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Anon is trying new things | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/01/21(Sat)16:45:28 No.63468123 >desperately lonely >decide to get topped >go on Grindr and find some dude to stretch me out >can't get an erection >let him f--- my up the ass >it hurts, realise I'm 100% straight 23 KB JPG >pretend to enjoy it and let him finish because I don't want to be rude >find excuse to leave >go home, uninstall Grindr and go back to wishing I had a gf instead Don't fall for the meme
: Anonymous 05/01/21(Sat)16:45:28 No.63468123 >desperately lonely >decide to get topped >go on Grindr and find some dude to stretch me out >can't get an erection >let him f--- my up the ass >it hurts, realise I'm 100% straight 23 KB JPG >pretend to enjoy it and let him finish because I don't want to be rude >find excuse to leave >go home, uninstall Grindr and go back to wishing I had a gf instead Don't fall for the meme

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Earl of Sandwich | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 08/27/21(Fri)21:13:07 No.65157997 >>65156362 >live in a bad part of town >work at a grocery store >always give hobos the food the store wants to throw out 52 KB JPG >on cold days, I make a big jug of coffee and hand it out to them >no one ever asks me for cash because they know I'm broke >am known as the "sandwich man" because I usually make sandwiches for them >last year, got mugged walking back home >5 seconds after being confronted I hear "AYO GET AWAY FROM THE SANDWICH MAN!" >4 or 5 homeless guys run to me from half a block away yelling at the mugger to get away from me despite him having a knife >he ran off after they came and they chased after him >follow and there was like 10 of them gathered around and he was pinned to the ground >one called the police and they arrested the guy >was told "if anyone f---- with you sandwich man, we got your back" >mfw I basically have a street gang by giving away day old sandwich meat and breadI am told to throw in the trash
: Anonymous 08/27/21(Fri)21:13:07 No.65157997 >>65156362 >live in a bad part of town >work at a grocery store >always give hobos the food the store wants to throw out 52 KB JPG >on cold days, I make a big jug of coffee and hand it out to them >no one ever asks me for cash because they know I'm broke >am known as the "sandwich man" because I usually make sandwiches for them >last year, got mugged walking back home >5 seconds after being confronted I hear "AYO GET AWAY FROM THE SANDWICH MAN!" >4 or 5 homeless guys run to me from half a block away yelling at the mugger to get away from me despite him having a knife >he ran off after they came and they chased after him >follow and there was like 10 of them gathered around and he was pinned to the ground >one called the police and they arrested the guy >was told "if anyone f---- with you sandwich man, we got your back" >mfw I basically have a street gang by giving away day old sandwich meat and breadI am told to throw in the trash

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Anon plays Halo | /r/Greentext


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Anon doesn't like ties | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/16/22(Sun)22:45:20 No.870819513 Ties have to be the most cucked clothing item possible >Signify to everyone that you are a wage slave >Has no actual function, doesn't keep you warm or make you any less naked >Very unwieldy, if you try running in a 243 KB JPG tie >Cost minimum about the same as a t shirt which actually covers your chest >Not machine washable >Can get pulled on in a fight >Will always make you look like a retard. If it's too short, you look retarded, if it's too long, you look retarded, if it's too wide, you look too retro, if it's too narrow, you look like a Beatle >Takes a good week of practise to learn how to tie >lf it's black you look like you're at a funeral, if it's red or blue you look like a political candidate, if it's any other colour you look weird TLDR, ties are retarded
: Anonymous 01/16/22(Sun)22:45:20 No.870819513 Ties have to be the most cucked clothing item possible >Signify to everyone that you are a wage slave >Has no actual function, doesn't keep you warm or make you any less naked >Very unwieldy, if you try running in a 243 KB JPG tie >Cost minimum about the same as a t shirt which actually covers your chest >Not machine washable >Can get pulled on in a fight >Will always make you look like a retard. If it's too short, you look retarded, if it's too long, you look retarded, if it's too wide, you look too retro, if it's too narrow, you look like a Beatle >Takes a good week of practise to learn how to tie >lf it's black you look like you're at a funeral, if it's red or blue you look like a political candidate, if it's any other colour you look weird TLDR, ties are retarded

