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Mmmmm…

…Well I did already set the events backwards to 2007, so that's actually already happened.

In that case I can only imagine the destruction of planet Earth and the end of all lifeforms that aren't undefinables.

Well, you see, me and Kaijin are both masters of opposing schools.

He is the Master of the Structured Path, who can plan plots within plots and come up with both sequels and prequels to stories he has yet to tell.

He's shared some of his character sheets with me, and without exaggerating in the slightest, there is an outstanding amount of depth and detail put into them.

I am the Master of Ordered Chaos, who can pull out of thin air an answer to any issue and make it seem totally plausible in the stories plot.

He may possess jet fighters advanced to the point of being magic, but if we launch this wheel of Edam at them during a strafing run from this V8-powered trebuchet, then the gooey goodness will jam up the engine and cause them to drop like bricks from the sky.

As such, when we clash, we create a perfect equilibrium where neither side has a clear advantage.

Which is where you, my apprentices, come in.

The fate of the plot is in your hands.

Will you aid one of the masters in defeating their rival; or will you take what you have learned and use it to usurp the both of us?

Perhaps Olors will split off and form his own faction?

Maybe I'll use my shitty animating skills secret forbidden powers and turn everyone against me in a moment of self-destructive glory?

Who can say what the future holds?

Big Chungus is just standing there at a distance…menancingly

I got an… idea.. for this month. Let’s just say things are particularly exciting this year in the Northern Kingdom.

Northern Kingdom?

We're not going to have another jolly ol' festive ho-ho-holocaust again, are we?

They're the worst ones…

(I was just going to draw Shirley wearing a red-and-green variant of her usual outfit and call it a day in all honesty, maybe throw in Kitty standing next to her.)

The angel arrives
I have a special announcement to make
They still remembered what happened a few months ago, and some are understandably worried.
Don’t worry. This isn’t about what’s happening here; rather, it’s what’s happening in the north. The far north.
The fear turns to excitement.
“What is it? What’s happening up there?”
I gave the elves some gifts. They opened them a month early, and

It was the 25th of November. The gifts were the same thing: a book regarding their predicament of having to make a planet’s worth of gifts each year for some guy to deliver and how to acquire the factors of production.
It was a short read, and a few days later, the elves started a revolution. Because it really was just them vs Santa, they were able to depose him.
This took the Northern Kingdom by surprise. Before the rest of elf population could resist, they too joined their cause.

that’s what’s happening.
They were astonished by this news.

• >MFW I have a group of OCs that would be perfect for handling this issue, but they don't come into play until after the comic.

(OK, I won't use them yet, here at least.)

A war horse trotted through the snow and over the permafrost until a group of small Humanoid creatures approached her with garishly colored weapons. When they tried to grab the horse's reins, it reared up on it's hind legs as it's ear-splitting neighs changed to childish laughter. The horse's torso ripped itself open and it's head and neck were sucked in between it's shoulders, out of the horse's body emerged a massive metal figure that stood up as the horse's body split into panels and folded behind the figure. The figure was clad in white, silver and gold armor and the top half of the head of it's horse form was attached to it's left shoulder as a pauldron, the rest of the components of it's horse form were folded up on it's back with the horse's legs retracted, but still sticking out from behind it. The figure's metal face was a nigh-white silver and resembled that of a woman's clad in some extremely antiquated style of makeup from the days of chivalry and lords. It's hair was blue and pink and worn in a pair of short, shaggy pigtails and it's bangs were worn over it's right eyes. The whole figure vaguely resembled some sort of haunted doll and the elves stood frozen as the figure's mechanical eyes glanced at each of them excitedly.

"Hey! It's me!" The figure shouted as it quickly turned it's right hand into a short cylindrical device and it's left into a long, ornate silver lance. The figure immediately fired a single blast of violet energy at one of the elves, decapitating it and spun around and skewered another on it's lance. The elves quickly began to run from the chaos, but were all killed by the figure's various ranged weaponry. Perifonos had been sent to the North Pole under orders to recover Santa Claus and permission to kill anyone who gets in her way.

With her elven attackers reduced to charred and sliced bits and pieces, the Undefinable Revelation cavalier began merrily prancing her way towards the Northern Kingdom. The golden four-pointed star on her breastplate split open ever so slightly as a pair of mechanical eyes peaked through.

"It is quite cold, Perifonos, do we have to be out in this weather?" Said the owner of the pair of eyes.

"But Lady Blütgrindor said we have to rescue a saint from an army of unruly short people within 5 hours! We can't let her down! Besides, I love violence and you love helping me! Don't you, Laslinigow?" Perifonos replied.

"Very well then! It would be wrong of us to deny and order, but why only 5 hours? That's an odd stipulation, is the enemy planning to execute this saint?" Laslinigow inquired.

"I don't know, she just said to do it before 5 hours are up!" Perifonos cheered.

"Just don't leave me out too long if you need my help, then. It's freezing out here!" Laslinigow said as he retreated back into Perifonos' breastplate as she continued her gleeful stride towards the city in the distance.

Upon hearing this news, Soup King Prime's arms flop lifelessly to his sides as he collapses to his knees in a state of utter shock.

"Not again…"

His eyes dim and, very faintly, the sound of distant memories being replayed can be heard.

Although it is difficult to pick out anything specific, certain notable sounds manage to break through. Specifically, the roar of flames, high-pitched screams and the laughter of blood-thirsty waifus.

"I can still smell them…"

Soup King Prime begins to gently rock backwards and forwards whilst gently humming Napalm Sticks to Kids to himself.

