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ITT: This Square is in Space

Last posted Oct 03, 2012 at 06:10PM EDT. Added Sep 21, 2012 at 09:42PM EDT
72 conversations with 22 participants

A young Space Cadet stands in his quarters. It just so happens that this is the young Cadet’s first time in space. Never before has he had the opportunity to fly among the stars in the titanium shell of a star-cruiser, to explore new and unfamiliar lands, chart the uncharted, meet new cultures, expand the knowledge of the Universe for all Squares, and get a cool title like Cadet.

What shall he do on this day of excitement?

Sep 21, 2012 at 09:42PM EDT
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Explain, in extreme detail, to the reader how the star-cruiser’s propulsion system operates.

Sep 21, 2012 at 09:43PM EDT
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go to the armory and mess with space lasers until he shoots his eye out

Sep 21, 2012 at 09:44PM EDT
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madcat wrote:

>step on the circle

You step on the Circle. +3 EXP



You now recall that you are the ship’s SOPHMORE CADET; REGISTERED EMPLOYEE WORKER (on) ENGINEERING DECK.

Or SCREWED.

Suffice to say it is your duty to ensure that everything is running at a sufficient level of sufficiency.

Sep 21, 2012 at 10:07PM EDT
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Piano wrote:

Explain, in extreme detail, to the reader how the star-cruiser’s propulsion system operates.

This. He should know, since he’s an engineer.

Sep 21, 2012 at 10:19PM EDT
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Megalolzors wrote:

>Get to the engine room

You approach the 64-HYDROGEN ATOMIC COMPUTER and the tank of BLUE MATTER that fuels the ship entirely. This is the extent of the Engine that you can normally access.

This is because you are not an Engineer, per-say. You are not an Engineer because you are SCREWED. Your job consists entirely of watching the computer and tank and hoping nothing goes beep, boop, bop, zippity-zow, poppy-pippy-sizzle-sazzle-frazzle, cracks, or anything-



This is everything you haven’t been trained for.

Sep 21, 2012 at 10:38PM EDT
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Kick the computer until it does something.

Sep 21, 2012 at 10:39PM EDT
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Wonder why there is apparently no management structure implemented.

After that, press buttons at random.

Sep 21, 2012 at 10:41PM EDT
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Examine the blue plant growing next to the blue matter, and figure out why there is a caution notice about it.

Sep 21, 2012 at 10:42PM EDT
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RocketPropelledPanda wrote:

Examine the blue plant growing next to the blue matter, and figure out why there is a caution notice about it.

You don’t know jack-shit about the stuff, but you do know that it’s volatile and creates shit-tons of energy. Some nerds call it liquid time?

But enough about that, you have to

Kick the computer until it does something.

Wonder why there is apparently no management structure implemented.

After that, press buttons at random.

>nervous breakdown

A RESOUNDING SUCCESS AS YOU FLIP YOUR SHIT ON THE KEYBOARD AND KICK EVERY KEY AND THE SCREEN IN AN ATTEMPT TO CHANGE YOUR DOOMED COURSE ALL THE WHILE WONDERING WHO DESIGNED THIS VOID-BORNE DEATH-TRAP OH HOLY SHIT IT’S LEAKING OUT OF THE TANK YOU ARE GOING TO DIE SHIT FUCK HELL.

Sep 21, 2012 at 10:57PM EDT
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> suddenly unlock your hidden power, which conveniently applies to the current situation

Last edited Sep 21, 2012 at 11:06PM EDT
Sep 21, 2012 at 11:06PM EDT
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>Break the glass,letting the liquid time flow over you, melding with your very being and allowing you to exist on a plane separate from the realm of square comprehension! And turning you blue.

Sep 21, 2012 at 11:20PM EDT
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404 user not found wrote:

> embrace you mortality and achieve inner peace

You’re right.

There is nothing to be gained by living out the last minutes of your life in fear. You calm down, take a death breath, and return to your quarters.

Perhaps nothing will happen. Maybe some real Engineer will stumble across it and repair it before anything happens. Either way, you meditate on your potential death, and come to grips with fate. You sit content with the idea that, even if you are doomed, you have come to accept it on a level few others can say they have achieved.



The vicious nature of this shaking is changing your mind however.

Sep 21, 2012 at 11:53PM EDT
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madcat wrote:

>look out the window

You have no window. Only a shitty painting of a window of Earth.


Another member of the Crew arrives at your door. He informs you that all escape pods have been launched, and nearly half the crew still remains.

It’s good that we already covered the death breath thing.