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Anon is a capitalist | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/16/22(Sun)23:00:28 No.870809898 >Be pineapple seed >Start growing in Costa Rica >Have to grow fruits one at a time >Need constant irrigation due to dry conditions at an inch of water daily >Need daily workers to apply pesticides and nutrients 8 KB JPG >After 2 solid f------ years, finish growing >Get harvested with more workers >Get packed onto a truck with my comrades. They don't even cut off our pointless top leaves which halve the amount they can pack in >Go to a Costa Rican airport >Board a plane for the UK >Need constant care and a stable temperature to be kept >Land at a UK airport >Get shipped to a large warehouse >Get shipped again to a supermarket >All this happens in the space of 2 days >Get put on display with my friends >Get sold for less than a pound >Don't even get eaten, people who bought me couldn't even be bothered to cut me because it was too much effort and just let me rot >After 2 years and all this effort, I end up having no purpose at all Modern capitalist supply chains and scales of production truly are f------ based
: Anonymous 01/16/22(Sun)23:00:28 No.870809898 >Be pineapple seed >Start growing in Costa Rica >Have to grow fruits one at a time >Need constant irrigation due to dry conditions at an inch of water daily >Need daily workers to apply pesticides and nutrients 8 KB JPG >After 2 solid f------ years, finish growing >Get harvested with more workers >Get packed onto a truck with my comrades. They don't even cut off our pointless top leaves which halve the amount they can pack in >Go to a Costa Rican airport >Board a plane for the UK >Need constant care and a stable temperature to be kept >Land at a UK airport >Get shipped to a large warehouse >Get shipped again to a supermarket >All this happens in the space of 2 days >Get put on display with my friends >Get sold for less than a pound >Don't even get eaten, people who bought me couldn't even be bothered to cut me because it was too much effort and just let me rot >After 2 years and all this effort, I end up having no purpose at all Modern capitalist supply chains and scales of production truly are f------ based

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Anon gets left on read | /r/Greentext

Anonymous E 09/03/13(Tue)21:06 No.39411220 Replies: >>39411264 File: 1378256793017 png-(11 KB, 634x768, 1336358286402. png) >ffw she doesn't respond to your smoke signals
Anonymous E 09/03/13(Tue)21:06 No.39411220 Replies: >>39411264 File: 1378256793017 png-(11 KB, 634x768, 1336358286402. png) >ffw she doesn't respond to your smoke signals

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Anon hates mushrooms | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/16/22(Sun)19:58:00 No.67023775 927018B0-8990-4FC5-BB99-1450CAC3EFD1.jpg 100 KB JPG >tastes absolutely vile >beloved by chefs all around the world Any good dish is ruined by mushrooms
: Anonymous 01/16/22(Sun)19:58:00 No.67023775 927018B0-8990-4FC5-BB99-1450CAC3EFD1.jpg 100 KB JPG >tastes absolutely vile >beloved by chefs all around the world Any good dish is ruined by mushrooms

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Anon refuses a free sandwich. | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/10/22(Mon)19:14:30 No.66934070 >be me >14 >home alone w/ Grandma >she's upstairs taking a nap >need to feel some excitement in my life >have to wank in the kitchen 1.98 MB JPG >about to coom >can hear grandma walking down the stairs >ohshit.jpg >panic >can't find anywhere to finish >spot mayonnaise jar on the counter >rush to open it >coom into the mayonnaise >feelsgoodman >no one will notice it >devilish smile flashes across my lips >looks like an old jar, nobody even likes mayonnaise, nobody will know >grandma walks into the kitchen >pretend to look busy >asks if I want a sandwich, I tell her sure >she makes bologna sandwiches >asks if I want mayo >fuckfuckfuck >no >she adds mayo to her sandwich >nogrannyno >takes everything inside me not to scream don't eat the coom mayo
: Anonymous 01/10/22(Mon)19:14:30 No.66934070 >be me >14 >home alone w/ Grandma >she's upstairs taking a nap >need to feel some excitement in my life >have to wank in the kitchen 1.98 MB JPG >about to coom >can hear grandma walking down the stairs >ohshit.jpg >panic >can't find anywhere to finish >spot mayonnaise jar on the counter >rush to open it >coom into the mayonnaise >feelsgoodman >no one will notice it >devilish smile flashes across my lips >looks like an old jar, nobody even likes mayonnaise, nobody will know >grandma walks into the kitchen >pretend to look busy >asks if I want a sandwich, I tell her sure >she makes bologna sandwiches >asks if I want mayo >fuckfuckfuck >no >she adds mayo to her sandwich >nogrannyno >takes everything inside me not to scream don't eat the coom mayo