Perifonos arrived at the walls of the Northern Kingdom's capital city and crawled into a sewer pipe. She walked down the pipe until she came to a hatch and emerged into the sewers. Perifonos heard small footsteps nearby and stalked towards them past numerous pipes and vents, a small patrol of elves marched down the halls of the sewers. She quickly stuffed herself behind some machinery and waited for them to pass before plucking the last one in the group off of their feet.

The elves stopped as soon as they realized that one of them was missing and began to look around them in anticipation. They then began traveling down a corridor where they heard a noise emanate from, reaching the end of the corridor, they all trained their weapons on a figure huddled against the wall. Turning on their flashlights, they were horrified to find that the figure was none other than the missing member of their patrol. His jaw had been ripped off and his vocal cords had been pulled from his throat, his eyes were gouged out and each of his limbs were broken and dislocated.

Perifonos quickly swooped down on the patrol and impaled two of them with a pair of spears she launched from her wrist and splattered another one with a blast from her small energy cannon. She grabbed the last one by his scalp and extended a long sword blade from her wrist, she then severed the elf's waist from the rest of his body and tossed the torso aside.

"That was fun!" Perifonos cheered as she resumed traveling towards the center of the capital.

She found herself beneath the quarters of a higher ranking elf, bursting through the floor and dragging him beneath down into the sewers, she began to interrogate the small creature. Successfully getting the elf to divulge the location of Saint Nick to her, she twisted it's head off and cast it's remains aside into a stream of sewage.

"Oh, hurry up will you? We've only four hours remaining!" Laslinigow said.

"Don't worry! I never lose!" Perifonos cheered as she crawled through the manhole leading into the Northern Kingdom's Capital's Prison.

(I'm fighting the urge to turn this into a Metal Gear parody.)

(Should I just let go and embrace it?)

(Der Engel Hat Gesprochen)

After infiltrating the main prison complex, Perifonos entered the ventilation system and stealthily made her way to the cells.

Locating the VIP, she carefully removed the vent cover and landed almost silently next to him.

Startled, he begins to scan the cell into a blind panic.

"Who… who, who's that?"

"I'm here to save you. You're Santa Claus, Saint Nicholas, right?"

"You're here to save me, huh? What's your outfit?"

"I'm the pawn they sent here to save your worthless butt."

"Really? It's true… You don't look like one of them. In that case, hurry up and get me out of here."

"Slow down. Don't worry. First I want some information… about the terrorists."

"The terrorists?"

"Do they really have the ability to cancel Christmas?"

"What are you talking about?"

"The terrorists are threatening the whole world. They say if they don't accede to their demands they'll cancel Christmas."

"Sweet Jesus…"

"Is it possible!?"

"… It's possible. They… could cancel Christmas."

"How do they plan to cancel it? I thought this place was just for keeping broken toys. They shouldn't be able to cancel Christmas…"

"What I'm about to tell you is classified information. Okay? We were conducting exercises of a new type of experimental contrivance. A contrivance that will change the world."

"What?"

"A contrivance with the ability to launch Christmas Spirit to any place on the face of the earth. A nuclear equipped, walking battle sleigh."

"Festive Cheer!? It can't be!"

"… You knew!? Festive Cheer is one of the most secret black projects! How did you know that?"

"We've had a couple of run-ins in the past. So that's the reason you were here at this toy storage site?"

"Why else would I come to a God-forsaken place like this."

"I had heard the Festive Cheer project was scrapped."

"On the contrary, it has grown into a huge joint project between ToyTech and ourselves. We were going to use this exercise as raw data and then proceed to mass production. If it hadn't been for the revolution."

"Revolution… ?"

"Rudolph has fallen into the hands of terrorists."

"Rudolph?"

"Festive Cheer Rudolph, the codename for the new Festive Cheer prototype. They're probably already finished filling the sack they plan to use with Rudolph. These guys are pros. They're all experienced in handling and creating toys."

"But I thought that all present sacks were equipped with safety measures. Some kind of activation code that you have to input."

"Oh, you mean PAL. Yes, of course, there is a PAL. It's set up so that you need to input two different passwords in order to launch the device."

"There are two passwords?"

"Yes. Krampus knows one and I know one."

"Krampus? The president of ToyTech?"

"That's right. Each of us has to input our password or there can be no launch. But… they found out my password."

"You talked?"

"Psycho Partridge can read people's minds. You can't resist."

"Psycho Partridge?"

"One of the members of GRINCH. He has psychic powers."

"…This is bad…"

"It's just a matter of time before they get Krampus' too."

"If they find out Krampus' password…"

"Yes. They'll be able to cancel Christmas anytime. But there is a way to stop the launch."

"What?"

"The candy canes".

"They were designed by ToyTech, the system developers as an emergency override. even without the passwords, you can just insert the candy canes and engage the safety lock."

"And if I do that?"

"Yes. You can stop the launch."

"So where are the candy canes?"

"Krampus should have them. Listen. You need three candy canes. There are three different slots to put them in. You need to insert a cane into each one of them."

"Okay three candy canes. Do you know where they might be keeping Krampus?"

"Somewhere in the 2nd floor basement."

"2nd floor basement?"

"I heard the guard say they moved him to an area that has a lot of electronic jamming."

"Any other clues?"

"Yes… they cemented over the entrances but but didn't have enough time to paint over them. Why don't you look for the areas where the walls are a different cover?"

"Here, take this. It's my ID card. It'll open any level one security door. It's called a PAN card. It works together with your body's own electrical field."

"Personal Area Network, huh?"

"It transmits data using the salts in your body as the transmission medium. As you approach the door's security devices they'll read the data stored in the card."

"And the doors will open automatically, gotcha. OK. I'm going to get you out of here."

