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How screwed/helped are you?
My keyboard. Worth it.

Now diamonds I ment

I looked in me left hand, and this was my reaction.

My penis is a diamond…?

My shirt. It was an ugly shirt anyway.

I was stroking my face.
My beard specifically.

That sounds like it would be the best bling ever, but also extremely painful and unshaveable.

A knife.

It stings a bit.

The air in my left hand transformed to diamonds, but because there's no other barrier containing the air it is slowly spreading to all the air around it. My friends, it has been fun. But the air all around me is quickly becoming diamond and I fear that I may not have long so I must reveal that the one who kidnapped Mellow was none other than

Wtf is this?

A gold bar
I'm gonna go cash this in

Wait, a gold bar that is now made of diamond?
Dude, see if you can chip off a piece and sell it to some dumbass for $9000.

I know what is in my left hand isn't diamonds. They are 2 tickets to that thing you love. But when looked down then back up, they became diamonds.

i am gona get some diamonds, and put them in me left hand see what happen zomg!!!1

I believe it was Andrew Dice Clay who said something like, "They say diamonds are the hardest substance known to man, but I still think I'd put my morning erection up against that."

My shirt button is not a diamond. I don't know what to say. That was to be a nice shirt

i have nothing in my left hand. so nothing is diamonds?

I agree