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Anon is a movie critic | /r/Greentext

1/6 · A6WVFWX (OP) · 49m (3/12 19:20) · 366873900 172 Re · 40 Img · PNG · 2MB · (1906 × 1019) 28 Replies da Girts! My panda, my choice, Mom. >13-year-old literally w----- her body out for money to go see a boy band >this is portrayed as a good thing here is your 2022 Pixar film •..
1/6 · A6WVFWX (OP) · 49m (3/12 19:20) · 366873900 172 Re · 40 Img · PNG · 2MB · (1906 × 1019) 28 Replies da Girts! My panda, my choice, Mom. >13-year-old literally w----- her body out for money to go see a boy band >this is portrayed as a good thing here is your 2022 Pixar film •..

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Anon is Indonesian | /r/Greentext


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Anon is a rapist | /r/Greentext

> In college, walking down a pathway > see a table with what looks like model penises on it 15 KB JPG > Decide to investigate > They are model penises > girl at the table asks me if I know how to use a condom and I say yes > She asks me to prove it by putting one on a model > I do, and she says I did it wrong because I didn't ask the model for consent > I'm a r-----
> In college, walking down a pathway > see a table with what looks like model penises on it 15 KB JPG > Decide to investigate > They are model penises > girl at the table asks me if I know how to use a condom and I say yes > She asks me to prove it by putting one on a model > I do, and she says I did it wrong because I didn't ask the model for consent > I'm a r-----

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Anon wants to play Rock band | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 10/18/18(Thu)19:31:26 No.435670409 > be me > 17 when rock band came out > read about rock band online every day > watch rock band videos every day > too old for xmas but really want 39 KB JPG rock band > brother has a ps3 but it's in his room > no other consoles in the house > he agrees to let me use his ps3 in his room if I were to get it for xmas > fast forward xmas eve > beg mom to let me open one gift early > it's rock band > for 360 > I'm so depressed because it means I won't be playing rock band on xmas after all > "I got it for the wrong system? Aww. I'm sorry anon. Here. You can open one more." it's my very own 360 was best xmas ever >>435670583 # >>435673117 # >>435673494 # >>435677913 # >>435681208 =
: Anonymous 10/18/18(Thu)19:31:26 No.435670409 > be me > 17 when rock band came out > read about rock band online every day > watch rock band videos every day > too old for xmas but really want 39 KB JPG rock band > brother has a ps3 but it's in his room > no other consoles in the house > he agrees to let me use his ps3 in his room if I were to get it for xmas > fast forward xmas eve > beg mom to let me open one gift early > it's rock band > for 360 > I'm so depressed because it means I won't be playing rock band on xmas after all > "I got it for the wrong system? Aww. I'm sorry anon. Here. You can open one more." it's my very own 360 was best xmas ever >>435670583 # >>435673117 # >>435673494 # >>435677913 # >>435681208 =

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Anon works at McDonald | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 10/23/17(Mon)23:27:58 No.40623659 Job Greentexts This happened last night. >Get job at McDonalds, need cash >Work in the back arranging the meals >qt 3.14 comes in with~8 yo daughter, asks for a chicken nugget Наррy Мeal 225 KB PNG >daughter is really polite to casier, says please and everything >throw in an extra nugget because of her kindness >few mins later, manager tells me to mop a spill >its right next to the mom and her daughter >evesdrop on them >"Mommy look, the people in the back gave me an extra nugget, why?" >mom replies, "Its because they're dumb enough to work here that they cant count" >mfw >mom and daughter laugh while I walk away Why are people so unappreciative? 13 Replies / 2 Images View Thread
: Anonymous 10/23/17(Mon)23:27:58 No.40623659 Job Greentexts This happened last night. >Get job at McDonalds, need cash >Work in the back arranging the meals >qt 3.14 comes in with~8 yo daughter, asks for a chicken nugget Наррy Мeal 225 KB PNG >daughter is really polite to casier, says please and everything >throw in an extra nugget because of her kindness >few mins later, manager tells me to mop a spill >its right next to the mom and her daughter >evesdrop on them >"Mommy look, the people in the back gave me an extra nugget, why?" >mom replies, "Its because they're dumb enough to work here that they cant count" >mfw >mom and daughter laugh while I walk away Why are people so unappreciative? 13 Replies / 2 Images View Thread

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Anon goes to an amusement park | /r/Greentext

