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Anon is a decent human... | /r/Greentext

>>772251055 (OP) # >be 15 >sister 17 WOOSH VOUHAVE Smol pener >walks out of bathroom after shower 40 KB JPG >towel hanging very loose around her body. >tell her to fasten her towel before it falls off >she nods and fastens it before walking away >i go shower and forget about it >because im not some sick degenerate like you f----. >>772251744 #
>>772251055 (OP) # >be 15 >sister 17 WOOSH VOUHAVE Smol pener >walks out of bathroom after shower 40 KB JPG >towel hanging very loose around her body. >tell her to fasten her towel before it falls off >she nods and fastens it before walking away >i go shower and forget about it >because im not some sick degenerate like you f----. >>772251744 #

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False flag attack | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 11/05/21(Fri)18:18:02 No.66039722 >be me >was supposed to go to 6 flags with my friends today >bought everyone tickets >get dressed up, and do my hair up and have been keeping my skincare routine up so i have a 74 KB JPG clear face >finally get to wear my nice clothes beyond playing dress up in the mirror >and finally can wear my hair jewelry outside >today is the day >wake up to a cancellation text signed: everyone >disappointed but oh well eat a chicken sandwich and go workout in my homegym >in between sets i see a pic posted in the discord of all of them at six flags >play crab game and delete my discord im honestly hella sad rn i genuinely dont even know why they couldnt just be honest
: Anonymous 11/05/21(Fri)18:18:02 No.66039722 >be me >was supposed to go to 6 flags with my friends today >bought everyone tickets >get dressed up, and do my hair up and have been keeping my skincare routine up so i have a 74 KB JPG clear face >finally get to wear my nice clothes beyond playing dress up in the mirror >and finally can wear my hair jewelry outside >today is the day >wake up to a cancellation text signed: everyone >disappointed but oh well eat a chicken sandwich and go workout in my homegym >in between sets i see a pic posted in the discord of all of them at six flags >play crab game and delete my discord im honestly hella sad rn i genuinely dont even know why they couldnt just be honest

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Anon gets a fedora | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/12/21 (Fri)22:52:19 No.146519365 >Grandfather gifted me an old fedora >lt looked so f------ cool >Decide to try it out and it fits perfectly >l even take it out in public >That train of thought of neckbeard 2 MB PNG fedora starts kicking in >F-----.mp4 >Think i'll get humiliated here >Instead everybody started calling me James Bond >Some friends now have nicknamed me James Bond >Tfw
: Anonymous 02/12/21 (Fri)22:52:19 No.146519365 >Grandfather gifted me an old fedora >lt looked so f------ cool >Decide to try it out and it fits perfectly >l even take it out in public >That train of thought of neckbeard 2 MB PNG fedora starts kicking in >F-----.mp4 >Think i'll get humiliated here >Instead everybody started calling me James Bond >Some friends now have nicknamed me James Bond >Tfw

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Anon is bad at golf | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/12/22(Tue)17:17:03 No.876142504 >Be me >Just started playing golf and accidentally kills a duck on the driving range >2 months in, playing on the course >Subconsciously aims for the duck that is sitting on the green 23 KB JPG >Kills the duck sitting on the green >mfw
: Anonymous 04/12/22(Tue)17:17:03 No.876142504 >Be me >Just started playing golf and accidentally kills a duck on the driving range >2 months in, playing on the course >Subconsciously aims for the duck that is sitting on the green 23 KB JPG >Kills the duck sitting on the green >mfw

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Anon is friends with Elon Musk | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/16/20(Sun)13:30:38 No.820823558 You come home from a crappy day of work. You unlock your door, only to see Elon standing in your living room. There's a large cardboard box next to him. >"Hey, Anon-kun. Sometimes life is full of hardships. You're a good friend, so I 155 KB JPG thought you should have this. Enjoy, buddy." He walks to you and briefly places his hand on your shoulder before taking his leave. There's a noise heard coming from inside the box. >"Nyan?"
: Anonymous 02/16/20(Sun)13:30:38 No.820823558 You come home from a crappy day of work. You unlock your door, only to see Elon standing in your living room. There's a large cardboard box next to him. >"Hey, Anon-kun. Sometimes life is full of hardships. You're a good friend, so I 155 KB JPG thought you should have this. Enjoy, buddy." He walks to you and briefly places his hand on your shoulder before taking his leave. There's a noise heard coming from inside the box. >"Nyan?"

