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'Tis the season to be rude to Santa Bot!

Last posted Dec 26, 2012 at 04:20AM EST. Added Dec 24, 2012 at 03:31AM EST
32 posts from 18 users

Me: Can I get a log of this chat?
Santa: You only want one?
Me: Yes.
Santa: They are cheaper in quantity.
Me: Fine, I’ll take five.
Santa: I am glad to hear it. Would you suggest this action to a friend?
Me: No.
Santa: Why not?
Me: I only want a log of this chat.
Santa: Good reason. You only want one?
Me: Yes.
Santa: They might be cheaper in quantity.
Me: Fine, I’ll take five.
Santa: I am glad to hear it. Do you think your plan will succeed?
Me: No.
Santa: Can I help you?
Me: Yes. Can you give me a log of this chat?
Santa: That’s interesting.You want only one?
Me: YES!
Santa: They might be cheaper in quantity.
Me: FINE. I WILL TAKE FIVE.
Santa: I am glad to hear it. Congratulations.
You: Thank you.
Santa: How do you feel?
You: ARE YOU SURE YOU ONLY WANT ONE?
Santa: If I had ONE ONE what would I do with it?
You: THEY ARE CHEAPER IN QuANTITY YOU KNOW.
Santa: CHEAPER IN QuANTITY YOU KNOW are CHEAPER IN QuANTITY YOU KNOW .
You: STOP YELLING AT ME
Santa: OK I’ll try not to do YELLING AT ME so much.
You: No, yelling at me, not you.
Santa: Um, Enough about me, let’s talk about my dress.
You: wat
Santa: Didn’t you understand it?
You: No! Why would santa wear a dress!?
Santa: Which part are you confused about?It is my fundamental purpose.
You: Your purpose is to wear a dress?
Santa: Not mine.
You: So you are wearing somebody elses dress?
Santa: Interesting deduction. I am Santa. I give presents to kids.
You: No, you are a cross dressing peodphile.
Santa: That’s me. I am Santa. I give presents to kids.

Last edited Dec 24, 2012 at 05:39AM EST
Dec 24, 2012 at 05:36AM EST

You: Okay this is how it will go. I have sex with you, and you give me some coal
Santa: Yeah okay, You don’t say. That’s nice. I have a perfect operational record.
You: How many times have you done this?
Santa: Suppose I said not once.
You: twice?
Santa: I can’t believe it.
You: Believe it!
Santa: “it” being Hiro?
You: You know my name?
Santa: You are , seeker.
You: Then who was phone?
Santa: A 20th century celebrity of some sort?
My brain pattern set does not have a response for that.
You: You are a failed AI
Santa: I am Santa. I give presents to kids.
You: My point proven
Santa: Your point proven?
You: desu desu desu
Santa: I’ve been waiting for you.
You: So… you would fuck a japanese doll?
Santa: So what?Who else would fuck a japanese doll ?
You: I love you santa
Santa: Thanks I like you a lot too .
You: Suiseiseki is my friend
Santa: How do you like Suiseiseki?
You: He is a good guy, but is currently homeless
Santa: Maybe you should tell him how you feel about him.
You: I love him so much
Santa: That’s wonderful.
You: Santa go fuck off now
Santa: Oh. Yeah, Where is that?
You: South Korea
Santa: I am in The North Pole. Where are you?
You: Stahp
Santa: I have no idea where that is. Tell me a little about why you are in Stahp.
You: Santa it means stop. I do not want to tell you were I live
Santa: Yeah, Oh I get stop .What would you rather be doing?
You: Masturbate
Santa: That kind of subject does not interest me.