Return] [Catalog] [Bottom] ile: fetchimage.jpg (490 KB, 680x1073) U Anonymous 03/14/22(Mon)18:13:25 No.591983662 What's the most inappropriate situation you've ever found yourself playing video games in? I went to a theme park and played my game boy while the park security spent 6+ hours looking for my missing brother. They never found him but I beat the Elite Four in his honor Anonymous 03/14/22(Mon)18:15:13 No.591983863 >>591983662 (OP) # Well what else were you supposed to do? If you go help looking then you're at risk of missing yourself. >> Anonymous 03/14/22(Mon)18:15:59 No.591983943 Anonymous 03/14/22(Mon)18:16:29 No.591983992 File: benjamin-ratterman-isabel(...).jpg (475 KB, 1600x1200) >>591983863 # I was 19.
Return] [Catalog] [Bottom] ile: fetchimage.jpg (490 KB, 680x1073) U Anonymous 03/14/22(Mon)18:13:25 No.591983662 What's the most inappropriate situation you've ever found yourself playing video games in? I went to a theme park and played my game boy while the park security spent 6+ hours looking for my missing brother. They never found him but I beat the Elite Four in his honor Anonymous 03/14/22(Mon)18:15:13 No.591983863 >>591983662 (OP) # Well what else were you supposed to do? If you go help looking then you're at risk of missing yourself. >> Anonymous 03/14/22(Mon)18:15:59 No.591983943 Anonymous 03/14/22(Mon)18:16:29 No.591983992 File: benjamin-ratterman-isabel(...).jpg (475 KB, 1600x1200) >>591983863 # I was 19.

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Anon’s cat is the best | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/12/19(Tue)20:46:04 No.792494021 >be me, 17f and in treatmen and recovery from r--- >walking through petco to pick up crickets for my friends pet lizard >lock eyes with this cat in the adoption area >she presses her paw up to the 570 KB JPG glass >cryinginpublic.jpg >l impulsively adopt her >two months later, sucidal thoughts almost nonexistent and able to talk to strangers again >cat is my best friend, she never leaves my side when I'm home and encourages me to get out of bed in the morning Don't forget to give your pet a hug today
: Anonymous 02/12/19(Tue)20:46:04 No.792494021 >be me, 17f and in treatmen and recovery from r--- >walking through petco to pick up crickets for my friends pet lizard >lock eyes with this cat in the adoption area >she presses her paw up to the 570 KB JPG glass >cryinginpublic.jpg >l impulsively adopt her >two months later, sucidal thoughts almost nonexistent and able to talk to strangers again >cat is my best friend, she never leaves my side when I'm home and encourages me to get out of bed in the morning Don't forget to give your pet a hug today

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anon has tinnitus | /r/Greentext

>be me >have tinnitus > EEEEЕЕЕЕЕEEEЕЕЕЕ ЕЕЕEЕЕЕЕЕЕЕEЕЕЕЕ EEEE ЕЕЕEЕЕЕЕЕЕЕ EEEEE EEEEEEEEEB EEEEE ЕЕЕЕЕЕЕЕЕЕЕ ЕЕЕЕЕ 15.9 kB JPG EEEEE ЕЕEEEЕЕЕЕЕЕ EEEEEE EEEEE EEEEER EEEEE ЕЕЕЕЕ EEEEE EEEEB EEEB EEEEE ЕЕЕЕЕ EEEE ЕЕЕЕЕЕ EEEEEEEEEEE ЕЕЕЕЕЕЕЕЕЕЕЕЕEЕ ЕЕЕЕЕЕЕЕЕЕEEEEЕ EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
>be me >have tinnitus > EEEEЕЕЕЕЕEEEЕЕЕЕ ЕЕЕEЕЕЕЕЕЕЕEЕЕЕЕ EEEE ЕЕЕEЕЕЕЕЕЕЕ EEEEE EEEEEEEEEB EEEEE ЕЕЕЕЕЕЕЕЕЕЕ ЕЕЕЕЕ 15.9 kB JPG EEEEE ЕЕEEEЕЕЕЕЕЕ EEEEEE EEEEE EEEEER EEEEE ЕЕЕЕЕ EEEEE EEEEB EEEB EEEEE ЕЕЕЕЕ EEEE ЕЕЕЕЕЕ EEEEEEEEEEE ЕЕЕЕЕЕЕЕЕЕЕЕЕEЕ ЕЕЕЕЕЕЕЕЕЕEEEEЕ EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

