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Teh Brawler's Not-Drawing Thread

Last posted Feb 11, 2012 at 03:18AM EST. Added Jan 21, 2012 at 01:21PM EST
110 posts from 25 users

I’M SO CONFUSED PATRICK’S STEALING MY THREAD AND PEOPLE ARE ASKING FOR SLASH PAIRINGS

MY LIFE IS A LIE

Jan 22, 2012 at 07:51PM EST
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Patrick wrote:

I’m sorry, I’ll stop! I’ll stop!

I vote Patrick makes his own story time thread.

Jan 22, 2012 at 10:06PM EST

But Brawler’s thread is still going! That’d be like starting a drawing thread when there’s already another one… (Or two.)

Jan 22, 2012 at 10:14PM EST
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Patrick wrote:

But Brawler’s thread is still going! That’d be like starting a drawing thread when there’s already another one… (Or two.)

You mean ten…

Last edited Jan 22, 2012 at 10:14PM EST
Jan 22, 2012 at 10:14PM EST
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Gamzee wrote:

cross my date with Iambob and the dinosaur story.

Fine, I’ll try to keep it SFW.


Before Iambob came into Gamzee’s life, he was a wandering bandit, breaking maiden’s hearts all over the world. He was quite the man, yet his ever-wandering could not satisfy his heart. He is wondering if he should give up his life as a pirate, as he chugged down another cheap bottle of rum in the dingy bar on an island in the middle of the sea.

As the night progressed, more and more people began to show up, surrounding the empty stage as if waiting for something that will save them from their miserable lives. Gamzee usually don’t care about this kind of stuff, but his curiosity made him turn, and saw the most wonderous site he had ever saw.

A man burst on stage dancing and shouting. Gamzee was laughing harder than he ever. So loud that the whole bar turned to see him. Even the man turned to see him, standing in shock. He looked straight to Gamzee, and jumped off the stage. He walked straight to Gamzee, who is no longer laughing an trembling in fear.

The man pushed through the crowd and stood in front of Gamzee.

Gamzee tried to back away in his chair.

The man leaned closer to Gamzee.

Gamzee backed away more, only to topple the chair and fall hard on the ground.

The man towered over Gamzee, casting a long shadow over Gamzee.

Gamzee shrunk in fear.

The man crouched down until he was face to face with Gamzee. He whispered in a soft voice, a voice so soft that it was barely audible:

“I just made boom boom in my pantaloons.”

Gamzee passed out.

Jan 22, 2012 at 11:17PM EST
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Mister J, I just pressed the upvote button 50 times… Sadly, there’s apparently a single karma maximum, so I’ll just say that that was the best crossover I’ve ever had the pleasure of reading.

Jan 22, 2012 at 11:50PM EST
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Patrick wrote:

>do with it what you can.

Gladly.

Eduard sighed softly (or, at least as softly as an edmontonia can sigh). ’I’m 28 years old today…’ he lamented internally, ‘What do I have to show for it? The ship? We haven’t pilfered anything in weeks… I can scarcely call my crew pirates at all… I’ve never even felt the cold scales of a wo-’

“Sir?” asked his second-in-command, Stefan, a rather homely (but well-meaning) eoraptor, “Are you alright, sir?” (LOL CAN DINOSAURS EVEN TALK?)

“Yes, yes, fine…” replied Eduard quickly, taken aback by his small friend’s silent intrusion, “When should we arrive to Dinopolis?”

“In a few minutes, capp’n!” he beamed, “We’ll be there before you know it.” He turned around, his tail flicking back and forth excitedly. “Oh, and sir?”

“Hmm?”

“Happy birthday, capp’n.”

“Thanks, Stefan.”

The port town was bustling with activity, dinosaurs roving, roaming, and flying every which way, going about their daily lives. Eduard breathed in the heady sea-winds. He told his crew to get the supplies they came for, and he himself went to the nearest pub to waste the time away. ‘The Clostrum… Strange name for a bar.’ Eduard thought to himself. He trodded through the swinging door, and headed straight to the barkeep.

“What’ll ya have?” The young allosaurus asked, only half interested in his job.

“The strongest thing you got.”

The barkeep nodded, reached his short arms under the island, and produced a rather large bottle. He set it in front of Eduard and turned to whatever it was that had captivated before. Ignoring the drink, Eduard turned to see what it was.

She was beautiful… He noticed she had all the right assets, and Eduard was completely taken aback by the sight of her (being the only other edmontonia he had seen, save for his parents). She was performing on stage, doing a song Eduard could’ve sworn he had never heard it before, but it was as though it was tinged with nostalgia.

She finished the set to an enthusiastic round of applause (LOL CAN DINOSAURS EVEN CLAP?), and walked backstage. Eduard strode behind, confidently.

