Gold Member

Location: Interwebs

Joined May 11, 2011 at 12:16AM EDT



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Im fluent in all languages, including three that only I speak.
Midgets look up to me.
Ghosts fear me.
I tip an astonishing 100%.
Once while sailing around the world, I discovered a short cut.
When sailing the wind is always at my back.
Panhandlers give me money.
I does Calculus in my head.
I always round to five decimal points.
I divorced my wife because I caught her littering.
My 7th Inning stretch could last through the 9th….
I’ve never not sat up straight.
As a toddler I taught others to walk.
At the book store people crowd to see me read.
Athletes seek my autograph.
My passport requires no photo.
I can keep one eye on the past while looking into the future.
When fishing at some point I have to call it quits.
I’ve never found a penny that wasn’t heads up.
When I drives my new car off the lot it increases in value.
My 1913 Duesenberg still has that new car smell.
Though I can’t walk on water I’ve never slipped on ice.
I once beat Gary Kasparov at Chess, with my left hand
I once traveled to and explored the Virgin Islands, when I left they were just “The Islands.”
My beard alone has experienced more than a lesser mans body.
I am the only person Chuck Norris has apologized to.
I went to watch a Tennis Match once and that was only one Match where John Mc Enroe didn’t swear or throw his Racket
I count my chickens before they hatch…and they always hatch.
I once asked a woman to say ‘NO’ to me, so I could understand rejection.
I consider the practicing of any skill to be a form of cheating. ” He only need to do it once to be an expert."
The pheromones I secrete effect people miles away… in a slight, but measurable way.
I can make orange juice, out of apples.
My personality is so magnetic, I am unable to carry credit cards.
I speak fluent French, in Russian.
My charm is so contagious, vaccines we’re created for it.
Years ago, I created a city out of blocks. Today over 600,000 people live and work there.
I am so gentle with women, yet some faint at my touch.
I am always on the right side of the tracks, even if I crossed to the other side, I’d still be on the right side.
Even the deaf can hear me Speak.
Mike Tyson refused to fight with me.


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