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Granted. You die because that's just too much salt for you to handle.
Also @ Angelirio: Granted. However, Steven is filthy xenosbreed and get's killed immediately.

I wish for my thousand year-reign of blood.

Granted, you get a jar of blood from a thousand years ago.

I wish I had a new pair of underwear.

Granted, but it's two sizes too small.
I wish for a nuclear winter.

granted, it is now whatever month winter is in your location, and the snow is radioactive, you die from said radiation
i wishto see more fairy stories about the police

Granted, but fuck the police coming straight from the underground

I wish for gabeN to shower me in steam sales

Granted, but you go broke, and end up living under a bridge for the remainder of your life.

I wish your Mama didn't dance and your father don't rock and roll.

Granted. their mama sings and their daddy pops

I wish for Robbie to run

Granted. their mama sings and their daddy pops

I wish for Robbie to run

Granted. Robbie runs around an beats the shit out of you for double-posting.

I wish the other members of the mechanicus reapair Angelirio.

Granted, but they break him beyond repair

I wish for a whip

Granted, but it's a notched whip… meaning it has spikes.
I wish I was dead.

Granted, but you come back as an immortal zombie. In addition, you're fully aware of your existence as a zombie, and if it ever so happens that you'd like to be put down for good, it isn't possible… Because you're immortal. You also get terrible, constant back pain.

I wish for a new computer.

Granted but it's a Windows ME.

I wish Starscream was my sparkmate.

Granted, he still backstabs you though, only now it's literally.

I wish to punch the other techpriests for leaving me unrepaired and claiming I'm beyond repair like the lazy fucks they are

Granted, but you can't until you're repaired; which will take a legion of the best mechanics working all day every day for three years.

I wish for a tank-less water heater.

Granted. But because of a short circuit you can't use it.

I wish our power supply would work again.

Granted, but you are electrocuted as you bring it back to life.

I wish Aegisar changed his profile picture. It scares me sometimes.

.detnarG

.yrtnes ym gnippas pots dluow haps eht hsiw I

Granted. However, the haps got blood on his suit and wants me to pay for the cleaning.

I wish someone else would take the job on necroposting.

Granted, but they're a complete faggot. The post is still old.

I wish new people would come in here :(

Granted. They don't post anything good.

I wish someone advertises for this post.

Granted, it does more harm than good.

I wish for great power, but not much responsibility.

Granted, everything gets fucked up because of your irresponsible ass.

I wish I knew how to handle feels

Granted, but you cut yourself to handle the feels.
You eventually end up bleeding out after you find out to go down the road, not across the street.

I wish for maymees.

Wish granted, however now throughout your life maymees will be the only thing you will ever have.

I wish to have the body and powers of a god.

Wish granted, but humans end up killing you. Just like Nietzsche said.

I wish I had a catgirl for a girlfriend.

Wish granted. It's a cat with the head of a girl

I wish that my ex-wife's AIM WOULD GET BETTER

Granted. She kills you from afar and breaks the record for the longest shot on earth.

I wish the Tyranids were gone.

Granted, but they cross over into real life and invade your house.

I wish I could hack P2W games without consequence. Seriously, a week of grinding for a virtual boot?

Granted. You bring a huge inflation to the steam market.

I wish to achieve CHIM.

Granted, but you lose control and turn into a troll

I wish for a good nights rest

Granted. You sleep so well that bandits rob you of everything you have.

I wish for Valve to give us completely new weapons.

Granted, but they require new hats to use
I wish the tumblr Steven universe fandom would grow the fuck up and stop posting ship hate

Granted. They grow up and start posting about how some ships are problematic.

I wish to git gud.

Wish granted, but everyone else does, making it pretty much worthless.

I wish for a glass of raspberry juice

Granted, it's 50% fruit juice, 50% spit from people making farting sounds with their mouths.

I wish for an hour glass.

Granted. It's the word 'hour' made of glass letters.

I wish for smecksual_videos to become smecksy again.

Wish granted, but its locked in a room you can't enter

I wish for a loyal girlfriend

Granted, she's just not loyal to you.

I wish for various lengths of wire.

You recieve various wires of different lengths. One tied around your neck to a lamppost.
I wish the tumblr SU fandom was cured of its cancer

Granted. It get's diarrhea instead and shitposts everywhere.

I wish for a sandwich.

Granted. A scout missing only 1 hp steals it.

I wish scouts weren't total assholes.

Granted, but now medics are little shits, and don't heal you
I wish nobody expected the imperial inquisition.

Granted, but now medics are little shits, and don't heal you
I wish nobody expected the imperial inquisition.

Granted. But now you need holy hand grenades to properly wipe out chaos.

I wish that Matt Ward starts writing some good shit.

Granted, but the shit really smells

I wish for a chocolate sundaé

Granted. It looks like a chocolate sundaé, but

I wish for beans.

Wish granted, but they're neither edible, magical, or worth much. So you have no choice but to throw them away.

I wish I had more wishes!