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anon is crazy | /r/Greentext

O Anonymous 04/13/22(Wed)01:35:15 No.129933704 >>129933755 >>12 >>129939377>>129939555 >>129940060 File: batman.jpg (37 KB, 600x450) >be bruce wayne >parents get shot >become wimpy emo kid >disappear for two years >comes back f------ jacked >when he comes back the batman starts hitting gotham immediately >batman has literally never been seen with bruce wayne are you not seeing any sort of connection? O Anonymous 04/13/22(Wed)01:37:47 No.129933755 >>129934361 >>129933704 take your meds schizo
O Anonymous 04/13/22(Wed)01:35:15 No.129933704 >>129933755 >>12 >>129939377>>129939555 >>129940060 File: batman.jpg (37 KB, 600x450) >be bruce wayne >parents get shot >become wimpy emo kid >disappear for two years >comes back f------ jacked >when he comes back the batman starts hitting gotham immediately >batman has literally never been seen with bruce wayne are you not seeing any sort of connection? O Anonymous 04/13/22(Wed)01:37:47 No.129933755 >>129934361 >>129933704 take your meds schizo

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Anon doesn't think it's funny anymore | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/15/22(Tue)19:42:22 No.67795384 >Be kid >Use to laugh at media depictions of fat loser guys that live with their parents and spend all day on the internet >10 years later >Become that exact same person I'm not laughing anymore. 61 KB PNG 9 Replies / 2 Images View Thread
: Anonymous 03/15/22(Tue)19:42:22 No.67795384 >Be kid >Use to laugh at media depictions of fat loser guys that live with their parents and spend all day on the internet >10 years later >Become that exact same person I'm not laughing anymore. 61 KB PNG 9 Replies / 2 Images View Thread

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Anon tries posting on a subreddit | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/12/22(Tue)21:48:37 No.876190604 >be me >Redditor >go on a subreddit called r/interestingasfuck >decide to post a picture of the last Mughal Emperor from the 1860's, saying in the title he was the only one of them to ever be photographed ever in the 35 KB JPG history of the world Mods take it down for not being interesting >ok then. Later I post a pic of a pair of conjoined twins from the late 1800's who made a living as freak show performers Mods take it down for not being interesting >post a video of a robot making noodles on a street corner Mods take it down for not being interesting >post a pic of a f------ astronaut in space floating hundreds of feet away from his shuttle while maneuvering across the cosmos with an early jet pack s------- Mods take it down for not being interesting what the f--- do these mods find interesting then? They could see their infant son take his first steps and talk for the first time in his life immediately after and they'd just say, "so what? I already do both of those things on a daily basis." If you thought Asian parents were hard to impress, then imagine what it would be like living with these guys as your parents
: Anonymous 04/12/22(Tue)21:48:37 No.876190604 >be me >Redditor >go on a subreddit called r/interestingasfuck >decide to post a picture of the last Mughal Emperor from the 1860's, saying in the title he was the only one of them to ever be photographed ever in the 35 KB JPG history of the world Mods take it down for not being interesting >ok then. Later I post a pic of a pair of conjoined twins from the late 1800's who made a living as freak show performers Mods take it down for not being interesting >post a video of a robot making noodles on a street corner Mods take it down for not being interesting >post a pic of a f------ astronaut in space floating hundreds of feet away from his shuttle while maneuvering across the cosmos with an early jet pack s------- Mods take it down for not being interesting what the f--- do these mods find interesting then? They could see their infant son take his first steps and talk for the first time in his life immediately after and they'd just say, "so what? I already do both of those things on a daily basis." If you thought Asian parents were hard to impress, then imagine what it would be like living with these guys as your parents

