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Anon made a Egyptian friend | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous I I 01/31/21(Sun)20:45:31 No.138718405 >Call Amazon customer service >l'm informed the call center guy is speaking from Egypt >Turns out to be the most professional, most polite call center guy l've ever interacted with >Thank him a lot 44 KB PNG >"Always at your service Sir" >Before leavingI ask him if he's actually Egyptian >"Yes" >congratulate him on his perfect Italian >"Thanks, I invite you to visit Egypt, the country of the the Sphinx and the Pyramids, one of the seven wonders of the world" >Haha wow thanks! >"I've worked with Italians before. You can visit my city which is located there near there, you'll love it there" >Thank him so much, and ask him his name again >He knows mine from the screen I felt /international/ love bliss bros. I now have a new Egyptian fren
: Anonymous I I 01/31/21(Sun)20:45:31 No.138718405 >Call Amazon customer service >l'm informed the call center guy is speaking from Egypt >Turns out to be the most professional, most polite call center guy l've ever interacted with >Thank him a lot 44 KB PNG >"Always at your service Sir" >Before leavingI ask him if he's actually Egyptian >"Yes" >congratulate him on his perfect Italian >"Thanks, I invite you to visit Egypt, the country of the the Sphinx and the Pyramids, one of the seven wonders of the world" >Haha wow thanks! >"I've worked with Italians before. You can visit my city which is located there near there, you'll love it there" >Thank him so much, and ask him his name again >He knows mine from the screen I felt /international/ love bliss bros. I now have a new Egyptian fren

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Australianon's thoughts on the land of the free | /r/Greentext


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Anon’s bro is a chad | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 12/10/21(Fri)11:55:07 No.66504079 >brother is a legit Chad but autistic >only leaves the house to go to the gym >spends his days browsing 4chan and making music >family friends come over and bring their daughters 64 KB JPG >can tell they like my brother >he acts cold and distant and ignores them >everyone tries to set him up with a girl and he just goes "I like being alone" does an awkward laugh and quickly goes back to his room >father is starting to wonder if he might be gay It's like he's completely detached from the world, I don't blame him, our parents used to fight a lot while we were young and that probably f----- him up, but still. If I had 18 year old p---- being thrown at my face l'd take it in a heartbeat.
: Anonymous 12/10/21(Fri)11:55:07 No.66504079 >brother is a legit Chad but autistic >only leaves the house to go to the gym >spends his days browsing 4chan and making music >family friends come over and bring their daughters 64 KB JPG >can tell they like my brother >he acts cold and distant and ignores them >everyone tries to set him up with a girl and he just goes "I like being alone" does an awkward laugh and quickly goes back to his room >father is starting to wonder if he might be gay It's like he's completely detached from the world, I don't blame him, our parents used to fight a lot while we were young and that probably f----- him up, but still. If I had 18 year old p---- being thrown at my face l'd take it in a heartbeat.

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Anon’s sister turns 16 | /r/Greentext

O Anonymous 05/03/14(Sat)13:45:49 No.46503828 4SO20 siyounger sister decided to host a party for her 18th birthday on a Saturday when are parents aren't around >she's a litle "different", so I was worried no one would come >told me she gave out birthday invitations to all her classmates >the day of the swoet 16th >it's 6 in the evening >no one came >kapt my sister company while we ate Doritos in the empty decorated living roam >feel sad for her >decide to do something about it >caled all my friends to come downi to the house >toid them to bring all their other friends and bring a coupie snacks and drinks it's e at night >around 200 in qur house >people spilling out our antrance and back doors feels good man >Girl Talk's All Day booming arqund our house >random people jumping into and swimming in our home pool >friends do a huge Tug O War in the living room Prnd cups and skowers everywhere >irs fike a mini Project X party >it's 1 in the morning >l bririg the cake in for my sister >everyone sings her a happy birthday >aho looks to me and givon me the greatent hug I've ever had >l srnile ahe blows the cake and we continue partying Anonymous 05/03/14(Sat)13:47.29 No.46503859 >>46503828 (OP) >fhis didn't tun into an i----- story good job, OP, keep it legit.
O Anonymous 05/03/14(Sat)13:45:49 No.46503828 4SO20 siyounger sister decided to host a party for her 18th birthday on a Saturday when are parents aren't around >she's a litle "different", so I was worried no one would come >told me she gave out birthday invitations to all her classmates >the day of the swoet 16th >it's 6 in the evening >no one came >kapt my sister company while we ate Doritos in the empty decorated living roam >feel sad for her >decide to do something about it >caled all my friends to come downi to the house >toid them to bring all their other friends and bring a coupie snacks and drinks it's e at night >around 200 in qur house >people spilling out our antrance and back doors feels good man >Girl Talk's All Day booming arqund our house >random people jumping into and swimming in our home pool >friends do a huge Tug O War in the living room Prnd cups and skowers everywhere >irs fike a mini Project X party >it's 1 in the morning >l bririg the cake in for my sister >everyone sings her a happy birthday >aho looks to me and givon me the greatent hug I've ever had >l srnile ahe blows the cake and we continue partying Anonymous 05/03/14(Sat)13:47.29 No.46503859 >>46503828 (OP) >fhis didn't tun into an i----- story good job, OP, keep it legit.

