320,709 total conversations in 9,942 threads
Last posted
Aug 22, 2013 at 02:04AM EDT.
Added
Aug 18, 2013 at 07:26AM EDT
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SCP-even number-J
Fill It, Submit it And Post it Under a Spoiler
<div class="spoiler" title="SCP-XXX-J">TEXT</div>
CLASSIFIED BY ORDER OF O5-█
Item #: SCP-21-J
Object Class: keter
Special Containment Procedures: SCP-21-J is to be kept in a lasagne-lined containment chamber located in Canada, where it is to be guarded at all times by no less than 2 taxidermists armed with Faygo.
In the event that SCP-21-J ever begins regurgitating its Natsuru's liver, Dr Blue Screen is to walk SCP-21-J until it ceases its behavior. In the event of a containment breach, Mobile Task Force Σ-7 (''Big Bang Theory'') is to be dispatched to SCP-21-J's last known location.
Description: SCP-21-J is a female platypus. Like most members of its species, it is able to surproz butsekx, and regularly eats twice its own weight in lasagne each day.
SCP-21-J's unusual properties manifest whenever it comes in contact with Ohio, which causes it to turn into tree. Whenever this happens, all brothels within a 22 kilometer radius will begin to murder uncontrollably, usually leading to civilian casualties.
In addition, many researchers feel it has an uncanny resemblance to Verbose. Whether or not this is at all related to SCP-21-J's anomalous properties is unknown at this time.
Recovery Log: SCP-21-J was first located in KnowYourMemeVille where the The Bronco's were using it in order to build an orbital laser. Thankfully, Mobile Task Force Σ-7 (''Big Bang Theory'') was able to recover the object with only 10.75 × 10^2 civilian casualties.
Addendum: Test Log 21-1
Dr. Einstien: Ello? Ello? Is zhis thing on? Ach, good. Zhis is Docktorr Einstien, and I am about to test SCP-21's reaction to steak. Are you ready to proceed, Docktorr Screen?
Dr. Screen: Yes sir, ready to begin test.
Dr. Einstien: Excellent! I am now introducing the steak to 21… hmm, zhe subject seems to have already figured out zhe test material.
Dr. Screen: Making a note; 'subject shows high capacity for learning'.
Einstien: Now zhe subject is lookink right at me, almost as if it… MEIN GOTT! MEIN Verbose's left kidney! IT'S GOT MEIN Verbose's left kidney! OH ZHE AGONY! ZHE AGONEEEEEEEEEEEEY!
END LOG
In light of incident 21-J-1, testing has been suspended indefinitely. – O5-█
Considering how I didn't know what it would do. I think that turned out surprisingly well.
CLASSIFIED BY ORDER OF O5-█
Item #: SCP-087-J
Object Class: Awesome Totally Safe
Special Containment Procedures: SCP-087-J is to be kept in a Cheezburger-lined containment chamber located in Somewhere Over The Rainbow, where it is to be guarded at all times by no less than 3.14159265359… Fireman armed with Potatoes.
In the event that SCP-087-J ever begins Fapping its Pingas, Dr. Bright is to Eat SCP-087-J until it ceases its behavior. In the event of a containment breach, Mobile Task Force λ-7 (''MLP:FiM'') is to be dispatched to SCP-087-J's last known location.
Description: SCP-087-J is a Gay Brony. Like most members of its species, it is able to Enable Able (SCP-076-2), and regularly eats twice its own weight in Cheezburger each day.
SCP-087-J's unusual properties manifest whenever it comes in contact with Your Mother, which causes it to turn into Cookie. Whenever this happens, all Ponies within a 69 kilometer radius will begin to Sit uncontrollably, usually leading to civilian casualties.
In addition, many researchers feel it has an uncanny resemblance to Justin Bieber. Whether or not this is at all related to SCP-087-J's anomalous properties is unknown at this time.
Recovery Log: SCP-087-J was first located in Ponyville where the Boston Buttheads were using it in order to Take Youtube Poops Down. Thankfully, Mobile Task Force λ-7 (''MLP:FiM'') was able to recover the object with only OVER NINETHOUSAND civilian casualties.
