Either I can slit your throat with the sharpened edges, shank you to death, pry out your eyeball and skull-fuck you to death, lobotomize you, or jab it through the base of your skull
Fuck, these things are useful
Glass of water
A Nokia 3310, f*ck yea.
A bag of Lays and a Diet Squirt.
Spray it in your eyes beat you till your K.O’ed and then snap it in half cut your stomach pull out your intestines and insert the deodorant and then beat you and strangle you with it.
Now fall before my greasy might!
Fear my healthy nutritious, calcium filled snack while your greasy, disgusting food falls!
I’m going to floss and poke the hell out of you
I always have a crossbow next to me. Eat arrow, bi0tch.
Well I’m screwed- unless by chance the above user is sentient plaque capable of using the internets.
Wrap then around your neck, I suppose?
The item on my left is a scanner. People use scanners to evade the police. Ergo, victory.
Sorry, Tang, but I’m going to have to beat you with a calendar.
An extra large 3 prong dragon dildo.
An album of The Who. Maybe play it loud enough to burst your eardrums, so you won’t hear me come at you from behind, smash the case and attack you with the broken plastic?
a dirty dinner plate.
A food crumb
I still have this, I’ll draw you a new avatar, and erase yours to death.
I’ll put one between knuckles and beat you to death with it
If stepping on them hurts like a bitch, think what being punched with them will do
YOU’RE FUCKED BITCH
Slam your head in the door repeatedly, run you over with it, etc.
I have no clue how this is supposed to beat you, but HAVE AT YOU!
A baseball bat.
a bigass television set.
A window overlooking a parking lot.
The glass could be of use.
My little brother!? I dunno man…
A glass bottle
bludgeon, break and shank, break, place glass in mouth, punch mouth repeatedly, jam it through your eye socket before or after breaking….
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An atomic bomb. Guess you’re screwed.
My left speaker. It’s ear rape time. Let me go find the loudest video on youtube.
A bionicle with a sword. He will stab you with his plastic power.
A bowl of yoghurt.
A coffee cup with flower patterning.
A bowl of Grape Nuts cereal.
Easy, smash it over your head or shove the cereal down your throat.
HYEEEH KYAAH, HYAAAH HAA HYET
An iPod Touch.
Attempt to beat you with it, at the very least.
1 n0w h4v3 4 g14n7 4zz CPU.
A very blunt flashlight.
I’ve got a desk lamp.
You wouldn’t happen to be extremely sensitive to light, would you?
A half-eaten apple.
I’ll shove it down your throat.
An iPhone 4S.
I’m sure this thing could have tons of uses to defeat a cat.
A bottle of water. Hold it like a demoman and hope for the best.
Gonna staple you.
Enjoy your diabetes!
An empty gold fish bad.
Hold still while I try to put this bag over your head and find a blunt object to beat you with.
My keyboard is chaotic-aligned (i.e., black). On the left side of it, at the bottom, is a control key. I press it to control the undead.