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Anon the Astronaut | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 12/09/21(Thu)02:13:35 No.64674046 >>64667626 (OP) # >Whats the hardest s--- you've ever done Just yesterday 295 KB JPG >Completely constipated, hadn't taken a s--- for 4days >Decide enough is enough. >Sit on my throne, trying to pass the massive solid buttbaby >Break out a sweat, can feel the ground underneath me shaking >Can feel my anus opening up the size of a tennis ball, but nothing comes out >5 minutes has passed by now >"This takes too long, I want to go back to gaming" >Imagine myself spaceX' falcon 9 rocket at t-3 seconds >Use all my strength to evacuate the log as quickly as possible >"Boosters have ignited" >The crap comes out at mach 0.9 (sound barrier remains unbroken) >Sounds like rock against porcelain when the log gets dumped >"We have liftoff" >Collapse on the floor in fetal position, can't move, butthole hurts, strength of drained >Wave of happiness falls over me >The greatest ordeal men has experienced is over >Regain composure >Look at my artwork in the bowl >"Satisfied" >Flush it down >Toilet clogs
: Anonymous 12/09/21(Thu)02:13:35 No.64674046 >>64667626 (OP) # >Whats the hardest s--- you've ever done Just yesterday 295 KB JPG >Completely constipated, hadn't taken a s--- for 4days >Decide enough is enough. >Sit on my throne, trying to pass the massive solid buttbaby >Break out a sweat, can feel the ground underneath me shaking >Can feel my anus opening up the size of a tennis ball, but nothing comes out >5 minutes has passed by now >"This takes too long, I want to go back to gaming" >Imagine myself spaceX' falcon 9 rocket at t-3 seconds >Use all my strength to evacuate the log as quickly as possible >"Boosters have ignited" >The crap comes out at mach 0.9 (sound barrier remains unbroken) >Sounds like rock against porcelain when the log gets dumped >"We have liftoff" >Collapse on the floor in fetal position, can't move, butthole hurts, strength of drained >Wave of happiness falls over me >The greatest ordeal men has experienced is over >Regain composure >Look at my artwork in the bowl >"Satisfied" >Flush it down >Toilet clogs

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Anon's dad is a prankster | /r/Greentext

File: 1636150337691.jpg (74 KB, 638x676) O Anonymous 12/10/21(Fri)09:43:19 No.868293266 Born to Fren ITT we post stories about in the army autism >be dad >there's this guy who always begs others for cigarettes >really annoying for everyone >one day >they find some unused ammo >idea.png >take it apart >put the gunpowder into a a c-------- >not enough to blast the guy's face off, but enough to leave a mark >put the gunpowder aroung the middle part of it so it doesn't blow up the second he lits it >guy comes in >asks for a c-------- >here_you_go_man.wav >everyone is watching him intensely >he doesn't suspect anything >he lits it and a few seconds after it a blinding light >like those old camera flashes that work with magnesium >the c-- blew >imagine some tom and jerry type of s---, the guy lost all his facial hair, excepta part of his eyebrow which was blocked by his nose >next day >dad asks him if he wants a c-- >hell no not from you jackasses >hfw mission passed
File: 1636150337691.jpg (74 KB, 638x676) O Anonymous 12/10/21(Fri)09:43:19 No.868293266 Born to Fren ITT we post stories about in the army autism >be dad >there's this guy who always begs others for cigarettes >really annoying for everyone >one day >they find some unused ammo >idea.png >take it apart >put the gunpowder into a a c-------- >not enough to blast the guy's face off, but enough to leave a mark >put the gunpowder aroung the middle part of it so it doesn't blow up the second he lits it >guy comes in >asks for a c-------- >here_you_go_man.wav >everyone is watching him intensely >he doesn't suspect anything >he lits it and a few seconds after it a blinding light >like those old camera flashes that work with magnesium >the c-- blew >imagine some tom and jerry type of s---, the guy lost all his facial hair, excepta part of his eyebrow which was blocked by his nose >next day >dad asks him if he wants a c-- >hell no not from you jackasses >hfw mission passed