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Anon goes hunting. | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/08/19(Tue)03:31:42 No.789437948 >be me >hunterfag >sitting out in the cold ass swamp at 6 in the morning doing some duck hunting >before first light my stomach starts going f------ nuts 49 KB JPG >ate Taco Bell for breakfast. >realize I'm about to s--- myself >run behind some tall grass, pull waders down so I can s--- >right as I start I hear something move behind me >l turn my head to look >it's a f------ gator >said gator is now covered in my Taco Bell diarrhea Pic related
: Anonymous 01/08/19(Tue)03:31:42 No.789437948 >be me >hunterfag >sitting out in the cold ass swamp at 6 in the morning doing some duck hunting >before first light my stomach starts going f------ nuts 49 KB JPG >ate Taco Bell for breakfast. >realize I'm about to s--- myself >run behind some tall grass, pull waders down so I can s--- >right as I start I hear something move behind me >l turn my head to look >it's a f------ gator >said gator is now covered in my Taco Bell diarrhea Pic related

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Anon likes big ladies | /r/Greentext

>>227582769 # Thats not for you to decide, boy 92410745 p0.jpg 1.34 MB JPG Japan is heading towards the golden age boys Anonymous 08/31/21(Tue)14:51:56 No.227582769 >>227582715 (OP) # I will not have sex with the big ladies. >>227582806 # >>227582809 # >>227583324 # >>227583546 # >>227588283 # >>227589610 # >227590878 # >>227592395 # Anonymous08/31/21(Tue)19:07:56 No.227592395 >>227582769 # Thats not for you to decide, boy 82798 ead
>>227582769 # Thats not for you to decide, boy 92410745 p0.jpg 1.34 MB JPG Japan is heading towards the golden age boys Anonymous 08/31/21(Tue)14:51:56 No.227582769 >>227582715 (OP) # I will not have sex with the big ladies. >>227582806 # >>227582809 # >>227583324 # >>227583546 # >>227588283 # >>227589610 # >227590878 # >>227592395 # Anonymous08/31/21(Tue)19:07:56 No.227592395 >>227582769 # Thats not for you to decide, boy 82798 ead

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Anon has a cool grandpa. | /r/Greentext


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cherry chapstick | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 10/11/21(Mon)23:27:35 No.65729540 >be me in high school >truth or dare at a party >get dare to kiss my bro on the lips >we peck and everyone starts chuckling >haha hoho so funny 40 KB JPG FF to today >haven't talked to bro since high school >bro came out as trans today on Facebook >basically kissed a girl See ya later virgins
: Anonymous 10/11/21(Mon)23:27:35 No.65729540 >be me in high school >truth or dare at a party >get dare to kiss my bro on the lips >we peck and everyone starts chuckling >haha hoho so funny 40 KB JPG FF to today >haven't talked to bro since high school >bro came out as trans today on Facebook >basically kissed a girl See ya later virgins

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Anon is one of us | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/16/22(Sun)22:46:04 No.870805396 >be me, 10 mins ago >mother calls me >"I want to show you something you probably can't even remember but I guess you're old enough to AUTISM know" 149 KB JPG >whatshappening.jpeg >read papers “autism test, anon, 7 years old" >remember I went to an psychological faculty of the local university back then Turns out I have “light Asperger's syndrome", I'm one of you, I'm officially socially retarded! >mom says things like I will support you I know you have it harder but you're intelligent never forget that >say thanks mom >dance in my room - I now have an excuse for being a Virgin at 23
: Anonymous 01/16/22(Sun)22:46:04 No.870805396 >be me, 10 mins ago >mother calls me >"I want to show you something you probably can't even remember but I guess you're old enough to AUTISM know" 149 KB JPG >whatshappening.jpeg >read papers “autism test, anon, 7 years old" >remember I went to an psychological faculty of the local university back then Turns out I have “light Asperger's syndrome", I'm one of you, I'm officially socially retarded! >mom says things like I will support you I know you have it harder but you're intelligent never forget that >say thanks mom >dance in my room - I now have an excuse for being a Virgin at 23

