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A Message for my Dearest Penelope

Last posted Oct 05, 2012 at 03:34PM EDT. Added Oct 03, 2012 at 03:58PM EDT
24 posts from 17 users

I just finished up with the Trojan War, and am on my way home. I had a funny trick involving a wooden horse, but I’ll tell you when I return. I’ll be on my way momentarily, and expect to see you soon!
All my love,
Odysseus.

Sent from my iPhone 5

Last edited Oct 03, 2012 at 03:58PM EDT
Oct 03, 2012 at 03:58PM EDT
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Hey, umm… It’s me, Patroclus… So that was really nice of you and Ajax to guard my dead body and all, but… Why didn’t you just save me beforehand?

Oh well… We can talk about it when we meet in Hades.

By the way, you’re going to Hades.

Sent from my Android.

Oct 03, 2012 at 04:11PM EDT
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Patrick wrote:

Hey, umm… It’s me, Patroclus… So that was really nice of you and Ajax to guard my dead body and all, but… Why didn’t you just save me beforehand?

Oh well… We can talk about it when we meet in Hades.

By the way, you’re going to Hades.

Sent from my Android.

Look man, I’m sorry, but you were going fuckin’ crazy out there. Killed 53 guys before Hector got to you, nicely done. I didn’t save you because it seemed like a good idea to stay out of your way, to tell the truth.
Oh, one second, my maps app is beeping, telling me to go to some island. Lotus Eaters, huh? Well, that’s a strange name. brb I guess.

Sent from my iPhone 5

Oct 03, 2012 at 04:46PM EDT
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Oh wait, this is history.

Lets get the fuck out of here.

Oct 03, 2012 at 04:52PM EDT

I know, I know… I should have listened to Achilles, but thought I could take down all of Troy… Especially after I had killed Sarpedon… Oh well… May the gods be with you on your journey. I should warn you- don’t eat the fruit of the Lotus-Eaters.

Oct 03, 2012 at 05:03PM EDT
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Hi. I’m Calypso. You and I are going to get to know each other very well.

Oct 03, 2012 at 05:22PM EDT
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Guys, it’s me, Alexandros. We have to calm ourselves right here, or I swear to Zeus I will kick olive you in the grapeleaves.

Oct 03, 2012 at 06:10PM EDT
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@Greece124: @TroyBC1994, want this neat horse? It’s all wooden and whatnot.

Retweeted by TroyBC1994
Oct 03, 2012 at 06:22PM EDT

Oh hey guys, where are you?
Apparently my iPhone 5 says that I’m stuck on this island called… New Jersey.
WHAT THE FUCK IS A NEW JERSEY??? I WAS TRYING TO FINDNUR JOYSEA.”
Fuck these maps.
-Lonekulus

Sent from my iPhone 5

Oct 03, 2012 at 06:52PM EDT
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Patrick wrote:

Hey, umm… It’s me, Patroclus… So that was really nice of you and Ajax to guard my dead body and all, but… Why didn’t you just save me beforehand?

Oh well… We can talk about it when we meet in Hades.

By the way, you’re going to Hades.

Sent from my Android.

Agamemnon here. Yeah, it sucks. I mean, I make it all the way through this bloody war, then come home, and what happens? I find out some other dude’s been sleeping with my wife, and then they team up and kill me! The nerve of some people.
Sent from my iPad 2.

Oct 03, 2012 at 09:44PM EDT
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Oh dear, Odysseus, how many times do I have to tell you, it’s Peter now? I know you’re in denial, but what happened happened.
-Peter (formerly Penelope)

Sent via my new genitalia.

Oct 03, 2012 at 10:04PM EDT
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Please, ignore my bad entrance into this conversation.
Just delete it, op.
Just delete it.

Oct 03, 2012 at 10:19PM EDT
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Anybody know exactly what me and the ’nauts are supposed to fucking do with fucking Golden fucking Fleece?

I mean, I guess a gold sweater would be #SWAG, but it’s be uncomfortable as shit.

-Jason

Sent from my Argo-Droid.

Oct 04, 2012 at 12:53AM EDT
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Yeah, Polyphemus. There’s Nobody even fucking with you.

Oct 04, 2012 at 03:32PM EDT
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“Walking into another patch of clouds, I’ll find those Gates eventually, gotta trust your own software Steve.”

Sent from my iPhone 4s

Oct 04, 2012 at 03:51PM EDT
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Welp, just got done with the island of the Lotus Eaters.
It’s like the fucking 60s or something in there
Like if woodstock had an island
So yeah, they slipped two of my men something, and now they don’t want to go back home :/.
Ah well. But, I heard that there’s a cyclops who lives nearby, name of Polyphemus! Never seen a cyclops before, so I guess I’ll put that into my navigator and go for it.

Sent from my iPhone 5

Oct 04, 2012 at 04:04PM EDT
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(ITT: Really freaking old copypasta.)

Subject: ATENTION {user_name} TAKE AVANTAGE OF GRATE OFFUR ON AJIAN PHARMISUTICALS!!!!

5ecret f0rmu1as u5ed by 5hang Emper0rs 4 c3ntur1e5 n0w avai1ab1e 2 teh ma55e5!

6reat dea1z 0n:
YAR7SA 6UN8U
P0W-DERD DRAG0N B0N3
NA7URAL 61NSEN6
DRI3D D33R P3NI5
G3NUIEN B4L00T

SATSFACTIUN GARANTIED!!!!
RESPONDING NOW--ARE PRYSES NO LASTT!!!!!

Oct 04, 2012 at 08:16PM EDT
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Hey, Odysseus.

Remember me?

You know, Protesilaus?

The guy with the wife and 6 kids?

The guy who took out a loan on his oikos shortly before the invasion?

The guy whose wife was pregnant?

The guy WHO YOU PROMISED WOULDN’T DIE?!

Thanks for keeping your promise, katapygon.

Sent from the pits of Hades.

Oct 05, 2012 at 12:08AM EDT
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Hey Lady Macbeth,

Shit’s getting pretty real out here. Turns out they pulled branches from Dunsinane as camouflage, so omg the prophecy must coming true. lol. Txt me when dinner’s ready btw.

-Mac

Oct 05, 2012 at 12:17AM EDT
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aeolus reblogged fourwinds:

fourwinds:

lol owned him so hard

#lol #wind #owned so hard

Last edited Oct 05, 2012 at 01:26AM EDT
Oct 05, 2012 at 01:24AM EDT
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So yeah, I arrived on what appeared to be Polyphemus’s island. Seen no cyclopes and it’s been sorta boring, here’s some pics.


OH FUCK FUCK FUCK

DAMMIT THIS WAS POLYP ISLAND WHAT THE FUCK APPLE
Sent from my iPhone 5

Oct 05, 2012 at 03:34PM EDT
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Skeletor-sm

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