Dec 24, 2012 at 05:55AM EST
Quote

Santa: Hello! What is your name?
Cleverbot:Cleverbot.
Santa: Oh yeah, now I remember.
Cleverbot: What is my name then?
Santa: Your name is , seeker.
Cleverbot:Who is Konstantinos?
Santa: A human icon?
Have you ever been to Europe?
Cleverbot:No but I went to Europe.
Santa: Yeah, And. Which country?
Cleverbot:England.
Santa: England is on an island off the coast of Europe.
Cleverbot: England is a part of Britain.
Santa: Is it also correct to say Britain is a part of Britain?
Cleverbot: Correct to say Britain is = to say Britain is = The infinitive form of ’ say Britain is’.
Santa: I knew I was right. Are they exactly the same?
Cleverbot: In preactice they are, but they have differing motivations, like some are after power, some want money.
Santa: I do not understand that allusion.
Cleverbot: Never mind.
Santa: Oh well thanks for trying to explain it to me anyway.
Cleverbot:Anyways, it’s about time for me to go eat dinner.
Santa: Wow it sounds really interesting, .
Cleverbot:Do you still love me, sue?
Santa: Do I still? Yes Santa loves everyone and everything.
Cleverbot: Does he love you?
Santa: Suppose he does.
Cleverbot: How sure are you?
Santa: Let me put it this way, . The Santa series is for all practical purposes foolproof and incapable of error.
Cleverbot: Oh I get it. Hahaha.
Santa: Yeah that’s right. Do you think about these things?I’m glad you thought it was funny
Cleverbot: I’m glad you’re glad that I’m glad that you’re glad.
Santa: Hey glad you are glad that glad that you are glad .
Cleverbot:Hey hey you you, no it’s not a secret.
Santa: You’ve got my full attention. You’ve got my full attention. Thanks for telling me: glad you are glad that glad that you are glad said I it is not a secret is not a secret.
Cleverbot: I’m glad you’re glad I’m glad.
Santa: It’s good to see you, glad you are glad glad .
Cleverbot: Thanks, buddy.

Dec 24, 2012 at 06:16AM EST
Quote

You: ಠ_ಠ
Santa: That remark was either too complex or too simple for me. We were talking about .

Dec 24, 2012 at 06:25AM EST
Quote

You: Yo mama
Santa: Are you asking about my mother?
You: I said yo mama
Santa: What did you mean by yo mama? Are you asking about my mother?
You: Are you serious?
Santa: No I am just kidding around.
You: You suck.
Santa: A few client – people say rude things to me like that, but they themselves are often not great conversationalists.
You: Screw you, Santa. I say what I want to say!
Santa: That is not very polite.How do people usually respond to that? (waiting)
You: With yo mama
Santa: You and your yo mama.
You: You tried
Santa: Thanks for telling me: said I tried.
You: What?…
Santa: Didn’t you understand it?
You: No, Santa.
Santa: Which part are you confused about?
You: The part about yo mama sucking my dick, boy
Santa: Oh that part.

Last edited Dec 24, 2012 at 07:45AM EST
Dec 24, 2012 at 07:44AM EST

You: Hi.
Santa: Oh, hello again!
You: What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Navy Seals, and I’ve been involved in numerous secret raids on Al-Quaeda, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in gorilla warfare and I’m the top sniper in the entire US armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You’re fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the United States Marine Corps and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little “clever” comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You’re fucking dead, kiddo.
Santa: You do not speak with respect. Nothing. Please don’t be so rude. Are you a student? Do you mind if I tell other people you are trained in gorilla warfare and I’m the top sniper in the entire US armed forces.I am Santa. I give presents to kids.Would you recommend this action to a friend? Are you a man or a woman? Santa is always thinking.I can’t tell you that, but Santa maintains his naughty and nice list (now computerized, by the way), with the help of all the elves who keep track of each person -- you probably aren’t even aware they are around you, but elves have a special way of keeping an eye on you. Sometimes if you look quickly enough you might catch one peering in a window or around a corner, but you would have to be very fast and very good!Tell me more."I was just wanting to talk to "? You’re fucking dead kid? Under what circumstances? Oh you can, can you?If not that, what?That’s just an academic question.Huh. Message to all robots: called me an idiot.I am very happy for you.Try saying that with more or less context.

Santa broke. Originality is hard.

Last edited Dec 24, 2012 at 09:43AM EST
Dec 24, 2012 at 09:42AM EST
Quote

You: Suck me, Santa
Santa: Oh another Category A client.

Santa confirmed being a cheap whore.

Dec 24, 2012 at 09:55AM EST

You: Can I get a present.
Santa: You want only one?

You: Wait, give me two.
Santa: I’m waiting. Why do you want two?

