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Comedy Stand-Up Time!

Last posted Dec 08, 2012 at 02:20AM EST. Added Dec 03, 2012 at 10:36PM EST
28 posts from 13 users

It’s time to show how funny you are gentlemen!

Since Demoman’ jokes about F2P are plain boring and stoopid, I need hilarious guys from this very website to amuse the BLUs as the REDs are slowly capping points.
First, raise your hand if you want to participate

You can be the comedian or just post reaction faces or say how good/bad/meh are.
Then I will randomly choose one user. He/she/watever will have time to prepare his/her joke until I post this face:

I DEMAND ENTERTAINMENT!
Every joke gets a point , depending in the amount of positive/negative karma or reaction faces it got. At the end, the guy with better points wins! A misterious prize from another realm!
Raise your hands if you want to achieve fame and honor or just watch the show!

Last edited Dec 03, 2012 at 10:42PM EST
Dec 03, 2012 at 10:36PM EST
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I’m terrible at coming up with jokes so I guess I’ll just be one of the critics. I’ll be interested to see what people come up with.

Last edited Dec 03, 2012 at 10:51PM EST
Dec 03, 2012 at 10:39PM EST
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YNG, The Grey wrote:

I’m terrible at coming up with jokes so I guess I’ll just be one of the critics. I’ll be interested to see what people come up with.

Nah
Karma/ or reaction faces
Gets better, just reaction faces
I better fix that

Dec 03, 2012 at 10:42PM EST
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I did have this routine I came up about working in a facility with handicapped workers. It’s not complete, but I think I can come up with all the voices for the people.

Dec 03, 2012 at 10:54PM EST
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I couldn’t possibly think of an entire routine, but I came up with this joke last week:

Why was the airport so sad when it found out about having cancer?

It was terminal.

Dec 04, 2012 at 12:07AM EST

Anyway for the longest time I didn’t have a twitter, but when I got that twitter app I finally stopped carrying the megaphone. So I can quietly text “I am eating a sandwich” instead of “I AM EATING A SANDWICH!!!” while yelling in a megaphone.

Now for the longest time I thought a bidet was to wash your face with. So while on vacation with a buddy of mine he said this. “I always thought you were ass faced”

Dec 04, 2012 at 12:43AM EST
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Alright, the comedians are ready!
*Adam DeLand
*Dac the non-bender
*Penz0id
*sting_auer
*Ann Hiro
Everyone starts with 1 point
The rest can watch and be one of the critics.
Ann Hiro, you start first! Think your jokes twice and wait for the creeppy face to appear, then you can try to make us laugh/ cry / suicide /etc. Just wait for the creppy face mate

Dec 04, 2012 at 05:17AM EST
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Ladies, gentlemen, welcome to BLU Comedy Stand-Up Club! Tonight, five comedians will try to make all of us laugh as hard as they can, those who manage to make everyone’ lungs hurt from laughing will win points, and bla bla bla, we already explained the rules! Ladies, gentlemen! The first comedian of the night is a veteran KYM user who is addicted to the internet! With 3200 positive karma, an applause for Ann Hiiro!


ENOUGH, I DEMAND ENTERTAINMENT!

Dec 04, 2012 at 08:49AM EST
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Hello My name is Ann “The Epic” Hiro. I stand before you on this glorious evening of merriment, and mirth. Now my very BLU friends I shall start off with a “POW, Ha ha”

--

So is this the line to the bathroom? No? okay. Now have you ever noticed that people who try a.. whats the word? Ah a gimmick, a lot of choose puppets? The one thing I noticed for most of them that the puppet that’s supposed to make children smile are always the angry motherfucker?
Well with the phrase “up the butt” happens every time you see sunlight. I’d be an angry motherfucker as well, or they have termites, either one.