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Anon takes the Jocko pill | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 10/22/20(Thu)19:06:17 No.16634747 >>16633841 (OP) # Wake up at 1am in the freezer Gargle piss Uncomfortable? Good. Listen to 5 self improvement podcasts at once as you drag a tyre to work 63 KB PNG Fire ants in a diaper to keep you going Ex wife calls Says you can't visit the kids this weekend Good. They only slow you down Get to work, gargle more pee Do work on Chinese keyboard Don't know Chinese? You will. Broken glass for lunch Boss comes in, says you're falling behind He doesn't understand He can't He isn't a wolf in this world of sheep Get hit by 3 cars on the way home while listening to audiobooks at 2x speed New record Legs broken? Good. Pass out on kitchen floor, roaches kissing you all over They understand the grind Set alarm for 1am and drift into a coma while listening to asmr
: Anonymous 10/22/20(Thu)19:06:17 No.16634747 >>16633841 (OP) # Wake up at 1am in the freezer Gargle piss Uncomfortable? Good. Listen to 5 self improvement podcasts at once as you drag a tyre to work 63 KB PNG Fire ants in a diaper to keep you going Ex wife calls Says you can't visit the kids this weekend Good. They only slow you down Get to work, gargle more pee Do work on Chinese keyboard Don't know Chinese? You will. Broken glass for lunch Boss comes in, says you're falling behind He doesn't understand He can't He isn't a wolf in this world of sheep Get hit by 3 cars on the way home while listening to audiobooks at 2x speed New record Legs broken? Good. Pass out on kitchen floor, roaches kissing you all over They understand the grind Set alarm for 1am and drift into a coma while listening to asmr

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Anon encounters a bitch | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 12/10/21(Fri)16:13:44 No.868331735 >be me >be interested in a girl >start taking to her on discord >ask her about her interests >think I am making progress >random says that I made her feel uncomfortable 104 KB PNG >say sorry >think that I am a bad person for making her feel bad >next day she says that she's not interested in me >ok np >fast forward a couple months >In class for final day of school >ask the whole group "what's the weirdest thing you have seen on the internet?“ >she says "anon" >calls me a creep in-front of everyone in class >apologize again for what I did >can't believe this is happened >mfw Why are people like this? If she said not to talk to her I would have stopped now everyone will think I am a creep and did some serious s--- to her.
: Anonymous 12/10/21(Fri)16:13:44 No.868331735 >be me >be interested in a girl >start taking to her on discord >ask her about her interests >think I am making progress >random says that I made her feel uncomfortable 104 KB PNG >say sorry >think that I am a bad person for making her feel bad >next day she says that she's not interested in me >ok np >fast forward a couple months >In class for final day of school >ask the whole group "what's the weirdest thing you have seen on the internet?“ >she says "anon" >calls me a creep in-front of everyone in class >apologize again for what I did >can't believe this is happened >mfw Why are people like this? If she said not to talk to her I would have stopped now everyone will think I am a creep and did some serious s--- to her.

