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[Riff-Raff] KYM, say hello to my mother

Last posted Apr 25, 2015 at 09:18AM EDT. Added Jan 30, 2015 at 09:16AM EST
242 posts from 66 users

So… uh… okay, how do I explain this… Basically, my mom read an article on Fawker News about online predators and whatnot, and became very worried about my safety, because Fawker News never lies (right mom?).

Anyway, my mother, being the generous woman that she is, has decided to allow me to keep my devices. Unfortunately Fortunately, she has also decided to create accounts on a few of my favorite sites, in order to keep an eye on me for a few months. She says that it is for my own good, and she is of course correct, because mother knows best.

I am confident that y'all will do your best to make her feel like she's at home here. I tried to show her what a meme is by directing her to our entry for Sherlock, but she promptly noted that "I'm pretty sure at least one of the actors in that show is gay" and locked my web browser out of that section of KYM. For my own good, obviously. So, um, I guess it's up to you guys to teach her what this site is about.

Please be patient with her… she only has good intentions, after all. Oh, and don't forget to show her that we are good folks and that I don't get into any trouble here, because we are all morally righteous and outstanding people, right guys?? Right???

Hello there! I am my daughter’s mother, and she convinced me to join this website! At first I was wary about this, as my daughter is a bit of a shut-in, but after some convincing, she finally managed to log in me! I'm also here for my daughter's safety.
Now, I know that this is a Christian website, but after looking at some of the users, my goodness! It was shocking! I mean, I looked at the Pokemon “gallery” and why is there a half-exposed breast in there!? My lord, Pokemon is a game for kids! Not for masturbation!
Now, I was initially horrified by my discovery, but after some talking, my daughter told me that the gallery was being hacked and “spammed” by disgusting Internet “trolls”. My word! You young people have some interesting vocabulary, like “cheeky” and “memes”.
However, after looking at some of the “friends” my daughter has, I am VERY concerned, and therefore, I have made a list of the problems I am experiencing with some of the users of this site.
Firstly, Muffinlicious, what an interesting name! Unfortunately, you are a bit too gay, so we need to do something about that, young man. Random Man, my daughter has told me you have made unwanted sexual advances towards her. Stop that or, forgive my soul, I will find you and get you into prison.
Loli, you’re a young man who is interested in young female child porn. I have alerted the police. There is no hope for you. Twisty, I hear you listen to satanic rap music. For the love of your soul, my child, we need you to listen to some holistic Toby Mac.
Sam, I hear you’re a transgender male who identifies as female. I can’t offer you any support but to turn to the light and ask God for forgiveness. Same for your “wife” (who is apparently also a transgender) , Natsuru.
Blue Screen of Death, I see you’re a homosexual atheist. I believe in due time, you will stop being a faggot and become like what I hope Sam will become!
Sir-Soundwave, I hear you’re a (what my daughter calls it, which is a very colorful word) “robot-lover”, and I hope you at least use protection.
Stevie Wonder, I see you’re also on this website! I am a big fan of you, Mr. Wonder, and I hope I can get an autographed note!
Eurofighter Typhoon, you’re a normal human being with good opinions, keep up the Christian work!
Captain Blubber, I hear you’re an overweight drunkard who needs Christ. Please contact me for assistance.
And last, but certainly not least, No Original Names (A.K.A Squigly’s Husbando), I’ve heard you’re into necrophilia. That is a dark and evil path you go down, and I fear the worst for your soul.
Thank you for reading and god bless!

Dragon Lord wrote:

i think we know who the father is

And who is this handsome man?
And Original, young man, how dare you threaten to physically harm me!
After all the advice I gave you!

Last edited Jan 30, 2015 at 09:27AM EST

Hi Particles Mom. I hear you have it going on. Nice to meet you and welcome to this site.

And I thank you for your concerns for me and your belief in me. Being a homosexual atheist is indeed a terrible burden to bear

I do agree, and hope myself that I stop being a faggot and become more like Sam. Going from a faggot to a megafaggot would be a sizeable upgrade to aspire towards. I hope all young men learn to be more like Sam who is a definitive example of what a man should be,

You're clearly aware of the people here and the very diverse nature we have here on KYM. Id say you would fit right in with us.