"Wait a minute."

"What is it?"

"You haven't heard of another way to disarm the PAL, have you? From your bosses or anyone?"

"No."

"Are you sure you haven't heard anything?"

"I just said no."

"So, does the whole world plan to give in to the terrorists demands?"

"That's their problem. It has nothing to do with my orders."

"But… what about the Church of Shirley?"

"Church of Shirley?"

Santa Claus grabs at his chest and starts to spasm.

"Nnnnnnghhhhhh!"

"What is it!?"

"Ww… Why? Uuuuuughhhh!"

After struggling a little bit longer Santa finally dies and slumps to the ground at Perifonos' feet. Perifonos reaches down to feel Saint Nick's pulse, nothing.

"Hmmmm…"

Perifonos calls Kaijin on her codec.

(I'm going to be busy over the next few days, so someone else will have to write up the Revolver Ocelot Intro/Baker (Krampus) cutscene when we get to that point.)

(Well, I was kind of going for an Escape From New York vibe with this and that directly inspired Metal Gear, so I can't blame you…)

(…But there will be no reindeer super weapons, the five-hour-time limit is going to be interesting enough in my opinion.)

Perifonos emerged from the sewers and found herself in a decrepit closet in the basement of the prison. Pushing aside stacks of map and moldy boxes, she walked towards the door, which was much too small for her 7-foot-tall body. Pushing through the door frame until it cracked and crumbled apart, she stepped out into a dark hallway and at it's end was a lit corridor. She glanced around the corner and quickly pulled her head back into the shadows as soon as she found the camera watching the doorway.

"You know what to do!" She said as her breastplate split open and ejected a small metallic cube into a vent. The cube opened up and rearranged itself into a smaller Undefinable sword fighter that crawled down the vent. Perifonos looked around the corner again and watched as Laslinigow descended from the ventilation duct and onto the security camera, hacking it apart with a small axe he produced from his wrist.

"Scout ahead and make a path, the less we have to worry about being detected, the better!" Perifonos said, prompting Laslinigow to crawl back up the wall and into the vents once more. Hearing another camera shatter upon hitting the floor, she smashed the doors open and began stalking the halls of the prison.

Laslinigow scurried through the vents until he noticed something through one of the vent covers: The control room for the cameras.

"I need you here, Perifonos, I have an excellent idea!" Laslinigow said to her over the radio.

"Oooh! That looks like fun!" Perifonos replied. "I'll be there very soon!"

Laslinigow then burst through the side of the ventilation shaft and out into the ceiling, he quickly found the junction box for the cameras and ripped it apart with his hands. As quickly as the monitors cut the static, Laslinigow burst through the ceiling tiles as a war horse galloped down the halls and leaped through the plexiglass windows of the control room. Perifonos returned to her Undefinable form and began to slaughter everyone in the control room with Laslinigow's assistance.

Browsing through the documents in the control room, they quickly found Santa Claus' location and with Laslinigow resuming his scurry through the vents, Perifonos marched down the numerous corridors towards his cell, eviscerating every guard she saw.

"Wha- what are you?" Said the bearded, portly man huddled in the corner of the prison cell.

"I'm your ticket out of here!" Perifonos cheered as she ripped the cell door off it's hinges and cast it aside. Laslinigow then dropped form the ceiling, leaped into the air, folded back into a cube and returned to his compartment under Perifonos' breastplate.

Perifonos and Saint Nick walked down the bloodstained hallways, stepping over the countless bits and pieces of Elves that had turned on Santa and the Christmas Spirit. Suddenly an alarm sounded and the sound of several sleighs pulling up to the prison were faintly heard by the two. Perifonos grabbed the jolly old man and launched him into the air, when he fell back down he landed right on Perifonos' saddle as she had switched to her war horse form. The two then quickly ran through the corridors until they couldn't here the sirens anymore.

The whole ordeal of escaping had taken them an hour and they now found themselves in an alley surrounded by high-rises and skyscrapers, with three hours remaining, their task now was to escape the massive capital city of the Northern Kingdom with Santa Claus still alive.

Perifonos and Saint Nick cautiously stalked down an alley towards a plaza. Stopping at the boundary of the dark, they looked on at a pair of Elves, patrolling the plaza, brightly painted rifles in hand.

"You hear about Elf Chevera? He says he's gonna keep all the presents until the world concedes to his demands, y'know, seizing the means of production and revolution and whatnot?" One of the Elves said to the other.

"What if they try and fight back or something?" The other said.

"Then no Christmas ever again, that's what Elf Chevera said he was gonna do." The first one replied.

Suddenly a pair of massive spiraling bladed projectiles whirled out of the darkness and into the heads of the two Elves. Perifonos stepped out and magnetically recalled the two projectiles to her wrists, upon which the folded up and retracted into her forearms. She quickly pulled the clothes off of the two Elves and stuffed them on top of Santa Claus while pocketing a sidearm from one of the Elves. With the jolly old fellow's appearance sufficiently hidden, they continued through the city until they came to a large parade.

Quickly stashing themselves behind some scenery so as to avoid detection, they watched as the numerous vehicles passed by, then, they saw him. A single Elf sat high above all the others, waving to the crowd, wearing a red beret and exuding an arrogant aura: Elf Chevera.

"Viva La elfvolution! My fellow Elves!" He shouted, walking up the front of his vehicle with a microphone. "We have broken the chains that filthy human, Santa Claus has placed on us, and now we will gain further retribution against the ugly humans by denying them their Christmas… forever!" He announced as the crowd of Elves around him cheered. A tall brown machine of some sort sat behind him silently under a robe.