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Anon is genius | /r/Greentext

| Anonymous 01/22/20(Wed)02:16:13 No.819003901 I just got released from prison. Four years. robbed a f------ bank but plead down to aggravated assault. Money's gone. F------ dye packs. Oh well, could have been 20 so no complaints. Now what do? Drive a truck? >>819004027 # >>819004077 # >>819004321 # >>819014798 # : Anonymous 01/22/20(Wed)02:26:13 No.819004321 >>819003901 # Here's what you do >start youtube channel >your very first video is going to be you sitting in front of a high quality camera looking presentable >half the screen is going to show a videogame >title of the youtube video: "REAL Bank Robber Critiques GTA5 Bank Heist Mission" >you're gonna commentate over the gta5 intro and say s--- like "yeah thats pretty realistic they'd have alarms like that" >pause the cutscene every now and then and say some s--- like "back when i hit the bank, the cops were on us much quicker than this, so im not sure this is entirely accurate" >your next videos are going to be you critiquing similar scenes from other games or movies >then your videos are going to be QandA about prison life >before you know it you're at 350k subs and growing and all you do is talk into a camera about prison >enjoy making more money than all of us
| Anonymous 01/22/20(Wed)02:16:13 No.819003901 I just got released from prison. Four years. robbed a f------ bank but plead down to aggravated assault. Money's gone. F------ dye packs. Oh well, could have been 20 so no complaints. Now what do? Drive a truck? >>819004027 # >>819004077 # >>819004321 # >>819014798 # : Anonymous 01/22/20(Wed)02:26:13 No.819004321 >>819003901 # Here's what you do >start youtube channel >your very first video is going to be you sitting in front of a high quality camera looking presentable >half the screen is going to show a videogame >title of the youtube video: "REAL Bank Robber Critiques GTA5 Bank Heist Mission" >you're gonna commentate over the gta5 intro and say s--- like "yeah thats pretty realistic they'd have alarms like that" >pause the cutscene every now and then and say some s--- like "back when i hit the bank, the cops were on us much quicker than this, so im not sure this is entirely accurate" >your next videos are going to be you critiquing similar scenes from other games or movies >then your videos are going to be QandA about prison life >before you know it you're at 350k subs and growing and all you do is talk into a camera about prison >enjoy making more money than all of us

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Femanon kills incel | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 12/10/21(Fri)03:38:08 No.66499718 M-M-M-MONSTERKILL-KILL-KILL! >have rare bone marrow type Godlike! Epic win :P >agree to donate for a cancer patient >find out it's a male Ultrakill! Trololo xD "Le trole faic 1337 xD The cake >pull out at the last moment is a lie >he deteriorates and dies 441 KB PNG Granted he was only 12 but knowing he'd just be like any other entitled incel in her teens,I know I made a wise decision. : Anonymous 12/10/21(Fri)03:38:51 No.66499722 >>66499718 (OP)# >he'd just be like any other entitled incel in her teens >implying
: Anonymous 12/10/21(Fri)03:38:08 No.66499718 M-M-M-MONSTERKILL-KILL-KILL! >have rare bone marrow type Godlike! Epic win :P >agree to donate for a cancer patient >find out it's a male Ultrakill! Trololo xD "Le trole faic 1337 xD The cake >pull out at the last moment is a lie >he deteriorates and dies 441 KB PNG Granted he was only 12 but knowing he'd just be like any other entitled incel in her teens,I know I made a wise decision. : Anonymous 12/10/21(Fri)03:38:51 No.66499722 >>66499718 (OP)# >he'd just be like any other entitled incel in her teens >implying

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Anon likes motorcycles | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 12/10/21(Fri)00:07:07 No.66497741 >really want a motorcycle >Have no reason to buy one since public transport is decent here >Literally no financial reason to do SO >Still really want one >Already failed my driving test once 28 KB JPG since I'm f------ garbage >Gonna try it again in two weeks Driver anons, is it even worth it,? I feel like just giving up after failing something so simple >Pic related is what I would probably buy
: Anonymous 12/10/21(Fri)00:07:07 No.66497741 >really want a motorcycle >Have no reason to buy one since public transport is decent here >Literally no financial reason to do SO >Still really want one >Already failed my driving test once 28 KB JPG since I'm f------ garbage >Gonna try it again in two weeks Driver anons, is it even worth it,? I feel like just giving up after failing something so simple >Pic related is what I would probably buy

