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A Message for my Dearest Penelope

Last posted Oct 05, 2012 at 03:34PM EDT. Added Oct 03, 2012 at 03:58PM EDT
24 posts from 17 users

I just finished up with the Trojan War, and am on my way home. I had a funny trick involving a wooden horse, but I’ll tell you when I return. I’ll be on my way momentarily, and expect to see you soon!
All my love,
Odysseus.

Sent from my iPhone 5

Last edited Oct 03, 2012 at 03:58PM EDT

Hey, umm… It’s me, Patroclus… So that was really nice of you and Ajax to guard my dead body and all, but… Why didn’t you just save me beforehand?

Oh well… We can talk about it when we meet in Hades.

By the way, you’re going to Hades.

Sent from my Android.

Patrick wrote:

Hey, umm… It’s me, Patroclus… So that was really nice of you and Ajax to guard my dead body and all, but… Why didn’t you just save me beforehand?

Oh well… We can talk about it when we meet in Hades.

By the way, you’re going to Hades.

Sent from my Android.

Look man, I’m sorry, but you were going fuckin’ crazy out there. Killed 53 guys before Hector got to you, nicely done. I didn’t save you because it seemed like a good idea to stay out of your way, to tell the truth.
Oh, one second, my maps app is beeping, telling me to go to some island. Lotus Eaters, huh? Well, that’s a strange name. brb I guess.

Sent from my iPhone 5

I know, I know… I should have listened to Achilles, but thought I could take down all of Troy… Especially after I had killed Sarpedon… Oh well… May the gods be with you on your journey. I should warn you- don’t eat the fruit of the Lotus-Eaters.

Oh hey guys, where are you?
Apparently my iPhone 5 says that I’m stuck on this island called… New Jersey.
WHAT THE FUCK IS A NEW JERSEY??? I WAS TRYING TO FINDNUR JOYSEA.”
Fuck these maps.
-Lonekulus

Sent from my iPhone 5

Patrick wrote:

Hey, umm… It’s me, Patroclus… So that was really nice of you and Ajax to guard my dead body and all, but… Why didn’t you just save me beforehand?

Oh well… We can talk about it when we meet in Hades.

By the way, you’re going to Hades.

Sent from my Android.

Agamemnon here. Yeah, it sucks. I mean, I make it all the way through this bloody war, then come home, and what happens? I find out some other dude’s been sleeping with my wife, and then they team up and kill me! The nerve of some people.
Sent from my iPad 2.

Welp, just got done with the island of the Lotus Eaters.
It’s like the fucking 60s or something in there
Like if woodstock had an island
So yeah, they slipped two of my men something, and now they don’t want to go back home :/.
Ah well. But, I heard that there’s a cyclops who lives nearby, name of Polyphemus! Never seen a cyclops before, so I guess I’ll put that into my navigator and go for it.

Sent from my iPhone 5

(ITT: Really freaking old copypasta.)

Subject: ATENTION {user_name} TAKE AVANTAGE OF GRATE OFFUR ON AJIAN PHARMISUTICALS!!!!

5ecret f0rmu1as u5ed by 5hang Emper0rs 4 c3ntur1e5 n0w avai1ab1e 2 teh ma55e5!

6reat dea1z 0n:
YAR7SA 6UN8U
P0W-DERD DRAG0N B0N3
NA7URAL 61NSEN6
DRI3D D33R P3NI5
G3NUIEN B4L00T

SATSFACTIUN GARANTIED!!!!
RESPONDING NOW--ARE PRYSES NO LASTT!!!!!

Hey, Odysseus.

Remember me?

You know, Protesilaus?

The guy with the wife and 6 kids?

The guy who took out a loan on his oikos shortly before the invasion?

The guy whose wife was pregnant?

The guy WHO YOU PROMISED WOULDN’T DIE?!

Thanks for keeping your promise, katapygon.

Sent from the pits of Hades.

Hey Lady Macbeth,

Shit’s getting pretty real out here. Turns out they pulled branches from Dunsinane as camouflage, so omg the prophecy must coming true. lol. Txt me when dinner’s ready btw.

-Mac

Skeletor-sm

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