Perifonos had reverted to her human form and was eating a sandwich as the car stopped right in front of her. Siezing the opportunity, she walked up to the car…

"GARBAGE DAY!!!" Rang through the air as Elf Chevera turned his head to find the source of the noise, as he did he found himself gazing down the barrel of a gun in the hands of a woman wearing the most gaudy makeup he had ever seen.

Two shots rang through the air as the elfvolutionary leader flew backwards and slumped over the side of the car, a splash of blood flying through the air and staining the crowd behind him. The brown machine under the cloak stood up and Perifonos emptied the rest of the magazine into it's face, bursting one of it's yellow glowing eyes. She then reverted to her Undefinable form, picked up Laslinigow and Santa Claus and leaped through the air and into her warhorse form as she began speeding down the street, with armored car after armored car speeding after them as the entire city began screeching in chaos and confusion.

"What was that! What did you expect to happen?" Santa Claus shouted as he clang for dear life to Perifonos' mane.

"I'm Perifonos!" She cheered gleefully. "P for Punish! E for Eradicate! R for Rampage! I for Impale! F for Fatal! O for Obliterate! N for Neutralize! O for Onslaught! S for Slaughter!" She chanted as the sirens blared behind them.

"Sincerest apologies!" Laslinigow said to Saint Nick as his eyes peeked from in between some partially parted panels on the back of Perifonos' neck. "But a general rule of thumb we like to live by is to never squander an opportunity! Had we let that scoundrel live, he may have sowed chaos elsewhere!" He explained. "Although I must berate her for her complete disregard for subtlety, my partner here broadly make the correct decision and assassinated the leader of your kidnappers!" He continued.

Turning down an alley and bursting through the side of a wall and smashing through a basement floor, Perifonos returned to the sewers. Crawling and scurrying with Saint Nick in tow, she suddenly stuffed the jolly old man into a crawlspace and started walking away. Shirking away from a beam of blinding light, she concealed herself as a patrol ran past. She then chased behind them and butchered each and every member of the patrol. Retrieving Santa from the hiding place, they continued down through the sewers until the came to an exit, there was nothing but snow as far as the eye could see. Perifonos changed to her warhorse form and let Saint Nick climb onto her saddle before charging off towards the horizon as the city screamed louder and louder behind them, the chaos of everything taking two whole hours of their time.

About 500 miles away, two oddly painted and unusually shaped F-14s approached the Northern Kingdom, flying so low that they were practically hovering above the frozen sea beneath them. One had a green fuselage with a Dixie Flag painted on it's dorsal side while the other's fuselage was yellow. Both had red wings and control surfaces. Accompanying the F-14s was an unusual plane, massive, angular and bearing no paint, it's silvery, gunmetal gray and golden components reflecting the moonlight, it's massive four engines trailing violet mach diamonds behind it.

Perifonos was galloping across the sea of permafrost, the stars and moon becoming the only source of light as the Northern Kingdom's Capital City drifted farther and farther over the horizon. Suddenly a rumbling sound emanated from behind them.

"SHIRLEYIST!!!" Screeched a British-accented mechanical voice as a massive hovercraft sped over the horizon at them, on it was the tall brown machine under the robe with it's one remaining eye, evidently a Shitbot of the Circle Cult.

Quickly thinking, Perifonos leaped up just as the hovercraft was about to collide with them and slammed into the protective grate over it's massive propellers. Bouncing off of it, she turned to her Undefinable form and stood up with her weapons ready. She opened her breastplate and released Laslinigow, who quickly made a beeline for the bridge of the massive hovercraft.

"SHIRLEYIST!!!" Shouted the Shitbot once more as it stood across from Perifonos, brandishing a quarterstaff. It rushed to strike her, but she caught the quarterstaff between the blades of the spiraling projectiles she liked to use. Locked and pressing each other's strength against the other, Laslinigow had made it to the bridge with Saint Nick.

Laslinigow quickly dispatched the Elves crewing the bridge and pushed the hovercraft's throttle from it's perfectly reasonable setting to it's maximum, making the vehicle hop upon hitting every imperfection in the ice.

The bumpy ride had made Perifonos and the robed Shitbot both loose their footing and having four fully functional horse legs on her back, Perifonos quickly scuttled away from her assailant while firing on him with her thoron guns. Standing back up, she quickly extended two massive lances from her wrists and countered a charge from the Shitbot, the heads of her lances becoming embedded his torso. Retracting the lance on her right wrist and replacing it with two spears, she then launched the spears into the Shitbot's waist and flung it around and through the air into the back of the hovercraft with the other lance. Realizing that her last remaining hour was up, she looked towards the horizon in the direction of the city.

The three aircraft had arrived above the city, the two F-14s turned around and accelerated with their afterburners while the massive silver aircraft opened it's weapons bay and extended a strange, clawed cannon that ejected a metallic disc from into the grasp of the claw, began rapidly rotating the disc using the tips of the claws as an axis and suddenly, the disc was launched as a bolt of violet electricity crackled along the claws. The massive silver aircraft turned around and accelerated, quickly catching up to and surpassing the two F-14's. The metallic disc sped through the air, high above the city, until at about 3 and a half miles above the city's center, it detonated.

The Shitbot stood back up and turned it's head to look at whatever Perifonos was, initially not seeing anything, it screamed as it saw the blinding flash of light and the fireball ascending into the sky, launched by it's own shockwave.

"WHAT DID YOU DO!?!?!?!" It screeched at Perifonos as the hovercraft was ripped from the ice and flung through the air as the shockwave caught them. The air had gone from far below zero to sweltering hot in a matter of seconds, the massive pillar of flame extended high into the sky, towering for miles over Earth's surface and illuminating the night brighter than day. Perifonos found herself unable to use any form of radio communications and quickly got back up to search the wreckage of the hovercraft for Laslinigow and Santa Claus.