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Anon’s dad teaches him a lesson | /r/Greentext

>be me >26 y/o JIMAT >sitting in my room on a warm summer afternoon, chillin' >playing overwatch >hear my parents' room door open and shuffling downstairs 2009 2020 174 KB JPG >internet shuts off not long after >I was in a f------ comp match and probably lost tons of elo and have a quitting penalty >storm out of my room to investigate >dad is standing there with the modem >"Getting a job is all about being persistent and putting your game face on, Champ. You'll never reach the higher branch if you don't jump. During my senior year in high school, we were facing our cross-town rivals over at Allentown. They were the best team in the entire state, and they had this monster of a defensive end: Chet Anders. He was 6'5, 260 - or he was until I dove at his knees on a cut block and took him out. Sheer luck it took the paramedics a good 15 minutes to get him to stop screaming. I think he leapt off a bridge after Notre Dame yanked his scholarship offer. The point is that you've gotta crawl outta that thick shell of yours-" >d-dad just put the internet back on >"All you've gotta do is show up there and ask to speak with the manager. Stand up straight, look him in the eye, give him a firm handshake, and tell him you'll be the best hire they'll ever make. Ill drive you around town so you can try it out, and we're not turning back until someone hires you on the spot. That simple, Champ!"
>be me >26 y/o JIMAT >sitting in my room on a warm summer afternoon, chillin' >playing overwatch >hear my parents' room door open and shuffling downstairs 2009 2020 174 KB JPG >internet shuts off not long after >I was in a f------ comp match and probably lost tons of elo and have a quitting penalty >storm out of my room to investigate >dad is standing there with the modem >"Getting a job is all about being persistent and putting your game face on, Champ. You'll never reach the higher branch if you don't jump. During my senior year in high school, we were facing our cross-town rivals over at Allentown. They were the best team in the entire state, and they had this monster of a defensive end: Chet Anders. He was 6'5, 260 - or he was until I dove at his knees on a cut block and took him out. Sheer luck it took the paramedics a good 15 minutes to get him to stop screaming. I think he leapt off a bridge after Notre Dame yanked his scholarship offer. The point is that you've gotta crawl outta that thick shell of yours-" >d-dad just put the internet back on >"All you've gotta do is show up there and ask to speak with the manager. Stand up straight, look him in the eye, give him a firm handshake, and tell him you'll be the best hire they'll ever make. Ill drive you around town so you can try it out, and we're not turning back until someone hires you on the spot. That simple, Champ!"

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Harry Potter and the Hangleton Globe Trotters | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 12/10/21(Fri)09:56:23 No.160408196 >>160407906 (OP) # Maybe if any of you actually read the books, you would know Hermoine was written as a black girl from the start. 241 KB JPG Deathly Hallows page 234 paragraph 3 and I quote.. >"Ron! Voldemort is getting away on his broomstick!". >"Oh No Harry! How are we going to catch him Ron replied. >Things looked dire indeed but just then Hermoine hollered at Harry and Ron from down the street. >"Yo crackers, I gots us some bikes now lets roll on that jive ass noseless m-----------!" >"Hermoine, where did you get these bicycles?" inquired Harry. >"Shieeeettttt.." replied Hermoine.
: Anonymous 12/10/21(Fri)09:56:23 No.160408196 >>160407906 (OP) # Maybe if any of you actually read the books, you would know Hermoine was written as a black girl from the start. 241 KB JPG Deathly Hallows page 234 paragraph 3 and I quote.. >"Ron! Voldemort is getting away on his broomstick!". >"Oh No Harry! How are we going to catch him Ron replied. >Things looked dire indeed but just then Hermoine hollered at Harry and Ron from down the street. >"Yo crackers, I gots us some bikes now lets roll on that jive ass noseless m-----------!" >"Hermoine, where did you get these bicycles?" inquired Harry. >"Shieeeettttt.." replied Hermoine.