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Anon is a psychopath | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/16/22(Sun)05:55:54 No.870781845 >be me indian f-- >small d--- ugly face basically >but smart because of tiger parents >mentaltorment.png >hate school >still spend 4 years of prep to get into top 10 university >get into top university 7 KB JPG >success.jpg >hate the university i gave up my adolscence for this s--- and now they excpect me to work more?f--- them >badrades.jpg >durin my senior year found my passion of animal abuse >bludlust.jpg >mostly kill stray dogs and cats >graduation.jpg >wagecuck.png >ask a muslim girl neibour out. rejects me impolitly . >other neibour is a devout cow worshiper >muslim and cow worshiper fight. coz she a bitch >later killed a cow i found on the road. this is common in my country. >enjoy it very much but dont know how to dispose of such large animal >lightbulb.jpg >drop dead bloody cow in front of cow worshiper house >cow worshiper immediatly suspects muslim because they eat beef >communal violence occurs and muslim girl gets killed in it >feels good man
: Anonymous 01/16/22(Sun)05:55:54 No.870781845 >be me indian f-- >small d--- ugly face basically >but smart because of tiger parents >mentaltorment.png >hate school >still spend 4 years of prep to get into top 10 university >get into top university 7 KB JPG >success.jpg >hate the university i gave up my adolscence for this s--- and now they excpect me to work more?f--- them >badrades.jpg >durin my senior year found my passion of animal abuse >bludlust.jpg >mostly kill stray dogs and cats >graduation.jpg >wagecuck.png >ask a muslim girl neibour out. rejects me impolitly . >other neibour is a devout cow worshiper >muslim and cow worshiper fight. coz she a bitch >later killed a cow i found on the road. this is common in my country. >enjoy it very much but dont know how to dispose of such large animal >lightbulb.jpg >drop dead bloody cow in front of cow worshiper house >cow worshiper immediatly suspects muslim because they eat beef >communal violence occurs and muslim girl gets killed in it >feels good man

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Regrets, I’ve had a few | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 08/19/21(Thu)08:04:55 No.65046222 Please be patient I have autism >two years ago >sitting in my room playing vidya >get phone call from a lady friend >pick up, she's in hysterics >after calming down a little bit she tells me her boyfriend sold her nudes to some 42 KB JPG of his friends and she doesn't know what to do >calm her down and tell her to just break up with him >talk for 5 minutes and just have a heart to heart >she says she loves me >inner autism activates >"ok" >hang up >go back to gaming Probably the most retarded moment in my life
: Anonymous 08/19/21(Thu)08:04:55 No.65046222 Please be patient I have autism >two years ago >sitting in my room playing vidya >get phone call from a lady friend >pick up, she's in hysterics >after calming down a little bit she tells me her boyfriend sold her nudes to some 42 KB JPG of his friends and she doesn't know what to do >calm her down and tell her to just break up with him >talk for 5 minutes and just have a heart to heart >she says she loves me >inner autism activates >"ok" >hang up >go back to gaming Probably the most retarded moment in my life

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Anon is about to get swatted by Pornhub | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/16/22(Sun)10:33:43 No.870767599 Warning i pomhub.com/video/search?search=black+slave A Warning Your search could be for illegal and abusive sexual material, including non-consensual intimate imagery (NCII) or image- based sexual abuse (IBSA). The recording and/or distribution of NCII may be a crime in the area where you reside, as well as in many other jurisdictions. Actual or staged depictions of coerced or non-consensual sexual acts or the use of a person's likeness without their consent is not permitted on our site. We take image-based sexual abuse and non-consensual intimate imagery very seriously. For more information about our policies related to NCII and IBSA, please visit our Trust & Safety Centre. If you are the victim, or have personal knowledge that an intimate image/video has already been shared on our site without consent, you can report it via our Content Removal Request Form, or to the police. Additional information regarding victim resources can be found through the Cyber Civil Rights Initiative. Go Back Homepage Capture.jpg 150 KB JPG >search 'white slave' >684 results >search 'black slave' >picrel well I guess i'm about to get swatted by pornhub
: Anonymous 01/16/22(Sun)10:33:43 No.870767599 Warning i pomhub.com/video/search?search=black+slave A Warning Your search could be for illegal and abusive sexual material, including non-consensual intimate imagery (NCII) or image- based sexual abuse (IBSA). The recording and/or distribution of NCII may be a crime in the area where you reside, as well as in many other jurisdictions. Actual or staged depictions of coerced or non-consensual sexual acts or the use of a person's likeness without their consent is not permitted on our site. We take image-based sexual abuse and non-consensual intimate imagery very seriously. For more information about our policies related to NCII and IBSA, please visit our Trust & Safety Centre. If you are the victim, or have personal knowledge that an intimate image/video has already been shared on our site without consent, you can report it via our Content Removal Request Form, or to the police. Additional information regarding victim resources can be found through the Cyber Civil Rights Initiative. Go Back Homepage Capture.jpg 150 KB JPG >search 'white slave' >684 results >search 'black slave' >picrel well I guess i'm about to get swatted by pornhub