May I recommend a good thread where you can begin contributing to our fine community discussion?

Click here

You should pick things up and get along nicely. Have a nice day

Last edited Jan 30, 2015 at 09:32AM EST

Blue Screen (of Death) wrote:

Hi Particles Mom. I hear you have it going on. Nice to meet you and welcome to this site.

And I thank you for your concerns for me and your belief in me. Being a homosexual atheist is indeed a terrible burden to bear

I do agree, and hope myself that I stop being a faggot and become more like Sam. Going from a faggot to a megafaggot would be a sizeable upgrade to aspire towards. I hope all young men learn to be more like Sam who is a definitive example of what a man should be,

You're clearly aware of the people here and the very diverse nature we have here on KYM. Id say you would fit right in with us.

May I recommend a good thread where you can begin contributing to our fine community discussion?

Click here

You should pick things up and get along nicely. Have a nice day

THIS IS ENTIRELY NOT WHAT I MEANT, YOUNG MAN!!!!
I MEANT YOU SHOULD TURN TO THE LIGHT OF GOD!
AND WHY IS THERE A PORN FOLDER OF MY LITTLE PONY????

Mom Wrote:

Twisty, I hear you listen to satanic rap music. For the love of your soul, my child, we need you to listen to some holistic Toby Mac.

sorry particle´s mom, but i only pray to the based god

Last edited Jan 30, 2015 at 09:40AM EST

James Blunt wrote:

Mom Wrote:

Twisty, I hear you listen to satanic rap music. For the love of your soul, my child, we need you to listen to some holistic Toby Mac.

sorry particle´s mom, but i only pray to the based god

OH MY LORD!!!!!
NOT ONLY IS THE FELLOW WHO IS ON THE COVER BLACK, HE IS ALSO IMITATING JESUS AND GOD!
YOUNG MAN, PLEASE DELETE THIS HERETICAL IMAGE!!!!

@Mom

Oh, sorry about that. But yes I agree, going from a faggot to a god is surely aspiring. When I become a god I hope to overthrow all the others.

And that's not a porn folder. That's our welcoming thread for all new members.

You may not be aware of this, but provocatively dressed ponies is a standard communication for greeting across the internet. "clop" in this context means "hello"

It's a bit of a long story to explain, but it's just one of those ways the internet is. I'm sure you understand the internet is a strange place

Blue Screen (of Death) wrote:

@Mom

Oh, sorry about that. But yes I agree, going from a faggot to a god is surely aspiring. When I become a god I hope to overthrow all the others.

And that's not a porn folder. That's our welcoming thread for all new members.

You may not be aware of this, but provocatively dressed ponies is a standard communication for greeting across the internet. "clop" in this context means "hello"

It's a bit of a long story to explain, but it's just one of those ways the internet is. I'm sure you understand the internet is a strange place

I AM ABSOLUTELY HORRIFIED BY THAT THREAD YOUNG MAN.
However, my daughter has spoken to me, and said that you were just "trolling" (I am now very wary of these "trolls". And she says the joke about you becoming a god is funny because you "suck moderator penis everyday". I'm unsure as to what she means, but it sounds offensive.
Also, thank you for the introduction to this "clop" meaning, I will now use it whenever I address girls who like My Little Pony!
But you're still homosexual and atheistic, so we need to do something about that.

Roarshack wrote:

KYM is the worse thing to happen to humanity. You should probably just destroy any device that has any internet connection at this point. It's for you and your daughter's own good.

Mr. Roarshack, I have been considering it, but I'm sure that my daughter will be able to stay clear of satanic influences on this site.

Mom wrote:

Mr. Roarshack, I have been considering it, but I'm sure that my daughter will be able to stay clear of satanic influences on this site.

You should also burn down your house and sell your daughter on the black market. Trust me, it's for the best.