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Bamboozled, eh? | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 12/16/18(Sun)01:58:13 No.787483512 >Mom died right when I was born >Grew up with my dad's family, because my dad has all sorts of emotional issues and he bailed before I was born >Growing up I feel like there was always a lot of distance between me and my sister >Be 17 or 18 >Notice that my sister is a hottie >Accidentally found a video that she made of herself >l thought she was so f------ beautiful that I watched it twice >Would have watched it a lot more, but crazy s--- went down and I had to leave home >At this point, totally lusting after my sister >She was also having bad trouble with the law >Actually in custody when I left home >Friend and I go to pick her up >I Just wanted to f--- her brains out >l think she had feelings for me too >Kissed me when we picked her up >Definitely WAS NOT a sisterly kiss >Friend told me he wants to get with my sister >jealous.jpg >Not much happened between me and my sister for a while >At this point, we were all wanted and moving around a lot >Serious sexual tension between my friend and sister >l get hurt badly and almost die >While in recover, sister gives me another not sisterly kiss >We spend some time apart >l get really religious, try not to think of her that way >l was totally over her >We go sailing a year later (nothing romantic) >She's in the hottest f------ bikini ever >All those feelings come back >She ends up with my friend from before >After all this, we were at a party >Sister and I were outside alone >Kill the mood by telling her that Darth Vader is our father and I have to go face him
: Anonymous 12/16/18(Sun)01:58:13 No.787483512 >Mom died right when I was born >Grew up with my dad's family, because my dad has all sorts of emotional issues and he bailed before I was born >Growing up I feel like there was always a lot of distance between me and my sister >Be 17 or 18 >Notice that my sister is a hottie >Accidentally found a video that she made of herself >l thought she was so f------ beautiful that I watched it twice >Would have watched it a lot more, but crazy s--- went down and I had to leave home >At this point, totally lusting after my sister >She was also having bad trouble with the law >Actually in custody when I left home >Friend and I go to pick her up >I Just wanted to f--- her brains out >l think she had feelings for me too >Kissed me when we picked her up >Definitely WAS NOT a sisterly kiss >Friend told me he wants to get with my sister >jealous.jpg >Not much happened between me and my sister for a while >At this point, we were all wanted and moving around a lot >Serious sexual tension between my friend and sister >l get hurt badly and almost die >While in recover, sister gives me another not sisterly kiss >We spend some time apart >l get really religious, try not to think of her that way >l was totally over her >We go sailing a year later (nothing romantic) >She's in the hottest f------ bikini ever >All those feelings come back >She ends up with my friend from before >After all this, we were at a party >Sister and I were outside alone >Kill the mood by telling her that Darth Vader is our father and I have to go face him

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Anon finds a reason to live | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 10/04/21(Mon)19:26:15 No.864396347 hqdefault.jpg 23 KB JPG >be me >thinking of killing myself >realise if I kill myself then nikado avocado will have outlived me. >Continue to live
: Anonymous 10/04/21(Mon)19:26:15 No.864396347 hqdefault.jpg 23 KB JPG >be me >thinking of killing myself >realise if I kill myself then nikado avocado will have outlived me. >Continue to live

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Anon writes a research paper | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 11/28/18(Wed)15:40:36 No.49549340 >accidentally submitted the wrong version of my paper on Rwandan genocide >was a version I fooled around in >the word 'genocide' replaced with 'kiddy slide' 76 KB JPG >includes lines like 'The Rwandan Kiddy Slide had a death toll of around 800,000 people' >tfw too late to resubmit what do i do did this ever happen to you guys
: Anonymous 11/28/18(Wed)15:40:36 No.49549340 >accidentally submitted the wrong version of my paper on Rwandan genocide >was a version I fooled around in >the word 'genocide' replaced with 'kiddy slide' 76 KB JPG >includes lines like 'The Rwandan Kiddy Slide had a death toll of around 800,000 people' >tfw too late to resubmit what do i do did this ever happen to you guys