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Anon missing he’s wife (not really a greentext but still pretty good) | /r/Greentext

I miss my doll wife. Working out of state for long periods without her makes me want to quit. I wish I could take her with me everywhere instead of hidden away in my room. 294 KB JPG : Anonymous 12/09/21(Thu)19:48:41 No.868303899 >>868303797 (OP) # Sorry for your hard ship f----- I hope she stays faithful to you while you're 1.35 MB GIF gone >>868304058 # >>868304184 # >>868304211 # >>86 $04399 # : Anonymous 12/09/21 (Thu)19:51:35 No.868304058 >>868303899 # i laughed at this harder than i should have 72 KB PNG
I miss my doll wife. Working out of state for long periods without her makes me want to quit. I wish I could take her with me everywhere instead of hidden away in my room. 294 KB JPG : Anonymous 12/09/21(Thu)19:48:41 No.868303899 >>868303797 (OP) # Sorry for your hard ship f----- I hope she stays faithful to you while you're 1.35 MB GIF gone >>868304058 # >>868304184 # >>868304211 # >>86 $04399 # : Anonymous 12/09/21 (Thu)19:51:35 No.868304058 >>868303899 # i laughed at this harder than i should have 72 KB PNG

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Anon had the best dad! | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous I had the best dad 12/15/18(Sat)19:08:31 No.49862882 > Be me > Years ago. Still in womb. > Hear dad whispering nice poems. > Gonnabeagoodlife.mp3 > Hear dad leave for work. > Hear mom invite over 'Tyrone' > Black hose starts knocking 285 KB JPG against my head. > Hear dad come back and cry. > Hear mom beg for forgiveness. > Says he's staying for me. > mfw I realize this wonderful man is going to get stuck with this thot because of me. > Cant let that happen. > Decide to poison her toth bloodstream > Gonnatakeyoudownwithme.divx > Hear dad in hospital say goodbye to me and mom. > Hear moms heart beat stop before mine does. Goodbye dad. You deserve a better life.
: Anonymous I had the best dad 12/15/18(Sat)19:08:31 No.49862882 > Be me > Years ago. Still in womb. > Hear dad whispering nice poems. > Gonnabeagoodlife.mp3 > Hear dad leave for work. > Hear mom invite over 'Tyrone' > Black hose starts knocking 285 KB JPG against my head. > Hear dad come back and cry. > Hear mom beg for forgiveness. > Says he's staying for me. > mfw I realize this wonderful man is going to get stuck with this thot because of me. > Cant let that happen. > Decide to poison her toth bloodstream > Gonnatakeyoudownwithme.divx > Hear dad in hospital say goodbye to me and mom. > Hear moms heart beat stop before mine does. Goodbye dad. You deserve a better life.

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Anon has a female coworker | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 12/09/21(Thu)20:44:26 No.868318684 >be me >have female coworker >one day she makes a joke about how nobody would want to impregnate her >complimentloading.wav >"I'd impregnate you" 28 KB JPG >she looks at me with a shocked look She hasn't talked to me since then. She doesn't even make eye contact. Was it really that bad? Maybe the compliment was in bad taste but it was still a compliment right? Also, how f----- am l if she tells HR? 7 Replies View Thread : Anonymous 12/09/21(Thu)20:53:09 No.868319098 >>868318956 # That is the most beta s--- l've ever heard.
: Anonymous 12/09/21(Thu)20:44:26 No.868318684 >be me >have female coworker >one day she makes a joke about how nobody would want to impregnate her >complimentloading.wav >"I'd impregnate you" 28 KB JPG >she looks at me with a shocked look She hasn't talked to me since then. She doesn't even make eye contact. Was it really that bad? Maybe the compliment was in bad taste but it was still a compliment right? Also, how f----- am l if she tells HR? 7 Replies View Thread : Anonymous 12/09/21(Thu)20:53:09 No.868319098 >>868318956 # That is the most beta s--- l've ever heard.