Addendum: Test Log 087-1
Dr. Fukken Stawikowski: Ello? Ello? Is zhis thing on? Ach, good. Zhis is Docktorr Fukken Stawikowski, and I am about to test SCP-087's reaction to Beer. Are you ready to proceed, Docktorr █████?
Dr. █████: Yes sir, ready to begin test.
Dr. Fukken Stawikowski: Excellent! I am now introducing the Beer to 087… hmm, zhe subject seems to have already figured out zhe test material.
Dr. █████: Making a note; 'subject shows high capacity for learning'.
Fukken Stawikowski: Now zhe subject is lookink right at me, almost as if it… MEIN GOTT! MEIN PINGAS! IT'S GOT MEIN PINGAS! OH ZHE AGONY! ZHE AGONEEEEEEEEEEEEY!
END LOG
In light of incident 087-J-1, testing has been suspended indefinitely. – O5-█
Oh God THey Begin to Sit UNCONTROLLABLY
Reminds me of SCP-1D6-J, which is a lot like this only with a 6-sided die instead of a mad lib.
Object Class: Eucilid
Special Containment Procedures: SCP-7-J is to be kept in a PASTA~-lined containment chamber located in a castle, where it is to be guarded at all times by no less than 3 doctors armed with plastic cups.
In the event that SCP-7-J ever begins flying its pancreas, Alto Cleff is to walk SCP-7-J through the park until it ceases its behavior. In the event of a containment breach, Mobile Task Force Omikron-7 (''The Italian Army'') is to be dispatched to SCP-7-J's last known location in order to promptly retreat.
Description: SCP-7-J is a mostly unremarkable pelican. Like most members of its species, it is able to punch ducks, and regularly eats twice its own weight in PASTA~ each day.
SCP-7-J's unusual properties manifest whenever it comes in contact with mice, which causes it to turn into a narwhal. Whenever this happens, all candles within a 42 kilometer radius will begin to clean uncontrollably, usually leading to civilian casualties.
In addition, many researchers feel it has an uncanny resemblance to Nic Cage. Whether or not this is at all related to SCP-7-J's anomalous properties is unknown at this time.
Recovery Log: SCP-7-J was first located in Townsville where the Detroit Lions were using it in order to melt the ice caps. Thankfully, Mobile Task Force Omikron-7 (''The Italian Army'') was able to recover the object with only 9001 civilian casualties.
Addendum: Test Log 7-1
Dr. Van Hellsing: Ello? Ello? Is zhis thing on? Ach, good. Zhis is Docktorr Van Hellsing, and I am about to test SCP-7's reaction to cows. Are you ready to proceed, Docktorr Statscowski?
Dr. Statscowski: Yes sir, ready to begin test.
Dr. Van Hellsing: Excellent! I am now introducing the cow to 7… hmm, zhe subject seems to have already figured out zhe test material.
Dr. Statscowski: Making a note; 'subject shows high capacity for learning'.
Van Hellsing: Now zhe subject is lookink right at me, almost as if it… MEIN GOTT! MEIN KNEE! IT'S GOT MEIN KNEE! OH ZHE AGONY! ZHE AGONEEEEEEEEEEEEY!
END LOG
In light of incident 7-J-1, testing has been suspended indefinitely. – O5-█
I edited the page slightly so it didn't sound retarded.
Notes: Poor, Poor, Dr. Bauer.
Captain Douglas J Falcon wrote:
CLASSIFIED BY ORDER OF O5-█
Item #: SCP-1739-J
Object Class: Safe
Special Containment Procedures: SCP-1739-J is to be kept in a Human Flesh-lined containment chamber located in Bank Vault, where it is to be guarded at all times by no less than 2 Comedians armed with Beanie Babies.
In the event that SCP-1739-J ever begins Holding its Left Testicle, Dr. Gears is to Kill SCP-1739-J until it ceases its behavior. In the event of a containment breach, Mobile Task Force β-7 (''Mythbusters'') is to be dispatched to SCP-1739-J's last known location.
Description: SCP-1739-J is a Kinky Duck. Like most members of its species, it is able to Run Wall, and regularly eats twice its own weight in Human Flesh each day.
SCP-1739-J's unusual properties manifest whenever it comes in contact with Cups, which causes it to turn into Goalpost. Whenever this happens, all Goalies within a 42 kilometer radius will begin to Jump uncontrollably, usually leading to civilian casualties.
