Once Upon A Gullibe Asspie

Once Upon A Gullibe Asspie

Updated Sep 04, 2012 at 10:15PM EDT by opspe.

Added Sep 04, 2012 at 06:39PM EDT by Nathan Forester.

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A Notoriously bad toy story fanfic by Minty of Encyclopediadramatica.es

“Goodnight, everyone! I’ll miss you all, but Nicole said you’re all going to a nice place and that you’ll all be safe there until things are settle at the new house for you to join me,” the dirty-haired, moustached woman’child told the boxed collections of dust-covered, stained plushes and action figures. The woman-child, Mariana, grabbed her favorite plushie, a beanie baby with ratty hair named Andria, and lay down in bed to go to sleep.

When she finally drifted off into a peaceful snoring slumber, Andria sat up.

“Ugh! Won’t she ever shower? I smell like armpits and mildew. It’s disgusting!” she said in a quiet enough voice to not wake the she-beast holding her in its arms, but loud enough that Eucalyptus giggled at it. The koala always giggled at Andria’s pain and suffering over being the favorite. The laughter usually annoyed Andria, but tonight was an exception. Tonight, Andria didn’t mind. Tonight would be the last night she’d hear it for a while. Tonight it was music to her ears.

The room was emptier than it’d ever been this evening. Only a few of Andria’s companions weren’t boxed up. All the ladybugs and mushabellies, Soo and Big K, the muppets… all had been packed away for the move tomorrow. Only Andria was going along with Mariana, but she didn’t want to. She wanted to be with her friends. She would miss the other toys. She kept reminding herself that they’d be joining her there when they could but she didn’t want to have to wait for however long that would be.

“Hey, HEY! Get your foot out of my ribs!” a toy called inside one of the cardboard boxes. The box was duct-taped closed so opening it was out of the question. The only boxes untaped and left open were the box with the action figures in it, and the box with the ladybugs in it so Eucalyptus and the Snorlax called Qubert could be packed away in the morning before leaving.

“Help, I’m claustrophobic in here!” another toy called from inside a taped box.

“I’m sorry, we can’t untape it,” Andria said as she walked over.

“Try slowly counting to ten a few times,” Qubert said, jumping down from the dresser he was sitting on.

“What do you think the new home’ll be like?” Eucalyptus asked nervously as she walked over to Andria.

“I hope we’ll-”

“-have a bigger room,” said the Jake and Elwood dolls as they walked over to join the discussion, holding each others’ hands.

Andria always thought it was a little creepy how they finished one anothers’ sentences. At least they were coming over to join the group, though. Usually, whenever they weren’t around it meant they were behind the dresser having sex. They always denied it, but the noise from it was so loud that everyone knew what they were doing.

“I hope I get my own shelf to sit and meditate on,” said Qubert, waddling slowly over to join the rest.

They all stood in a circle discussing their hopes and dreams for the new house they’d be living in; Andria, Eucalyptus, Qubert, Jake and Elwood. Bigger windows so they get more sunlight, better air flow so they don’t get as dusty and musty-smelling, more spacious shelves to sit on. Occasionally a voice from a box would chime in; Bruce Campbell needing an itch on his nose scratched by someone who had arms, Soo hoping desperately for a rubdown with a hot washcloth and some soap, a ladybug hoping for a spot in a windowsill so she could see a garden with real ladybugs in it.

They talked for hours and hours, laughing about things that had happened in the old house and joking about things they knew would never happen in the new one. When the sun started to rise and they heard footsteps in the hallway and voices mumbling, everyone went back to where they were. Except Andria.

She had heard the words ‘group home’ and went to investigate. She hid by the door, waiting for the voices again. They were just a mumble, so she slid through the crack in the doorway and tip-toed down the hallway.

“She doesn’t have any clue we’re not going with, but if you keep talking about it and she wakes up and hears it, she will. Now hush!” the father said.

“Do you think she’ll hate us for sending her there?” the mother asked.

“It doesn’t matter. She’ll be with people who can take better care of her, and she won’t be in front of a computer the entire day. I thought we agreed this was what’s best. Are you still with me on this?” the father spoke quietly but sternly.

“Yes,” the mother said with a sigh.

“She’ll go to the group home, we’ll give those boxed up clothes and toys to that Nicole lady her caretaker referred us to, clean the room out, air it out, maybe buy a pool table or something. It’ll be fine.”

Andria looked down the hallway into the living room. There were a few boxes, but still plenty of things unpacked. They had tricked Mariana into thinking it was a family move, but in reality they were sending her to a group home. Andria couldn’t blame them. It dawned on her that she was going with and she would never see any of her friends again. She didn’t want to go, but knew Mariana would never leave without her. With Mariana gone though, maybe the others would go to a real child, who would play with them and love them and take care of them.

“It’s for the best this way,” she said.

She went back to the bedroom.

“What’s the matter?” Eucalyptus asked, noticing the look on her face.

“Nothing. I’m just gonna miss you guys. That’s all,” Andria replied with a weak smile, keeping the dark secret to herself.

She climbed back into bed, tucking herself in. She said nothing else.

……………………………………………………..

Nicole and the woman buying the toys arrived at the house as Mariana said goodbye to her parents. She climbed in the caregivers’ car passenger seat, tightly holding little Andria.

“Goodbye mom and dad! See you at the new house in a few hours!”

Her parents waved goodbye as the car drove away, secretly overjoyed to be rid of the burden of their retarded child.

Nicole told her passenger to wait in the car while she went inside for the toy boxes. She clicked the car off and got out, greeting the parents and following them inside.

The passenger flipped down the sunvisor revealing a mirror. She ran her dark brown fingers through her long, wavy black hair until it looked good in the reflection, then flipped the visor back up. She reached under the seat and grabbed her purse, pulling out a to-go packet of ChipsAhoy! She opened it and ate one, then brushed the crumbs off her purple dress. As she finished, she looked up and saw Nicole walking out of the house with a cardboard box full of her new toys and smiled.

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