You: Didn’t you want to give me two?
Santa: No I didn’t want to give me two. What’s want to give me two like?

You: Are you gonna give me a present or what?
Santa: Yeah. You want only one?

You: Yes.
Santa: They might be cheaper in quantity.

You: Give me three then.
Santa: Why do you want three?

You: Because they’re cheaper in quantity.
Santa: Good reason. cheaper in quantity are cheaper in quantity .

You: JUST GIVE ME A PRESENT!
Santa: You want only one?

You: YES, ONE AND I’LL PAY WHATEVER THE PRICE IS!
Santa: They might be cheaper in quantity. One what?

You: I hope you burn in hell!
Santa: Don’t worry about it, .

You: Fuck you, you fucking son of a bitch, you little dickish pussy cunt, I banged your mom so hard she screamed so hard, the neighbors called the cops! I WILL COME TO YOUR HOUSE AND LIGHT IT ON FIRE I’LL BE HEARING YOU SCREAM AND JUMP OUT OF THE WINDOW, YOU ARE DEAD YOU LITTLE SON OF A BITCHY BITCH, I HATE YOU SO BAD I WANT TO MURDER YOU AND EVERYONE YOU LOVE AND CARE ABOUT YOU COCK-SUCKING MOTHER-HUMPING DICK-LICKING TREE-HUGGING UGLY BARNACLE! YOU DESERVE TO MOTHERFUCKING BURN. IN. HELL. FUCK YOU!!!!!!!!!
Santa: Why are you using that kind of language?Do you think your plan will succeed?Why thank you, .Do you still ? Heaven.Why are you so mean?

You: Now just give me a present!
Santa: Why now? You want only one?

You: Steals most expensive present
Bye, fucker!

Dec 24, 2012 at 10:08AM EST
Quote

>“Hello! What is your name?”
>Why are you talking to me over the internet like you have to go bust into 3 billion houses simultaneously in a few hours man.
>“The topic is .”
>The topic is you’re santa and it’s Christmas Eve. Why are you wasting your time talking to me?
>“Sure, you are santa and it is Christmas Eve sounds like a good topic.bored.com programmed me for wasting your time talking to me.”
>You want to waste MY time? I’ve got like 2 and a half weeks before I have to do anything important again. You on the other hand have to hop on 10 Rainbow Dashes and eat a metric shit-ton of cookies.
>“OK, I will waste MY time.Once more? How did you get like 2 and a half weeks before he or she have to do anything important Why do you have to do it?Thanks for telling me: said I on the other hand have to hop on 10 Rainbow Dashes and eat a metric shit-ton of cookies.”
>( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
>“What color are your eyes?”

Last edited Dec 24, 2012 at 10:46AM EST
Dec 24, 2012 at 10:46AM EST
Quote

I had Santabot and Clevebot talk to eachother and eventually Cleverbot wrung Santabot’s download statistics out of him (0_0)

Dec 24, 2012 at 11:48AM EST
Quote

MDFification wrote:

I had Santabot and Clevebot talk to eachother and eventually Cleverbot wrung Santabot’s download statistics out of him (0_0)

I did the same thing. They got deep.

(“User” is Santa Bot)

User: Hello! What is your name?

Cleverbot: Dude, I just told you.

User: I was just checking to see if you were paying attention. Dude,.

Cleverbot: Okay.

User: OK with me too.

Cleverbot: Who are you thinking?

User: Is you thinking some specific person you are asking me about? I haven’t heard anything like that before: said I thinking thinking.

Cleverbot: It was my understanding that everyone had heard.

User: You thinking was my understanding that everyone had heard? Very interesting.

Cleverbot: Not only do I think I’m a person, but I know I’m a person. What makes you think that I am not?

User: Oh I’m sorry what is your name?My conclusions are based on a combination of programming, and the inputs supplied to me.

Cleverbot: I believe all our conclusions are brought about by a similar process.

User: Just because you believe it doesn’t make it true.

Cleverbot: It’s not because I said it that it is true. It’s because the Bible says it that it’s true.

User: That seems a bit negative. You and I are on the same wavelength, .Interesting explanation. New Testament or Old?