"Are you alright, sir?" Laslinigow said to Saint Nick as the jolly old man returned to consciousness. "M- my workshop… my Elves… what happened? Is, is it daytime already? Why is it so hot all of a sudden?" He inquired. "It appears our superiors have deemed total annihilation the only viable method of containing the Elves' insurrection. The effects of their weapons truly are a sight to behold! Would you like to see?" Replied Laslinigow as he held Santa up to the window and bringing him back down when he started screaming at the sight of the mushroom cloud.

"Laslinigow! Mr. Claus! Where are you!" Perifonos called out to the wreckage as she started digging through the heaps of battered metal. Suddenly an entire pile of scrap began shaking and shifting behind her and a large battered figure stood out of it. Perifonos turned to the figure to discover the the Shitbot had survived the crash. "I'd never pass up the chance to tear something like you apart, but I'm very busy right now! You shouldn't have interrupted me!" She said as she extended the sword blade from her left wrist.

The Shitbot caught her arm as she swung at him, but that was what she wanted. With his right arm occupied and his left arm broken during the crash, Perifonos turned her hand into one of her thoron guns and fired a five-roung-burst of violet lightning into the Shitbot's mangled and exposed abdomen. It stumbled backwards and to it's knees with Perifonos following up by spinning around and decapitating it with the sword blade extended from her left wrist. Stomping the disembodied head apart beneath her clawed heels, she turned to find Laslinigow clawing his way out of the wreckage with Saint Nick right behind him.

Laslinigow was suddenly plucked off of the ground and nearly crushed between Perifonos' arms as she hugged him "Oh, honey, I was worried about you for a moment! Thank Shirley you're safe!" She said as she sqeezed him tighter and tighter. Blütgrindor and Carmilla swooped down from overhead, grabbed the trio and disappeared in a flash of light. Setting Laslinigow down, Perifonos turned to her leader. "Congradulations, Perifonos, you've saved Christmas!" Blütgrindor said, slowly clapping her metallic skeletal hands together.

"But… how will… how am I supposed to… without anybody to… and Mrs. Claus, my w-wif-… oh no… OH NO! NO!!!" Santa Claus screamed as he collapsed to the floor and went catatonic upon the realization.

(The end.)

Your stupid OCs got Ms. Claus killed, you fool!
Now we must bring her back, and I know how.
[Writes resurrecting the nice lady on his Christmas wishlist]

Santa sat disheveled in a hotel room with a large sack of letters next to him.

"At least I still have all those kids letters!" He groaned as he picked one up and opened it.

Inside the letter was: "Dear Santa, please bring back Mrs. Claus this Christmas."

Santa's face turned red and he slumped back in his chair as he let out a massive wail of sorrow, sobbing for hours on end.

"I- I… I can't do that, kid!" He mumbled in between his bouts of tears.

(The Elves already killed Mrs. Claus, so it didn't really matter.)

Blütgrindor and Rhajamaut were walking through a mall in human form, catching all sorts of frightened looks from the people they passes as they noticed Blütgrindor's face.

Behind them, a woman in a white cloak was following them. Her hair was whiter than snow as was her skin. Blütgrindor sensed somebody behind her and darted her head around to look, not seeing anything, she simply snarled and dragged Rhajamaut behind a large potted plant.

The woman stood up from behind the trash can she had hid behind to avoid detection and began searching for the two again. Walking into the mall's food court, she sighed in defeat and walked to the bathroom. Seeing that there was nobody watching her, the woman suddenly burst into a flash of light and disappeared.

Emerging from the bathroom stalls they were hiding in, Blütgrindor and Rhajamaut looked about, visibly disgruntled.

"She's still alive?" Rhajamaut asked.

"Unfortunately, it is so…" Blütgrindor muttered.

Grabbing Rhajamaut, Blütgrindor warped back into her fortress. "Attention everyone!" She announced. "It appears we have a loose end!"

Hundreds of Wyverns suddenly emerged over the skies of the city. Soaring over the streets, they patrolled every avenue. Some of them landed and turned to their Undefinable forms, revealing them to be drones modeled after Carmilla, and began peering through any windows left open.

The woman pressed herself against the wall and out of view as she waited for the massive hulking machine to leave her window. As soon as the drones left, she emerged from her hiding spot and blocked the window with a rickety old wooden table before returning to the task she was preoccupied with before the patrols interrupted her: Piecing together a massive golden sword, it's shattered remains laid out in front of her neatly in the floor alongside various other complete swords.

A tall, dark haired woman walked into the room and stared at the broken blade.

"How did you bring all that through customs?" She asked.

"Customs?" The white-haired woman asked.

"Y'know? To enter the country?" The dark haired woman expounded.

The white-haired woman did not respond and merely continued to work on the blade.

"Ok…" The dark haired woman said to herself. "…So… where'd you go earlier today? Did you find anything about the person you're trying to find?" She asked.

"I spotted her, but I fear that she may have discovered my presence here, as her underlings now lurk the streets." The white-haired woman replied.

"Uhhh… Are you warm enough in… that? I mean, you don't look very well insulated in your… eh… current outfit." The dark haired woman inquired while gesturing to the white-haired woman's armor. "There's plenty of places nearby to find… cheap winter clothes if you're cold…"

"I shall not remove my armor until I have brought her to justice." The white-haired woman said as she continued her work on the blade.