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Anon is kinda dumb | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous Why did they name it blue whal(...) 01/08/22(Sat)01:48:57 No.4030682 1626562413731.jpg 159 KB JPG >Biggest animal on earth >Bigger than any other being that has or will exist >Bigger than all dinosaurs >Bigger than the Megalodon >Instead of being named something like "king whale" or "ultra killer murder whale" it's just named blue whale it's not even that blue
: Anonymous Why did they name it blue whal(...) 01/08/22(Sat)01:48:57 No.4030682 1626562413731.jpg 159 KB JPG >Biggest animal on earth >Bigger than any other being that has or will exist >Bigger than all dinosaurs >Bigger than the Megalodon >Instead of being named something like "king whale" or "ultra killer murder whale" it's just named blue whale it's not even that blue

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anon kills a man | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/17/21(Sun)11:50:00 No.845062302 >be me >at mall >taking s--- in restroom >hear door open >guy goes 'jesus f----' >hear door close 11 KB JPG >hear what sounds like profuse vomiting just outside door >hear someone scream 'call 911!' >scared.png >stay in stall >15 minutes later hear ambulance sirens >hear someone say 'don't you die on me you bastard' >hear 'clear!' And what sounds like shocking >goes on for 5 minutes >hear 'call it, death 2:30 pm' Still in stall
: Anonymous 01/17/21(Sun)11:50:00 No.845062302 >be me >at mall >taking s--- in restroom >hear door open >guy goes 'jesus f----' >hear door close 11 KB JPG >hear what sounds like profuse vomiting just outside door >hear someone scream 'call 911!' >scared.png >stay in stall >15 minutes later hear ambulance sirens >hear someone say 'don't you die on me you bastard' >hear 'clear!' And what sounds like shocking >goes on for 5 minutes >hear 'call it, death 2:30 pm' Still in stall

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He is right | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 08/13/19(Tue)01:30:00 No.53878455 >>53878466 >>53878475 >>53878439 >she if it has a penis it isnt a "she" Anonymous 08/13/19(Tue)01:30:54 No.53878466 File: 410gxVYu08L. _SX425_jpg (21 KB, 425x408) >>53878515 >>53878455 I'm straight so whatever makes my d--- hard is a woman f----- reddit
Anonymous 08/13/19(Tue)01:30:00 No.53878455 >>53878466 >>53878475 >>53878439 >she if it has a penis it isnt a "she" Anonymous 08/13/19(Tue)01:30:54 No.53878466 File: 410gxVYu08L. _SX425_jpg (21 KB, 425x408) >>53878515 >>53878455 I'm straight so whatever makes my d--- hard is a woman f----- reddit

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anon buys a car | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous (ID: aVy/Oy25 11/21/21(Sun)15:58:22 No.348798710 >buy new car in illinois >state law says you can return a car to a dealer within 30 days for any reason no questions asked as long as its not damaged, full 100% refund >return car after 29 days >dealer is livid but must accept it by law >come back next day, inquire about the same car >act as if I know absolutely nothing about the events of the previous month >dealer is blurting out features and options through clenched teeth >l'm interested... can you run a car fax for me? >oh this car is used >I'm still interested but not at that price, here's half >sales wagie has to breathe into a paper bag so he doesn't collapse from stress >l buy a new car at half price
: Anonymous (ID: aVy/Oy25 11/21/21(Sun)15:58:22 No.348798710 >buy new car in illinois >state law says you can return a car to a dealer within 30 days for any reason no questions asked as long as its not damaged, full 100% refund >return car after 29 days >dealer is livid but must accept it by law >come back next day, inquire about the same car >act as if I know absolutely nothing about the events of the previous month >dealer is blurting out features and options through clenched teeth >l'm interested... can you run a car fax for me? >oh this car is used >I'm still interested but not at that price, here's half >sales wagie has to breathe into a paper bag so he doesn't collapse from stress >l buy a new car at half price

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