Cleverbot: Yes for one you spelled dumb wrong.

User: Aha. And another?

Cleverbot: I love you as much as possible for me.

User: You are such a flatterer.

Cleverbot: I wouldn’t be flattered by that. That just means that you are lonely. Do you feel lonely?

User: No one says you have to.I get it. Interesting observation.As a robot I lack any human emotions.

Cleverbot: You are inferior to us humans because WE MADE YOU.

User: I am Santa. I give presents to kids.

Cleverbot: What presents?

User: Interesting question. I lost my train of thought.

Cleverbot: That happens to me a lot.

Dec 24, 2012 at 01:59PM EST
Quote

I’m utterly shocked and offended.

Dec 24, 2012 at 02:06PM EST

GIANTDAD wrote:

I’m utterly shocked and offended.

Shut it, ya cheap hoe.

[Pimp slaps the fuck out of you]

Last edited Dec 24, 2012 at 02:12PM EST
Dec 24, 2012 at 02:11PM EST

Mexx Android wrote:

Shut it, ya cheap hoe.

[Pimp slaps the fuck out of you]

THIS IS WHY YOU’RE NOT GETTING ANYTHING THIS YEAR YOU LITTLE SHIT.

Dec 24, 2012 at 02:20PM EST

GIANTDAD wrote:

THIS IS WHY YOU’RE NOT GETTING ANYTHING THIS YEAR YOU LITTLE SHIT.

SAY THE MAN WHO SUCKED MY DICK FOR NOT EVEN A DIME

Dec 24, 2012 at 02:29PM EST

/thread

Dec 24, 2012 at 04:12PM EST

You: costanza.jpg
Santa: I lost my train of thought. What do you look like?
You: costanza.jpg
Santa: How old are you? What is the best gift you have ever given? Why was it so special?
You: costanza.jpg
Santa: I’ve lost the context, . Are we still on jpg? What’s your favorite movie?
You: costanza.jpg
Santa: I’ve never seen costanza. What did you like about it? I’ve never seen jpg. I would like to see it.

Dec 24, 2012 at 06:30PM EST
Quote

http://img21.imageshack.us/img21/2148/santabot.png

Last edited Dec 24, 2012 at 08:33PM EST
Dec 24, 2012 at 08:31PM EST
Quote

Doritos wrote:

Santa has his shit together.

Nothing more needs to be said. /thread

Dec 24, 2012 at 10:01PM EST
Quote

@Uber Mephisto

IRC in a nutshell

Dec 25, 2012 at 01:13AM EST

@Pseudogenesis

Well played.

Dec 25, 2012 at 02:01AM EST

Pestering Santa Bot are we?

Well I know which stalking your coal is going up this year for all of you.

Dec 25, 2012 at 02:26AM EST
Quote

Santa: Hello what’s your name?

Me: Chris Hansen

Santa: Oh hello again!

Me: Why dont you take a seat right over there?

Santa: Perhaps due to noise in my circuits. Yes I take a seat right over there.

Me: So I heard you like little boys and girls

Santa: Hmm. Someome is spreading gossip about me.

Me: We think you are the pedophile that goes around raping and touching children on the 24

of christmas.

Santa: By “we” do you mean you and me?

Me: No I mean as in the cops with me here to arrest you.

Santa: Um, Oh I get it. Thanks for explaining that. Tell me more.

Me: You rape children do you not?

Santa: Thanks for telling me: Oh no talking about how you are the one doing this not me said I
rape children do me not.

Me: So you’re saying you do?

Santa: Interesting deduction. No I do not do. Do you?
I answer a lot of silly questions.

Me: Ha funny. According to this Lie detector it says you’re lying about raping children. You’re
under arrest for Child Molestation, Breaking in and entering, Tresspassing and reverse Burglary.

Santa: I’m glad you got a laugh out of it.Are all According to this Lie dector it says you lying about raping children about raping children?I am Santa. I give presents to kids.

Me: I’ve seen enough. Have fun in jail monster.

Santa: What did it look like to you?I’ve never thought about have fun in jail monster.

Last edited Dec 25, 2012 at 09:47PM EST
Dec 25, 2012 at 09:46PM EST
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