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A man stands in a room. The aforementioned man is indicated by the arrow above his head. He has just woken up, and has no idea how he got here or why. He only knows that he is here, along with a PDA he just found and now that I'm writing this I should have drawn it on the ground but I'm too lazy so just imagine that he already has it.
Wat doo?

>Look behind Kitty Painting.

>Steals Kitty painting.

>Stab self with Kitty Painting.

>Take arrow from above head and apply to knee

Acquire the Aperture Science Dual Portal Device.

Get arms.

You nudge the PAINTING off of the wall with your head, because you have no ARMS yet. Oh, did I forget to mention that? What a darn shame.

You find a perfectly good pair of ARMS in the SECRET COMPARTMENT that the PAINTING was hiding.

I FREAKING CALLED IT

>attach arms to torso.

>…then ram through the door on the left with head.

The arrow is an intangible object and cannot be moved around willy-nilly by the character!
Moron!

Watch out everyone, you're armed and dangerous.
You feel a couple hundred brain cells die just making that terrible pun.

You run headfirst towards the door without even bothering to check if it's unlocked in the first place.
It isn't.
You bounce off the door like a kid bounces off a trampoline made of rubber bands and spandex.
Gosh your head hurts.

>Do a barrel roll.

>see if the middle door is unlocked

>It's gotta be unlocked by now! Ram into it again!

Oh, good, it is.

You open the door and are just about to enter when suddenly you see that someone has messaged you on your PDA!

administrativeDemeanor[AD] began pestering broodingClassicalist[BC]
AD: Ah, I see you've woken up. Wonderful!
BC: Hello to you to.
AD: Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't get to introduce myself. However, I cannot do that at this time.
BC: Why not? Also, how did I get here and what is going on?
AD: I'm afraid I can't answer those questions either. You see, I'm somewhat of an moderator around here, and I can't go around telling people my life story now, can I?
BC: The least you can do is tell me your name. It's not like you haven't thought it up by now.
AD: Unfortunately, it doesn't work like that. Listen, I'm in a bit of a hurry around here, so I need you to do something for me.
BC: Alright, what kind of task would this be?
AD: A few rooms from now, you will encounter a lever on the wall that says, "Do not pull".
AD: Do not pull it.
AD: Let me say that again in case you didn't read it clearly.
AD: DO NOT PULL IT.
AD: Do not pull it, do not let anyone else pull it, do not even let one thought of pulling it enter your mind.
AD: Okay?
BC: Yes, I think I can do that.
AD: Alright, I've got to get going now, talk to you again soon.
administrativeDemeanor[AD] ceased pestering broodingClassicalist[BC]
BC: Wait, what did you mean by "anyone else"?
BC: Is there someone else here?
BC: Hello?
BC: Oh great.

[[Augh how do I colored words]]
[[Also, going to bed now, no updates for about 12 hours]]

> check room

>Pull the fucking lever.

You enter the room. On the far wall is a PANEL with five numbered LCD SCREENS. They are all currently off. On the left wall is a TARGET, and on the right is SOME SORT OF LASER GUN.

Start hitting random buttons and stand in front of the lazor.

That sounds like the best idea you've had in a while.

You smack the first screen around a bit. It flickers to life!

>Room 1 camera
just by chance, are you andrew hussie in disguise?

Just like it says, it's a camera view of room 1. There are some factory-style lights up on the ceiling.
[[Oh no, you found me out! I'm the Hussmaster himself!]]

>Lighting controls.

Okay.

>Eat computer.

==>Move Light

You hear a whirring noise in the other room, and a dull thud like something falling.

==> Go check in the other room to see if a pumpkin has arrived.

==> look for a plot hole

The LIGHT has moved out of the way, revealing a passageway, from which a LADDER has fallen.
There are no PUMPKINS to be found.

>Climb the ladder

==> is that a plot hole?

==> Eayaspi: Receive the Krama you a due.

Well now what the heck is this thing?

==> kick it

AWWW YEAH

Is that a window or a poster? Whatever it is, go examine it.

===> Take a dump on the floor and act like a chicken

==> Break Glass

It appears to be a map of where you currently are. There are five rooms, the one you woke up in being Room 1, the laser room being Room 2, this is Room 3, and two other rooms, one to the left of Room 1 (behind the locked door) and one below Room 1. This 5-room area is in some form of circular complex, part of which is shown in the upper-right corner of the map.
Hold on, that symbol at the upper-left seems… familiar to you. You remember it from somewhere, but you can't remember what it is. Oh well, back to adventuring.

==> Draw the map on the floor and play some hopscotch. Then answer the damn PDA.

>Go back to the laser room and grab the laser gun

>From now on ignore commands that are just silly

You're just about to prick your finger and draw the map on the floor with your blood when suddenly someone messages you on your PDA!

eccentricHarmony[EH] began pestering broodingClassicalist[BC]
EH: Listen close, because I don't have much time to explain this.
EH: I'm stuck here in this compound too.
EH: I saw what AD messaged you, and I know he's a blatant liar.
EH: For your own sake, you need to pull that lever.
BC: But what will it do?
EH: It will enlighten you.
EH: The lever is in a room not on the map you are currently looking at.
BC: Wait, how do you know where I am?
EH: I've got my own set of LCD panels here. I can see you.
EH: To get to the lever, you need to activate the laser.
EH: There should be a "Rug Door Lock" option on one of your panels.
EH: That will give you access to Room 5.
BC: Alright, I think I understand. Unlock Room 5, activate the laser, pull the lever.
BC: But then what about Room 4?
EH: Room 4 contains a key. You will need it to escape.
EH: What do you mean? Where do I escape to?
I can't tell you that just yet. When you see the key, you will understand.
I must go now. Until next time, my friend.
eccentricHarmony[EH] ceased pestering broodingClassicalist[BC]

That proves it. You are Andrew Hussie.

So this is what you're doing instead of the 100 edits per day forever you promised.

>Go to the Room with the laser.

we need to >Captchlouge something real fast!

CaptchLouge?
The Louge is a 100.1 km (62.2 mi) long river in southwestern France, left tributary of the Garonne. Its source is in the département of Hautes-Pyrénées, near Lannemezan.
Got it, now what?