Forums / Fun! / Just For Fun

Hey there, KYM. So, I decided to have some fun by giving unwarranted advice. Feel free to tell me any problems that you may have and I'll give any help I can. If you don't feel comfortable sharing your problems in a thread, feel free to send a PM.

Also, I may decide not to be useful and just give a joke response. I dunno, I'll figure it out as I go along.

The doctor is: IN

Tell me what ails you.

My problem is I started posting here again.

Stop posting immediately.

My sh!tposts arn't sh!t enough, can you give me some tips?

You're putting too much effort. Good shitposts are all about having a lack of effort. Put all your effort into that immediately.

How do I make it so that I don't want to die?

Well, that would really depend on why, wouldn't it?

As a rule of thumb though, most people tend to stave off thoughts of depression and suicide by keeping themselves busy. A busy mind has no room to dwell or wander, after all.

I'd say get a hobby or a job or something. Something to take your mind off things, keep you in focus and stuff.

Still, would be nice to get more info so the advice isn't so general.

Whenever I make posts on KnowYourMeme, people like you get mad. How can I make you more mad?

Well, a good place to start would be to actually make someone mad. An extension can not logically exist without a base to extend from.

Assuming any reaction is anger is the kind of thing a 4-year old does. Now tell me, who would actually get angry with a child? That's some irresponsible stuff there.

So, no, we're not ever angry with you. We are condescending, disapproving, and ridiculing. Much like anyone would do with a child.

My advice is to at least make someone mad before you try and make people 'more mad'.

I think I get what you're saying. There is no point in trying harder, because every post I make increased your 'u mad' level'. Soon, it may even be over… 9000!!!

Interesting situation we find ourselves in.

You say you didn't need advice.

However, that means you've attempted to derail this thread by seeking something you didn't need in a thread about seeking.

I already gave you a warning about attempted derails.

Your only warning.

Thanks for the heads up, btw.

How does one get a poptart out of the toaster without burning your hand?

Use a fork.

(Honestly, that sounds like a bad idea. I just grab a plate and try and pull the poptart onto it before I burn myself.)

How can I stop being so thirsty for everyone?

Well, you need to define.

Are you thirsty in the dehydrated sense? Or the sexless sense?

The answer to both is obviously auto-fellatio, so practice that flexibility.

For some reason, I have the ability to control myself despite the NSFW and soft-core porn on KYM. How is this possible?

Because you're a functioning human being?

Am I supposed to be impressed?

How many people do you think will actually visit this thread?

Should I pick up strawberry cake or chocolate cake as dessert?

How do I make the dank YouTube moniez?

Help me, what have I become?

How do I free the spirit pussy?

This isn't an AMA thread. Do you need advice?

Help me, what have I become?

Still not advice. A jet fighter, I guess. But stop derailing.

Being you also think this is an AMA and I can't really advise on this… strawberry, because you're obviously a fruit and cannibalism or something.

I guess this is seeking advice. Alright, let's see…

First thing you want to do is kick yourself in the nuts repeatedly until your voice raises by several octaves.

Once your voice is high-pitched and annoying, start playing some games while yelling nonsensical things about a group of people. Black or mexican works, I guess. Maybe asian, too.

Keep putting out these videos with the bare minimal effort and you should be rolling in youtube videos or something.

Not really phrased in a way of seeking advice, but I guess I can give some…

You need go on a long journey, defeating the many spiritual and mental guardians of femininity. All of which are trying to stop you from unleashing the power of the spirit pussy.

That and a lot of alcoholism should do.

But I seriously needed advice with that, every time I go to a restaurant I have to pick between those two desserts, and I always struggle to choose one of them (sometimes I couldn't even choose ;-;). But now I know what to do, thank you Based Bob o7.

Anyway, if you prefer I can give you something I need advice on… I have that hippie classmate who acts like a cunt to everyone who doesn't have dreadlocks or piercings… How can I refrain myself from punching him in the face?

Honestly, I'd say look down on him. Put him beneath you in your own mind. He's some abhorrent manchild who shows desperation for superiority through something as stupid as hair and jewelry. Because of this, he's obviously not your equal, just a child who never grew past adolescence.

So, don't give in to his snobbery, just laugh at how pathetic he is.

How do I stop my obsession with Undertale and then shoot up my high school?

Play the genocide route, realize you're a horrible person.

As for Undertale, stop playing it and you'll get over it.

How can I be more popular on KYM?

How does one stop having a massive crush on a goat?

Convince everyone you're a girl. Then you'll have tons of sweaty, overweight users fighting for your attention.

Crushes come and go in life.

As far as I can tell, the best way is to become comfortable with it and then let it run its course.

Actually, I already tried that. It didn't work. Another idea?

Be witty and sarcastic? And hate everyone in an entertaining way?

Do you think that is going to work?

That depends, how popular am I?

Not that much?

What do I do if I do not grow out of this goat-crush?

I smell like weeaboo shit but I don't even like anime. Watched a single episode of Senran Kagura and this happened. Help!

Like many others here, I sleep in my bed alone. But unlike my peers, I am unable to pretend that an arrangement of colors and lines repersenting young asian women that were made by people from a large island in the north pacific ocean; is capable of having intimate relationships with me.

How should I approach this problem?

You could alleviate the problem by watching a non-shit series

I can't think of a clever question for you.
What would be a good one?

Well known and popular are different things. You're telling Loli how to become like you, while he's asking to become like me.

How do I shot web?

Don't worry about it, you'll either outgrow it or become so used to it that daily function will be possible. You'll be fine.

Take a shower. Weebs are known to smell of death and decay akin to several weeks of shower avoidance. Therefore, anime clearly gives off a deathly aroma and must be followed up by a ritual cleansing ceremony afterwards.

my bed alone

Now this here is your problem. If your imagination cannot keep you company, then you must stop sleeping in your bed immediately. Go into someone else's bed and use them to satisfy your needs. I'm sure they'll be reasonable and understanding.

Either that or a dakimakura.

Advice on how to be me is always welcome. Haha.