Dec 04, 2012 at 01:26PM EST
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Ok, A kid is walking to school when an older man jumps out at him and whispers two words in his ear, “purple box”, then keels over and dies. Perplexed, the kid continues his walk to school. he meets up with a friend and shares the story. His friend asks, “Wh-What did the man say?” and the kid says again, “purple box.” His runs screaming down the hall, and a teacher comes up to him and demands to know what just happened. The kid tells her his story and she says, “Go to the Principal’s office! I’m sure he would like to know what you just said!” The kid goes to the Principal’s office, and repeats the story again, “and then the man just said to me, ‘purple box’! I don’t know what it means!” and the principal says, “Sure you don’t! You are hereby expelled! go home!” so he goes home and mom asks him why he’s home so early. he tells his mom what happened earlier that day and she sends him to his room, saying, “You stay there until your father gets home!” After a few hours, his father arrives, and shortly after walks up to his son’s room, and asks him, “So, what happened?” The kid repeats his story, and the father says, “Ok, I’m going to go withdraw $3500 from the bank. you can have it. When I get home, You had better be packed, because you’re out of here!” The kid leaves and takes a plan over to Europe, where he used to live. While on the plane, the pilot asks him why such a young kid needs to go to Europe by himself. He repeats his story, and pilot tells him, “There’s a parachute in the back of this plane, and an inflatable raft! you’re out!” The kid lands near a deserted island, so he rows to it, and meets an old hermit. The hermit asks him what happened to him. The kid tells his story, “I was walking to school, and a man jumped at me, said purple box, then died. I told my friend, he got scared, ran, and a teacher asked what happened, i told her, i was sent to the principal, I told him, I was expelled. I told my mom, I was sent to my room. I told my dad, I was kicked out. I told a pilot, I was kicked out of the plane. So here I am.” The hermit says, "I’ll tell you what. there’s a raft on the edge of this island. ride west, and eventually you will arrive in New York. Go to the building on the corner of the first street you see. look south, and your questions will be answered. So the kid rides the raft for two weeks, and arrives in New York. He sees the building, rushes to the top, and looks south. He sees A sign that reads, “Purple Box!” with an arrow pointing down, so the kid rushes down stairs and across the street, where he is struck by a car and dies instantaneously.

The moral of the story?
Look both ways before crossing the street.

Dec 04, 2012 at 03:32PM EST
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Wait yo turn!
wait a minute…
Bitch you ain’t even on the list.

Last edited Dec 04, 2012 at 03:54PM EST
Dec 04, 2012 at 03:42PM EST
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404 user not found wrote:

Ok, A kid is walking to school when an older man jumps out at him and whispers two words in his ear, “purple box”, then keels over and dies. Perplexed, the kid continues his walk to school. he meets up with a friend and shares the story. His friend asks, “Wh-What did the man say?” and the kid says again, “purple box.” His runs screaming down the hall, and a teacher comes up to him and demands to know what just happened. The kid tells her his story and she says, “Go to the Principal’s office! I’m sure he would like to know what you just said!” The kid goes to the Principal’s office, and repeats the story again, “and then the man just said to me, ‘purple box’! I don’t know what it means!” and the principal says, “Sure you don’t! You are hereby expelled! go home!” so he goes home and mom asks him why he’s home so early. he tells his mom what happened earlier that day and she sends him to his room, saying, “You stay there until your father gets home!” After a few hours, his father arrives, and shortly after walks up to his son’s room, and asks him, “So, what happened?” The kid repeats his story, and the father says, “Ok, I’m going to go withdraw $3500 from the bank. you can have it. When I get home, You had better be packed, because you’re out of here!” The kid leaves and takes a plan over to Europe, where he used to live. While on the plane, the pilot asks him why such a young kid needs to go to Europe by himself. He repeats his story, and pilot tells him, “There’s a parachute in the back of this plane, and an inflatable raft! you’re out!” The kid lands near a deserted island, so he rows to it, and meets an old hermit. The hermit asks him what happened to him. The kid tells his story, “I was walking to school, and a man jumped at me, said purple box, then died. I told my friend, he got scared, ran, and a teacher asked what happened, i told her, i was sent to the principal, I told him, I was expelled. I told my mom, I was sent to my room. I told my dad, I was kicked out. I told a pilot, I was kicked out of the plane. So here I am.” The hermit says, "I’ll tell you what. there’s a raft on the edge of this island. ride west, and eventually you will arrive in New York. Go to the building on the corner of the first street you see. look south, and your questions will be answered. So the kid rides the raft for two weeks, and arrives in New York. He sees the building, rushes to the top, and looks south. He sees A sign that reads, “Purple Box!” with an arrow pointing down, so the kid rushes down stairs and across the street, where he is struck by a car and dies instantaneously.

The moral of the story?
Look both ways before crossing the street.