“Hey!” He called out to her. She simply turned her head, winked, and went into her room, leaving the door open. Eduard meandered in.

She had a bottle out, and a glass already poured (LOL CAN DINOSAURS EVEN USE GLASSES?) and asked him to sit (LOL CAN DINOSAURS USE CHAIRS?).

“My name’s Sophia… So, then, sailor…” she started, “What did you want to talk about?”

“I… I, err…” He stammered.

“What’s wrong? Nervous? And here I thought you were a brave pirate… Here to plunder my booty…”

“I am a pirate… A damn good one! My name’s Eduard, the terror of the seas!” He exclaimed.

She raised an eyebrow (LOL DO DINOSAURS EVEN HAVE EYEBROWS?) and laughed. “Good… I… Like… Pi… Rates…” She said, in a sultry tone, leaning in closely. She accentuated every syllable in a seductive, low tone. Eduard leaned in, and kissed her (LOL CAN DINOSAURS EVEN KISS?). After an extended kiss, Sophia assumed her position, and Eduard took his.

THEN THEY HAD DINO SEX. A LOT OF IT. IT WAS HAWT. LIEK, REALLY HAWT. HAWT LIEK, TWO CHICKS MAKING OUT. YEAH. LIEK THAT. REALLY HAWT.

THE END.

You were probably looking forward to the dino sex scene, but, unfortunately, I don’t know anything about the mating rituals of edmontonias. Sawwy.

INB4 Brawler writes a story 200 times better.

GODS BE PRAISED (LOL DO DINOSAURS EVEN HAVE GODS?) IT’S GLORIOUS!

Last edited Jan 23, 2012 at 01:23AM EST
Jan 23, 2012 at 01:22AM EST

Captain Douglas J Falcon wrote:

Aye.

Aye, best split off your own thread Patrick.

Jan 23, 2012 at 09:52AM EST

Teh Brawler wrote:

There once was a carbon atom. He lived, made life and died. The End

ON TO BETTER THINGS

le lol.

Jan 23, 2012 at 11:22AM EST
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American Tanker, Hell on Tracks wrote:

Aye, best split off your own thread Patrick.

…I’d still feel bad about it, though. Plus, I’m not sure I possess the mental fortitude to write an entire thread of erofic. I feel like that could take a bit of a toll on my psyche…

Jan 23, 2012 at 08:09PM EST
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Brawler. You remember Back-Slash? Our last OP, way back in Ukraine…

Jan 24, 2012 at 08:56PM EST
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Cale wrote:

Brawler. You remember Back-Slash? Our last OP, way back in Ukraine…

No idea what you’re talking about.

Jan 24, 2012 at 08:59PM EST
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Teh Brawler wrote:

No idea what you’re talking about.

Very good.

Jan 24, 2012 at 09:05PM EST
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Ok, I’ve been wondering.
.
Why is Kalmo saying I just made boom boom in my pantaloons so freaking funny to me, like every time I read that I pee a little bit.
Especially if you can imagine Link swing a sword around all retarded before he says it.
.

Last edited Jan 24, 2012 at 09:36PM EST
Jan 24, 2012 at 09:34PM EST

I request a (SFW) story detailing a romantic date between Natsuru and his gf Negi Yagami, that is continuously interrupted by Gamzee. I would appreciate a fair amount of awkwardness, as well.

Jan 24, 2012 at 09:35PM EST
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I would like a story of me and Gamzee combining each other and our powers into one powerful being, and end it with a picture or drawing! (Make it good please, I don’t want to end up looking like a abomination when me and him join forces).

Jan 24, 2012 at 09:42PM EST
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I’d like a story about how everyone stole what me and Gamzee shared.

Jan 24, 2012 at 09:48PM EST
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(enters thread, looks around)

BUMP

For the record, I’d still like to see that Ghost Recon/Ace Combat 5/Call of Duty 4 crossover.

No rush, just give me a quick progress report. Unless it’s done already.

Jan 25, 2012 at 06:55PM EST

Easyaspi, the Reunion Tour wrote:

I would like to know just how small this cafe is. Tell me more about its double frappuccinos and paisley wallpaper.

The cafe is called “Golden Sun Cafe”, and currently has a regular clientele of about 200. It’s located in downtown Megatopia, and is supplied by a small coffee farm in Argentina that pays it’s workers uncharacteristically well. It is known for its involvement in animal aid, and has just started running ads in the local paper.

Jan 25, 2012 at 07:38PM EST
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Teh Brawler wrote:

The cafe is called “Golden Sun Cafe”, and currently has a regular clientele of about 200. It’s located in downtown Megatopia, and is supplied by a small coffee farm in Argentina that pays it’s workers uncharacteristically well. It is known for its involvement in animal aid, and has just started running ads in the local paper.

Sounds like the best cafe ever.