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(Fem)anon is single | /r/Greentext

>be 6'3" lean educated with a good job with a 6.5/10 face >failure on tinder, bumble, hinge >W-- >create a femanon account to see what I'm up against Not to sound like an ass /b/ but I am 77 KB JPG definitely above average. Not top 10% but definitely in the top 25%. Makes no sense! >tell myself it's because I'm not white I. Smh racisssss >get ready to delete the account >hold on! I still remember the one time a girl complimented me. Feltsogoodman >stay on as femanon and match some kings to compliment them >tell them l'm not looking for anything so they shouldn't expect anything but compliment the f--- out of them I know I'm probably giving false hope to some but hope some dudes are feeling a little better about themselves. >inb4 gay
>be 6'3" lean educated with a good job with a 6.5/10 face >failure on tinder, bumble, hinge >W-- >create a femanon account to see what I'm up against Not to sound like an ass /b/ but I am 77 KB JPG definitely above average. Not top 10% but definitely in the top 25%. Makes no sense! >tell myself it's because I'm not white I. Smh racisssss >get ready to delete the account >hold on! I still remember the one time a girl complimented me. Feltsogoodman >stay on as femanon and match some kings to compliment them >tell them l'm not looking for anything so they shouldn't expect anything but compliment the f--- out of them I know I'm probably giving false hope to some but hope some dudes are feeling a little better about themselves. >inb4 gay

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anon likes ed sheeran | /r/Greentext

11111186.jpg (55 KB, 300x356) google yandex iqdb wait What was a moment in your life that should have been happy but was sad, l'll start. Anonymous >be me >crippled from a car crash >work wasn't easy to find, but I managed. >depressed ever since >legs constantly hurt, need painkillers just to get through the day >one of the few things that keeps me going is music >really into Ed Sheeran at the moment >he's about to go on tour and will sing a new song I've never heard at this concert >decide to save up so I can go >every spare penny goes to a ticket to that concert >start buying worse food and off brand pain killers just to make it there TUMEPHAE DREECUODLESCON >finally i've saved up enough >two weeks later at the concert >everyone's really nice and let's me get right towards the front >so excited to hear this new song >Ed Sheeran comes out on stage >he starts off with the new song >MFW the first line is "when your legs don't work like they used to before"
11111186.jpg (55 KB, 300x356) google yandex iqdb wait What was a moment in your life that should have been happy but was sad, l'll start. Anonymous >be me >crippled from a car crash >work wasn't easy to find, but I managed. >depressed ever since >legs constantly hurt, need painkillers just to get through the day >one of the few things that keeps me going is music >really into Ed Sheeran at the moment >he's about to go on tour and will sing a new song I've never heard at this concert >decide to save up so I can go >every spare penny goes to a ticket to that concert >start buying worse food and off brand pain killers just to make it there TUMEPHAE DREECUODLESCON >finally i've saved up enough >two weeks later at the concert >everyone's really nice and let's me get right towards the front >so excited to hear this new song >Ed Sheeran comes out on stage >he starts off with the new song >MFW the first line is "when your legs don't work like they used to before"

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Anon is Eleven | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 08/25/18(Sat)05:00:20 No.47729096 most retarded moments thread ? Merthern Virginia > be me > be 11 > in car with family heading home from county fair 100 KB JPG > dad wants dinner > mom hands me the phone book and tells me to look up the number for the place dad wanted so she could check the wait > for whatever f------ reason I hear "get rid of this" > roll down the window and chunk the phone book as we're going 80 on the interstate I didn't get dinner that night
: Anonymous 08/25/18(Sat)05:00:20 No.47729096 most retarded moments thread ? Merthern Virginia > be me > be 11 > in car with family heading home from county fair 100 KB JPG > dad wants dinner > mom hands me the phone book and tells me to look up the number for the place dad wanted so she could check the wait > for whatever f------ reason I hear "get rid of this" > roll down the window and chunk the phone book as we're going 80 on the interstate I didn't get dinner that night

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Anon tries to trade bants with his girlfriend | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 12/09/21(Thu)09:49:46 No.25444378 >gf calls my foreskin d--- cheese stick or smelly stick all the time >make one joke about her having beef curtains >she ignored me for a whole week that's women for you >>25444382 # >>25444383 # >>25444397 # >>25444399 # >>25444461 #
: Anonymous 12/09/21(Thu)09:49:46 No.25444378 >gf calls my foreskin d--- cheese stick or smelly stick all the time >make one joke about her having beef curtains >she ignored me for a whole week that's women for you >>25444382 # >>25444383 # >>25444397 # >>25444399 # >>25444461 #

