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When does Charlie get the chocolate?

Last posted Sep 21, 2009 at 09:27PM EDT. Added Sep 21, 2009 at 09:59AM EDT
3 posts from 3 users

Never, Willy Wonka is a liar and a whore.

On a related note.

Air Bud, what the hell?

First he plays basketball. How the hell does he get into the championship game? It’s because the stupid ref says there is no rule in basketball that says a dog can’t play. That’s bull honkey. Some people are allergic to pets so they probably shouldn’t let a dog in the gymnasium in the first damn place.

Then he plays (American) football. Football is rough and no place for dogs. Also, Air Bud is almost useless. He can make amazing catches, sure but defense-wise he can’t do anything. No matter how good an offense they have a piddly defense will make it tough to win any games.

(Now who thought I’d throw a Michael Vick joke in there? Well, I didn’t, thank you very much.)

Next up, soccer. Now at first this makes sense. Soccer would be fine with a dog. Wait up, I’ve seen enough soccer to know the fancy footwork that goes into keeping a ball away from people trying to steal the ball, a dog would not be agile enough to get that ball. Also in this movie Air Bud impregnates a female Golden Retriever and she has 5 puppies. Now why stop there? If those criminals were willing to steal those puppies so they could sell them why don’t the owners put him in a stud farm or something? Imagine all the gifted puppies to be born, it would bring Golden Retrievers one step higher on the evolutionay ladder.

Now he plays baseball. I’m gonna cut to the chase. He bats with the damn baseball bat in his damn mouth, he swings with his neck. Mabye in little league they don’t throw so hard, but he goes to play with the Anaheim Angels in the world FUCKING series. He’s batting against some of the best pitchers in the MLB with a bat in his mouth. I’m no veterinarian but that may just kill him.

Finally he plays volleyball. Now I only have 2 complaints about this.

1) Air Bud is old. In the first one he was 1-2 years old then according to the movies at least 7 years has passed, Golden retrievers live about 11-12 years so Air Bud probably couldn’t jump like he used to.

2) Richard Karn never signed back on. That’s how bad the movie was. When the last time you’ve seen Richard Karn turn down an offer to be in a movie? Never, that’s when.

Now to some up what’s wrong with the Air Buddies movies one sentence each.

Air Buddies: they talk and are all terminally annoying, especially B-dawg.

Air buddies was so terrible it killed Don Knotts.

Snow Buddies: they are puppies who are sled dogs, in Alaska, it’s suprising they don’t freeze to death.

Space Buddies: what the hell does space have to do with sports?

In November 2009 the puppies will try to find “Santa Paws” so I’ll have to check that out.

And finally they kill Air Bud off in Air Bud: Aussie Rules. I don’t know when it’s coming out but Air Bud will be at least 13 years old and playing Rugby. That’s right, rugby.

Yeah, that’s all I have to say about that.


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