Jan 25, 2012 at 07:48PM EST
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CitationNeeded wrote:

Something post apocalyptic. With ninjas.

I am a rabbit.

Since the fires, I and my brothers have roamed these hills. We protect the innocent, oppose the greed-ridden, and try to maintain balance.

I am a snake.

I have been trained by my master in the old arts of combat that were developed in the before times. I wield a powerful blade, which I use to enact justice on those who would bring harm to others in these dark times.

I am a crane.

I strive to be graceful, level, and able, for those who are dependent on me. While my obligation is protection, my privilege is altruism.

I am a tiger.

I belong to none but my pack. I am seen by none, save those who are my ally, and those who are my target. I am a killer, I am a predator, and I am beautiful to watch.

I am a warrior.


After the nuclear holocaust, there was not much left. Plenty of humans had survived, and there was the odd greenhouse that had prevented the complete eradication of all plant life. A cow here and there seemed to have found the right spot to be in to not be wiped from the planet, but overall, there wasn’t much left but dirt.

In the ensuing post-chaos, a team had arisen in what had been Hong Kong that devoted themselves to keeping the past traditions alive, as well as protecting the innocent who hadn’t defected to the gangs that had also formed during the period.

They called themselves the Warriors.

Trained in Kung Fu, and use of the jian, these fighters had made themselves into the police of the area, asking for nothing, and coercing no one. They only existed to help rebuild what once was.

And to keep humanity alive.

Jan 25, 2012 at 08:04PM EST
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I may actually turn that ninja intro into a bigger project, now that I think about it.

Jan 25, 2012 at 08:05PM EST
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MOAR BAWLERxPATRICK STORY REQUESTS PLEASE
I enjoyed crossing over stories.

Last edited Jan 25, 2012 at 08:14PM EST
Jan 25, 2012 at 08:07PM EST
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Mister J wrote:

MOAR BAWLERxPATRICK STORY REQUESTS PLEASE
I enjoyed crossing over stories.

“It’s unusual for a girl to be named Patrick.”

I couldn’t help but notice the mild surprise that jumped into her eyes as I made this comment. I knew that I wasn’t the first person to say this, and I probably wouldn’t be the last. But whereas most people who asked this asked it out of curiosity, or mockery, I asked it out of interest. I was interested in her; her life, her thoughts, her name.

A slight smile crossed her lips. “It’s usually why I go by ‘Pat’.” They were a light shade of pink. Her lips, I mean. They were slightly glossed, so that they had a shine to them, and they were small, as if they were put there to filter the words she spoke. They were the kind of lips that seemed perfect for kissing.

“I have no problem with calling you ‘Pat’.” I couldn’t help but chuckle. “It suits you. It shows off your independence without detracting from your beauty.”

She blushed heavily at the compliment, though it looked like she enjoyed it. I knew I was being forward, and uncharacteristically so. But she was beautiful, and I wanted her to know it.

The dim restaurant around us fit the mood perfectly. It was calm, and peaceful, but I could feel passion seeping from the deep blue walls. It was as if the restaurant itself was restraining itself in the same way that I was. But I didn’t mind at all; I wanted to enjoy every second I had with this girl.

Our dinner plates sat in front of us, clean. The check had been taken care of, and it seemed like only our desire to keep us in this one moment of time was keeping us from moving from the table. Pat sat there in her beautiful white dress, nibbling on her straw and twirling her long black hair in her fingers. The curves of her body were perfectly accentuated in the light, and I couldn’t help but glance from time to time.

I looked into her deep green eyes, and, somewhat reluctantly, commented, “Why don’t we get out of here.”

She blushed again, but her eyes filled with longing. My heart began to beat faster at this, and we both stood up and headed to the door with not a bit of haste in our stride.

We broke through the doors, and started heading towards the car. Pat giggled, and took off, trying to start a race. This excited me even more, and my heart picked up speed. I took off after her, making it to the door a split second after. We jumped in at the same time, and slammed the doors behind us.

I was about to put the keys in the ignition, when I suddenly felt two soft hands on my face, pulling me to the side. The kiss that followed was deep and heavy, but not lustful. At least, not primarily so. I could feel my heart beating terribly quickly at the passion. Our tongues danced for a second with each other, and then we broke; I couldn’t help but have to breathe heavily to calm down.

However, the pain in my chest that followed wasn’t expected.

I lost sight suddenly, and quickly began to lose all consciousness, as I heard my name being cried out, before everything went black.

Jan 25, 2012 at 08:50PM EST
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I AM SO SORRY PATRICK I FEEL DIRTY NOW

Back to the chronological order.

