Oh, you guys think you’ve got it so bad…..wait until you hear about MY workplace……
I can start out with the working conditions. Seriously, we change places of business more often than Hugh Hefner changes Playboy Bunnies. One second we’re in a place with sewers and shit that lead to the rival company’s place, the next we’re in a fucking hydroelectric plant. No matter where you go, you get shot at. I’m tired of ducking every time someone passes by. Its not fuking Detroit, people. Its a goddamn electrical facility. Please, corperate, find a more hospitable place to do business than where you’ve been choosing the past 5-or-so years.
Next is my boss. Bitchiest boss ever. And that’s her on a good day. Always toying with us, insulting us when we don’t do EXACTLY as she wants, and treats us like puppets when we do. And she can’t go 5 minutes without having a cigarette, that stupid chain-smoker. She and the snobby french bastard (Smoker as well, carries around one of those fancy cases for them. Sometimes smokes multiple ones at once.) that they brought over here to “diversify the workplace” would have a few laughs together, if that cold-hearted bitch has enough undamaged vocal cords to even chuckle.
Don’t even get me started on my coworkers.
There’s the drunk guy who carries his damn bottle everywhere. I swear, he can barely do his job right, which requires PRECISION, and he just throws random crap everywhere in favor of drinking more.
There’s the obese moron who can’t even speak decent english. It comes out all broken and makes him sound dumber than he really is (Which isn’t saying much, guy can’t even do anything besides simple tasks and often calls for his buddy to bail his fat ass out.) Along with constantly eating, he’s basically useless unless you need a simple job for a simple person done.
Speaking of his buddy, this guy is a fucking sadist, I shit you not. Always with the “progress” thing when it comes to blood. It doesn’t make me comfortable that he’s also the default physician for my little workplace. I don’t even think he’s got a medical liscense. I thank my lucky stars that he’s too busy hanging around with his fat boyfriend (I shit you not, everyone here knows that those two are more than friends.)
Then there’s the douche baseball fan (Youngest guy here. I don’t think he’s even old enough to work in a place like this. Guy’s mother is way too young for him to be the appropriate age for this line of employment.) He’s addicted to this soda and won’t stop running around and jumping all over the place. Not to mention everyone here hates his attitude. He’s a dick. Kids these days, I swear….can’t keep still and have no respect…..
Oh, and the next two are just priceless. They’re the only two who can’t stand other people here besides me, albiet a few less ones than I do. The Australian and the Frenchman hate eachother with a burning passion. You literaly cannot leave these two in a room together without them tearing eachother apart. I hate them both. The Aussie lives in a van and smells like piss 24/7, and the Frenchman is a elitest asshole. Always lying and causing trouble. At least he’s not very strong up-front. If you can catch him in one of his pranks, you can easily kick the crap outta him.
And then there’s the batshit insane guy. Thing about him is VOLUME! If my boss didn’t scream at us enough, I’ve got this crew-cut jackass yelling at the rest of us. He thinks he was in the war….whichever war that was. Along with that, I’m pretty sure he’s psychotic, seeing as how he beats his own head with a shovel every time he has one.
At least there’s one decent guy there. The Texan. Always nice, always there to lend a hand. He watches my back, I watch his. Unfortunatly, he’s smart as fuck, and his various displays of knowledge tend to make you feel stupid at times. But that’s okay, because I know I can count on him to get me where I need to go, or to get people off my back, or to provide me with the stuff I need to do my job. I feel sorry for him, though. He’s usually the focus of the Frenchman’s tricks, and the little shit from Boston won’t stop telling him what to do. He’s undervalued, a bit like me. We get along easy.
But yeah, work sucks. If it wasn’t for the fact that my current position at the company requires doing what I love, I’d have quit long ago. I hope I can one day earn enough pay to get my ass outta this shithole of a workplace, and off to what I really want to do: Pyrotechnics for rock concerts. I don’t care what you think, that shit is the best fucking job ever. But until then, I’ll keep calm and check for Spies……