Sep 22, 2012 at 12:09AM EDT
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Jump out the shitty painting

LIKE A BOSS!

Last edited Sep 22, 2012 at 12:15AM EDT
Sep 22, 2012 at 12:12AM EDT
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Ride him down to the planet nearby and use him as a heat shield and cushion.

Sep 22, 2012 at 03:31AM EDT
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Soldier wrote:

Jump out the shitty painting

LIKE A BOSS!

You tell this loser smell ya later as you crouch down for your lethal escape pounce.

YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAA-

What possessed you to do this.

Sep 22, 2012 at 12:02PM EDT
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Cale wrote:

You tell this loser smell ya later as you crouch down for your lethal escape pounce.

YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAA-

What possessed you to do this.

“What possessed you to do this.”
Super Mario 64

Sep 22, 2012 at 12:09PM EDT
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Megalolzors wrote:

>Wear painting as a hat, follow the other crew member

Brilliant!

This HELM OF SPACIAL ART provides +6 to your Total Armor Class. You tell your fellow Crew Member to lead on as you take in the confidence this helm affords you. However, he admits to having come to you for a leader, as he is a TWAT.

(Trained Water Annalist [and] Tester)

Sep 24, 2012 at 05:03PM EDT
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>Tell him to get a painting helmet immediately

Sep 24, 2012 at 06:16PM EDT
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>Tell TWAT that there’s no time to explain, but he must get into the nearest airlock
>Open airlock

Sep 24, 2012 at 09:28PM EDT
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Colmei wrote:

>Tell him to get a painting helmet immediately

You are in possession of the only Painting Helm in existence.

It is your special gear.

tell him that he is the leader

The TWAT humbly suggests reaching the Control Deck, in hopes of regaining control of this out-of-wack motherfucker that you call a Star-Ship.

Last edited Sep 28, 2012 at 10:22PM EDT
Sep 28, 2012 at 10:13PM EDT
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>look at map of starship (cmon, if he doesn’t have like a futuristic projection map or something that’s silly)
>locate Control Deck

Sep 28, 2012 at 10:28PM EDT
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Judging from your Inventory, it seems you don’t have a map at all.

Only a WRENCH and a PACKET OF FREEZE-DRIED CHILI RATIONS.
Looks like you will have to either ADVENTURE to the Control Deck, or follow the TWAT who has been there before.

Sep 28, 2012 at 10:41PM EDT
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Twilitlord wrote:

>Order TWAT to lead you to Control Deck

Very well. We have no time for petty adventures. You tell the TWAT to lead onwards:

Nothing like an elevator ride to sooth a soul who is likely plummeting towards some barren, hostile world.




After a short and uneventful ride, you reach the Control Deck. The TWAT cedes command back to you. Lead on Sir.

Last edited Sep 29, 2012 at 12:01PM EDT
Sep 29, 2012 at 11:59AM EDT
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Find the Controls and land perform a horrific, Hindenburg-like crash onto the nearby planet.

Sep 29, 2012 at 12:47PM EDT
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>Reequip hat
>Do quantum’s suggestion
>If paintings, give to TWAT
>Go to engineering station
>Inspect readouts

Sep 29, 2012 at 12:56PM EDT
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>Obtain level 2 suit from shop
>Buy power nodes
>Upgrade RIG at workbench

Sep 29, 2012 at 01:25PM EDT
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MDFification wrote:

Find the Controls and land perform a horrific, Hindenburg-like crash onto the nearby planet.

You cannot perform the landing, as the Ship’s Primary Controls are currently occupied by the Helmsman.

Sep 29, 2012 at 02:49PM EDT
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>Put on your goddamn hat
>Pretend hat is insigna of higher rank than helmsman
>assume command

Sep 29, 2012 at 02:53PM EDT
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>knock helmsman out with wrench

Last edited Sep 29, 2012 at 03:06PM EDT
Sep 29, 2012 at 03:03PM EDT
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Iamslow wrote:

>knock helmsman out with wrench

Then who’ll pilot the ship? I say take command through subterfuge.

Sep 29, 2012 at 03:04PM EDT
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>Put on your goddamn hat
>Pretend hat is insigna of higher rank than helmsman
>assume command

You equip your Combat Gear, but the Helmsman sees right through your charade, as that isn’t even ceremonial attire, much less the gear of SCREWED.

>knock helmsman out with wrench

The Helmsman detects your hostile intent with a well-trained eye. Do you wish to engage him, or withdraw yourself?

Sep 29, 2012 at 03:18PM EDT
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Skeletor-sm

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