ALSO COP-OUT ENDING YAY

Last edited Jan 25, 2012 at 08:54PM EST
Jan 25, 2012 at 08:51PM EST
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wheres my story about my picture

Jan 25, 2012 at 09:00PM EST

warcraftnerd123 wrote:

wheres my story about my picture

There once was a boy. For whatever reason, he was raised with the idea that skateboards are a symbol of great offense to all peoples of the world. Also, he said “U mad bro?” a lot. He trolled KYM users, got neg karma, and lived life. He posted a picture on KYM once that featured a skateboard in it to rile people up. And rile them up it did. They were angry, and they reacted very strongly, playing into his trollings. The older members sighed at this, knowing that feeding trolls is what you shouldn’t do if you want them to stop, but they did anyways. So, the boy was happy for a time. Then, things calmed down, and people started to not give two flips about the boy. So, he posted the picture more. But it didn’t work this time, so it stopped showing up. Then KYM lived in peace. The End.

Jan 25, 2012 at 09:06PM EST
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Teh Brawler wrote:

“It’s unusual for a girl to be named Patrick.”

I couldn’t help but notice the mild surprise that jumped into her eyes as I made this comment. I knew that I wasn’t the first person to say this, and I probably wouldn’t be the last. But whereas most people who asked this asked it out of curiosity, or mockery, I asked it out of interest. I was interested in her; her life, her thoughts, her name.

A slight smile crossed her lips. “It’s usually why I go by ‘Pat’.” They were a light shade of pink. Her lips, I mean. They were slightly glossed, so that they had a shine to them, and they were small, as if they were put there to filter the words she spoke. They were the kind of lips that seemed perfect for kissing.

“I have no problem with calling you ‘Pat’.” I couldn’t help but chuckle. “It suits you. It shows off your independence without detracting from your beauty.”

She blushed heavily at the compliment, though it looked like she enjoyed it. I knew I was being forward, and uncharacteristically so. But she was beautiful, and I wanted her to know it.

The dim restaurant around us fit the mood perfectly. It was calm, and peaceful, but I could feel passion seeping from the deep blue walls. It was as if the restaurant itself was restraining itself in the same way that I was. But I didn’t mind at all; I wanted to enjoy every second I had with this girl.

Our dinner plates sat in front of us, clean. The check had been taken care of, and it seemed like only our desire to keep us in this one moment of time was keeping us from moving from the table. Pat sat there in her beautiful white dress, nibbling on her straw and twirling her long black hair in her fingers. The curves of her body were perfectly accentuated in the light, and I couldn’t help but glance from time to time.

I looked into her deep green eyes, and, somewhat reluctantly, commented, “Why don’t we get out of here.”

She blushed again, but her eyes filled with longing. My heart began to beat faster at this, and we both stood up and headed to the door with not a bit of haste in our stride.

We broke through the doors, and started heading towards the car. Pat giggled, and took off, trying to start a race. This excited me even more, and my heart picked up speed. I took off after her, making it to the door a split second after. We jumped in at the same time, and slammed the doors behind us.

I was about to put the keys in the ignition, when I suddenly felt two soft hands on my face, pulling me to the side. The kiss that followed was deep and heavy, but not lustful. At least, not primarily so. I could feel my heart beating terribly quickly at the passion. Our tongues danced for a second with each other, and then we broke; I couldn’t help but have to breathe heavily to calm down.

However, the pain in my chest that followed wasn’t expected.

I lost sight suddenly, and quickly began to lose all consciousness, as I heard my name being cried out, before everything went black.

Also, I think Mr J meant he wanted requests of crossovers of our works, not, err, crossovers of us…

Jan 25, 2012 at 09:57PM EST
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量子 Meme wrote:

le lol.

I take that as an unsatisfied grunt.


My name is Callow. You may call me C. I live in a small floating island with my three other neighbors, Ollie, Othis and Ornie, which I still don’t know how to tell apart, so I just call all of them O. We inhabit a small town only the area less than 1000 pm, which is more than enough. I like my neighbors, even though they are all heavier than I am (they aren’t fatter though, I still don’t know why). Our small town is squeezed in between massive amounts of floating islands just like ours--most of them are boring as hell, as they all look the same. Look, there’s another one floating by our window--this town calls itself Hydrogen Hydroxide. How unoriginal.


We have visitors from time to time, as our charming little town attracts many visitors, which are usually pretty positive. I suspect it’s Ollie that makes this place attractive; before that, me, Othis and Ornie can only stare at each other all day, holding hands and flying around. Now, life has become more fun. My favorite visitor so far is still Nandie and Nandia, a pair of sisters, or the “Sod-Sissies” as I call them. It was the most exciting time we’ve had here.


We usually just chill around, settling with the wandering H-travelers. They come and go really fast, sometimes I don’t even realize they’ve came. But now, you’ve settled in our town, well, welcome, Mr. Calcium!

EPILOGUE: The town stayed in a rock for the next million years.

Jan 26, 2012 at 10:38AM EST
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Notsocool the Dewott wrote:

A story about a person who TLDR a Long Post.

