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What is/was the weirdest thing a teacher at school said to you/your class?

Last posted Feb 16, 2013 at 09:37PM EST. Added Jan 28, 2013 at 04:57AM EST
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I had a teacher a while back for English, and they always used to invite their friends into the classroom and talk while we did a test silently, so it was very hard to concentrate whilst trying to take notes of their conversations at what I believe was called the “Stitch and Bitch”. Anyway, We were taking a test and suddenly they turned to the topic of lesbians wanting a kid, and just keep in mind this was a classroom full of Year 9’ers. Everyone was sniggering and holding in laughing when suddenly we heard. “Yeah, they couldn’t get the sperm across the border” “WHAT, THEY COULDN’T GET THE SPERM?” (The teacher usually forgot she was in a Year 9 class and said the darnedest things). Everyone cracked up laughing, and she just handed her ID card in and left for the week.

Rukario wrote:

I had a teacher a while back for English, and they always used to invite their friends into the classroom and talk while we did a test silently, so it was very hard to concentrate whilst trying to take notes of their conversations at what I believe was called the “Stitch and Bitch”. Anyway, We were taking a test and suddenly they turned to the topic of lesbians wanting a kid, and just keep in mind this was a classroom full of Year 9’ers. Everyone was sniggering and holding in laughing when suddenly we heard. “Yeah, they couldn’t get the sperm across the border” “WHAT, THEY COULDN’T GET THE SPERM?” (The teacher usually forgot she was in a Year 9 class and said the darnedest things). Everyone cracked up laughing, and she just handed her ID card in and left for the week.

I’m not too sure why this was downvoted 9 times…

Wait, you said ‘year 9’?

It’s not quite what a teacher said, as much as he did.

I said the whole “That shocking moment when you realize that nature sounds are animals trying to get laid” thing, but instead of getting reprimanded, or detention…

He laughed. HARD. And proceeded to congratulate me.

Needless to say, he was one of those very pessimistic, “crude” sort of teachers.

what my science teacher said to a student who gives everyone problems (no homework/talks in class/bully/etc)

“You know, the reason leaded petrol was banned from use was because it caused retardation in children. So what’s your excuse?”

量子 Meme wrote:

I’m not too sure why this was downvoted 9 times…

Wait, you said ‘year 9’?

Yeah, I’m in some sort of university/tafe thing now.. why?

Rukario wrote:

Yeah, I’m in some sort of university/tafe thing now.. why?

It’s just that in England, in Primary school, we have years 1-6 then in Secondary, 7-11 (And then onto A-levels 12-13) and I got confused at how you said you were in year 9, considering I don’t believe you’re British at all.

6th grade, we had a school project about the act of human reproduction i.e. sex, and then my teacher said:
“If you can’t write until Monday, I will also accept video tapes of said acts of reproduction.”

Last edited Feb 03, 2013 at 10:20PM EST

量子 Meme wrote:

It’s just that in England, in Primary school, we have years 1-6 then in Secondary, 7-11 (And then onto A-levels 12-13) and I got confused at how you said you were in year 9, considering I don’t believe you’re British at all.

I’m australian, dude.

Okay, got a good one. Senior year of high school I was in Physics. My teacher was very amusing, but having him the last period of the day I probably didn’t see him at his funniest or happiest. Anyway, still managed a lot of good fun.

One day a girl walked in (you could only get into a class room through our classrom since it used to be a storage closet they turned into a classroom cause the school was large and wasn’t designed to handle quiet as many advanced math and science classes as we had there) in a full pink sequin dress. My physics teacher was a rather tall and big boned guy (not fat, but larger than average). Anyway, as she walked in she apologized for interrupting (it was about 10 minutes into class) and walked in to the other room, he turned and stopped teaching to stare at her while she walked into the other room. About 5 seconds after she closed the door he turned around and in about the gayest voice he could manage (not too good at voices at all) he said “Oh my god, I was going to wear that same dress today, that would have been SOOOO embarrassing.” The whole damn class laughed, mainly because of who the girl was, but I’m not gonna go into that.

Dorito5 wrote:

Okay, got a good one. Senior year of high school I was in Physics. My teacher was very amusing, but having him the last period of the day I probably didn’t see him at his funniest or happiest. Anyway, still managed a lot of good fun.

One day a girl walked in (you could only get into a class room through our classrom since it used to be a storage closet they turned into a classroom cause the school was large and wasn’t designed to handle quiet as many advanced math and science classes as we had there) in a full pink sequin dress. My physics teacher was a rather tall and big boned guy (not fat, but larger than average). Anyway, as she walked in she apologized for interrupting (it was about 10 minutes into class) and walked in to the other room, he turned and stopped teaching to stare at her while she walked into the other room. About 5 seconds after she closed the door he turned around and in about the gayest voice he could manage (not too good at voices at all) he said “Oh my god, I was going to wear that same dress today, that would have been SOOOO embarrassing.” The whole damn class laughed, mainly because of who the girl was, but I’m not gonna go into that.

I lol’d

“I live alone on top of a mountain, with a pack of wolves.” – as she casually sips a cup of catnip enhanced coffee

She then proceeded to talk to her plants for about 10minutes, thus walked out of the classroom to her car, pulled out a sleeping bag, brought it back to the classroom, and finished the session by sleeping in the middle of the floor

/an-average-day-@-music-class

Last edited Feb 07, 2013 at 04:32PM EST

“I wanna be a cowboy, baby.” (a la Kid Rock)
 
This coming from my middle school gifted teacher who, very well, may be the most deadpan person I’ve met without being ridiculous.

She was one of those teachers who was strict and demanded perfection, because she actually expected excellence from her students. We had her for 2-3 years in middle school, but I didn’t really appreciate how she worked us until that last year.

She totally helped me be a better student in high school.

This happened a few days ago, and yesterday….

We have this one teacher that helps in my third period Lit. Class, I’ll call her Ms. L…

A few days ago, after 5th, I was talking about rockets after watching October Sky. One of my friends was like “I know! Let’s make some Russian rocket with a nuke and sh*t”, and I’m like “No man! We ain’t workin’ for the Reds, this ain’t the 1950’s!”, and out of nowhere, Ms. L appears and says (very loudly) “Yes it is.”

Her voice sounded rather serious, and even had a tinge of anger to it. She also looked dead serious, and even a little angry. Me and my friends just went quiet and acted like nothing happened.

Yesterday, on my way to 2nd-period World History, I was walking in the hall, and it was crowded. Ms. L was walking RIGHT UP BEHIND ME. Like this was some “Get back, get back, you don’t know me like that” kind of close, and she accidentally stepped on the back of my shoes. I’m a chill person, and my sneakers are like, two years old anyway, so I say “It’s cool, no problem.”

She said, “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to do that……”, and then she (almost yelling) said, “Actually, nevermind, I meant to do that! Yea, I actually meant to step on your shoe, I did it on purpose.”, in a serious, almost angry tone again. She then walked away as if nothing happened.

She creeps me out. One of my friends joked that she was a cougar…..I’m a teenager…..oh god….

me: ur a faget
teacher: What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Navy Seals, and I’ve been involved in numerous secret raids on Al-Quaeda, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in gorilla warfare and I’m the top sniper in the entire US armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You’re fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the United States Marine Corps and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little “clever” comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You’re fucking dead, kiddo.

Skeletor-sm

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