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Granted, you can now manipulate your skeleton.
I wish I had more RAM for my pc

Granted. Rams will be running your PC from now on.
I wish I would be god.

Granted, Atheists disprove you.

I wish for pancakes.

Granted,you have pancakes that tastes like asparagus

Granted,you have pancakes that tastes like asparagus
I wish for waffles(yes,I mean carrots)

Granted, They're blue.

I wish for a muffin.

Look behind the waffle.

I wish for TIME AND SPACE

You get to spend an unlimited amount of time… in space.

granted but you suffocate to death

I wish the English language language had a gender-neutral pronoun

Granted, people still get pissed when you use it.

I wish for a box of crayons.

Granted, they're used.

I wish for pizza

Granted, but the pizza is now aggressive.

I wish to be the leader of my own civilization.

Granted, you're conquered by a much more charismatic and handsome leader.

I wish for tacos.

Granted- too much hot sauce.
I wish Justin Bieber would be deported.

He was sent back, then he broke the Canadian Laws. Where to deport him next?
I wish I've never met TARDISES

Granted, instead of meeting TARDISES you're sold to, and ultimately murdered by Somali pirates.

I wish for whiskey.

Granted, but after whiskey, you must challenge a russian in vodka drinking competition.
I wish senpai notice me soon.

Granted. Senpai is dating your rival and there for thinks you're a crazy asshole.

I wish for a Fender Stratocaster.

Granted, It's grungy and is covered in about 20 years worth of an unidentifiable dirt-like substance.

I wish I could spend my time more wisely.

Granted. You spend your money half-assedly.
I wish for my Shiny Sandshrew to hatch.

It hatches…but for some reason it isn't shiny.
I wish I could go to the beach soon.

Granted, then this happens:

I wish for more cowbell.

Granted. You get more cowbelle.

I wish my sleep schedule was back on track.

Granted; your eating schedule is now off track.
I wish for the old Youtube.

Granted,the old Youtube will make your computer slow
I wish for lulz

You get an overused phrase.

I wish for pokebank to be released.

Granted, but wherever country you live in doesn't get it.

I wish for my writers block to just go away.

Granted. You write horrible stories.
I wish I had the ability to become a zangoose temporarily.

Granted, you return to human before you could do anything cool.

I wish for a medium-rare T-bone steak.

Granted, but the T-bone steak became aggressive and beheaded your waiter. Wait a second-

. . .

I wish I could go back in time and become the first member of every web site I've ever visited, thus possibly gaining a memetic status for it.

Granted. However, you go eternally blind, never able to see your status or your prestige and go deep into madness.

. . .

I wish I was Lord Protector of Michigan.

Whoops! I seem to have corrupted a wish without making one of my own, and have thus broken my own rule…

Sorry about that.

@Chickenhound the Cruel:

Granted. You are now Lord Protector of Michigan. Your goal: protect it from one of the most powerful man-made objects in existence:

Good luck.

I wish I could rule multi-galactic empire.

Granted. They become furious and overthrow you.
I wish all the bloons would die.

Granted, they come back as vengeful zombies.

I wish for a box of Ritz crackers.

Granted, but they're moldy.
I wish i had lucid dreams more often.

Granted, but you're always wearing very tacky pants.

I wish I knew that earlier.

Granted, you're still caught unprepared.

I wish I looked as pretty as I feel.

Granted, but now you feel ugly.

I wish Falcon's Fury at Busch Gardens would be open in time for February Vacation.

Granted, you're severely crippled the day before vacation starts.

I wish to avenge my father's death!

YOUR FATHER NEVER DIED AND YOU KILLED HIM IN A BLIND RAGE

I wish my wishes were un-corruptable.

Granted, but you didn't have any to begin with.

I wish it was your turn. (づ￣ ³￣)づ

Granted, I win; you lose.

I wish you'd step on a Lego.

Granted.

I wish you would remove kebab.

Granted, but Serbia takes over the entire world.

I wish Poland could into space.

Granted, but only at night.

I wish for popcorn.

Granted.

I wish for meerkats.

Granted, but they're on this awkward television show on Animal Planet.

I wish I had an average, normal, and blank sheet of paper.

Granted, whenever you look at it you forget what you were going to do.

I wish for Pop Tarts.

Dey be moldy, man.

I wish your Pop-tarts weren't moldy.

Granted, but they're stale instead.

I wish I had some Chocolate Covered Strawberries right now.