It was a dark night, that night. I mean, usually, nights are dark. But this night was really, really dark. So dark that… It was hard to see stuff. Yeah.

Well, anyways, I digress. This was the night that Skankin Streetlights rose from the pumpkin patch to feast on the souls of the living. It was always quite a terrifying feat back in the day, you see, for Skankin had no face. Therefore, he would simply ram his face-less… face… into a person’s body until they succumbed to his desires. Or just got really pissed off and logged out. But I digress.

It was at this exact moment that CAPTAIN FUCKING BLUBBER came out of the woods. But he had a heart attack and died.

Fuck.

Cap’t Blubber’s death prompted an immediate search for Kira, seeing as how that would be the only possible reason for such a death, as shown in this chart:

The investigation was headed by Mellow and Watcher. However, Kira recruited Biotic Zombie to work for him, using him as a mole within Task Force Headquarters.

Ten Seconds Later:

Eventually, Kira got a 25 killstreak and launched a Tactical Nuke, automatically ending the match and pissing off a bunch of 13 year olds that were on my Hardcore Team Deathmatch team that one time.

However, I had used the killstreak glitch to survive the blast, and I looked on my kingdom, I was finally there. To sit on my throne, as the Prince of Bel-Air.

Oh, and also Tristan died in the blast too. lol noob. But I’m not going to mention him in my story, because he’s being a jerk and still hasn’t sent me that pic. So yeah. Take that.

+12 internets to anyone who makes this into a flash. Or a Dramatic Reading.