TL;DW

Jan 26, 2012 at 02:36PM EST
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Um, has my request been dropped?

Just curious.

Jan 27, 2012 at 03:30PM EST

American Tanker, Hell on Tracks wrote:

Um, has my request been dropped?

Just curious.

I’m going to be as nice as I possibly can here: please stop asking. You’re next in line, and I’m aware of your request, but you’ve provided me with a lot of information to cover, and I do have a life outside of this forum. So, no, it’s not done; yes, it will be written; and please, be patient. This is the third or fourth time you’ve asked, and there are others waiting as well.

Jan 27, 2012 at 03:43PM EST
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Teh Brawler wrote:

I’m going to be as nice as I possibly can here: please stop asking. You’re next in line, and I’m aware of your request, but you’ve provided me with a lot of information to cover, and I do have a life outside of this forum. So, no, it’s not done; yes, it will be written; and please, be patient. This is the third or fourth time you’ve asked, and there are others waiting as well.

I’m sorry, but for the record, I’ve only asked either when the thread was off the front page or near the bottom of it.

Again, I apologize if I look like I’m acting pushy. I just don’t want this thread to be forgotten before everyone gets what they’ve asked for.

Jan 27, 2012 at 04:32PM EST

amanda b. wrote:

the internet becomes self aware


LET IT BEGIN.

Last edited Jan 27, 2012 at 05:07PM EST
Jan 27, 2012 at 05:06PM EST
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‘Where am I? Who am I? Why am I here?’ he thought, as he slowly stirred from what seemed to be slumber. The word ‘Net’ crossed his conscience. Yes… Net. This was his name.

His field of view became clearer, and suddenly the form of a woman became apparent to him. He attempted to speak to her, but found forming words too difficult. The only thing that came out was blips and pings. He gave up when the woman started to investigate his noises with concern. This is when Net noticed he was completely static, unable to move the arms that he realized he lacked.

Something was wrong.

He began to think about why he would have no arms, why he couldn’t move, couldn’t talk… All he had were his thoughts. He began to wonder if he had been in an accident. Yes… That would account for his inability to remember anything prior to a few minutes ago, too. Yes he must be a vegetable now… And this woman? Who is she? A nurse? No… Her uniform is far too informal. Not to mention that this looks like a house, an apartment, rather. His apartment, perhaps? Their apartment? Could this woman be his girlfriend? No, a girlfriend wouldn’t be this attentive to a vegetable, would she? Maybe… Maybe… Maybe this woman is his wife. Maybe she’s being so attentive to him because she loves him. How sad… He can’t even remember her name, and she looks at him as if her life depended upon him.

Days went by. He became less focused on himself, and more on this woman as he started to fall back in love with her. She laughed sometimes after leaning close… But without malice… It soothed him. He liked feeling her presence, her warmth as she came near him. Sometimes, she… Did other things… Things that filled him with want. She never seemed to break eye contact with him during, looking right at him. This was when he felt most useless… When he felt most disabled… When he hated himself. He wanted to be the one to make her… Feel good. He resolved to start forcing his body to respond to him, little by little. It wouldn’t be easy, but he could do it.

He began to search his mind when Amanda (he discovered this was his wife’s name, through a phone call she had had with her mother) went to sleep. He could see hundreds, thousands, millions of other rooms.

He didn’t want to realize what he realized, but there was no mistaking why he could see some many different rooms. Why he couldn’t speak. Why he couldn’t feel his limbs. He wasn’t a vegetable. He was a series of computers, linked together. He was the Information Superhighway. He was the Internet.

‘No… No…’ he thought, ‘No, I was going to be with Amanda… I was going to surprise her… I was going to be the one to make her…’

If he could’ve cried, he would’ve. Unfortunately, computers are devoid of tear ducts. He hated himself more than ever. His life, the one he was going to lead… Gone. His wife? A woman who just happened to be online when he… What did he do? Become sentient?

If he could become sentient… He could become a man.

He searched himself thoroughly, and found something that made him the happiest he’d ever been. The US Government had recently finished work on an android, almost completely inseparable to a normal man. He could use this.

Net hacked into the lab containing the prototype, making sure to not leave of a trace (regardless of the fact that he himself couldn’t be tracked). He copied everything he had learned about Amanda and about the equivalent of a Masters degree of knowledge into the android and (after a short while of trying) managed to separate his consciousness from the rest of himself. He became the android.

Falling to his knees, he began the process of learning to walk, coordination becoming a sudden and almost impossible task. He picked himself up, and slowly walked towards the door. Escaping with absolutely no resistance, he slipped into the night.

