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Creative Deaths!

Last posted May 24, 2013 at 10:15PM EDT. Added Apr 03, 2013 at 12:54AM EDT
223 posts from 51 users

OK! New thread idea! I had this thought about some of the weirdest ways to go, and then this thread was born. How this will work is one user will post a concrete (real, physical) item (no abstract items), and the next user will post a weird, inventive, or just plain stupid way to die by said item, and then they post another item, and so on…
User 1: My Item: Computers
User 2: Death by overlogging!

My Item: Umbrellas.

Without further ado, let’s begin!
My Item: Paper
(P.S.: If you use gruesome photos or GIFs for deaths, please use spoilers. Thank you.)

Last edited Apr 03, 2013 at 01:08AM EDT
Apr 03, 2013 at 12:54AM EDT

Severe loss of blood by thousands upon thousands of paper cuts.

My Item: Stick of deodorant

Apr 03, 2013 at 01:01AM EDT

Hyperthermia from inability to cool your own body because of sweat blockage.

alarm clock.

Apr 03, 2013 at 01:19AM EDT

Murder- it rings too close to your ears, making you deaf, which means you go back to sleep and don’t wake up when a sociopath runs to your bed until he has already stabbed you in the heart.

Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup

Apr 03, 2013 at 01:29AM EDT

Swallow without chewing and start choking. Can’t dislodge it because I’m too busy fingering my butt hole.

Apr 03, 2013 at 01:37AM EDT

Dac wrote:

Swallow without chewing and start choking. Can’t dislodge it because I’m too busy fingering my butt hole.

…Um, what’s your item?

Apr 03, 2013 at 02:04AM EDT

Laud Piestrings wrote:

…Um, what’s your item?

What’s your item?

Anyway, in hopes of saving the thread from derailment:

My item: RC car.

Apr 03, 2013 at 02:34AM EDT

What kind of RC car?

If it’s full size: You accidentally drive it into your ankle at full speed and you aren’t wearing shoes. The severe lacerations to your foot get infected and you die of septicemia

If it’s a mini one: You step on it (again, barefooted), causing you to fall down the stairs and break your neck. And that’s why you pick up your toys, kids.

My item: An ornamental garden lantern

Last edited Apr 03, 2013 at 02:46AM EDT
Apr 03, 2013 at 02:42AM EDT

Death by beam of light that hits your eyes, causing you to blindly walk the streets, step on gum, get stuck, and get run over… by a steamroller!

My Item: Model Airplane

Last edited Apr 03, 2013 at 02:48AM EDT
Apr 03, 2013 at 02:44AM EDT

Must have been a pretty awesome candle in that lantern.

Anyway, you are assembling the model airplane when suddenly you start getting high from the model glue. You like it so much that you turn into a glue sniffer and gradually sniff your way to fatal chemical poisoning

My item: A small round shirt button.

Apr 03, 2013 at 02:49AM EDT

Nice thread idea. Wonder where it came from…


Apr 03, 2013 at 02:50AM EDT

OK… I’ll answer BSOD’s death call then.
Think fast!!!

Death by button striking your eye and into your spinal cord (somehow).

My Item: alex is old school

Apr 03, 2013 at 02:55AM EDT


You somehow manage to choke on it. You mistook it for a Chips Ahoy! cookie.

My item: Laptop

Apr 03, 2013 at 02:56AM EDT


You refer to Alex Mercer. Bringing his attention to you was a bad idea. He consumes you for health points.

@Lone K

Your laptop was a mid 2000 era Dell model. The battery explodes while the laptop is on your crotch. You die to fatal groin wounds

My Item: A portable USB hard drive

Apr 03, 2013 at 02:58AM EDT

Death by being mugged thinking there is pizza in the box.

My item. A cup of sweet, and sour sauce.

Apr 03, 2013 at 04:48AM EDT

The sauce is so sweet it gives you diabeetus, you will die eventually.
My item: A couple of delicious bananas

Apr 03, 2013 at 05:08AM EDT

You drop a banana peel and manage to slip on it later. And just like Lone K; you fall down the worlds most conveniently placed set of stairs, breaking your neck and landing right next to Lone K’s body.

My Item: A pencil case.

Apr 03, 2013 at 06:04AM EDT

In your boredom, you start chewing on the pencil case. You accidentally swallow it and you slowly choke to death.

My item: A pint glass.

Apr 03, 2013 at 07:38AM EDT

You are walking down the streets with some friend (girlfriend if possible) when suddenly a group of thugs appear out of nowhere and they surround you. Their “leader” pulls out a knife and demands yo money, but then, you remember the Knife scene from Cocodrile Dundee
“Is that a knife? Now THIS is a kni-”
In your pathetic attempts to look awesome, you accidently cut yourself with the machete…You quickly bleed to death…

My item: This thread!

Apr 03, 2013 at 10:18AM EDT

You read the banana death and decide to eat some. You don’t find a garbage can in miles, so you decide to drop them. After all, they’re not that bad for planet Earth. A couple of hours later, it’s dark and you’re walking back, and you slip and break your skull and die.
BTW, this thread now has its song.

My item: Bandages.

Apr 03, 2013 at 11:06AM EDT

You get a small cut and then you put bandages on it… however this bandages were not new, they were already carrying some kind of flesh-eating bacteria and you die slowly and painfully.

My item: A standard lego brick, 2 × 8 in color red.

