Forums / Fun! / Riff-Raff

304,278 total conversations in 8,685 threads

+ New Thread

KYM's Got Talent Season Two

Last posted Jun 06, 2013 at 07:39PM EDT. Added May 23, 2013 at 08:35PM EDT
225 posts from 19 users


I have chosen to write a historical fiction, in a style inspired by my favorite author, John Hodgman: specifically, his work entitled The Areas of my Expertise.


In 1941, the United States was caught off-guard by Pearl Harbor. Many Americans jumped at the call to arms, eager to participate in the war efforts. One such fellow was Charlie Chaplin, an actor famous for his work in silent film. Having been born in England, he felt terribly about the Blitz that had subjugated London, the town of his birth, but he was already 52 years old, and was not the boy he had used to be.

His chance came in January, when an emmisary from President Roosevelt approached Charlie at his luxurious estate.

“Mr. Chaplin, the president has a very important mission for you.”

His eyes, long dimmed by the dark years of the Great Depression, lit up for the first time in years.

The special emissary spoke again, “We need you to head a group of special actor-spies in a secret infiltration of the Third Reich.”

Chaplin was to infiltrate Nazi society, after which Hitler would be replaced by an Allied spy: a perfect look-alike.

“That,” said the emmisary, “will be YOU.”

Charlie was silent, as he so often was. He had not so long ago visited Europe, and was not sure he wanted to see what was left of it so soon. But his life had grown stale, his third wife, Paulette Goddard, had been drifting recently, and their relationship was cooling fast. Perhaps she would show more interest when he returned a war-hero-actor. Charlie accepted his special mission, and he and his commando team were sent to Europe immediately.

Chaplin contacted a silent-movie rival of his, Buster Keaton, to take his place in cinema and the celebrity scene. “Both Americans and Germans,” he explained, “must not know that I have left the United States. You have to take on the most difficult role of all: to play ME on the world stage.”

Keaton, who had always been jealous of Chaplin’s fame and wealth, decided that this was not only a way to serve his country, but also to perhaps revive his acting career. Keaton disguised himself as Chaplin every other day, making films under both names, while Chaplin traveled to Europe to take on his biggest challenge yet.

At first all plans went swimmingly. The team successfully planted Charlie as the head of the Third Reich, trapping the real Hitler in his own ironclad closet. But after a few days, many Nazi leaders began to be suspicious, seeing as the real Hitler never wore a bowler hat or baggy pants. People wondered why their leader had begun to walk so quickly, taking comically fast yet small steps everywhere he went. Eventually, a curious guard, investigating why the Führer had suddenly started wearing clown-size shoes, discovered the real Hitler in the closet. Charlie and his gang were busted.

Charlie spent perhaps years in a Nazi prison basement, where his moustache was shaved and his bow tie pulled uncomfortably tight on his neck. They didn’t kill him (killing an actor is one of the few war crimes Nazis were very careful to avoid), but his time as prisoner-of-war was terrible.

Eventually, he saw the man who would release him. It was Marcel Marceau, the world’s most famous mime, and member of La Résistance, who had shrugged off the Nazi’s regime in his native France. He kicked down the door without a sound, and defeated the waves of guards by hiding behind an invisible wall, and silently returning fire with his incredible invisible silent chain-gun. After freeing Chaplin, Marceau gestured for him to follow, only to escape into a ravaged Berlin and later a ravaged London. None of this devastation, however, would prepare him for what came next.

Charlie was eager to return to his old life of film, fame, and hopefully, family. He booked passage to New York, to find Buster Keaton and finally be home. When he entered New York Harbor, a celebrity tabloid caught his eye. He hadn’t seen one of these for years, and always enjoyed their striking, if not always fair, assessment of the stars. On the ninth page, he found an article that bore his own name, saying that he had been ousted as a Communist sympathizer, and had been embroiled in a paternity suit with Joan Barry, a woman he didn’t even remember meeting. He got off the boat, and sat down on the curb with his head in his hands. He felt like a relic from a time long past. He looked at all the strange clothes that people were wearing, and wondered if he belonged here anymore.

Jun 04, 2013 at 08:53PM EDT

Laika wrote:

Nothing yet……..might do a picture though..

Well, you have to draw since Serious Business wrote a story.

Jun 04, 2013 at 10:44PM EDT

Ive been thinking for ages now but without the skill to actually draw pencil-to-paper I am pretty stuck, and when it comes to picture editing software there isn’t much I can do either beyond actually editing pictures, problem is there is pretty much zero creativity in doing that

Last edited Jun 05, 2013 at 06:26PM EDT
Jun 05, 2013 at 06:22PM EDT

Laika wrote:

Ive been thinking for ages now but without the skill to actually draw pencil-to-paper I am pretty stuck, and when it comes to picture editing software there isn’t much I can do either beyond actually editing pictures, problem is there is pretty much zero creativity in doing that

You forfeiting?

Jun 05, 2013 at 06:54PM EDT

Hmmmmmmm, I don’t really want to…..this is serious business, can’t just give up…….We have unlimited time so i’m going to delay until tomorrow as its too late to draw anything now

Jun 05, 2013 at 07:19PM EDT

chowzburgerz wrote:

Got something Sam?

Now im workin’ on it for real

Jun 06, 2013 at 02:38PM EDT

Check it before you wreck it

What am I even doing…..

Jun 06, 2013 at 06:51PM EDT

Excellent job to both of you. Even if you don’t win, be proud that you made it to the end and completed all the challenges. The judges and I will make our final decision.

Jun 06, 2013 at 07:09PM EDT

After much consideration and debate with the cosmic cactus that lives in my walls (just kidding, I don’t have any walls), I give my ultimate vote too…..

Jun 06, 2013 at 07:21PM EDT

Well, with Falcon and Sloth voting for Serious Business, Serious Business has clinched the title of winner of KYM’s Got Talent. To be honest, I would have voted for Jetstream Sam. Anyways, congrats to the official winner of KYM’s Got Talent – SERIOUS BUSINESS

Jun 06, 2013 at 07:25PM EDT

@Serious Business,

You did pretty good.
I would have felt bad if my shit drawing won the competition after seeing the effort you put into your short story, Im happy enough just to have made it to the the finals and in all honesty its been good fun and I have enjoyed it

Jun 06, 2013 at 07:32PM EDT

Serious Business wrote:


Do I get the million-dollar prize?

As the winner of KYM’s Got Talent, you have won $1 million and a headline show in Equestria Vegas. You can also be a judge for the next season. Congrats!

Last edited Jun 06, 2013 at 07:42PM EDT
Jun 06, 2013 at 07:38PM EDT

This thread is closed to new posts.

Old threads normally auto-close after 30 days of inactivity.

Why don't you start a new thread instead?

Hello! You must login or signup first!