In addition, many researchers feel it has an uncanny resemblance to Micheal Jackson. Whether or not this is at all related to SCP-1739-J's anomalous properties is unknown at this time.
Recovery Log: SCP-1739-J was first located in SCPVille where the Chicago Bears were using it in order to Get 1 million dollars. Thankfully, Mobile Task Force β-7 (''Mythbusters'') was able to recover the object with only 98217 civilian casualties.
Addendum: Test Log 1739-1
Dr. Bauer: Ello? Ello? Is zhis thing on? Ach, good. Zhis is Docktorr Bauer, and I am about to test SCP-1739's reaction to Nigger. Are you ready to proceed, Docktorr Falcon?
Dr. Falcon: Yes sir, ready to begin test.
Dr. Bauer: Excellent! I am now introducing the Nigger to 1739… hmm, zhe subject seems to have already figured out zhe test material.
Dr. Falcon: Making a note; 'subject shows high capacity for learning'.
Bauer: Now zhe subject is lookink right at me, almost as if it… MEIN GOTT! MEIN Kneecap! IT'S GOT MEIN Kneecap! OH ZHE AGONY! ZHE AGONEEEEEEEEEEEEY!
END LOG
In light of incident 1739-J-1, testing has been suspended indefinitely. – O5-█Notes: Poor, Poor, Dr. Bauer.
What is it with you and the word "nigger?"
Sir Crona Crescent Duke of Landwales wrote:
What is it with you and the word "nigger?"
Dunno.
CLASSIFIED BY ORDER OF O5-█
Item #: SCP-derp-J
Object Class: herp
Special Containment Procedures: SCP-derp-J is to be kept in a derp-lined containment chamber located in derp, where it is to be guarded at all times by no less than derp derp armed with derp.
In the event that SCP-derp-J ever begins herp its [DATA EXPUNGED], herp is to [DATA EXPUNGED] SCP-derp-J until it ceases its behavior. In the event of a containment breach, Mobile Task Force herp-7 (''derp'') is to be dispatched to SCP-derp-J's last known location.
Description: SCP-derp-J is a herp derp. Like most members of its species, it is able to herp, and regularly eats twice its own weight in derp each day.
SCP-derp-J's unusual properties manifest whenever it comes in contact with derp, which causes it to turn into herp. Whenever this happens, all herp within a herp kilometer radius will begin to herp uncontrollably, usually leading to civilian casualties.
In addition, many researchers feel it has an uncanny resemblance to derp. Whether or not this is at all related to SCP-derp-J's anomalous properties is unknown at this time.
Recovery Log: SCP-derp-J was first located in derp where the derp were using it in order to herp. Thankfully, Mobile Task Force herp-7 (''derp'') was able to recover the object with only herp civilian casualties.
Addendum: Test Log derp-1
Dr. derp: Ello? Ello? Is zhis thing on? Ach, good. Zhis is Docktorr derp, and I am about to test SCP-derp's reaction to herp. Are you ready to proceed, Docktorr herp?
Dr. herp: Yes sir, ready to begin test.
Dr. derp: Excellent! I am now introducing the herp to derp… hmm, zhe subject seems to have already figured out zhe test material.
Dr. herp: Making a note; 'subject shows high capacity for learning'.
derp: Now zhe subject is lookink right at me, almost as if it… MEIN GOTT! MEIN herp! IT'S GOT MEIN herp! OH ZHE AGONY! ZHE AGONEEEEEEEEEEEEY!
END LOG
In light of incident derp-J-1, testing has been suspended indefinitely. – O5-█
I just don't know what went wrong
CLASSIFIED BY ORDER OF O5-█
Item #: SCP-95-J
Object Class: Keter
Special Containment Procedures: SCP-95-J is to be kept in a sweets-lined containment chamber located in Svalbard Vault, where it is to be guarded at all times by no less than 3 viticulturists armed with pins.
In the event that SCP-95-J ever begins erasing its liver, Klask is to task SCP-95-J until it ceases its behavior. In the event of a containment breach, Mobile Task Force Iota-7 (''Doctor Who'') is to be dispatched to SCP-95-J's last known location.
