Well, I guess it’s my turn.
I’ve explained this in the original thread, but some things have changed. For starters, my parents are moving from next door almost 20 miles away. Now this isn’t a big deal, but it hits me deep because I’m already very separated from my parents. Not so much my mom, but my dad. I used to hang out with him all the time, sometimes at work, or him spending the time to play video games with me. Now that I’m older, I don’t know how to connect to him and it makes me feel shitty about myself because he tries hard, but I just can’t do it.
Then my mother… Oh my mother. Oh my crack/marijuana addicted mother who’s stolen my grandma’s car on several occasions. She’s better about that. In the sense she doesn’t steal the car. She has apologized and asked for forgiveness so many times, my emotions towards her have been deluded to the point where I don’t care if she does drugs. I just want her to stop fucking with my emotions.
I failed Geometry because I wasn’t doing well and the day of the exam where I could turn my entire grade around, but guess what?! My mom called me literally 10 minutes before my exam to tell me how sorry she was because she had a relapse. So I couldn’t focus the entire test. And failed it. So now I have to retake the entire course. And I’m unmotivated to do so because I’ve been in a depressive state for the last 6 years of my life. I’m not a happy person. Not the type of person who is depressed all the time, but where I just don’t give a damn about life.
My parents were supposed to be out of their house by today, but they still aren’t finished, so my grandmother who is very disappointed decides to vent to me, because my sister (who goes on angry yelling sprees at my mom) is moving in with them after we just moved all of her stuff here. So my grandma is mad at everyone and I am the only one she can talk to.
Three days ago was the scariest day of my life because I thought the love of my life, whom I’ve been dating for almost 19 months, was going to break up with me. We’ve been going through a tough time because her cousin just moved in with her grandfather and is now going to our school. He’s from Switzerland, he can be quite annoying at times, and because he is around we barely get any time to ourselves, so we’ve both been stressed out, with him, school, and we’ve been starting to have bigger little arguments. We never raise our voices, but our tones describe everything.
I’m also at the point now where I’ve been so angry at my mom that about 30 minutes ago I made a Facebook (even though I hate it) and yell at my mom, because she never called us today, and we have no idea what was going on, but my grandmother who constantly complaining about my mom, doesn’t want me to because she doesn’t think that will solve anything. I’ve been wanting to yell at my mom for about 4 years now, but someone always tells me “No.”
I’ve been alone. For fifteen god dammed years. I spent from 4 years old to 10 years old in my room. Alone. With my video games and television. Without those, I wouldn’t even know how to read. No one ever told me what my parents had done, and every knew what my parents had done. And no one did anything. No one even told my grandma. When I went to catholic school when I was younger, I was originally in the sixth grade. I did poorly and they asked me to go back to fifth grade. It wasn’t because I was stupid. I just never went to 3rd through 5th grade.
So that’s my story. I’ve been alone for so long. My story isn’t as depressing as any of yours, but it’s something that deludes your emotions and makes you care very little.
But you know what? I wouldn’t change a single thing. I go to catholic school, I have great friends now, and I have a girlfriend who one day I hope to marry. My life could have been so much worse. And I’m glad for everything I have. I’m just upset that this is the way it had to be.
tl;dr: After all of the challenges I’ve faced, I’m satisfied with who I’ve become. I know I need to try harder, but it’s just another stepping stone that has a large crack on it.