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No parents to care for... thought the 'sandwich generation' of women had it hard? The alternative is just as tough O Site Web Enter your search QSearch Follow Like Daily Mail Daily Mail P Follow @DailyMail Follow Daily Mail Follow Follow @Femail Daily Mail FEMAIL TODAY Jody Day spoke to UK women whose bloodline is cut off above and below them Kim Kardashian flaunts The psychotherapist says the Solo Generation can be misinterpreted as a dream her tiny waist and Cathy, 54, torments herself by asking 'Who will tend my grave when I'm gone?' hourglass figure in leather pants and tight Elizabeth, 51, recounts having no blood relatives after the death of her parents top while out meeting with a friend in Beverly Jody compared the difficulty of not feeling needed to the Sandwich Generation Hills \"Look at this 100% By JODY DAY FOR THE DAILY MAIL We've all heard of the Sandwich Generation- those women in their 50s worn down by the pressures of having dependent children while also caring for elderly parents. It's a difficult position to be in, as anyone living it will attest. But, recently, I received a message from a woman whose situation is the precise opposite. And yet her burden seems so much heavier. Cathy is both childless and parentless. She describes a nebulous sense of passing through life untethered with nothing to properly connect her to the Earth. 'I'll _ never have children now, and with my parents gone, I am without roots,' she writes. It's almost as though I could float up from the ground and disappear. Some days I feel that, if I did, then nobody would notice. Cathy, who is 54 and single, explains that this crisis was triggered at her great-niece's christening. Overwhelmed by memories of her mother's funeral, at the same church last summer, she stepped outside to compose herself and to visit her parents' grave As she wandered through the pretty churchyard, she inadvertently began reading the inscriptions that marked where other people's loved ones lay. What a mistake that was, she tells me. One epitaph after another paid tribute to loving mothers and dearly missed grand parents. 1 found myself comparing the graves that were cared for with those that were overgrown, and a terrible sadness came over me Since then, Cathy, a medical secretary, has been tormenting herself with the same soul-destroying question: 'Who will tend my grave when I'm gone?' She says she feels the agony of being a childless orphan - albeit a middle-aged one more keenly than ever. 'I don't know what I'm supposed to do with myself;' she - says. 'When Mum was alive, I'd help with her shopping and cleaning. When she became ill with cancer, there were hospital appointments and lots of stuff to manage at home. All this gave Cathy a sense of purpose outside of her full-time job. 'Now Mum's gone and there's nothing left for parents while mourning her dreams of having a family, which didn't happen because she never met the right person. to do,' she says. She finds herself grieving for her me Meanwhile, her friends and colleagues complain of being teenagers and increasingly dependent elders. 'I listen,' says Cathy. 'I nod my head, ragged by recalcitrant run but I'm unable to relate. Their stresses leave me wondering: \"What's the point of me?\" What desperately sad words. And, as I told her in my reply, she is not alone in feeling like this Time and again, I speak to wom familial responsibilities that burden their Sandwich Generation counterparts en who would give anything to be stuck in the All this gave Cathy a sense of purpose outside of her full-time job. 'Now Mum's gone and there's nothing left for me to do' she says. Meanwhile, her friends and colleagues complain of being teenagers and increasingly dependent elders. '1 listen,' says Cathy. '1 nod my head, ragged by recalcitrant run but I'm unable to relate. Their stresses leave me wondering: \"What's the point of me?\" What desperately sad words. And, as I told her in my reply, she is not alone in feeling like this. Time and again, I speak to women who would give anything to be stuck in the familial responsibilities that burden their Sandwich Generation counterparts. Instead, they feel horribly out of step with their peers: alone, untethered and lost It's such a basic human instinct to want to be part of an on-going family chain but these women feel themselves to be the Solo Generation, their bloodline cut off both above and below them. Cathy's grief is what psychologists call 'disenfranchised' - that means it isn't particularly acknowledged by society. This is because her circumstances can be misinterpreted as a dream ticket of sorts, especially in our freedom-focused modern world. Some assume women like Cathy are lucky to be utterly unencumbered, while still young enough to enjoy the liberty that brings. But that's losing sight of just how much a woman's identity is tied up with caring roles. Iappreciate that might sound a little I've carried a deep sense of sadness that I no longer have blood relatives to share my life with - Elizabeth old-fashioned view of trite, or even an womanhood in the 21st century. But, as a psychotherapist, I recognise it as an intrinsic element of most women's psyche, and a deep-rooted, if subconscious, societal belief And thus, if you're a woman who has neither children nor ageing parents depending on you, then whatever else you do with yourself is seen as being 'less than'. Having a husband doesn't make you immune to that, since they don't usually need your care in the same way. It means that, no matter what a woman does with her life, she is still somehow defined by her parental status more than her accomplishments. For many of us, not being heard is I struggle with the fact that my parents died without me making them grandparents incredibly difficult to deal with. If wome n express their sorrow at not having children, they're met with platitudes - we call them 'bingos', as they're so Lesley Pyne, 57 common. 'Well, at least you've been spared the pain of parenthood', is a frequent one we hear. Similarly, trying to explain to someone exhausted by the demands of their elderly mother,how you desperately miss being needed by your own is likely to fall on deaf ears. 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