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KYM Pony General VII: Live Free or Twi Hard

Last posted Jul 06, 2014 at 04:08PM EDT. Added Apr 19, 2013 at 12:22AM EDT
9943 posts from 165 users

Rarity and Applejack happen to be the most underrated Mane 6 ponies. Everyone flipped their shit when they tried to ‘ruin’ Twilight, Fluttershy is HNNNNNNNNNNNNNNG, Rainbow Dash used to be the mascot of the show and is also the best pony, everyone LOVES Pinkie Pie for being oh so Random.

But Rarity and AJ? Hell for the longest time one of the longest running jokes of the series was “Applejack is a background pony” and now it’s “Rarity is a background pony”. Then of course all the other background ponies that get much much more attention than Rarity and AJ I think Rarity and Applejack DESERVE their page gets.

Applejack is a silly pony

Rarity picture too because it would’ve been hypocritical to mention how Rarity doesn’t get much respect in the fandom then don’t even post a picture of her, what is up with that?!

BSoD said:

Oh dear lord no. We’ve already had the regular /kym/ simulators and they were bad enough
And don’t give Alex Mercer any more idea’s!

Oh, I will. I will. Heh heh, heh, haha, HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAA!!!


Laud Piestrings wrote:

Got Killing Floor on sale… all I can say is…

I love it! You would think the game would scare you to death like Doom, but in reality, it’s a thrill ride! The specimens (zombies) all sound hilarious, especially the monkey, and they reference TONS of memes and media. Oh, and while the English in the game is mostly cockney slang, I always enjoy hearing it. Anybody else have it?

You’ll need protection, all right…

Everyone here is posting Twilight Sparkle… and I am just sitting here posting Twilight Velvet.

gets an AA-12 at the ready in case of attempts on my bunghole
Well anyway back to the topic at hand… AJ thread you say?

Kewln00b The Master of Unlocking said:

After a while we got hungry so the guy in the Applejack shirt suggested that we go out and get spaghetti, so we did and after that we went to Hottopic for Pony stuff. All in all it was a pretty nice meetup, so glad there was no spaghetti.

Wait, what?

Kewln00b The Master of Unlocking said (again):

We honestly don’t need the thread devolving to /kym/ just so we can make an obvious attempt to make some Youtube video.

>implying the thread doesn’t devolve into /kym/ once every five pages.

We’ll be talking about non-sexually jacking off to Blue Screen in no time.

I’ll be damned if I’m missing out on a Twi thread.

They have to do this in season four. They must!

Derpy Vazquez wrote:

well speaking of things they will do in season 4…….
Isn’t it obvious they will have an episode where Twi is to busy with her new princess duties to spend time with her friends.

I like that this is the first picture that I see on this thread after being away for a week.

(And yes, that could totally be an episode.)

So, guys, I was looking back through mothballs when I saw a hip-hop track Fifths and Stunthead did. Seeing as I’ve always wanted to write a rap, I got the idea to make a song with them where I portray Ace. It’s called “Rip It Up” and I have Ace’s verse and the chorus written.


Straight outta Sin City, The High Rollers,
Fuckin’ up this track ‘till it’s game over.
Got Fifths and Stunthead in the house,
We gonna milk cash cows like Mickey Mouse.
Requiring parental advisories,
With cluster F-bombs and kickass melodies.
Wanna take us on? Be our guest,
Gonna fuck you up ‘till there’s nothin’ left.
Some people call me a pretty boy fraud,
But they don’t know how far I’ve gone.
Ten-plus years of sick-ass rhymes,
Dealing cards and rollin’ the die.
I got Vinyl cuttin’ up for me,
Leavin’ our mark all over this CD.
Now we come to the chorus, how does it go?
Everybody in the crowd already knows.


Ace, Fifths, Stunthead, blazin’ the trail!
All the other posers just fuckin’ fail!
Everyone in the arena gettin’ pumped!
So let’s motherfuckin’ RIP IT UP!

So, what do you guys think so far? I personally give it a 7.9/10.

Last edited Jul 07, 2013 at 08:34PM EDT

as a fail poster
and the oldest bread toaster
I’m callin you out N say you ain’t got no game
spittin out rhymes that are totally lame

think you can rap
because you can rhyme
when yo words are crap
N you ain’t spittin on time

take you on?
wut is you gay?
I’d rather take Applejack
for a roll in tha hay

they call you pretty boy fraud
cuz you a straight up lyin
N Vinyl ain’t up on yo rod
cuz even she told me bout you beggin cryin

Bruno the Rustler
iz blazin’ a trail
while you drinkin Flim Flam cider
and puke in a pail

you like Mmmmbananas
cuz I’ll send ya to tha moon
but you ain’t no badass
you just a cartoon

Last edited Jul 08, 2013 at 01:27AM EDT

What do we do? We dish it out, that’s what we do.