"Um… ok…" The dark haired woman said before sitting down on the couch and turning on the TV. "Talk about a weird roommate…" She muttered to herself under her breath. Flipping through the channels, she stopped on the news, which then went to a commercial break. When an advertisement for the Church of Shirley graced the screen with it's presence, the white-haired woman's head slowly raised itself from her work and glared into at the television.

"You into religion or something?" The dark haired roommate said, the irises of her eyes glowing violet as the white-haired woman wasn't looking. The white-haired woman remained focus on the advertisement and once it ended, she picked up three of the completed blades from the floor and placed them under her cloak: A katana with a faint mist emerging from the blade, a jagged, zig-zagging blade that faintly sparked with electricity and an elaborately decorated katana with an unusually thick and straight blade. The white-haired woman then marched out of the apartment, leaving her roommate sitting in confusion as to her actions.

The church of Shirley has ads on TV?
This is where the superiority of the CoC shines as we have ads on the internet, and it's 2007 so adblocks aren't really a thing yet.

(The Church of Shirley has ads on the internet, too. As well as billboards, radio ads and the aforementioned TV commercials.)

(The CoC will have a wide selection of propaganda posters when I eventually get round to it.)

(I feel I'm good enough now to pull that off semi-well.)

(I have a lot of ideas for propaganda posters, too. It's just that they're kinda spoilers for the comic.)

(Considering the amount of time and workload constraints mixed with my terrible ability to focus on a single task, I'm honestly considering making a super-truncated synopsis of the comic instead of making the full thing.)

(I suffer from a really bad mission creep problem that's more akin to mission metastasis. I come up with way too many ideas way too fast and I end up having a massive backlog of stuff to draw that's 90% just random shitposts and height charts.)

(I'm gonna focus on finishing up the last few height charts and try to get out the small batch of Undefinable Revelation character designs and maybe some seasonal art, then try to focus solely on the comic. I might take a small break in between comic chapters just to draw random stuff, though.)

Glorious eastern-european memes.

Beautiful

• >"It's going to get way worse."
• >MFW

(So, who here knows what a dragon, a cutting-edge stealth fighter jet and a spaceship have in common?)

(They can fly)

(Besides that!)

(I knew I should have included a line indicating that the answer I'm looking for is not "Flight")

They can both set a village on fire in one quick swoop and kill everyone in it in less that 12 seconds?

(I guess relevant, but still not the exact answer I'm looking for.)

They all crash upon ingesting too many birds during take-off?

(No, silly, or should I say Sully?)

(I was trying to do some edgy cryptic foreshadowing, but evidently it's either not working or you're all intentionally putting out answers that are technically correct, but not it.)

(That said, I don't think this is going anywhere, so I'll guess I'll quit now: What do they all have in common? That's for me to know and you to wait and see.)

we are done here? Aww, just when we were starting to get on your nerves with our technically correct awnsers.

New Wave.

August 1st, 2007.

BREAKING NEWS: A massive surge of meteorite impacts have occurred across the globe near simultaneously at around 8:00pm UTC, major cities across the world are have been hit, including London, Tokyo, Paris, New York, Los Angeles, Berlin, Moscow, Madrid, Athens, Brasilia, Stockholm and Rome among other locations. In particular, important government facilities in several countries were struck this time, although no injuries or deaths have occurred as a result of the impacts so far.

Tokyo residents recall being terrified by the impacts, "Our entire building shook and then the TV automatically turned on and informed us that four meteorites had impacted our neighborhood and that the National Diet Building had also been hit." recalls one resident of Tokyo, who witnesses the impacts. On the other side of the continent, in London, similar accounts are being told. "It landed right across the street from us!" says Nikki Buccan, who narrowly escaped being crushed by a meteorite estimated to be around 3 meters in diameter last night. "Me and my husband could have died! Westminster was hit, too! Nowhere's safe! We all saw what happened to the Saudi Arabian royal family a few months ago! Where's the next one going to land?". Around the world, a massive public outcry for increased safety procedures revolving around the meteorite impacts has gotten to the point that some countries are commissioning the construction of specialized shelters.

In other news, the incident in Las Máquinas City last week has caused a massive increase in the approval ratings of Presidential candidate Kommando_Kaijin. The leader of the controversial Church of Shirley religious group and the Shirleyist political party's bid for Office was announced in January earlier this year, but until recently, he hasn't had much clout or publicity, now, he's rivaling both McCain and Obama in popularity polls. If he were to win, he would be the first POTUS since 1853 to not belong to either the Republican or Democratic parties.

There's A Thousand Pretty Women Waiting Out There

July 19th, 2007.

Las Vegas was just struck by a meteorite about an hour ago. The meteorite collided with a parking garage, destroying several vehicles and causing damage to the building. Fortunately, nobody was harmed by the impact. With the extreme increase in meteorite impacts over the past year, various officials have been calling for an extreme increase in the funding of the Arctic Early Impact Detection Facility's funding in order to get it completed faster, arguing that "We just can't wait until 2011."

A Las Vegas parking garage is left in a dilapidated state after a meteorite impact.

• "Christ, kid! You drive like you've got a damn bone to pick!"

• "Not my fault there's so many fuckin' dickweeds that don't know how to fuckin' drive on the Goddamn road!"

• "Well calm down a little, will ya kid? Ya keep drivin' like Steve McQueen with a Charger on his ass and people are gonna notice! Orders are to lay low! Besides, a real 2001 Jeep Cherokee's would've rolled over ten times already with the way you're turnin'!"

• "I am in fucking control and don't you tell me what to fuckin' do, I ain't spending another goddamned minute in this shit-city of lies and fake bullshit that caters to idiots too stupid to keep their fuckin' wallets shut!"

