Gentlemen, ladies, and men who dress like ladies… I bring dire news!
Even now, the kumquat fruits are taking up arms and preparing to march upon humankind! They have decided that it is they who should reign over the Earth. They would kill us, raid our cities, and plunder our technology, which they would use to enforce their global power.
Do not be fooled by their innocuous appearance. Kumquats are sly shapeshifters and illusionists. There may be some among us now, acting as spies. Tread carefully, and beware of kumquats in your midst.
But do not give in to fear! We are stronger than they! We have the distinct advantage of being able to eat kumquats and gain nutrients from their flesh. If you see kumquats outside of a grocery store (where they are captives, and not a threat) you must consume them right away. Together we shall stop their diabolical schemes!