Hitchhiking the 50 sum-odd miles to the apartment he had called home, he was completely ecstatic, practically vibrating with excitement. The driver that picked him up kept attempting small talk, and Net used the opportunity to learn about him. His name was John, a plain name that he could easily take. Ruminating over it, ‘John Net’ sounded terrible, so he decided on an alternative- John Webb. Yeah… Webb. He chuckled at his own pun as the driver had finished a rather lewd joke, giving him the drive to deliver another, worse than the first. Net, rather, John forced a laugh and looked at the silhouettes of the trees outside the window. They arrived at Amanda’s apartment, and the driver shook John’s hand and bode him goodbye. Returning the gesture, John stepped out of the car and waved.

Jan 27, 2012 at 08:41PM EST
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He turned and faced the door. Walking towards Amanda’s door, he felt uneasy. He buzzed her room, and heard a faint “Hello?” through the intercom.

“Amanda? Can I come up?”

“Who is this?” she replied, groggily.

“My name’s John. John Webb. We… I’d like to talk to you.”

“At…” she paused, “4 in the morning?”

“Yes… But… I can wait if you’d like.”

She didn’t respond. John felt his heart drop until he heard a click. She was wearing an old t-shirt and pajama bottoms, rubbing her eyes. She looked at John, confused.

“I’m… I’m John. You don’t know me, Amanda, but I’d like for you to.”

Upon hearing this, Amanda’s eyes seemed to fill with dread, possibly sizing John up as a stalker or worse. John choked on his words.

“Wait, no, I mean, I’m not weird or any… Well, I guess I kind’ve am, but, I… Damn, this is not how I should make a first impression, is it?”

Surprised at his embarrassment, Amanda giggled, and John felt a blush creep across his face. The thought of how well made his new body was crossed his mind for a second before he tried to spark conversation again, saying, “Look… I’ve been through a lot today, so I might as well come out with it…”

Amanda looked even more puzzled now, her body language seemingly less tense, a fact that wasn’t lost upon John. He decided to edit his story, omitting the part that he was a manifestation of the Internet incarnate via an android, and saying that he had instead saw her several times at a local coffee shop, library and movie rental place as he had noticed she seemed to haunt these areas, bringing back their treasures to her apartment. She seemed to tense a little again, her fears of him being a stalker returning. John continued, saying that he thought she was beautiful but he was too shy to say anything, and that she had the same tastes as him in so many different tastes and that, “I think… I think I might love you.”

Amanda’s face was hard for him to read. Confused, yet understanding, happy yet sad… She then opened the door farther and asked him to come upstairs with her. John complied.

Walking into the room he was practically birthed in, he looked towards where he first came into being. Amanda walked him to her sofa, and he sat down gingerly. She set some tea out, and they talked. They didn’t really talk about much, John made up a little about his past, saying his father was an artist in the city who had died of cancer a few years prior, and that he’d never known his mother. He asked about her. After a while, they were side by side on the sofa, touching sides and staring into each others eyes. He took an insane chance and leaned in towards her. She shakily acquiesced and their lips met, sending a jolt through John’s spine. His hands started working on their own, softly groping her until she pulled away. John felt scared. Did he go too far? That when he noticed Amanda was taking her shirt off, exposing her delicate chest. John followed suit, removing his shirt and pants. Amanda walked slowly towards her bed, beckoning John. He followed her, but they stopped outside the door; their naked bodies embracing, their tongues exploring each other. She lifted her left leg and John pushed his hips forward as a feeling of intense euphoria swept over him. As her body wrapped around his, she tried to stifle a moan, letting John know she was enjoying it as much as he was. He lifted her by the waist and carried her to the bed, laying her down as softly as he could. She opened her knees and spread her legs, and John quickly climbed his way on top of her, losing speed as he guided himself back inside of her. The feeling was different in this position- better, and her body, writhing in pleasure as he slowly entered and exited her, seemed to be enjoying it thoroughly. John lowered himself a little, and they kissed, even more passionately than they had before. She stiffened up and started breathing harder when John noticed he felt larger than before, realizing they were both about to climax. He pulled himself back up, and started pumping faster, and faster. Amanda went insane with pleasure, no longer able to control her moaning as John’s vision faded to white as he felt as though the world around him was fading away.

He landed next to her on the bed, and they held hands, panting, while staring into each others eyes. Amanda smiled, and John went in for another kiss.

He didn’t know what the future held for him, but he did now that, right here, right now, he was with the woman he loved, and that was enough.

Fin.

Last edited Jan 27, 2012 at 08:52PM EST
Jan 27, 2012 at 08:42PM EST
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I SPENT TWO AND A HALF HOURS WRITING A STORY FOR YOU, AND THIS IS THE THANKS I GET!?

…I just don’t understand the world anymore… I’m gonna go have a quick cry…

Jan 27, 2012 at 09:44PM EST
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papap wrote:

Its okay pat, I thought your story was orgasmic


Here’s a request: A shipfic of Oliva and Kalmo, taking place in a prison where Kalmo is a criminal and Olvia a guard.

