grandparents. I just want some one to settle down with, no one else because I could careless about other females, too lazy to do so and most likely they are out of my league as well. However I choose to be single because relationships in my age group rarely have lasting relationships, and I can understand why, but I just prefer sticking with one girl that just wants to be with me like I want to be with her.

Answer to the V-day questions: I am not looking for other females, right now I am mostly concerned about my academics.

Last edited Feb 14, 2013 at 06:49PM EST
Feb 14, 2013 at 06:46PM EST
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Mack TheUnoriginal wrote:

So, it’s Valentine’s Day. Bumping to ask a couple of questions: first, is anyone currently actively pursuing a significant other? How’s that going?

Second, to those who HAVE SOs, what do you like about them? What are you doing for the holiday?

“Active” is a big word, I’m more the type that believes such things will happen when the time is there. If a chance appears, I’ll see what it becomes, and don’t threat it like something that must become a relationship. If we can become good friends, that is perfectly acceptable.

So yeah, I’m single.

Last edited Feb 14, 2013 at 07:33PM EST
Feb 14, 2013 at 06:55PM EST
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RandomMan wrote:

“Active” is a big word, I’m more the type that believes such things will happen when the time is there. If a chance appears, I’ll see what it becomes, and don’t threat it like something that must become a relationship. If we can become good friends, that is perfectly acceptable.

So yeah, I’m single.

Hay there

Feb 15, 2013 at 12:42AM EST
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Moargun wrote:

You should ask someone out :D
(Just don’t be afraid to try!)
You may not have any preferences, and that’s fine. But don’t be with someone just because you’re lonely or whatever.

The last time I asked a girl out she literally cried.

Feb 15, 2013 at 12:42AM EST
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A penis.

Someone whose dating and relationship experience isn’t derived from:

Adam4Adam
Grindr
Scruff
Hornet
Blendr
Growlr

&

Craigslist

And why would I list all these creepy-ass sites? Well, in the Midwest (Bible Belt), most homosexuals are forced into the closet, still. That’s what people have to resorted to. It’s sad, really.

Last edited Feb 15, 2013 at 01:31AM EST
Feb 15, 2013 at 01:19AM EST

Let’s see… some girl who’s:

> Very understanding (too generic term although it’s still essential for me nonetheless)
> Has a great sense of humor (who wouldn’t want that?)
> Knows her principles and priorities well that would benefit the both of us
> Less-dramatic (that type of person who wouldn’t make a big deal out of everything that’s negative for her.)
> And of course, who’s proud and confident enough to show anyone that she really loves me.

Yeah.

Feb 15, 2013 at 09:36AM EST
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I don’t know why I feel bad with myself when reading all these posts.
I’ve never had a girlfriend, but 3 years ago, I have tried to avoid relationships. So far away, 2 girls liked me, but I didn’t give them a chance.
I don’t want to be in a relationship because it sounds stressing. My brother has a girlfriend, and he’s somewhat tired of talking with her. She gets too cheesy at times.
I guess my perfect match would be a Rule 63 of me, which is literally impossible.

Feb 15, 2013 at 04:19PM EST
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Idk, i’ve had 3 “Girlfriends.” The first one was in 4th grade. She was probably the rule 63 of me. By the 5th grade she moved to an all girl school, and by the 6th she moved to California. We both had very red hair. Lol. Anyways, I really havent dated a girl since her. The other two dated me more or less. I only got a couple of dates with them.

All of that being said, she’d probably have to ask me out (since I apparently have no balls), like some of the same shit I do, and be moderately attractive in some aspect. I don’t have real high standards atm. I know 2 girls I’d like to date, but I have no balls as previously stated.

Oh! And also I’ve had a few beers. So stfu.

Feb 15, 2013 at 07:36PM EST
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>every guy wants a red head.
>apparently girls don’t care that much for red heads. They think it’s “cute.”
>is a red head.
Maybe I need to find a girl to switch hair with…or maybe I should stop being such a red headed step-child.

What am I doing typing! My beer is getting warm!

Feb 15, 2013 at 07:45PM EST
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I think I found my balls. They were at the bottom of my bottles. So my type of woman? Slim, shy, and an irresistible personality. I think that last term is a variable. no matter who you are it can be different. Also beer can blur it.

Feb 15, 2013 at 10:44PM EST
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Mack TheUnoriginal wrote:

So, it’s Valentine’s Day. Bumping to ask a couple of questions: first, is anyone currently actively pursuing a significant other? How’s that going?

Second, to those who HAVE SOs, what do you like about them? What are you doing for the holiday?

I’ve got a girlfriend of almost a year. I find her awesome because we have the same outlook on life and share the same principles. That’s at the fundamental level, but at the more superficial level, we have a lot of the same interests as well. For Valentine’s, we both just studied for tests, unfortunately.

I’m aspiring to be a writer of philosophy and law, so without her, I might as well give up on relationships:

Immanuel Kant – Never married.
Friedrich Nietzsche – Never married.
René Descartes – Never married.
David Hume – Never married.
John Locke – Never married.
Thomas Aquinas – Never married.
Gottfried Leibniz – Never married.
Baruch Spinoza – Never married.
Jean-Paul Sartre – Never married.
Arthur Schopenhauer – Never married. “Marrying means, to grasp blindfold into a sack hoping to find out an eel out of an assembly of snakes.” (Kinky guy, apparently.)
Jean-Jacques Rousseau – Never married.
Isaac Newton – Never married.
Gottfried Leibniz – Never married.
Alfred Nobel – Never married

Hence why I consider myself lucky to have the fantastic girlfriend that I do.

Feb 16, 2013 at 02:45AM EST
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Very recently, my feels got real for a woman who shared a surprising number of my unpopular opinions and lowbrow sense of humor, but she was also very down to earth and mature about important things. I just found her super respectable and a treat to be around.

Also Mack, your thread title reminded me of this

Last edited Feb 16, 2013 at 03:31AM EST
Feb 16, 2013 at 03:31AM EST
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But honestly.
I really want a girl who has some of the same interests as I have. I don’t want a sympathetic, systematic kind of girl, I want a girl who is kind of a jerk, but is really good at heart, and a bit rebellious (heck, something different everyday sounds good to me as long as I know we’d be in love).

I don’t really care about religion, although I do want a girl that’s not really into that type of stuff, but still respects people’s beliefs like I do.

I really want a girl that’s like RD, okay? I find those kinds of attributes cool and cute in a girl, and even if it sounds like it would make for a tough relationship, what would define “trying”?

I just find those kinds of things in a girl to be great, imho. A relationship that can’t be replaced. Honestly.

Feb 18, 2013 at 01:33AM EST
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Someone who is willing to attempt an Arnold Schwarzenegger impression during intercourse.

Feb 18, 2013 at 02:27PM EST
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Iamslow wrote:

Very recently, my feels got real for a woman who shared a surprising number of my unpopular opinions and lowbrow sense of humor, but she was also very down to earth and mature about important things. I just found her super respectable and a treat to be around.

Also Mack, your thread title reminded me of this

So…what happened between you and that girl? Anything yet?

Also, image made me lol.

Feb 18, 2013 at 05:14PM EST
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Mack TheUnoriginal wrote:

So…what happened between you and that girl? Anything yet?

Also, image made me lol.

Oh yeah. Well see, by the time I started feeling that way and wanted to ask her out, she was (and still is) in a serious relationship with someone else.

He seems like a good guy, though.

Feb 19, 2013 at 12:47AM EST
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Skeletor-sm

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