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Anon isn't a rapist | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous Tent In School grounds 01/10/19(Thu)10:38:22 No.503453 >Be Me >14 years old >During the break in our school my friend asks me to follow him to the woods near the school >Still within the school grounds sc i follow him >We walk for there and it takes us 90 KB GIF few minutes >We group up with every other guy from our class >l ask my friend what's going on >He says its a secret and asks me not to tell anyone >We "group of 7 guys" walk in the woods >There's a tent in the small opening of the forest >Friend opens the zipper on the tent >One girl from our class is the waiting for us >Everyone else except me go in the tent and start fondling her >l ask my friend what's going on >He just replies and says this is normal and they've done it to every girl from our class
: Anonymous Tent In School grounds 01/10/19(Thu)10:38:22 No.503453 >Be Me >14 years old >During the break in our school my friend asks me to follow him to the woods near the school >Still within the school grounds sc i follow him >We walk for there and it takes us 90 KB GIF few minutes >We group up with every other guy from our class >l ask my friend what's going on >He says its a secret and asks me not to tell anyone >We "group of 7 guys" walk in the woods >There's a tent in the small opening of the forest >Friend opens the zipper on the tent >One girl from our class is the waiting for us >Everyone else except me go in the tent and start fondling her >l ask my friend what's going on >He just replies and says this is normal and they've done it to every girl from our class

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Anon plays with a hampster | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/04/19(Thu)12:21:05 No.796629827 > be me The One Man'sstory of PTSD > be 11 years old > read about prostate stimulation on the internet > don't realize its gay s--- > read about hampstering > don't realize you need a tube > steal little sisters hampster, put on desk next to 221 KB GIF kleenex and lotion > p---.mpg > grab hampster and make attempt > thing struggles and dies > My 11 year old self I thought it was submitting > get it partway in > anus clenches > crunch > sharp pain > panic > my dads face when I show him the dead hampster hanging halfway out my ass > my dads face when we don't speak on the way to the emergency room > my dads face when we barely speak for the next 10 years living in the same house 11 Replies / 1 Image View Thread
: Anonymous 04/04/19(Thu)12:21:05 No.796629827 > be me The One Man'sstory of PTSD > be 11 years old > read about prostate stimulation on the internet > don't realize its gay s--- > read about hampstering > don't realize you need a tube > steal little sisters hampster, put on desk next to 221 KB GIF kleenex and lotion > p---.mpg > grab hampster and make attempt > thing struggles and dies > My 11 year old self I thought it was submitting > get it partway in > anus clenches > crunch > sharp pain > panic > my dads face when I show him the dead hampster hanging halfway out my ass > my dads face when we don't speak on the way to the emergency room > my dads face when we barely speak for the next 10 years living in the same house 11 Replies / 1 Image View Thread

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Anon goes through airport security | /r/Greentext

File: 1388964866137.jpg-(330 KB, 993x755, bueno.jpg) Anonymous 01/05/14(Sun)17:34:26 UTC-6 No.525318071 BUENO >Be me 16 >At London Airport >Going through Customs to get back to Murica >Bag goes through security >ВЕЕР ВЕЕР >Pushed into manual inspection line >Wait 20 minutes for british fatass to finish checking other backs AAPRATTIEEEEEEE Gets to mine >F------ drops it >Picks it back up. "Oh no m8, no snowglobes allowed" >Picked up a $40 snowglobe for my gf back home >Hatch an idea >"You dropped my bag, can you check to make sure everything else is okay?" >"Yeah fine, sorry about that" >Pulls out my tablet, which has been cracked for 2 years >"WHAT THẺ F--- YOU BROKE MY F------ TÁBLET" >"OMGOMGOGMOGMGOMGOGMOMG I'm so sorry!" >Goes and fills out paperwork for damage >Tablet also out of battery >"S--- won't turn on" >"F--- m8, how much did it cost?" >"500" >MFW she writes 500 pounds, not 500 dollars >MFW it was a $200 Nook Color >MFW I get $820 in the mail Don't f--- with my snowglobe
File: 1388964866137.jpg-(330 KB, 993x755, bueno.jpg) Anonymous 01/05/14(Sun)17:34:26 UTC-6 No.525318071 BUENO >Be me 16 >At London Airport >Going through Customs to get back to Murica >Bag goes through security >ВЕЕР ВЕЕР >Pushed into manual inspection line >Wait 20 minutes for british fatass to finish checking other backs AAPRATTIEEEEEEE Gets to mine >F------ drops it >Picks it back up. "Oh no m8, no snowglobes allowed" >Picked up a $40 snowglobe for my gf back home >Hatch an idea >"You dropped my bag, can you check to make sure everything else is okay?" >"Yeah fine, sorry about that" >Pulls out my tablet, which has been cracked for 2 years >"WHAT THẺ F--- YOU BROKE MY F------ TÁBLET" >"OMGOMGOGMOGMGOMGOGMOMG I'm so sorry!" >Goes and fills out paperwork for damage >Tablet also out of battery >"S--- won't turn on" >"F--- m8, how much did it cost?" >"500" >MFW she writes 500 pounds, not 500 dollars >MFW it was a $200 Nook Color >MFW I get $820 in the mail Don't f--- with my snowglobe