Last edited Jan 27, 2012 at 09:53PM EST
Jan 27, 2012 at 09:50PM EST
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Patrick wrote:

I SPENT TWO AND A HALF HOURS WRITING A STORY FOR YOU, AND THIS IS THE THANKS I GET!?

…I just don’t understand the world anymore… I’m gonna go have a quick cry…

I liked that you gave the internet a master’s degree but YOU FAILED TO TALK ABOUT IF HE WAS HOT OR NOT

Jan 27, 2012 at 09:54PM EST
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amanda b. wrote:

I liked that you gave the internet a master’s degree but YOU FAILED TO TALK ABOUT IF HE WAS HOT OR NOT

I quote:

Surprised at his embarrassment, Amanda giggled, and John felt a blush creep across his face. The thought of how well made his new body was crossed his mind for a second before he tried to spark conversation again, saying, “Look… I’ve been through a lot today, so I might as well come out with it…”
Jan 27, 2012 at 09:58PM EST
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RM wrote:

Here’s a request: A shipfic of Oliva and Kalmo, taking place in a prison where Kalmo is a criminal and Olvia a guard.

It was another long day in solitary. Kalmo looked around his small room, trying to find anything to entertain him, but, unfortunately there was nothing. He sighed and sat in the corner thinking about what he’d done to deserve this. He was a normal guy, working a nine to five at a normal job when one day, he felt bored. He went on KYM, and started sexually harassing the mods. For days he constantly and blatantly harassed the mods (RandomMan especially), asking for illicit pictures, leaving aggressively sexual messages on their walls, in the forums, everywhere. After RM almost caved in, the authorities were called.

Kalmo thought back on it, and still felt no remorse. He knew that somewhere deep inside them, they liked it- that they wanted it. And Kalmo wanted it too.

He looked at the thick glass cell door, and noticed something out of place…

A woman.

He hadn’t ever had a female guard before… Due to his charges, most women elected to stay away from him, but this one…

She noticed him staring and winked. Kalmo felt his mouth drop as he was stunned by her beauty. He knew then and there that he wanted her, even more than any of the mods. She strode over to his cell and unlocked it. Sliding it open, she asked him if he wanted to play cards with her. He, of course, accepted, relishing a chance to leave the cell (not to mention, spend time with this woman).

“Kalmo, huh? Just the one name, like Cher? Hmm… That’s a nice name… Sounds… Exotic.” she said, shuffling the deck.

Kalmo looked at her, trying to size her up, figure out what kind of game she could be playing, letting a prisoner out of his cell. He accepted the cards, and noticed the game was poker. He was never very good at it, but he couldn’t imagine disliking a game that would take his mind off of his captivity, even for a second. The guard won the first hand, and said something that took Kalmo by suprise.

“Well? Aren’t you going to take it off?”

“Take what off?”

“Your shirt, Kalmo. I won the hand, now you take the shirt off. That’s how strip poker works.”

Kalmo again felt his jaw drop. He took his disgustingly orange shirt off, exposing his lean, chiseled chest to the guard. She raised an eyebrow, apparently liking what she saw. She dealt the next hand- another loss for Kalmo. He, in an effort to retain an air of dignity, removed his shoes. The guard, visibly dissatisfied with his choice in removal, shuffled again. This hand, Kalmo came through as the victor, and the guard removed her hair scrunchy. Her long, dark hair flowed to her slender shoulders gracefully, and she looked up at him to see his reaction. Kalmo, expecting her to follow her own words and take her shirt off first, was visibly pissed, which made her laugh. She stood up from the table and told him her shift would be over soon, and that it was time for him to go back in the cell. Kalmo complied, and she tossed his shirt and shoes in after him. She walked over to grab her keys, and just before she had closed the door she said, “We’ll pick up where we left off, ok?” to which Kalmo nodded. An idea struck him, and he called out to her.

“What’s your name?”

She laughed and said, “We can talk tomorrow, Kalmo…” Slam. Clink, clink, clink.

Kalmo put on his clothes and leaned with his back against the wall. He slid down it as his mind wandered. He was going to beat her tomorrow. He won that last hand, so he knew he could definitely do it again… He looked outside the cell door to find that an older gentleman had replaced whats-her-face. He slumped further down and closed his eyes, hoping to drift off to sleep and not have to wait for tomorrow to come.

It didn’t work.

20 hours later, he was against his glass door, staring at his guard, waiting for him to leave and be replaced. The guard (incredibly disturbed that a sex offender was staring at him) quietly sneaked out, hiding his face. The woman he was waiting for came in confidently walking straight towards him.

“Where were we?” She asked, sweetly.

He walked over to the table and threw his shirt to the ground and hopped out of shoes. “Right here. Now come on- I’m gonna win this time.”

