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Tell me your best joke.

Last posted Apr 30, 2013 at 04:48PM EDT. Added Apr 10, 2013 at 04:18PM EDT
73 posts from 48 users

Just That. Please do not duplicate jokes, joke copiers will be downvoted .

Apr 10, 2013 at 04:18PM EDT
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You wanna hear a joke?
The Kansas City Royals.

note: I am a Royals fan, I should know

Last edited Apr 10, 2013 at 04:29PM EDT
Apr 10, 2013 at 04:28PM EDT
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My best joke is one only I find funny, basically its this…

me: Ive gotta good knock knock joke
mate: go on then..
me: okay you start
mate: knock knock
me: who’s there?
mate:……….
me: [Laughing]

Apr 10, 2013 at 04:31PM EDT
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I would tell the best joke I know but it’s in spanish and it loses context completely if traduced.

Apr 10, 2013 at 04:40PM EDT
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What’s brown and sticky?

A stick.

*shot and thrown into ocean with OBL

Apr 10, 2013 at 04:42PM EDT
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What’s blue, runs fast, and is EXTREMELY annoying?

A HEDGEHOG!!!

Last edited Apr 10, 2013 at 04:48PM EDT
Apr 10, 2013 at 04:46PM EDT
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What kind of flower is on your face?
Tulips!!!

Why did the cookie go to the hospital?
Because he felt crummy.

What did the big bucket say to the little bucket?
You look a little pail!


I’ll show myself out

Last edited Apr 10, 2013 at 04:52PM EDT
Apr 10, 2013 at 04:49PM EDT
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Do you like dragons..

Hows about me dragon my balls across your face.

Apr 10, 2013 at 04:58PM EDT
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I know a joke! Its the current version of Guns n Roses!

Last edited Apr 10, 2013 at 05:34PM EDT
Apr 10, 2013 at 05:34PM EDT
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What did Cinderella say after she got to the ball?

makes gagging noises

Apr 10, 2013 at 06:18PM EDT
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Hey guise I have a cool joke for you.

What’s soft and then goes hard?

…penis

Apr 10, 2013 at 06:27PM EDT
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What’s the hardest part of a vegetable to eat.

The wheelchair.
I’m a horrible person ._.

Apr 10, 2013 at 06:34PM EDT
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Have you heard the one about Cthulhu? I’ll have to tell it to ya some time, it’s a great old one.

Why does Helen Keller play the piano with one hand? So she can sing with the other.

What is Sephiroth’s religion? Jenova’s witness.

What do you call a juggalo at a furry convention? Pathetic.

Why did Big Boss freeze his milkshake? So he could get a Solid SHAKE.

How many Forever Alone guys does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Trick question, FA guy can’t screw anything.

How do you troll a guy with dandruff? Call him flake and gay!

Gordon Freeman is afraid of Derse and Middle-Earth, because of all the Striders.

Hell, let’s have another Half-Life joke. What’s Wallace Breen’s favorite food? Cheeseburger Striders.

Last edited Apr 10, 2013 at 07:04PM EDT
Apr 10, 2013 at 06:58PM EDT
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What’s the best thing about having sex with twenty one year olds?

There are twenty of them.

There, now you don’t look so horrible Calkarot

Apr 10, 2013 at 06:59PM EDT
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What do you call a group of lesbians? A lick.
What do you call a group of gays? A gag.
:D

Apr 10, 2013 at 07:08PM EDT
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Have any of you seen a picture of Helen Keller’s father?

Neither has she.

Apr 10, 2013 at 07:29PM EDT
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What’s worse than a dead baby in a trash can?

A dead baby in five trash cans.

Apr 10, 2013 at 07:59PM EDT
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How did the mathematician solve his constipation problem?

He worked it out with a pencil.

Apr 10, 2013 at 08:44PM EDT
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Helen Keller jokes?

I wish I had de ability to sympatize with her.
But I unfortunately don’t have dis ability!

Apr 10, 2013 at 08:54PM EDT
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How is Brokeback Mountain and the NFL the same? In either one, the cowboys suck.

A kid was being abused by his family, so he was taken by CPS and placed with his aunt, who abused him. CPS took him to a foster home, where he was also abused. When asked where he wanted to live, he said “Let me live with the Dallas Cowboys, they never beat anyone.”

(I really dislike the Cowboys…)

Apr 10, 2013 at 09:01PM EDT
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What happen to the girl that went down the stairs while checking tumblr on her phone?
She tumble down! :D
. . . . . .
.
.
.

Ok,that was kind of lame.
I was going to make a science joke about sodium but then I said Na.

LET THE DOWNVOTES BEGAIN!!!

