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I wish for land sharks

Wish granted you get this
https://www.roblox.com/catalog/118281463/Land-Shark-Shooter
then you become 9 years old but still die young

I wish for a super model of a super aircraft

Granted: A toy aircraft with the size of a Boeing 787 appears right next to you.
However, as you are flying your toy plane in the pilot's seat, it is struck by lightning which causes it to explode.

I wish to have the ability to get 100% and pass any test or quiz that I take for the rest of my life.

Wish granted but everyone shouts "Nerd" at you

I wish people knew the character in my profile picture.

Granted, but people consider the character to be a poorly made Gary Stu.

I wish all my favorite shows and series would stop going on indefinite hiatus.

Granted. All your favorite shows no longer go on indefinite hiatus. This, however, causes their quality to decline to shitty levels.

I wish I had a set of cutlery forged from gallium.

(Why? It's a surprise!)

Go ahead but if you somehow hammered your hand -- nobody's gonna blame you but yourself.

I wish for a cup of self-respect.

Granted. You spill it.
I wish for new presidental canidates.

Granted, but the worst ones will come up bottom to top.

I wish for a chocolate bar.

Granted, but it melts.
I wish for JUSTICE

You get giant tits instead.

I wish for a moe uguu anime gremlin to hold hands with.

Get a body pillow of it instead.

I wish to die.

Granted. Your revived seconds later, after a mass genocide of every sinner in your country.
I wish for every girl to have a butt like mine.

Granted but they can be popped like a balloon if you're not careful.

I wish life wasn't worth living anymore.

Granted, though you may instead find yourself floating around in an empty void where nothing happens.

I wish I was a little bit taller.

Granted, but you're now 50 foot tall and killed by the military for being a monster.

I wish Toronto Blue Jays fans would stop being annoying.

Granted, but now the Dallas Mavericks are annoying.

I wish for the power to see any color ever, even colors that people don't know exist and colors that don't exist in the universe.

Granted, but now you lost your sanity

I wish the world ended

Granted, but you are immortal meaning that you will spend your days flying in outer space.

I wish the Texas Rangers would stop choking all the time.

Granted, they now choke YOU instead.

I wish the person below me does a stupid wish.

Granted, they wish for your death.

I wish we had more baseball fans on KYM.

Granted, Know Your Meme is now Know Your Baseball.

I wish to have the power to make any taste happen in my mouth whenever I want it.

Granted, Know Your Meme is now Know Your Baseball.

I wish to have the power to make any taste happen in my mouth whenever I want it.

Granted. Just… don't use it right after you brush your teeth. Trust me on this one.

I wish for the power to recode anyone's genes so they have my body. (Minus the skin color, wings, and face.)

Granted. You can only get their worst genes.
I wish for a better boss

Granted. You get a better boss, but you are now poor and is right in the middle of the worst slum in India.
I wish for Pepsi to not exist.

Granted, but first you must slay Pepsi Man.

I wish for a sentient mass of self-replicating, chocolate-flavored Nanites to be used as a food source.

Granted but they will not stop replicating.

I wish to have a cute girl's body.

Granted. You now have, in your possession, the body of a cute girl (deceased). You should begin to hear sirens within the next five minutes.

I wish I had common sense.

Granted. You now have a book about what the colonists needed to do in the 1700's.

I wish for someone, somewhere was born with a figure like mine.

Granted but you will never get to meet this person irl.

I wish for the Cubs to win the World Series.

Granted, but it won't be until for another 108 years as they would end up losing this year's World Series to the Indians in Game 7.

I wish I was working for a popular let's play group and got paid well for it.

Wish granted but by working with a cancer youtuber you yourself get cancer

I wish for nice hair

You get a nice receding hairline along with it.

I wish for a second part of the Northern Lights movie saga.

Granted. It is shit however.
I wish for more fruit.

Granted, it gives you every disease known to man.
I wish you to not grant this wish.

Granted. I didn't.
I wish for less monsters.

Granted, but the only monster is you!

I wish Bernie Sanders won the election instead of Donald Trump.

Granted, however you are only send to a parallel universe where Bernie Sanders is elected and the Anti-Trump riots by Hillary voters are now Anti-Sanders riots by Trump voters.

I wish to have a clear sense of direction of knowing every detail of all the places in the world, even if I never been there. Even if there are places that are unreachable, I still will know every tiny to crystal clear detail.

Granted, except you will know about some of the worst stuff that goes on in these places and you will never want to travel again.

I wish I could come up with a good wish.

Granted, thread gets locked.

I wish for a bagel.

Granted. It's shaped like and tastes like anus.
I wish to be a person who can shape the world.

Granted but you'll only shape it for the worse.
I wish I had a car.

Granted. It's an old, beat up Ford Pinto.

I wish I could get a good nights sleep for once.

Granted, now you are in an endless state of sleep, meaning you can never wake up. And the ironical part is that you are dreaming about the song Bring Me To Life by Evanescence.

I wish I can beat every video game in the world without touching the controller.

Granted, but you have to close your eyes the whole time to do it.

I wish, I wish, with all my heart, to go back home, until next time.

Granted. you end up in your parent's bedroom, during their primordial, ball-slaping sex.

I wish for all flat chests to have boobs that make Eiken's girls look average.

Granted, but they are so big only an inflation fetishist could enjoy them
I wish for perfect IVs and shiny pokemon

Granted, but the medical practitioners stick the IVs into your arm, they have to try it 5 times before they hit the vain. And the Pokemon are made of chrome but are no different other wise.
I wish Miles and Kerry would stop eating all my donuts!

Granted, they stop eating your donuts, because you have none.

I wish Eliphas would open a portal.