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Anon is rekt again | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/12/22(Sat)10:18:03 No.67752905 At a club >been chatting up this girl >we talk for an hour or so at the bar >thankfully music wasn't that loud >decide to make a move >"Anon, I will go downstairs to WC" 11 KB JPG >ok >10min have passed, she hasn't come back >go downstairs, sit at a table >l see her coming out of the WC with some dude. She is tucking in her blouse >looks exhausted >walks by me completely ignoring me Rekt again 4 Replies View Thread
: Anonymous 03/12/22(Sat)10:18:03 No.67752905 At a club >been chatting up this girl >we talk for an hour or so at the bar >thankfully music wasn't that loud >decide to make a move >"Anon, I will go downstairs to WC" 11 KB JPG >ok >10min have passed, she hasn't come back >go downstairs, sit at a table >l see her coming out of the WC with some dude. She is tucking in her blouse >looks exhausted >walks by me completely ignoring me Rekt again 4 Replies View Thread

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Anon is a gay pedo | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/14/22(Mon)23:24:13 No.874429103 >be me, degenerate coomer >meet a girl at work >for some reason she likes me >take her out to dinner >take a walk in the park afterwards >she kisses me >mfw I now have to retrain myself to get boners for normal human women 8 KB JPG after months of daily shota threads and t----- p---
: Anonymous 03/14/22(Mon)23:24:13 No.874429103 >be me, degenerate coomer >meet a girl at work >for some reason she likes me >take her out to dinner >take a walk in the park afterwards >she kisses me >mfw I now have to retrain myself to get boners for normal human women 8 KB JPG after months of daily shota threads and t----- p---

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Anon is Indian | /r/Greentext

>be indian >wake up to screams of women being gang r---- >pray to blue two-headed rhino god >no shower so bathe in the Ganges >almost choke on child's spinal column >ride on roof of victorian train to the call centre >"hello this is hank from computer company we need to ask you a few-" *click* >creepily hit on western women on facebook during breaktime >walking home >need to take a s--- for the 35th time that day >squat over a dying orphan who happened to be in the way >wipe anus with hand >eat rice from a giant communal bowl >use hands like a chimp >time for bed >crawl up in a pile of straw with, pray to 5 armed lobster-woman god for allowing me to live in the greatest country on earth
>be indian >wake up to screams of women being gang r---- >pray to blue two-headed rhino god >no shower so bathe in the Ganges >almost choke on child's spinal column >ride on roof of victorian train to the call centre >"hello this is hank from computer company we need to ask you a few-" *click* >creepily hit on western women on facebook during breaktime >walking home >need to take a s--- for the 35th time that day >squat over a dying orphan who happened to be in the way >wipe anus with hand >eat rice from a giant communal bowl >use hands like a chimp >time for bed >crawl up in a pile of straw with, pray to 5 armed lobster-woman god for allowing me to live in the greatest country on earth

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anon eliminates climate change | /r/Greentext

>luv me chips >luv me crisps >'ate climate change >simple as
>luv me chips >luv me crisps >'ate climate change >simple as

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Anon switches teams when the game gets hard | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/14/22(Mon)23:50:42 No.874455849 >be me >no luck online dating >download grinder >inbox is flooded in 2 hours time 46 messages >find a cute femboy Saues 76 KB JPG >end up chatting for a bit and am invited to hangout >never dated a guy but what the hell >go on a pretty nice date, dudes always complementing me which I've never had on a date >he's actually trying to impress me, get to know me etc >l feel beyond flattered >end up back at his place >super clean, spotless and organized >actually lives on his own in a nice house in the suburbs >end up watching Borat and having a great time >we did end up kissing and sleeping together and it was honestly amazing >been together for 5 months now and I couldn't be happier >no drama, no periods, full sex life, adventures, and he spends money on me buying me gifts, clothes, even got me a new Xbox when my Xbox one crapped out >l've never been treated this way by any female ever >l don't think I will ever go back >gay is the way Anons >pic isn't him the only one I could find that looks similar
: Anonymous 03/14/22(Mon)23:50:42 No.874455849 >be me >no luck online dating >download grinder >inbox is flooded in 2 hours time 46 messages >find a cute femboy Saues 76 KB JPG >end up chatting for a bit and am invited to hangout >never dated a guy but what the hell >go on a pretty nice date, dudes always complementing me which I've never had on a date >he's actually trying to impress me, get to know me etc >l feel beyond flattered >end up back at his place >super clean, spotless and organized >actually lives on his own in a nice house in the suburbs >end up watching Borat and having a great time >we did end up kissing and sleeping together and it was honestly amazing >been together for 5 months now and I couldn't be happier >no drama, no periods, full sex life, adventures, and he spends money on me buying me gifts, clothes, even got me a new Xbox when my Xbox one crapped out >l've never been treated this way by any female ever >l don't think I will ever go back >gay is the way Anons >pic isn't him the only one I could find that looks similar