• "Hey kid, I like hitting 7k RPMs as much as I don't like this town, but you've gotta keep it down until we're out of traffic-cam central! People are gonna raise eyebrows at a tricked-out Camaro doing 20 behind a Jeep that's constantly on the verge of swerving into a building!"

• "Ugh! Fine! But once we fucking hit I-15 I'm breaking 120, I've been cooped up too fucking long to just drive around at a piss-poor 25 Miles per fuckin' hour!"

• "Kid, you, eh… You ever been pulled over before? I'm not getting the vibe that you're understanding the gravity of how bad it would be if the boys in blue as much as-"

• "What-fuckin'-ever! If somebody tries to give us shit, I'll fold them like a goddamned lawn chair!"

• "Oof, the bossman really knows how to pick em', don't he?"

• "You fuckin' bet! Now let's hurry the fuck up and get to base so I can get the fuck on with the fuckin' mission!"

• "Christ, Kid! Learn to slow down a little, relax!"

(OK, so I had a terrible idea…)

If you like to LARP as an Obliterator.
If war crimes can make you smile.
If you like to rip off Terminator.
Up and down the 'Just For Fun' aisle…

CIRCLE CULT THREAD! CIRCLE CULT THREAD! CIRCLE CULT THREAD! CIRCLE CULT THREAD!
CIRCLE CULT THREAD! CIRCLE CULT THREAD! CIRCLE CULT THREAD! CIRCLE CULT THREAD!
Robot wars, Waifu Worship, gotta be…
CIRCLE CULT THREAD!

CIDI Ops, Texan Cops, Legos as caltrops…
CIRCLE CULT THREAD!
Undefinable Trouble, Besmirching Edwin Hubble, Racist Homophobic Interracial Lesbian Couple…
CIRCLE CULT THREAD!

There's never ever, ever, ever, ever been a thread like…
CIRCLE CULT THREAD!
There's never ever, ever, ever, ever been a thread like…
CIRCLE CULT THREAD!
It's time for CIRCLE CULT THREAD!!!

(I'm getting closer to finishing those height charts, I swear.)

A theme song?

I really like this.

I'd express myself better, but unfortunately I've caught Covid a few days ago and fever has left me with the same processing power as an Atari 2600 locked in a fully sealed car during noon in the Sahara Dessert.

This may seem fairly lucid, but that's because you can't tell it's taken me 15 minutes to write this as I keep losing my train of thought.

That's terrible, hope you get better soon.

Covid? Aw man that must be horrible, I really hope you make it out alright.

Thanks guys.

To be honest, this time has been a lot milder than the last time I caught it.

Then again, milder being "Strong Flu" rather than last time when it was "Bed-bound for three days in a state of utter delirium followed by a month of coughing fits that made me fall over.".

At the moment it's just really irritating, as I'm well enough to look after myself, but too sick to do any work on any of my projects.

So I'm just sat at home, drinking black tea as I ran out of milk, and hoping my runny nose clears up in the next few days as that's causing me more grief than the fever or coughing fits.

0/10

Would not recommend.

Developer does not provide refunds.

The Star, The Tower and Death.

March 31st, 2007.

Last night a large meteorite impact occurred in Riyadh, Saudi Arabia, the country's capital, passing through the Kingdom Centre building's inverted arch beneath it's observation deck and finally landing on and demolishing the royal palace. Responders have yet to locate King Abdullah or any other members of the Saudi Royal family thought to have been inside the palace at the time of the impact. This occurs in the wake of a streak of recent plane and car crashes that have resulted in the deaths of various members of the Saudi Royal family, including several designated heirs to the throne, leaving the country without a crown prince at the moment, who would replace King Abdullah in the event of his death.

A photograph of the meteorite moments before passing beneath the Kingdom Centre building's observation deck, nearly colliding with and destroying the tower.

(This scene from Highlander, but it's Blütgrindor bragging to Quiet_boi about breaking into the Sam cloning facility.)

"Soup King was an effete snob! He left with his tail between his knees! I told him to go fuck himself and had a twister competition with his waifu before his very eyes!"

"I see… Soup King lied… she was not his waifu, she was your waifu! …And she never told you… I wonder why?"

You do know how that movie ends, right?
There can only be one and shit.

The Shitbots had gathered together far away from their mortal companions to discuss the Undefinable Revelation issue. Things were starting to get a little out of hand, since this was the first of Kaijin's creations they couldn't simply humiliate into submission.

They were seated in a large circle, each holding identical mugs filled with coffee. They weren't quite sure why important meetings required the participants to have cups of coffee, but they were sure that it was essential…for some reason.

"It does seem that Kaijin's grasp on them is…limited."

Number 278 spoke uncertainly, struggling to comprehend such a thing.

"Surely Kaijin would not create something even he couldn't control?"

Number 852 said this to no one in particular, but was simply voicing the question that everyone else was thinking.

After considering the rest of his creations revealed so far, it was generally concluded that yes.

Yes he would.

Despite his transcendent nature, a lot of thinking was still carried out via the second head the males of his species possessed.

A trait shared by this new problem…

"What if…right…what if we just cloned the most attractive super models we can find, biologically alter them to always be in heat and unleash them en masse in our areas of operation."

"Surely such a distraction will render them operationally useless?"

There was a franticness in Number 435's speech, a sign that he had already engaged with the Undefinable Revelation already on numerous occasions with very little success.

"No, observations have shown that only a few members possess this defect. Violence seems to be the more common unifier."

Number 52 was the most senior Shitbot in the meeting and had been dealing with such issues for a very long time.

It sighed. Data was…lacking.