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It's just a prank bro | /r/Greentext

Anonymous (ID: 3/Ea54yl) 08/19/13(Mon)17:21:01 No.500877118 >>500875189 (OP) # >Be senior in highschool >Want to pull senior prank with buddy >Head to senior parking lot night before school >Put an orange traffic cone in the middle of a parking spot and fill it with quick set cement >Think: Hahaaha this will be funny when the teachers cant move the cone lolol >Friend and I head home for the night. >Now I wasnt there to see it, but apparently this happened: Cue next morning and students are arriving for school. >Senior dushbag in his dad's 100,000USD Audi come flying into the parking lot. >Dbag tells friends to watch him "drift" around the cone >Dbag completely f---- up and slams into cone at 45 ish mph >Me and my friend's carpool gets there about 5 - 8 minutes after this >Parts of the Audi all over the parking lot, bumper is destroyed, the engine is smoking, and rear driver side tire is flat >Friend and I just keep walking past the crying kid >swear to secrecy >MFW Highschool was so long ago I dont give a f---
Anonymous (ID: 3/Ea54yl) 08/19/13(Mon)17:21:01 No.500877118 >>500875189 (OP) # >Be senior in highschool >Want to pull senior prank with buddy >Head to senior parking lot night before school >Put an orange traffic cone in the middle of a parking spot and fill it with quick set cement >Think: Hahaaha this will be funny when the teachers cant move the cone lolol >Friend and I head home for the night. >Now I wasnt there to see it, but apparently this happened: Cue next morning and students are arriving for school. >Senior dushbag in his dad's 100,000USD Audi come flying into the parking lot. >Dbag tells friends to watch him "drift" around the cone >Dbag completely f---- up and slams into cone at 45 ish mph >Me and my friend's carpool gets there about 5 - 8 minutes after this >Parts of the Audi all over the parking lot, bumper is destroyed, the engine is smoking, and rear driver side tire is flat >Friend and I just keep walking past the crying kid >swear to secrecy >MFW Highschool was so long ago I dont give a f---

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Anon trolled himself | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/13/22(Wed)00:16:14 No.68191265 >started nofap to improve my routine and be more energetic >do it for a year or so >inb4 got promoted at the job >also i got prostate cancer now 53 KB JPG Don't fall for the bait...
: Anonymous 04/13/22(Wed)00:16:14 No.68191265 >started nofap to improve my routine and be more energetic >do it for a year or so >inb4 got promoted at the job >also i got prostate cancer now 53 KB JPG Don't fall for the bait...

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Anon has seen it all. | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/12/18(Thu)22:46:24 No.774164138 Work stories thread? Work stories thread. >Be me. Aged/Disability care worker. >All sorts of old f------ in my care 6 KB JPG home, but I mostly deal with dementia patients. >God damned goofy bastard dementia patients >One little old bastard must've been a boy when the dinosaurs were still around >Literally old as dirt. >We learn from his family that he had a little black dog back in the 40's. >Dog's name was N-----. >F------ wish I was making this s--- up. >Old bastard still thinks he's living at home in the 40's with N-----. >Constantly walks around the facility asking all the staff if we've seen N-----. >Walks around yelling out N----- as loud as his old lungs can manage. >Find out this morning we've got a new staff member coming on board next week. >They're dark skinned (not sure actual heritage but still) Looking forward to how this plays out /b/ros. View Thread
: Anonymous 07/12/18(Thu)22:46:24 No.774164138 Work stories thread? Work stories thread. >Be me. Aged/Disability care worker. >All sorts of old f------ in my care 6 KB JPG home, but I mostly deal with dementia patients. >God damned goofy bastard dementia patients >One little old bastard must've been a boy when the dinosaurs were still around >Literally old as dirt. >We learn from his family that he had a little black dog back in the 40's. >Dog's name was N-----. >F------ wish I was making this s--- up. >Old bastard still thinks he's living at home in the 40's with N-----. >Constantly walks around the facility asking all the staff if we've seen N-----. >Walks around yelling out N----- as loud as his old lungs can manage. >Find out this morning we've got a new staff member coming on board next week. >They're dark skinned (not sure actual heritage but still) Looking forward to how this plays out /b/ros. View Thread