Thank you Mr. Yiffer for your feedback! I will be sure to address those people in my new message!
Cecaelia, I have seen your profile picture and it looks cute! But it is Japanese, and the Japanese bombed Pearl Harbour and are anti-Semitic, so you need to change it. Also, I noticed your LGBT badge on your profile, we'll need to do something about that, too.
Samekichi, I hear you have the same problem as the young men named Sam, Natsuru and Blue Screen of Death, I kindly advise you read my messages about them.
Twenty-One, I hear you like gay Japanese cartoons. I cannot help you, only a miracle can, for Satan has claimed your soul.
And Mr. Roarshack, GOOD HEAVENS! HOW COULD YOU EVEN SUGGEST SUCH A THING!?

Viuff, The Ancient Waifumancer wrote:

i feel like i seen this before
only it was regarding the dangers of KYM
it was in this thread
please for any webside related dangers see the last comment

My! Captain Blubber doesn't type like a drunkard at all! And he seems to be very smart! I'd like to say that he seems to be the most rational person on this website.
And Viuff, thank you for your advice! I'll be sure to read it.

What is going on here!? i cant believe this, you are trying to cheat on me again with some healthy sexually active adult males again.

dont act like the victim here, this has gone far enough sarah, i know that you envy your daugthers sexual life, but trying to stalk her favorite pickup sites with excuses like those to regain yours is simply not the answer, this has been going far too long without me saying my anything, please think about your family, your daugther, think about god, what would he think?.

twistedmetalero wrote:

What is going on here!? i cant believe this, you are trying to cheat on me again with some healthy sexually active adult males again.

dont act like the victim here, this has gone far enough sarah, i know that you envy your daugthers sexual life, but trying to stalk her favorite pickup sites with excuses like those to regain yours is simply not the answer, this has been going far too long without me saying my anything, please think about your family, your daugther, think about god, what would he think?.

BRAD! What in God's holy name are you doing here?!
And don't try to act all smug and proud, you walked out ON US!
We were YOUR FAMILY! YOURS!
WE DID EVERYTHING FOR YOU, I LOVED YOU, YOUR DAUGHTER LOVED YOU
AND YOU LEFT US FOR SOME CHEAP 16 YEAR OLD SLUT!!!
I have EXTREMELY negative feelings to you, Brad, please, and I hope God forgives me for such strong language, but go to Hell.
And Original, young man, I'm going to inform all grave keepers around to keep your genitals away from corpses.

Mom wrote:

BRAD! What in God's holy name are you doing here?!
And don't try to act all smug and proud, you walked out ON US!
We were YOUR FAMILY! YOURS!
WE DID EVERYTHING FOR YOU, I LOVED YOU, YOUR DAUGHTER LOVED YOU
AND YOU LEFT US FOR SOME CHEAP 16 YEAR OLD SLUT!!!
I have EXTREMELY negative feelings to you, Brad, please, and I hope God forgives me for such strong language, but go to Hell.
And Original, young man, I'm going to inform all grave keepers around to keep your genitals away from corpses.

I WAS YOUNG AND RECKLESS, i learned from my mistakes and paid my debt to god, however, you on the other hand have no excuse, none of these young males will be able to properly fill that void, and you think your daugther would approve of it too? nobody is fit to be a parent more than her own dad.

twistedmetalero wrote:

I WAS YOUNG AND RECKLESS, i learned from my mistakes and paid my debt to god, however, you on the other hand have no excuse, none of these young males will be able to properly fill that void, and you think your daugther would approve of it too? nobody is fit to be a parent more than her own dad.

But I DID NOT RUN AWAY, you DID, YOU GAVE US UP, and why would I, of all people, be wanting to searching for a young man? The only young man I need is
JESUS
E
S
U
S

twistedmetalero wrote:

I WAS YOUNG AND RECKLESS, i learned from my mistakes and paid my debt to god, however, you on the other hand have no excuse, none of these young males will be able to properly fill that void, and you think your daugther would approve of it too? nobody is fit to be a parent more than her own dad.