So we’ve all started rapping? Well this ought to be fun.
I’ll show you mediocre jokers how a real rap’s done.
You won’t be much of a challenge, I’m gunna send you all packing
I’ll get my whole Kiwi iwi down to give you a smacking
See, I rhyme like Zecora and got the moves like Jagger
I’ll pull wool over your eyes once it’s sheared from Fleece Dagger
I’ll winter-wrap this up before you get too big of a dose
‘cause I don’t need to be Verbose to leave the other posts toast
I get called “Master Stalker,” and yes, that much is true
How can you beat me if I keep tabs on all of you?

Last edited Jul 08, 2013 at 03:29AM EDT

@ Erin
Hai there…


@ Stunt
Time to how, how they say, “drop it like it’s hot…”
Pinkie! Throw me a beat!

You all know me as some psychotic freak…
That one bitch who got diagnosed with MPD.
But you don’t know who I truly am, so let me explain!
I’m the Britfag who’s gonna make a name!

Stepping up to the plate since five months back!
Now I’m making fics that put you on crack!
I got the entire cast f*cking each other to death.
I won’t even stop to take a deep breath…

Here’s the list… first fic, we got Master Stunt
Also known as number one, Dags’ll show ‘em how it’s done.
Stealing a robot, who blowed off lots of ponies.
Bionicle was used as a sex toy on her knees.

Next on the list is one of my own.
A mare with a temper who’ll snap a few bones.
Her hair on fire and her eyes glarin’ red
Make one wrong move, and you’ll be dead.

Then we got Platus, who started off all twisted.
Until he got plastic surgery and ended up lookin’ like this shit.

Not saying it as an insult to you, though…
He’s actually smoking hot, but you just came so…


Who we got to thank for this hunk?
The culprit’s name is Blue, eating some useless ass junk.

Got screwed and screwed over, but shit happens all the time.
I can promise you this, Blue… you’ll make him pay for his heinous crime.

Next we got this masked beauty… commonly known as Mare-Do-Well.
But who’s under that mask? It’s xTSGx, rainin’ hell.
Divebombin’ in, runnin’ out, strutting her stuff.
Platus chasin’ that tail, but she’s the one with the cuffs.

Last but not least, we got the shy one, Vin.
Making his way to the Canterlot Inn.
But that wasn’t the only thing he was making…
Making out with Platus sure got him shaking.

That’s the list for now, but that’s just the first load.
Stay tuned, Bronies, for the next episode…

Last edited Jul 08, 2013 at 04:41AM EDT

Oh god… How late is it? Why is everyone Rapping?

Excuse me while I try Poetry Instead.

Twas a night of bearded Gnowls,
and fattened cow beast Drolls,
the Pony King did feast his soul,
on Crystals shinning Gold.

A Noble lass of Princess Told,
Her Sister close in tow,
did ’bliterate that earthy Toad,
yet a kingdom did unfold.

A student dost redeem this land,
her consorts strong and fit,
their Shnanigans dost help them stand,
till Rage’s Dust is Bit

Kewln00b The Master of Unlocking said:

Rap thread? Okay I can do this. Umm……

I read that as “Rape thread…” and went, “Oh boy, here we go.” I gotta stop looking at Fimfiction’s featured list…

Like three months ago I would have said yes but now, I would still say yes but in a different way. I still would wan’t to have sex with a pony, but not really a character, maybe Fluttershy, Octavia, Luna, Lyra, you know? But I really don’t like mlp anymore so this answer is based on purely a sexual standpoint.

Ponies are probably the sexiest things I’ve ever seen in my life, not exactly the characters, just what they are, their legs, their eyes, their manes, their mouths, everything is perfect. I would totally have sex with them but I wouldn’t want to live in Equestria or any of that bullshit. I would like to keep one but she probably wouldn’t like it because she would have to hide and just hang out in my house.

A one night thing? Totally, anyone really. I don’t like all of them but even if Rainbow Dash was my only option I would say yes. I don’t know how they would translate in real life but there are plenty fan art pictures that show a good example.

I don’t think I would be to comfortable with one around me because, I wouldn’t know what to do? Do I feed it? Do I pay attention to it? I don’t care what I do around my dog because he’s a fucking dog, do I treat her like a human and talk to her? Back to my dog, what if he flips shit because there is a god damn flying pony in my house. I couldn’t leave her alone because thats not fair at all, and she might fuck something up or answer the door and screw our deal up. I can’t take her in public.