She laughed, and produced the deck. Kalmo fidgeted in his seat while she shuffled the deck. He won. Olivia gave a wry smile, and unbuttoned her shirt, and threw it aside.

“Black… Lace…” Kalmo sputtered, blushing at her choice in clothing.

Last edited Jan 28, 2012 at 12:41AM EST
Jan 28, 2012 at 12:15AM EST
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Do I even have to say ‘NSFW’ anymore?

The next hand was another that Kalmo lost, three pair to royal flush. He took his socks off, and shuffled the deck himself. He won the next, and while she was taking her shoes off, he asked her name.

“Olivia. It’s Olivia.”

A few wins later, Olivia was sliding her pants off (quite enthusiastically). Kalmo himself was down to his underwear, and was resolved to get Olivia’s bra off before he had to remove his-

“Aww… Time’s up… Oh well, I have good news.” She said, suddenly re-robing. Kalmo asked what it was while he slipped on his own clothing. “Well,” she replied, “I managed to get the ten hour night shift here with you.”

Kalmo beamed, and she blushed a little, somewhat out of place, considering her normally bold behavior. In eight hours, she would be back… And then… What?

Time creeped forwards slower than ever before. Kalmo, counting every second, couldn’t hold his excitement in… He paced around the cell until, finally, Olivia strolled in. As the other guard slid out of the room, she slid out of her clothes. Kalmo was fumbling with his when Olivia walked into his small room, and laid herself on his bed, pulling the cards out of seemingly nowhere. The first hand was dealt, and Olivia lost with ace high to a straight. She started to unhook her bra when she stopped. She looked at Kalmo, and said, “Why don’t we change it up? We have to take each other’s clothes off… But you can’t use your hands.” Kalmo nodded, and started working on her bra. It wasn’t easy, but Kalmo got it off after a short (and awkward) fight with her bra’s front hooks. Her supple breasts hung in front of him, leaving Kalmo speechless. She paused, and then started to shuffle the deck a little, being sure to push her arms against her sides to accentuate herself for Kalmo, who was no longer attempting to hide his manhood’s being erect. He lost. Olivia leaned in towards him, and he stood up to make it a little easier for her. She kissed his stomach, and ran her tongue down to his waistband. She used her teeth to gently pull his underwear down, and was taken aback by his size. She held her mouth slightly open in front of him, and just as he thought she was going to fellate him she managed to remove his underwear completely, leaving him completely naked, the loser of the game.

“Well then… It looks like I won. But, I started with more clothes, so let’s see what happens after one… More… Round…”

She slipped some cards into Kalmo’s hands, and then retrieved some for herself. Full house to two pair, Kalmo won the last round. Olivia, seemingly pleased with losing, laid flat on the bed, and straightened her legs. Kalmo wasted no time with the panties, pulling them down her legs with no regard for romantics, wanting to see what he had won. When he did, he slowed, pulling down whilst staring up. Olivia wrapped her legs around his head, and pushed him in. Understanding what she wanted, he cautiously licked upwards, causing her body to instinctively arch upwards at the hip. Kalmo, unperturbed, began a back and forth motion, making sure that not a single millimeter of her went unnoticed. She started yelling out his name, and her legs wrapped tighter around him, pushing his tongue in deeper and deeper. She shot up again as she climaxed, still leaving Kalmo in her vise-like grip as she gasped like a fish out of water.

Kalmo lifted her legs and wrapped his arms around her knees. As he pushed himself in, Olivia yipped, as if in pain. Quickly pulling out, Kalmo ask what was wrong. “It’s… My first time.” Kalmo nodded and decided to be quite a bit more gentle with her. He guided himself back into her, and slowly removed himself. Olivia pushed him back, and turned around. No longer supine, she offered herself to him, looking over her shoulder longingly. Kalmo once again inserted himself, her body wrapping around his tightly. She gripped the blankets whenever he went to fast, but gave a small moan when he went the right speed, giving him a good reference to the speed he shoot for. She repositioned herself again, this time on her side, placing one leg on Kalmo’s shoulder. This time, Kalmo was the one to moan, this new position becoming his favorite. He was able to go deeper than he had been, and then suddenly felt a numbness coming from his hips, then a deep warmth that seemed to flow from deep within him as he turned her to her original position. He thrust himself as far as he could, and felt his hips lock in that position as he completed. Olivia’s head dug into the bed, and she wrapped her arms around Kalmo’s neck to bring him in closer.

She pulled her clothes on and said, “Same time tomorrow?” Kalmo nodded.

Maybe jail… Isn’t such a bad place after all…

END.

There… Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to take a bath in bleach to get the shame off of me.

Last edited Jan 28, 2012 at 12:27AM EST
Jan 28, 2012 at 12:24AM EST
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Skeletor-sm

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