By young males, do you mean shota?

oOH MY SWEET HEAVENS, AFTER COMING BACK ONLINE, I NOTICED THE ALL THE SATANIC NOTHINGS THAT HAS BEEN POSTED ON THIS THREAD.
AS OF THIS MOMENT, I HAVE SUSPENDED MY DAUGHTER'S INTERNET PRIVILEGES UNTIL SHE HAS LEARNT HER LESSON!!!
AND YOU SHOULD ALL BE ASHAMED!
ESPECIALLY GRANDPA, HOW COULD YOU!!!!
Mr. Scrublord, I am ABSOLUTELY SICKENED BY THAT PICTURE.
A BLACK MAN DOES NOT RUN AMERICA!!!!!!
AND OF COURSE, ONLY A BLACK MAN WOULD WATCH MALE PORN!
TUMBLE USER, I THOUGHT YOU WERE A GOOD ONE, BUT YOU POSTED PORN, I AM DISGUSTED BY YOUR BEHAVIOUR, YOUNG LADY!!!!!!

Last edited Jan 30, 2015 at 11:09AM EST

Hello ParticleMare's Mom, Welcome to this website. As a tumblr Using Horse Sun Goddess (who is also pansexual), I find your words troubling and hurtful. Particle is an important part of our community and you seem to be holding her back. We as Particle's friends and accomplices, may have some weird tastes, but we are just as weird as your standard overbearing Christian Mother.

Also, I find it troubling that you are the mother of ParticleMare. As we all know that ParticleMare is our resident Purple Horse Mathematician. Sooooooo, that means you had sex with a Stallion. So really you are no better than your Daughter in the eyes of your God. But if you are interested to play with Mares, you can always contact me ;3.

Last edited Jan 30, 2015 at 11:07AM EST

Mom wrote:

oOH MY SWEET HEAVENS, AFTER COMING BACK ONLINE, I NOTICED THE ALL THE SATANIC NOTHINGS THAT HAS BEEN POSTED ON THIS THREAD.
AS OF THIS MOMENT, I HAVE SUSPENDED MY DAUGHTER'S INTERNET PRIVILEGES UNTIL SHE HAS LEARNT HER LESSON!!!
AND YOU SHOULD ALL BE ASHAMED!
ESPECIALLY GRANDPA, HOW COULD YOU!!!!
Mr. Scrublord, I am ABSOLUTELY SICKENED BY THAT PICTURE.
A BLACK MAN DOES NOT RUN AMERICA!!!!!!
AND OF COURSE, ONLY A BLACK MAN WOULD WATCH MALE PORN!
TUMBLE USER, I THOUGHT YOU WERE A GOOD ONE, BUT YOU POSTED PORN, I AM DISGUSTED BY YOUR BEHAVIOUR, YOUNG LADY!!!!!!

lmao at least i didn't marry some weak ass fuckboy

Mom wrote:

oOH MY SWEET HEAVENS, AFTER COMING BACK ONLINE, I NOTICED THE ALL THE SATANIC NOTHINGS THAT HAS BEEN POSTED ON THIS THREAD.
AS OF THIS MOMENT, I HAVE SUSPENDED MY DAUGHTER'S INTERNET PRIVILEGES UNTIL SHE HAS LEARNT HER LESSON!!!
AND YOU SHOULD ALL BE ASHAMED!
ESPECIALLY GRANDPA, HOW COULD YOU!!!!
Mr. Scrublord, I am ABSOLUTELY SICKENED BY THAT PICTURE.
A BLACK MAN DOES NOT RUN AMERICA!!!!!!
AND OF COURSE, ONLY A BLACK MAN WOULD WATCH MALE PORN!
TUMBLE USER, I THOUGHT YOU WERE A GOOD ONE, BUT YOU POSTED PORN, I AM DISGUSTED BY YOUR BEHAVIOUR, YOUNG LADY!!!!!!

Well I am sorry ma'am, we all got our dark fantasies. We know yours, ya horsefucker.

I'm so sorry, but everyone in this thread needs Jesus.
forgive them God, for they know not what they do forgive them God for they know not what they do forgive them God for they know no what they do

Mom wrote:

I'm so sorry, but everyone in this thread needs Jesus.
forgive them God, for they know not what they do forgive them God for they know not what they do forgive them God for they know no what they do

i know what im doing, im not that old you shit

Grand Dad wrote:

i know what im doing, im not that old you shit

If so, then why are you still here?
RUSED OLD MAN (as my daughter put it)
And my non-Christian memer, I'm sorry, but you need to change your views before you become corrupted by satanic memes!
Please click here to receive the good word.

Skeletor-sm

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