I would totally keep her forever but I don’t think it would be a paradise, for her especially. Regardless of how I treat her she is basically a sex slave and that all well and good for a roleplay situation but it would be her life and she can’t get away from it. At least I would have some information on her and know what to do a little bit. If she got into the hands of some hick across the street she is fucked.

Bottom line, I think I would be too selfish to pass it up but my life would be stressful as hell trying to figure out what to do with her afterwards. So many things would have to be accounted for and in the end, she wouldn’t like it, and neither would you after awhile. I don’t know if you would be taking her from “Equestria” of whatever or if she is just appearing and doesn’t know how to talk or eat or fly or whatever, in that case, no I wouldn’t do it, I’m not raising a god damn pony just so I can fuck it. Otherwise, yes, like I said I would be too selfish and I couldn’t pass it up.

Now to how it would work, I don’t know. I guess the act of sex would be pretty normal, shes basically a horse, just a lot cuter. If she spoke english and had a basic understanding of the situation and was reasonable to let me talk to her and explain how this is going to work, then it would be pretty fine. Although, other things like going outside, telling people, etc. would be hard to work out.

I would need a Celesta to check up on her and tell me what she eats and if she is sick she is pretty shit out of luck unless I can buy some OTC medication for her. I wouldn’t have to worry about her being pregnant, right? I don’t think she can get pregnant by a human.

Anyway, sure. But she would have to live up to the exceptions of a canon pony, like knowing basics like English, eating, walking, etc.


Poetry eh? Bitch, do you even pentameter?

When the night ends and all things are betwixt
When your dreams have died before you awake
I come to this place where nothing persists
I come to your world, I come to make

I take the light from the sky, make it mine
And put shackles on that dark endless space
All the earth trembles at this my design
And weeps tears of dew across all its face

I rend the red east and fire spills forth
Filling the land with the warmth of its rays
‘Life!’ scream the birds from the south to the north
‘Life!’ hums the wheat as it sways through its days

Love me my children for all that I do
Love me mine kin, for I did this for you

Last edited Jul 08, 2013 at 09:57AM EDT

Okay, allow me to evaluate your raps.

DERPY VAZQUEZ: Actually a pretty decent diss rap, but way too basic.

STUNTHEAD: Fantastic, but a bit short. You want that to be your verse for the song?

MARKHAOX14: Great tie-in rap to your story, and bonus points for the wrestling GIF.

FIFTHS: That… sniff That was beautiful…

@Sex Change Ponies:

Ace doesn’t seem to be too happy with his new gender.

Fifths Wrote:

Poetry eh? Bitch, do you even pentameter?

Been a while since I was Exact in my Poetry…And I’m More used to the More Punchy Tetrameter… Let me Check if I remember how Pentameter works.

A Royal Moon of Beauty to Exalt,
Did Spurn the Sun for Pain of Heart Inflict’,
The Solar Queen did Make for her A Vault,
and from the World the Princess did Evict,

Millennia our Princess was Confined,
too Long for us her Servants of the Night,
to Hold in Spite the Sun would Be so Blind,
and yet in Hope for Darkness we would Fight,

Great Luck it seems to be that we Need not,
For War against the Sun would be so Hot,
Our Hope and Night Returned to us Tonight,
Our Precious Princess Luna takes to Flight.

Last edited Jul 08, 2013 at 04:23PM EDT

Dr Whooves wrote:

Poetry? I can do that!

Bingle bongle dingle dangle, yickedy doo, yickedy da, ping pong, lippy-tappy-too-ta..

I tried..

Well, I guess that scat-singing is sort of a form of poetry…


Sex change? Why not clone yourself and have BOTH

(I may or may not be bias due to liking the Guyra/Lyra ship. Lyra is so cute with herself!)


I remember making an R63 wetmane version of myself a loooooong time ago, lets see if I can dig it up…ah…here. Boy, my art skills were worse back then. Also this whatever the hell that was


Of course your OC is sexy. I based it off a template of Prince Blueblood when I drew it

@Yet another birthday game, wow

I go on wild, wacky adventures with Princess Celestia. HOORAY LETS GO LEARNING ABOUT FRIENDSHIP

Last edited Jul 08, 2013 at 05:21PM EDT

@Birthday Game
I leave a horse head on Princess Luna’s bed. But Princess Luna is best Princess. I don’t want to leave anything on her bed, never mind a horse head. Where am I getting this horse head anyway? I hope it’s a fake horse head…

Jimmy The Swood Guy wrote:

Okay guys, I made a birthday game, so let’s play that.

So, what did you get? I go on an excellent adventure with Pinkie Pie.

I try to steal Christmas with Fluttershy.
This sucks on several levels…

EDIT: Fixed a typo, what the fuck is “Shristmas”?!

Last edited Jul 08, 2013 at 06:32PM EDT

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