Last edited Apr 03, 2013 at 11:19AM EDT
Apr 03, 2013 at 11:18AM EDT

A bull saw the red lego and…

My item: A medigun.
Apr 03, 2013 at 11:24AM EDT

Step on said lego brick so hard it penetrates into the bone at the heel, up into the bottom of the joint between the ankle and the leg. Die a few days later from blood poisoning from the brick, as well as some bone marrow hitting your heart. Yes, you died from both things simultaneously.

My item: Coffe. Not in a cup/mug anything. Just coffee (in this mannor, can not be consumed). Good luck.

Apr 03, 2013 at 11:28AM EDT

I think that was for Leox, so…
You didn’t specify how much coffee, so there’s boiling coffee all around the floor. You slip and fall on it, but when you try to get up, your hands burn and fall again. It keeps happening until you lose your life force and die.
Item: Clean air.

Apr 03, 2013 at 11:39AM EDT

Accidently Strangle myself with the earbud wires while attempting to finger my butt hole.
Item: my butt hole

Apr 03, 2013 at 12:15PM EDT

you got in prison and bubba got your butthole so big you poop out your insides

Apr 03, 2013 at 12:50PM EDT

Grabber? what as in a arcade box grabber thing? or a litter picker?…
Ill just go with this

>Need iphone badly
>spent at least £50 on this machine trying to get fake iphone
>get overly determined
>reach into reward chute thing to get fake iphone yourself
>accidently nudge controls and grab your own arm with the grabber
>grabber lifts
>tears arm off, wtf who knew..
>bleed to death because nobody uses that crap arcade and you aren’t noticed
>didn’t even get fake iphone

Apr 03, 2013 at 02:01PM EDT

You turn on the faucet at the end of the hose, but no water comes out. You look down into the hose when suddenly thousands of tiny spiders jump out of the hose and eat your face.

My item: vintage Luke Skywalker action figure

Apr 03, 2013 at 07:58PM EDT

You are roleplaying with your best friend. You imagine yourself as Luke Skywalker with his action figure and your friend does the same with a Vader’ mask. Suddenly, he pulls out a kukri and chops your right hand. You are slowly bleeding to death when suddenly, your friend tells you “Luke, I am your father”…

My Item: RandomMan

Apr 03, 2013 at 08:18PM EDT

RAMDOMMAN:time for an banhammer
short story short you got high on PCP and hit yourself in the head with computer imaging randomman wacking you with an hammer

Apr 03, 2013 at 09:11PM EDT

The crap attracts tons of flies and the swarm eats you and lays eggs in your flesh

Item: A bar of chocolate

Apr 03, 2013 at 10:08PM EDT

crusty wrote:

The crap attracts tons of flies and the swarm eats you and lays eggs in your flesh

Item: A bar of chocolate

Item: Le 9gog army xd

Apr 03, 2013 at 10:09PM EDT

The atrociously high amount of stupid in one area causes an aneurysm.

Item: A toaster.

Apr 03, 2013 at 10:13PM EDT

You put a pop tart in the toaster and the pop tart turns into Nyan Cat and this happens:

Item: a penny

Apr 03, 2013 at 10:29PM EDT

Railgun shoots penny into your cranium

My item: An erect blue whale penis…if they can even be erect, I honestly don’t know. Assume they can be.

Apr 03, 2013 at 11:03PM EDT

Doritos wrote:

Railgun shoots penny into your cranium

My item: An erect blue whale penis…if they can even be erect, I honestly don’t know. Assume they can be.

Death by rape!

My Item: A saw blade

Last edited Apr 03, 2013 at 11:25PM EDT
Apr 03, 2013 at 11:21PM EDT

Gordon Freeman collects a saw blade with the gravity gun, points it in your direction and fires.

The sawblade goes straight past you, missing by inches and slices several headcrab zombies in half. All of which were behind you and were moments from ripping you to shreds

You thank Gordon for saving your life from the zombie threat and continue on your merry way. A while later you slip on a puddle and fall down a set of stairs, breaking your neck and joining the decomposing corpses of Lone K and Captain Spark. Gordon would have warned you about the stairs but unfortunately he’s mute.

My item: A pair of AAA batteries

Apr 03, 2013 at 11:57PM EDT

As a self defense weapon you put a pair of AAA batteries in a sock. When someone finally attacks you, you swing the battery sock at him and miss and manage to hit yourself in the skull with it. Somehow you manage to hit yourself SO HARD that you die instantly lul.
My Item: Boxing gloves.

Apr 04, 2013 at 12:39AM EDT

The gloves cause your hands to sweat so much that it causes the skin on your hands to fall off. On your way to the emergency room, your ambulance crashes into the hospital, sending you flying several blocks down onto a railroad track on which a train headed straight for you is hit by a nuke sent from North Korea, and the debris from the train decapitates you.

My item: A bottle of water

Apr 04, 2013 at 01:46AM EDT

You drink it and get constant explosive diarrhea until it kills you. Turns out the bottle was contaminated with Giardia.

My Item: My drawing sketchpad

Last edited Apr 04, 2013 at 02:43AM EDT
Apr 04, 2013 at 02:43AM EDT

Suddenly your sketchpad was zap with lightning and all your drawing turn alive. Unfortunately,you been reading a lot of creepypastas and been drawing them. Have fun!

My Item: My blue sketch pencil

Apr 04, 2013 at 06:51AM EDT

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