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Is this the future that you want?

Last posted Jun 20, 2012 at 08:43PM EDT. Added Jun 19, 2012 at 02:29AM EDT
15 posts from 9 users


Fig. 1: Artist’s depiction of the imminent Goose takeover
You may think the geese are cute, cuddly, innocent creatures, who we shouldn’t worry about. You may think that we have supremacy over them, because we’ve successfully kept them in zoos, and, occasionally, as pets or farm animals.

But you are dead wrong.

For generations, geese have been plotting the takeover of planet earth, mainly because they absolutely hate humans. Why, you may ask? Because we keep them as pets, farm animals, and zoo features. Sound familiar?

So now they’re out to get us. But now you may think, “Oh, we can take care of a goose attack easily. After all, we have technology. They don’t.”

But you may be surprised to hear that geese don’t need technology to wage war. They have mastered the art of directed-energy optical emission, and can fire beams of charged particles hotter than the sun. They have also mass-bred a race of super-warrior-geese the size of skyscrapers, all with the same laser capability. These fiends have feathers made of a new element, which is so strongly bonded that not even the most explosive of artillery shells could break through it.

So now you see the problem at hand. These geese are very powerful, and extremely smart. But they do have one weakness. Bread.

You’ve seen geese eating bread lots of times, so you might wonder why this is their weakness. The fact is, bread is the most potent goose neurotoxin on the planet. It is a fact that every goose who has ever eaten bread has died or is in the process of dying. Thus, military minds around the world have come up with an ingenious idea to stop these avian invaders:

Tactical bread shells.

The bread shell works by detonating upon the geese’s feathers, emitting its yeast payload all over the geese, and killing them instantly. But the coalition against geese needs your help, in two ways:

1: If you even find a geese, THROW BREAD AT IT. This is crucial, as it will lower their population and set them back. Every goose counts.

2: Help the military bake bread needed for tactical bread shells. You can enlist at any recruiting stating as a 112222G (for goose).

Help humanity fight against the geese. Help humanity fight for freedom.

Last edited Jun 19, 2012 at 02:34AM EDT
Jun 19, 2012 at 02:29AM EDT
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Look, I didn’t even read through your wall of text and I KNOW that I want THAT future.

FUCKING GEESE WITH LASER EYES MAN!

Jun 19, 2012 at 02:33AM EDT
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Lich wrote:

Look, I didn’t even read through your wall of text and I KNOW that I want THAT future.

FUCKING GEESE WITH LASER EYES MAN!

Oh yeah? Well imagine that you’re walking to… Uh… Kindergarten, and then a goose jumps out of no where and explodes you!

Do you really want that?

Jun 19, 2012 at 02:54AM EDT
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Piano wrote:

Oh yeah? Well imagine that you’re walking to… Uh… Kindergarten, and then a goose jumps out of no where and explodes you!

Do you really want that?

Yes. YES I DO!

Jun 19, 2012 at 02:59AM EDT
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inb4modssayafuturewithpointlessthreads

I’m kidding really, I’d prefer a Mallardplane to shoot all of these geese that may terrorize my town.

Jun 19, 2012 at 03:03AM EDT
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I had a fight with a goose once. HAD to strangle it. But the bruises took a week to recover.

Jun 20, 2012 at 07:46PM EDT
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Piano wrote:

Oh yeah? Well imagine that you’re walking to… Uh… Kindergarten, and then a goose jumps out of no where and explodes you!

Do you really want that?

Exploding lasers…

It seems you have discovered my plans, Mr. Fedora. I am afraid that I must dispose of you…

Jun 20, 2012 at 07:52PM EDT
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Explosive Lasers AKA Solaire AKA Sexiest wrote:

Exploding lasers…

It seems you have discovered my plans, Mr. Fedora. I am afraid that I must dispose of you…

If you even dare, I’ll have to call some old friends in the Russian government…

Jun 20, 2012 at 07:56PM EDT
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Explosive Lasers AKA Solaire AKA Sexiest wrote:

As if they would listen to a hat.

I’M NOT A HAT

Jun 20, 2012 at 08:25PM EDT
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Explosive Lasers AKA Solaire AKA Sexiest wrote:

As if they would listen to a hat.

It’s a fedora. Learn the difference.

Jun 20, 2012 at 08:26PM EDT
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Efrain wrote:

It’s a fedora. Learn the difference.

Fedorette.

None of you know how to treat a lady.

Jun 20, 2012 at 08:28PM EDT
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Cale wrote:

Fedorette.

None of you know how to treat a lady.

Thank you Kasrkai. Some of these forum-goers can be so insensitive.

Jun 20, 2012 at 08:32PM EDT
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Skeletor-sm

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