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Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.

Two cows are standing next to each other in a field. Daisy says to Dolly, "I was artificially inseminated this morning." "I don't believe you," says Dolly. "It's true, no bull!" exclaims Daisy.

Two muffins are sitting in an oven, one said to the other: "man, it's hot in here!" The other one responds: "Holy shit, a talking muffin"

This is my kind of thread!
A boy melon tries to propose a girl melon. The girl melon replies, "were too young, we cantaloupe!"
I lit some black powder once to see what happened. It was a blast.
Two muffins were in the oven. One said "sure is hot in here." The other said "Fancy that, a talking muffin!" Edit: Ninja'd
This one's kind of a riddle but, Suzy had three older sisters. They were named April, May, and June. What was the youngest sister's name?

Is it Suzy?

I love my toaster, I take it everywhere but when I found out that my toaster is not waterproof, I was shocked!

You bet.
I robbed a glue factory, but the guards caught me on the way out. It was a sticky situation.

When a pebble was asked what it wanted to be, it said it wanted to be a little bolder

If you want to be a DJ, you have to start from scratch.
Without music, life would B flat.
When a chemist dies, you should barium.

Threads of puns
are really fun

I hate my old vacuum, it sucks.

I approve of this thread.

I was gonna tell a gay joke, butt fuck it. I hate 'em anyways.

And that we're on the topic of jokes, feel free to tell your own. But be warned. I won't allow the following:

No gay jokes. You think they're good, but they're really a pain in the ass.
No handicapped jokes. I can't stand those.
No 9/11. They're just plane terrible.
No penis jokes. They're usually too long.
No Nazi jokes. While they may be heilarious, most people will Nazi them coming, Anne Frankly, you should't be surprised if they miss the joke.
No Mexican jokes. You might go over the border with those.
No black jokes. They just don't work.
No lesbian jokes. You guys don't have the balls to tell 'em.
No vagina jokes. they're horrible. Period.
No jokes about your girlfriend's vagina. We'll never get it.
And I know I made a gay joke at the start, but I was just being a fucking asshole. You don't have to be.

That about covers it.

Should I tell a sodium pun?
Na.

I have one so bad that it's pungent ..

Orange you glad I stopped by?

I used to work for H&R Block, but it was just too taxing.

I could make something of this thread, if only I knew how to sew.

That barber's haircuts are shear genius!

A baseball came flying towards me from some distant place. I didn't know where it came from or why it was coming towards me. Then it hit me.

Non non non non non NON NON NON NON NON

This thread is really punny.

I could write a chemistry joke, but all the good ones argon

Why do scientists call helium, curium and barium the medical elements? because, if you can't helium or curium, you BARIUM.

One day, Juan went golfing. One of his balls hit a tree and bounced back at him. The bad news is the ball ripped a hole in his chest. The good news is that he hit a hole in Juan.

Have you heard of XboxAhoy? He makes youtube weapon guides for FPS games, and ends each of his videos with a terrible pun of the gun's name. It's delicious.

I would tell that Voldemort joke, but everybody nose it.