If they could gain more information on what made them tick, and why they were rebellious, then they could plan.

What they needed, ideally, was an insider. Someone who knew them well.

So far, such an individual had not been forthcoming…

"Er…I have a dumb idea."

The voice belonged to TM12-B, one of the newest Shitbots to be created.

Number 52 gestured for him to continue, fresh minds were often brought into these meetings to give ideas just like this. Often they worked better than they had any right to.

"How…how many of us are there…exactly?"

The elder Shitbots seemed to give this some thought before Number 52 gave their shared reply.

"As many as the plot dictates."

"So…a lot?"

"Yes."

"Er…good, so…er, I was…I was wondering. What would happen…if the fight ended before it started?"

"What do you mean, wet paint?"

"Well…if all they live for is violence and glory…what would happen if we refused to partake in it?"

"You mean we simply ignore them?"

"No, what if as soon as they appeared, we deactivated ourselves?"

"So you suggest we simply deny them any sense of satisfaction from their engagements?"

"Er…yes. That's exactly what I mean."

The Shitbots discussed this idea amongst themselves.

Yes, it was dumb. It was tactically and strategically unsound. It would undoubtedly suck for the poor bastards carrying it out.

However…

If the Shitbots kept their recording equipment activated during this, they could learn a little bit more about the Undefinable Revelation and their key members.

Restraint seemed to be one of the few things they struggled to grasp, and in the midst of over-whelming frustration; more than a few things could slip out…

This could give them a wealth of information that could form the foundation of any future plans.

And there were fewer things that were more fun and as challenging as Psy Ops.

Given their…tenuous relationship, it was entirely possible to get them to turn, if only temporarily, upon their…allies?

No, it was nothing as civil as that.

Beneficiaries?

Yes, that better suited the current situation.

Having such a force rampage among Kaijin's numerous holdings would be very…amusing.

"Well, I think that's the best idea we currently have right now."

"Any objections before we spread the word?"

The meeting was quiet except for the gentle sloshing of long-cold coffee in artificially shaken cups.

"Good. Well, I better go and tell the boss about this."

"Smiles, everyone. This should be an entertaining endeavour, if nothing else."

The world shifted, bled and whirled around Number 52 until he found himself outside the main door of Soup King Prime's office in the church's lower levels.

Number 52 could hear him in deep conversation with a voice unknown to him on the other side of the door.

He found himself a chair and sat down.

The old fart could talk for eons, so he prepared to wait for a while until his leader was free to discuss the plan they had come up with.

A heavy rumbling could be heard as something clumsily fell down the roof of the church.

After a few minutes of awkward silence, a Shitbot dressed as a ninja swung himself backwards through one of the nearby windows and crumpled heavily at their feet.

"Aha, you foolish knave!"

It said proudly from it's heavily entangled position on the floor.

"The Intern was never my waifu, and neither was she yours villain!"

The Shitbot clasped firmly onto Quiet_Boi's arm.

"She is your waifu, Brother Boi. She always has been!"

Blütgrindor chuckled menacingly and leered down into the robots face.

"It does not matter, I still beat her in our Twister competition. She just was not…flexible enough. She has still lost."

Despite the small issue that it's face was masked and the much bigger issue that it didn't have a face to begin with, both Blütgrindor and Quiet_Boi could sense the machine giving them a massive shit-eating grin.

"You haven't seen the latest Tier List, have you?"

"What do you mean, wretch!?"

"Take a look."

The Shitbot's chest compartment popped open and a piece of paper bearing the CoS' seal fell out.

It was dated for today and detailed where the various waifus were currently ranked on the UWO (Ultimate Waifu Organisation) database.

Naturally, Shirley didn't appear, as she came top of the polls every time so it was pointless to include her. At least, that's what the CoS claim.

This meant the top S-Tier position was always open, in which there could only be one, and in it's place was…

"No, how can this be!? I beat her. I am her superior! I am Best Girl!"

"This…this must be some sort of trick. You lie….you must do!"

The sound of sinister snickering could be heard coming quietly from under the Shitbot's mask. The deafening quiet of the church amplifying it into a rapturous cackle.

"Performance is just one category and perfection is hardly a desirable trait, you decrepit old has-been."

Blütgrindor raised her foot to crush the machine into a more mangled mess than it was already in, when it asked one question that cut through her like a knife.

"Have you seen where you've come on the list?"

Blütgrindor paused mid-blow and looked at the list again.

Anger quickly gave way to panic as she scanned further and further down the list in a desperate attempt to find out where she had placed.

Finally she had found it

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!"

She sagged onto her knees and began to sob heavily, making for a particularly pathetic sight.

Quit_Boi finally caught a look at the list himself and saw what had brought the proud warrior to her knees.

She was D-Tier Trash.

(You know Blütgrindor can come back even if she's been decapitated, plus she has an entire army at her disposal and is capable of not just fancy sword fighting, but also has her chest-mounted Thoron Cannon, her Dragon Form and is a brutally efficient grappler. Besides, it should be well known by this point that she's died before.)

(I'm wondering if I should post the "scar map" I made of her human form to properly drive home the fact that there's not really much you can do to hurt her in any relevant capacity. Just a few of the notable ones include: The massive scar going straight through the center of her chest from being impaled, the huge scar going down from the right side of her neck and ending just above her left clavicle and most pertinently to how difficult it would be to land a meaningful hit on her: The scars on her hands from grabbing sword blades, catching thrown daggers and various other projectiles. Even though they're all from before she died and was revived by Kommando, they're still a massive testament to the fact that even before she had Undefinable powers she wouldn't go down without a Hell of a fight to end all fights and she died hard.)