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Anon meets whale | /r/Greentext

O Anonymous 01/06/14(Mon)02:47:34 UTC-7 No.525433702 >Wendy's >Working drive-thru >Woman in fatty chair comes through >She pays and gets her food >Her hover round dies in the drive-thru >She can't move, can't get up to move it >Literally stuck and unable to move >Some guy gets out of his car to push her out of the way >Chair won't budge >She gets pissy >Yells at the guy to get into his car and bump her with his car to move her >He says no >End up calling 911 >10 minutes later >They move her and ask why she didn't go inside. Dangerous to use a scooter in a drive-thru >"The door doesn't accommodate my size." >She ordered a triple Baconator >Diet Coke
O Anonymous 01/06/14(Mon)02:47:34 UTC-7 No.525433702 >Wendy's >Working drive-thru >Woman in fatty chair comes through >She pays and gets her food >Her hover round dies in the drive-thru >She can't move, can't get up to move it >Literally stuck and unable to move >Some guy gets out of his car to push her out of the way >Chair won't budge >She gets pissy >Yells at the guy to get into his car and bump her with his car to move her >He says no >End up calling 911 >10 minutes later >They move her and ask why she didn't go inside. Dangerous to use a scooter in a drive-thru >"The door doesn't accommodate my size." >She ordered a triple Baconator >Diet Coke

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Anon has a curse | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/13/19(Sun)11:03:53 No.789891996 images.jpg 6 KB JPG >be me >18, 6', good looking male >Loads of girls like me >But everytime I end up in bed with someone there is a problem >Every girl is scared by my c--- >Mfw I'm a virgin because of big c--- >30 minutes ago >Decide to pay an escort to finally have sex >Escort see c--- >Says c--- is too big >Get money back >Still Virgin >Mfw
: Anonymous 01/13/19(Sun)11:03:53 No.789891996 images.jpg 6 KB JPG >be me >18, 6', good looking male >Loads of girls like me >But everytime I end up in bed with someone there is a problem >Every girl is scared by my c--- >Mfw I'm a virgin because of big c--- >30 minutes ago >Decide to pay an escort to finally have sex >Escort see c--- >Says c--- is too big >Get money back >Still Virgin >Mfw

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Fortnite Bad >:| | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/17/19(Sun)13:15:05 No.454850861 >just a rip off of other games that released years prior. >gets worse with every update >people only play it so they can collect s----- cosmetics >it's playerbase consists of s----- toxic players FORTNITE 483 KB JPG >barely has a story and relies on its obnoxious fans to make one for them >slowly dying off and the devs are desperately trying to keep it relevant God I f------ hate overwatch. Any other points missed? >pic unrelated.
: Anonymous 03/17/19(Sun)13:15:05 No.454850861 >just a rip off of other games that released years prior. >gets worse with every update >people only play it so they can collect s----- cosmetics >it's playerbase consists of s----- toxic players FORTNITE 483 KB JPG >barely has a story and relies on its obnoxious fans to make one for them >slowly dying off and the devs are desperately trying to keep it relevant God I f------ hate overwatch. Any other points missed? >pic unrelated.

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Anon is transphobic | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/27/19(Wed)15:07:54 No.796027787 >have a dream that my brother is a man again >wake up >check facebook >he's still a goddamn ugly ass t----- i just want my brother back 72 KB JPG 152 Replies / 17 Images View Thread
: Anonymous 03/27/19(Wed)15:07:54 No.796027787 >have a dream that my brother is a man again >wake up >check facebook >he's still a goddamn ugly ass t----- i just want my brother back 72 KB JPG 152 Replies / 17 Images View Thread

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