>Not your turn
>You are not even in the list
Wait for the next round mate, let Ann Hiro shine a bit…

Dec 04, 2012 at 04:33PM EST
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404 user not found wrote:

Ok, A kid is walking to school when an older man jumps out at him and whispers two words in his ear, “purple box”, then keels over and dies. Perplexed, the kid continues his walk to school. he meets up with a friend and shares the story. His friend asks, “Wh-What did the man say?” and the kid says again, “purple box.” His runs screaming down the hall, and a teacher comes up to him and demands to know what just happened. The kid tells her his story and she says, “Go to the Principal’s office! I’m sure he would like to know what you just said!” The kid goes to the Principal’s office, and repeats the story again, “and then the man just said to me, ‘purple box’! I don’t know what it means!” and the principal says, “Sure you don’t! You are hereby expelled! go home!” so he goes home and mom asks him why he’s home so early. he tells his mom what happened earlier that day and she sends him to his room, saying, “You stay there until your father gets home!” After a few hours, his father arrives, and shortly after walks up to his son’s room, and asks him, “So, what happened?” The kid repeats his story, and the father says, “Ok, I’m going to go withdraw $3500 from the bank. you can have it. When I get home, You had better be packed, because you’re out of here!” The kid leaves and takes a plan over to Europe, where he used to live. While on the plane, the pilot asks him why such a young kid needs to go to Europe by himself. He repeats his story, and pilot tells him, “There’s a parachute in the back of this plane, and an inflatable raft! you’re out!” The kid lands near a deserted island, so he rows to it, and meets an old hermit. The hermit asks him what happened to him. The kid tells his story, “I was walking to school, and a man jumped at me, said purple box, then died. I told my friend, he got scared, ran, and a teacher asked what happened, i told her, i was sent to the principal, I told him, I was expelled. I told my mom, I was sent to my room. I told my dad, I was kicked out. I told a pilot, I was kicked out of the plane. So here I am.” The hermit says, "I’ll tell you what. there’s a raft on the edge of this island. ride west, and eventually you will arrive in New York. Go to the building on the corner of the first street you see. look south, and your questions will be answered. So the kid rides the raft for two weeks, and arrives in New York. He sees the building, rushes to the top, and looks south. He sees A sign that reads, “Purple Box!” with an arrow pointing down, so the kid rushes down stairs and across the street, where he is struck by a car and dies instantaneously.

The moral of the story?
Look both ways before crossing the street.


That hurt my head, first of all.
Second of all, you’re causing more pain to me than I was already feeling right now.

Dec 05, 2012 at 02:12AM EST
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Alright, since some faceless Spy ruined Hiro’ routine, the first user to post on this thread gets his/her chance to make a joke.

Dec 05, 2012 at 04:52PM EST
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Shh..There’s no need to be upset Hiro…Just keep following the lights until you see [EXIT] sign.
Don’t worry at last…you tried right?

Dec 05, 2012 at 10:39PM EST
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I guess I’ll put a joke…

Why did the chicken cross the road?

You really want to know why, huh?

Well, the chicken’s parents, both mother and father, were brutally murdered and decapitated to be served as feed for the humans. His brothers and sisters shared the same fate, while the others laughed and laughed at their heads flipping out from being severed from their bodies. He had some friends, who’d met the same destiny of being served on a silver platter…

He wanted to end all this pain…

He decided to run away from the flock in order to end his suffering. No one wanted him there.
No one…
He stumbled across the plains, being insulted and pestered by the animals who called that place home.
This is when he discovers the black asphalt lying there.

Waiting for him…

As he watched the cars and trucks shoot by him, not giving a care for his existence, he comes up with a brilliant plan that will end this for good.
The animals that had insulted, beaten, pestered him begged him to not do such a thing.

He shunned their apologies, believing they were nothing but bull shit.
Then he crossed the road…

A car and a truck passed by the animals, leaving only a red mist and a pile of feathers in their wake.

The animals followed his actions, and the

Oh wait, you wanted an actual joke?

Quick, what’s the number for 911?

Last edited Dec 06, 2012 at 01:19AM EST
Dec 05, 2012 at 10:59PM EST
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Lone K.K. Slider wrote:


That hurt my head, first of all.
Second of all, you’re causing more pain to me than I was already feeling right now.

Then my work here is done.

Dec 05, 2012 at 11:25PM EST
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Excuse me, I believe I requested the rimjob.

On to topic: So this couple walks into a talent agent’s office….

Dec 07, 2012 at 12:00AM EST
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Skeletor-sm

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