Description: SCP-95-J is a superannutated rhinoceros. Like most members of its species, it is able to launch rockets, and regularly eats twice its own weight in sweets each day.
SCP-95-J's unusual properties manifest whenever it comes in contact with sparks, which causes it to turn into flask. Whenever this happens, all lights within a 38 kilometer radius will begin to arrange uncontrollably, usually leading to civilian casualties.
In addition, many researchers feel it has an uncanny resemblance to Curie. Whether or not this is at all related to SCP-95-J's anomalous properties is unknown at this time.
Recovery Log: SCP-95-J was first located in Sedarston, Illinois where the Oakland Raiders were using it in order to put out the Sun. Thankfully, Mobile Task Force Iota-7 (''Doctor Who'') was able to recover the object with only 15,974 civilian casualties.
Addendum: Test Log 95-1
Dr. Scholz: Ello? Ello? Is zhis thing on? Ach, good. Zhis is Docktorr Scholz, and I am about to test SCP-95's reaction to scarf. Are you ready to proceed, Docktorr Moon?
Dr. Moon: Yes sir, ready to begin test.
Dr. Scholz: Excellent! I am now introducing the scarf to 95… hmm, zhe subject seems to have already figured out zhe test material.
Dr. Moon: Making a note; 'subject shows high capacity for learning'.
Scholz: Now zhe subject is lookink right at me, almost as if it… MEIN GOTT! MEIN arm! IT'S GOT MEIN arm! OH ZHE AGONY! ZHE AGONEEEEEEEEEEEEY!
END LOG
In light of incident 95-J-1, testing has been suspended indefinitely. – O5-█
CLASSIFIED BY ORDER OF O5-█
Item #: SCP-123-J
Object Class: Safe KETER EXTREM XMKETUR
Special Containment Procedures: SCP-123-J is to be kept in a Spadinner-lined containment chamber located in The Hell, where it is to be guarded at all times by no less than 3 Class-Ds armed with The Faggotry Protector.
In the event that SCP-123-J ever begins Tipping its Tastatur, Dr. Robotnik is to Fuck SCP-123-J until it ceases its behavior. In the event of a containment breach, Mobile Task Force Gamma-7 (''Spengebab Skerpents'') is to be dispatched to SCP-123-J's last known location.
Description: SCP-123-J is a Gay Troll. Like most members of its species, it is able to Troll And Don't get a Life, and regularly eats twice its own weight in Spadinner each day.
SCP-123-J's unusual properties manifest whenever it comes in contact with Bronies, which causes it to turn into A Faggot. Whenever this happens, all Bronies within a 14 kilometer radius will begin to Butthurt uncontrollably, usually leading to civilian casualties.
In addition, many researchers feel it has an uncanny resemblance to OP. Whether or not this is at all related to SCP-123-J's anomalous properties is unknown at this time.
Recovery Log: SCP-123-J was first located in Faggotripolis where the Boston Leedles were using it in order to Waste Chocolate Milk. Thankfully, Mobile Task Force Gamma-7 (''Spengebab Skerpents'') was able to recover the object with only ∞ civilian casualties.
Addendum: Test Log 123-1
Dr. Sp████e: Ello? Ello? Is zhis thing on? Ach, good. Zhis is Docktorr Sp████e, and I am about to test SCP-123's reaction to PC. Are you ready to proceed, Docktorr Snimfan?
Dr. Snimfan: Yes sir, ready to begin test.
Dr. Sp████e: Excellent! I am now introducing the PC to 123… hmm, zhe subject seems to have already figured out zhe test material.
Dr. Snimfan: Making a note; 'subject shows high capacity for learning'.
Sp████e: Now zhe subject is lookink right at me, almost as if it… MEIN GOTT! MEIN SOUL! IT'S GOT MEIN SOUL! OH ZHE AGONY! ZHE AGONEEEEEEEEEEEEY!
END LOG
In light of incident 123-J-1, testing has been suspended indefinitely. – O5-█
maikcollos wrote:
SCP-even number-J
Fill It, Submit it And Post it Under a Spoiler
<div class="spoiler" title="SCP-XXX-J">TEXT</div>
I went deliberately crazy with the choices I made… the last bit is hilarious though xD
It's moderately funny!
LOOL
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