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Anon made a friend. | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/12/22(Tue)22:16:39 No.876186308 >be me, wageslave still living with parents >get dragged to backyard bbq at parents' friends house >browsing /b/ on my phone when host brings her grandson over to 220 KB PNG meet me >kid is like 9 or 10 years old >"He likes video games too! Maybe you guys can talk shop!" >he just sits there, eyeing me nervously >not sure what else to say, I ask if he likes Roblox >kid proceeds to talk about Roblox nonstop for the next three f------ hours >l just sit there and get progressively more f----- up on cheap bourbon while half-listening to me >wake up the next morning, hungover as s--- >see texts from the kids mom on my phone, thanking me for being so nice to him >apparently the kid won't stop talking about his cool new friend >MFW I just wanted to stay home and shitpost
: Anonymous 04/12/22(Tue)22:16:39 No.876186308 >be me, wageslave still living with parents >get dragged to backyard bbq at parents' friends house >browsing /b/ on my phone when host brings her grandson over to 220 KB PNG meet me >kid is like 9 or 10 years old >"He likes video games too! Maybe you guys can talk shop!" >he just sits there, eyeing me nervously >not sure what else to say, I ask if he likes Roblox >kid proceeds to talk about Roblox nonstop for the next three f------ hours >l just sit there and get progressively more f----- up on cheap bourbon while half-listening to me >wake up the next morning, hungover as s--- >see texts from the kids mom on my phone, thanking me for being so nice to him >apparently the kid won't stop talking about his cool new friend >MFW I just wanted to stay home and shitpost

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Anon loses a friend | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 02/15/21(Mon)07:28:43 No.59865312 File: pain.jpg (165 KB, 1024x962) >>59865252 # >used to live in small b------ nowhere village >everyone had cats there, got pretty comfy with them >move back to city with family >don't know anyone and pretty autistic >dark times >cat in neighborhood scratches my window one day >let her in >we become friends, talk about s----- life >few weeks later >no cat >hear from my mother that the neighbors put down their cat >it was my friend, they didn't have time for it That s--- was hard.
Anonymous 02/15/21(Mon)07:28:43 No.59865312 File: pain.jpg (165 KB, 1024x962) >>59865252 # >used to live in small b------ nowhere village >everyone had cats there, got pretty comfy with them >move back to city with family >don't know anyone and pretty autistic >dark times >cat in neighborhood scratches my window one day >let her in >we become friends, talk about s----- life >few weeks later >no cat >hear from my mother that the neighbors put down their cat >it was my friend, they didn't have time for it That s--- was hard.

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Anon is no longer hateful | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/12/22(Tue)13:36:29 No.876159232 I think I had a character arc today >be me >blackanon >Barbadian >nothing to do today so me and my father decide to go swim with the turtles like dumb 53 KB JPG tourists because it's cheap and it's something to do >forgot it's spring break in other countries >there's already some british that live here but during vacation time more come >i hate the British >the gall they have to come here like they still own the place after centuries of brutally enslaving us >i hate the British >sit on the beach chairs at the turtle place waiting for the boat to come pick us up >of course there's some Brit's sitting next to us >l'm tortured by listening to their disgusting accents >there's no way they're real, they actually say s--- like 'innitť >they're generic late 40's British people that seem ripped out of a cliche movie >boat comes >of f------ course they're on the same boat as us >i hate the British >after we're done swimming with the first they strike up a conversation with me and my father >actually quite nice >after me and my dad go their hotels bar with them >had an actual good time >don't hate the British
: Anonymous 04/12/22(Tue)13:36:29 No.876159232 I think I had a character arc today >be me >blackanon >Barbadian >nothing to do today so me and my father decide to go swim with the turtles like dumb 53 KB JPG tourists because it's cheap and it's something to do >forgot it's spring break in other countries >there's already some british that live here but during vacation time more come >i hate the British >the gall they have to come here like they still own the place after centuries of brutally enslaving us >i hate the British >sit on the beach chairs at the turtle place waiting for the boat to come pick us up >of course there's some Brit's sitting next to us >l'm tortured by listening to their disgusting accents >there's no way they're real, they actually say s--- like 'innitť >they're generic late 40's British people that seem ripped out of a cliche movie >boat comes >of f------ course they're on the same boat as us >i hate the British >after we're done swimming with the first they strike up a conversation with me and my father >actually quite nice >after me and my dad go their hotels bar with them >had an actual good time >don't hate the British

