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chuck norris jokes

Last posted Nov 02, 2010 at 12:59PM EDT. Added Oct 19, 2010 at 01:01PM EDT
31 conversations with 18 participants

Chuck Norris actually saved John F. Kennedy by deflecting the bullet but then John F. Kennedy’s head exploded in sheer amazement

Oct 19, 2010 at 01:01PM EDT

the roman’s were gonna crucify Chuck Norris but Jesus took the hit for him. (i really dont mean to offend any Christians by this joke)

Oct 19, 2010 at 01:12PM EDT

….but on the bandwagon, Chuck Norris once shot down a German fighter plane by making his hand look like a gun and saying bang.

Oct 19, 2010 at 01:20PM EDT

Chuck Norris has sex with other men. It’s not that he’s gay or anything, but he’s run out of women to have sex with.

Oct 19, 2010 at 03:21PM EDT

Chuck Norris never wears condoms.


Last edited Oct 19, 2010 at 03:40PM EDT
Oct 19, 2010 at 03:39PM EDT


When Chuck Norris jumps into a lake, he doesn’t get wet. The water gets Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris’ tears cure cancer. Too bad he never cries.

Chuck Norris counted to infinity. Twice.

Chuck Norris is so tough, there is no chin underneath his beard. There is only another fist.

There is no theory of evolution; there is only a list of animals that Chuck Norris has allowed to survive.

Chuck Norris can watch an episode of 60 Minutes in under half an hour.

Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.

Chuck Norris divided by zero and won the game (both of them, actually).

Oct 19, 2010 at 04:00PM EDT

Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting infers the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.

Oct 19, 2010 at 04:43PM EDT

Oct 19, 2010 at 05:19PM EDT

Chuck Norris once round-house kicked a horse in the face, today that horses decendents are known as giraffes.

Oct 19, 2010 at 05:28PM EDT

“Children look under their beds for The Boogieman, the Boogieman looks under his bed for Chuck Norris, and Chuck Norris looks under his bed for Kenshiro…

Kenshiro doesn’t need to check under his bed, because anyone under there is already dead."


Oct 19, 2010 at 05:43PM EDT

When Chuck Norris left the Virgin Islands, they weren’t called the Virgin Islands anymore.

Oct 19, 2010 at 05:54PM EDT

When Chuck Norris does push-ups, he pushes the whole world down.

Oct 19, 2010 at 07:15PM EDT

Chuck Norris once jumped off the Empire State Building. All he got was a sprained ankle.

Chuck Norris once golfed using a 12-inch strip of rebar and a sun-dried tomato. He shot a 54.

Oct 19, 2010 at 07:26PM EDT

He was clearly distracted by the kitten, though.

Oct 20, 2010 at 04:49PM EDT

Chuck Norris is so fat- oh wait, wrong joke.
Chuck Norris Has a diploma in kickin ass!!
Chuck Norris is so awesome, he can touch mormon Jesus… IN WAYS YOU CAN’T IMAGINE

Oct 20, 2010 at 05:08PM EDT

Chuck Norris doesn’t get the common cold, the common cold gets Chuck Norris.

Oct 20, 2010 at 07:47PM EDT

Death dont kill Chuck Norris, Chuck noris kills deaths.

Oct 20, 2010 at 09:26PM EDT


Nov 02, 2010 at 12:59PM EDT

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