Last edited Apr 11, 2013 at 07:11AM EDT
Apr 11, 2013 at 07:08AM EDT
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Why’d the girl drop her ice cream?
She was hit by a bus

Whats green and has wheels?
Grass i lied about the wheels

Whats tall fat and pathetic?
Honey boo boo, why did you think shes tall you idiot shes like 6

A rabbi, a black, and a mexican walk into a bar…
And they had a good time you racist bastard

Apr 11, 2013 at 11:29AM EDT


Or, how about…

not even the cricket chirps
I’ll just… go now.

Last edited Apr 11, 2013 at 12:04PM EDT
Apr 11, 2013 at 12:00PM EDT
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What did one wall say to the other wall? Let’s meet up in the corner.
How come seagulls live by the sea? Because if they live by the bay, they’d be bagels!
What do vegan zombies eat? Grains.
Why does Snoop Lion need an umbrella? Fo drizzle, ma nizzle.
Why did the man driving the train get hit by a lightning strike? He was a conductor.

Apr 11, 2013 at 05:54PM EDT
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-Honey, our son just called me a whore!
-That son of a bitch…

-Mom, can I have some cookies?
-Just get them.
-But I have no arms…
-No arms, no cookies, mister.

There’s a father walking with his son and daughter. The son asks: “Can you buy me an ice cream?” but the father says NO. The daughter asks “Can you buy me an ice cream?” and she gets 2 of them.
At home the girl says: “Haha, daddy loves me more.”
The kid replies: “Well, I don’t have cancer.”

VG Cats joke

And I would post Spanish jokes, but no one besides Leox would understand.

Apr 12, 2013 at 12:24AM EDT
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Twilight and Applejack are sitting around the house one day when Rarity rushes in and says, “Guess what guys, I’ve won a trip to see the Pope!” Everyone gets all excited and chants, “We finally get to ask him, we finally get to ask him.”

The next day, they are all standing in front of the Pope, Derpy out in front of the other six. All the other six start pushing Derpy and
saying, “Go ahead, Derpy, ask him, ask him!”

The Pope looks at Derpy and asks, “Do you have a question to ask me, young pony?”

Derpy looks up shyly and says, “Well, yes.”

The Pope tells her to go ahead and ask. Derpy asks, “Well, do….do they have nuns in Alaska?”

The Pope replies, “Well, yes, I’m sure we have nuns in Alaska.”

The others all keep nudging Derpy and chanting, “Ask him the rest, Derpy, ask him the rest!”

The Pope asks Derpy if there’s more to his question, and Derpy continues, “Well, uh, do they have, uh, black nuns in Alaska?”

To which the Pope replies, “Well, my lil pony, I think there must be a few black nuns in Alaska, yes.”

Still not satisfied, the others keep saying, “Ask him the last part, Derpy, ask him the last part!”

The Pope asks Derpy, “Is there still more to your question?”

To which Derpy replies, “Well, uh, yeah…..are there, uh, are there any midget black nuns in Alaska?”

The startled Pope replies, “Well, no. I really don’t think there are any midget black nuns in Alaska.”

At this, Derpy turns all kinds of colors, and the others start laughing, and yelling, “Derpy screwed a penguin, Derpy screwed a penguin!”

Apr 12, 2013 at 12:37AM EDT
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Why did the chicken cross the road?
To run from yo ugly ass!
(Side note: i typed the whole boondock saints joke then my ipad died.)

Apr 12, 2013 at 01:45AM EDT

i don’t know if i have a best joke and the ones i have are only in danish

Apr 12, 2013 at 07:12AM EDT
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-What did one lawyer say to the other lawyer?
-Hey, we’re both lawyers.

-How do you make a plumber cry?
-Kill his family.

Apr 12, 2013 at 07:49PM EDT
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What’s the worst thing about fuckin a three year old?

Getting blood on your clown shoes.

What’s the worst thing about eating a vegetable?

Changing their diapers.

Last edited Apr 12, 2013 at 10:15PM EDT
Apr 12, 2013 at 10:13PM EDT
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Why is that restaurant called In’n’Out?

Because the food goes IN and later comes OUT.

I made dis pls dnt steel giv crdeit 2 me if ur goin 2 use tahnks. and check out my oder joke at deviantjoke.com/herpderpimtotallyanartistbeacuseimskillfull

Apr 12, 2013 at 11:19PM EDT

VAGINAS AND SCHOOLS ARE BASICALLY THE SAME THING.
THEY BOTH HAVE SIX OR SEVEN LETTERS AND ARE EMPTY HOLES OF NOTHING THAT CAN HOLD SCREAMING CHILDREN FOR NINE MONTHS.

Last edited Apr 12, 2013 at 11:23PM EDT
Apr 12, 2013 at 11:22PM EDT
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You mother was a hamster, and your father smelt of elderberries!

Apr 13, 2013 at 12:32AM EDT
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Skeletor-sm

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