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Anon wants to be left alone | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/12/22(Tue)18:26:29 No.876184042 Lawn-Mower-201709-004.jpg 411 KB JPG >be me >be white >have job in landscaping for multiple HOAS >work with a lot of latinos who speak little to no English >white lady comes up to me "OH thank God, someone who speaks English" >start speaking back to her in Dutch
: Anonymous 04/12/22(Tue)18:26:29 No.876184042 Lawn-Mower-201709-004.jpg 411 KB JPG >be me >be white >have job in landscaping for multiple HOAS >work with a lot of latinos who speak little to no English >white lady comes up to me "OH thank God, someone who speaks English" >start speaking back to her in Dutch

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Anon goes to the gym | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/12/22(Tue)17:25:24 No.66312748 >walk into the gym with my giant head phones on >Clubbed to death blasting through the speaker >Front desk chick: h-hello... H-have a nice workout... 85 KB JPG >Nod mysteriously (you too) >About face >Walk through the halls of treadmills >People's gaping and mystified expressions thrown back in their faces through the reflection of my sun glasses >Make my way to the corner smith machine >Gaze upon my kingdom This is why I lift : Anonymous 04/12/22(Tue)18:06:42 No.66313216 K
: Anonymous 04/12/22(Tue)17:25:24 No.66312748 >walk into the gym with my giant head phones on >Clubbed to death blasting through the speaker >Front desk chick: h-hello... H-have a nice workout... 85 KB JPG >Nod mysteriously (you too) >About face >Walk through the halls of treadmills >People's gaping and mystified expressions thrown back in their faces through the reflection of my sun glasses >Make my way to the corner smith machine >Gaze upon my kingdom This is why I lift : Anonymous 04/12/22(Tue)18:06:42 No.66313216 K

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Anon does a little trolling | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/13/22(Wed)00:20:51 No.876162864 >Be me >live in Mexico at the time >see a white guy and his asian friend in the middle of town looking really confused at their phone 33 KB JPG >decided to troll them >walk up to them and say Do you have your papers? >look at me confused and say We have passports what papers? >give them a confused look and say i work for the centro i just need to check proof of visa >give me their papers >look at the peice of paper and pretend to look scared shitless >flip the paper quickly while muttering things in Spanish >whisper under my breath No no la cartel >they look really nervous >look up from the papers and say A-are you living in an air bnb? >quickly spout Yes is that a problem? >give them back their papers and say Im so sorry >run away like hell >hear them in the distance say WAIT PLEASE HELP US >trolling successful >stay out of my county amerifags
: Anonymous 04/13/22(Wed)00:20:51 No.876162864 >Be me >live in Mexico at the time >see a white guy and his asian friend in the middle of town looking really confused at their phone 33 KB JPG >decided to troll them >walk up to them and say Do you have your papers? >look at me confused and say We have passports what papers? >give them a confused look and say i work for the centro i just need to check proof of visa >give me their papers >look at the peice of paper and pretend to look scared shitless >flip the paper quickly while muttering things in Spanish >whisper under my breath No no la cartel >they look really nervous >look up from the papers and say A-are you living in an air bnb? >quickly spout Yes is that a problem? >give them back their papers and say Im so sorry >run away like hell >hear them in the distance say WAIT PLEASE HELP US >trolling successful >stay out of my county amerifags

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