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How do I become a complete douchebag on the internet?

Last posted Aug 23, 2014 at 02:49PM EDT. Added Aug 22, 2014 at 05:26PM EDT
15 posts from 14 users

I’m not one to put others down for the hell of it, but it seems to me that th internet is full of heartless assholes who don’t respect other’s or what they have to say. For example, someone says that they don’t like some Spongebob Gore parody due to poor animation and repetitiive violence. They then get such nice replies such as “Go back home so you can crawl in your mother’s vagina, you autistic waste of space.”. Fast forward 2 months, and the replies are still coming large. I figured that if I ever get attacked by douchebags, I should fight fire with fire by being a douchebag, as well. That siad, how do I become a massive douchebag(since it’s the only logical way I can defend myself if something like this happens)? Or is there another way to deal with douchebags who won’t leave you alone?

Dr. Chill wrote:

I’m not one to put others down for the hell of it, but it seems to me that th internet is full of heartless assholes who don’t respect other’s or what they have to say. For example, someone says that they don’t like some Spongebob Gore parody due to poor animation and repetitiive violence. They then get such nice replies such as “Go back home so you can crawl in your mother’s vagina, you autistic waste of space.”. Fast forward 2 months, and the replies are still coming large. I figured that if I ever get attacked by douchebags, I should fight fire with fire by being a douchebag, as well. That siad, how do I become a massive douchebag(since it’s the only logical way I can defend myself if something like this happens)? Or is there another way to deal with douchebags who won’t leave you alone?

I’m assuming you’re referring to youtube comments, if that’s the case all you have to do is play along with the insults. If they tell you to suck dick, then you joke around about sucking dicks. If they comment back calling you a “fag” then you continue to play into their insults. Part of the reason they do it is to get a rise out of you, so the key is not to let them get to you. Before long they won’t know what to say and they’ll just shut up. If others come along, rinse and repeat.

But never fight fire with fire. Pissing in a pool of piss won’t do anything but add more piss.

Last edited Aug 22, 2014 at 05:44PM EDT

SirBrownBear wrote:

I’m assuming you’re referring to youtube comments, if that’s the case all you have to do is play along with the insults. If they tell you to suck dick, then you joke around about sucking dicks. If they comment back calling you a “fag” then you continue to play into their insults. Part of the reason they do it is to get a rise out of you, so the key is not to let them get to you. Before long they won’t know what to say and they’ll just shut up. If others come along, rinse and repeat.

But never fight fire with fire. Pissing in a pool of piss won’t do anything but add more piss.

Or my personal favorite, “Thank you very much!” It works wonders.

“Ur a fag” Thanks!

“Srsly u suk dick” Awwww, how sweet!

“Go kill urself” That’s the nicest thing anyone’s ever said to me!

Lord Starscream The Conversationalist wrote:

By posting in the wrong place, this should be in riff-raff.

Nope. Doesn’t look like he’s joking, so this is perfectly fine where it is.

One way I like to treat this bread of shitheads is to estimate their age, typically around the “twelve” mark. In conjunction with that, you can give them a link to this image;

They don’t ever seem to have a good comeback for that.

How the be a douche on the internet;
>Make uneducated opinions about shit you know nothing about based on information you might have heard from some friend.
>Interject said shitty opinion into someone’s important death or some similar important event, and blame everyone whom doesn’t know about said opinion as ignorant
>Brand everyone, even friends and family, as intellectually lesser then you
>Never respond to educated criticism
>Respond only to shitposting fellow trolls and then go into a 6 page rant about how everyone is oppressing your beliefs
>Post forums in extremely poor taste and often talking about nothing in ‘Serious Discussion’
>Be historically ignorant
>Be scientifically ignorant
>Be religiously ignorant
>Purposefully ignorant. Try to inject really old and confusing stereotypes.
>Make a big fucking deal over nothing, like Karma
>Have a negative Karma post? Make a entire thread based around that and never stop complaining about it and making really retarded suggestions.
>A user keeping you down? Make a full fledge rant and lie about him/her making rude (and unproven) private messages which paint you as a good guy and they the villain.
>Triple post
>Demand long answers, and then say you ‘won’ a debate because the person didn’t post within 12 seconds of you. Never let it down.
>Interject religion and politics into every small little thing, no matter how mundane it may be.
>Declare yourself a master troll and never let anyone forget, even when in serious debate.
>Essentially make straw man and ad hominem attacks with every post.
>Make up shit.
>Get offended by every post.
>Have at least one incorrect word with every sentence.
>You see a spelling mistake? Never let it down and say they are to uneducated to debate you.
>Brag about made up accomplishments
>Someone gives you a personal heart wrenching story for emotional feels during a conversation? Attack it and call them names, and basically bully and make references to it in the worst taste.

There be more, but that is what I can think of currently. Good luck, and remember, you didn’t learn this from me.

Chickenhound the Cruel wrote:

How the be a douche on the internet;
>Make uneducated opinions about shit you know nothing about based on information you might have heard from some friend.
>Interject said shitty opinion into someone’s important death or some similar important event, and blame everyone whom doesn’t know about said opinion as ignorant
>Brand everyone, even friends and family, as intellectually lesser then you
>Never respond to educated criticism
>Respond only to shitposting fellow trolls and then go into a 6 page rant about how everyone is oppressing your beliefs
>Post forums in extremely poor taste and often talking about nothing in ‘Serious Discussion’
>Be historically ignorant
>Be scientifically ignorant
>Be religiously ignorant
>Purposefully ignorant. Try to inject really old and confusing stereotypes.
>Make a big fucking deal over nothing, like Karma
>Have a negative Karma post? Make a entire thread based around that and never stop complaining about it and making really retarded suggestions.
>A user keeping you down? Make a full fledge rant and lie about him/her making rude (and unproven) private messages which paint you as a good guy and they the villain.
>Triple post
>Demand long answers, and then say you ‘won’ a debate because the person didn’t post within 12 seconds of you. Never let it down.
>Interject religion and politics into every small little thing, no matter how mundane it may be.
>Declare yourself a master troll and never let anyone forget, even when in serious debate.
>Essentially make straw man and ad hominem attacks with every post.
>Make up shit.
>Get offended by every post.
>Have at least one incorrect word with every sentence.
>You see a spelling mistake? Never let it down and say they are to uneducated to debate you.
>Brag about made up accomplishments
>Someone gives you a personal heart wrenching story for emotional feels during a conversation? Attack it and call them names, and basically bully and make references to it in the worst taste.

There be more, but that is what I can think of currently. Good luck, and remember, you didn’t learn this from me.

dude this is “how to be a douche on the internet” not “how to get upvoted in the kym comments section”

To be honest I never understood why people know what age group is responsible for most youtube comments, read them anyways AND take them seriously.

Anyways isn’t there some kinda add-on you can download that turns all the words in comments to herp and derp or something? Maybe you should just get that op.

Skeletor-sm

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