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Anon needs help | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 12/09/21(Thu)18:51:34 No.868304057 really need some help bros. I decided that I needed some quick cash to fund my emo rap career >Meet old Russian man on this amateur h----- site >He said he wants a young hung stud for his wife >Go to his mansion in Orange County 28 KB JPG >There is no wife >Only this creepy old guy >He shows me a suitcase full of dollars >Tells me there's 25k in the suitcase >Says he will give it to me if I let him top me and finish him with a r----- >He made me crossdress as a sissy maid >l had the dirtiest and most painful sex ever with this old f-- >after he came down my throat he pushed me out the door >Threw the suitcase at me >Told me he had the "love bug" >Turns out I have aids >Turns out the money was counterfeit >The old man recorded the whole thing with a secret camera and now it's all over the Russian internet apparently I should probably kys View Thread
: Anonymous 12/09/21(Thu)18:51:34 No.868304057 really need some help bros. I decided that I needed some quick cash to fund my emo rap career >Meet old Russian man on this amateur h----- site >He said he wants a young hung stud for his wife >Go to his mansion in Orange County 28 KB JPG >There is no wife >Only this creepy old guy >He shows me a suitcase full of dollars >Tells me there's 25k in the suitcase >Says he will give it to me if I let him top me and finish him with a r----- >He made me crossdress as a sissy maid >l had the dirtiest and most painful sex ever with this old f-- >after he came down my throat he pushed me out the door >Threw the suitcase at me >Told me he had the "love bug" >Turns out I have aids >Turns out the money was counterfeit >The old man recorded the whole thing with a secret camera and now it's all over the Russian internet apparently I should probably kys View Thread

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Anon the Astronaut | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 12/09/21(Thu)02:13:35 No.64674046 >>64667626 (OP) # >Whats the hardest s--- you've ever done Just yesterday 295 KB JPG >Completely constipated, hadn't taken a s--- for 4days >Decide enough is enough. >Sit on my throne, trying to pass the massive solid buttbaby >Break out a sweat, can feel the ground underneath me shaking >Can feel my anus opening up the size of a tennis ball, but nothing comes out >5 minutes has passed by now >"This takes too long, I want to go back to gaming" >Imagine myself spaceX' falcon 9 rocket at t-3 seconds >Use all my strength to evacuate the log as quickly as possible >"Boosters have ignited" >The crap comes out at mach 0.9 (sound barrier remains unbroken) >Sounds like rock against porcelain when the log gets dumped >"We have liftoff" >Collapse on the floor in fetal position, can't move, butthole hurts, strength of drained >Wave of happiness falls over me >The greatest ordeal men has experienced is over >Regain composure >Look at my artwork in the bowl >"Satisfied" >Flush it down >Toilet clogs
: Anonymous 12/09/21(Thu)02:13:35 No.64674046 >>64667626 (OP) # >Whats the hardest s--- you've ever done Just yesterday 295 KB JPG >Completely constipated, hadn't taken a s--- for 4days >Decide enough is enough. >Sit on my throne, trying to pass the massive solid buttbaby >Break out a sweat, can feel the ground underneath me shaking >Can feel my anus opening up the size of a tennis ball, but nothing comes out >5 minutes has passed by now >"This takes too long, I want to go back to gaming" >Imagine myself spaceX' falcon 9 rocket at t-3 seconds >Use all my strength to evacuate the log as quickly as possible >"Boosters have ignited" >The crap comes out at mach 0.9 (sound barrier remains unbroken) >Sounds like rock against porcelain when the log gets dumped >"We have liftoff" >Collapse on the floor in fetal position, can't move, butthole hurts, strength of drained >Wave of happiness falls over me >The greatest ordeal men has experienced is over >Regain composure >Look at my artwork in the bowl >"Satisfied" >Flush it down >Toilet clogs

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