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Anon almost dies shitting | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/27/21(Wed)17:15:19 No.845914110 >taking massive s--- >coming out sideways >hurts like hell >feel and hear anus tearing >losing lots of blood >pass out from blood loss >wake up around 15 minutes later 52 KB PNG >go to wipe >cleanwipe.doc >no blood, no s--- >feel around a------ >someone sewn up my gaping wound and cleaned it >blood and s--- still in toilet Thank you mystery a------ mender, i am forever in your debt
: Anonymous 01/27/21(Wed)17:15:19 No.845914110 >taking massive s--- >coming out sideways >hurts like hell >feel and hear anus tearing >losing lots of blood >pass out from blood loss >wake up around 15 minutes later 52 KB PNG >go to wipe >cleanwipe.doc >no blood, no s--- >feel around a------ >someone sewn up my gaping wound and cleaned it >blood and s--- still in toilet Thank you mystery a------ mender, i am forever in your debt

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The My Lai Massacre | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 12/09/21(Thu)16:56:24 No.66497615 Be 26 year old male super sperg >Mom gets a new Husband >Huge 6'5 muscular ex-marine Sergeant wanna die. >Seems like a cool guy initially >Gets real bitchy when I listen to cumtown cause they mock Israel 186 KB PNG and the troops >He gets angry when I listen to Burzum cause he thinks Nordic metal is pagan and satanic >He ripped down all my Hitomi Tanaka posters and took away all my sexy 2B figurines But it gets worse WAY WORSE >A year later >He keeps coming into my room in the middle of the night butt naked >He tells me old Iraq War stories >One day he comes in drunk and starts waving his d--- around >Tells me I will never have a big d--- like him >Too spergy to stand up for myself so I just squeal until he leaves >Another night he accuses me of being gay despite my obvious love for Japanese women >He literally bends over and shows me his big pale ass >He shouted "ya wanna f--- this you fruity peckerwood sunuva BITCH!" >Then he spat on me and mocked me for wearing my spider man onsie and having a creeper plushie >One night he was really drunk and cut a hole in my creeper and started f------ it in front of me when mom was at the spa >He filled it full of his c-- and threw it at me and said "Here ya go Jack! that's what happens to little boy p------ like you in the Marines" >I cried for 5 hours straight that night No one will help me because l'm an adult male
: Anonymous 12/09/21(Thu)16:56:24 No.66497615 Be 26 year old male super sperg >Mom gets a new Husband >Huge 6'5 muscular ex-marine Sergeant wanna die. >Seems like a cool guy initially >Gets real bitchy when I listen to cumtown cause they mock Israel 186 KB PNG and the troops >He gets angry when I listen to Burzum cause he thinks Nordic metal is pagan and satanic >He ripped down all my Hitomi Tanaka posters and took away all my sexy 2B figurines But it gets worse WAY WORSE >A year later >He keeps coming into my room in the middle of the night butt naked >He tells me old Iraq War stories >One day he comes in drunk and starts waving his d--- around >Tells me I will never have a big d--- like him >Too spergy to stand up for myself so I just squeal until he leaves >Another night he accuses me of being gay despite my obvious love for Japanese women >He literally bends over and shows me his big pale ass >He shouted "ya wanna f--- this you fruity peckerwood sunuva BITCH!" >Then he spat on me and mocked me for wearing my spider man onsie and having a creeper plushie >One night he was really drunk and cut a hole in my creeper and started f------ it in front of me when mom was at the spa >He filled it full of his c-- and threw it at me and said "Here ya go Jack! that's what happens to little boy p------ like you in the Marines" >I cried for 5 hours straight that night No one will help me because l'm an adult male

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Anons Parents hate him | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous namelet thread 10/27/21(Wed)00:11:46 No.65912566 >born with a twin >parents wanted to give us similar names >twin was named logan >parents had a wide selection of L names to choose from >and they named me f------ LAROLD 83 KB PNG
: Anonymous namelet thread 10/27/21(Wed)00:11:46 No.65912566 >born with a twin >parents wanted to give us similar names >twin was named logan >parents had a wide selection of L names to choose from >and they named me f------ LAROLD 83 KB PNG

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Anon says- Trumpers hold this L | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous (ID: Sfkg22R6) : 01/07/21(Thu)21:04:44 No.301025036 imagine spending the better part of the last 5 years having your brain and ego melted by uninterrupted /pol/ exposure, flying to washington in the middle of a pandemic to hear trump whine about oprah and mike pence at a rally, marching up to congress on his orders to smash s--- and then mill around aimlessly 51 KB JPG you go home and hear that biden won anyway and all of your favorite twitter news sources named like Patriot Newsman Of the West with avatars of roman statues have posted your photo online and are labeling you a "gay communist antifa actor." then the next day the god emperor you pasted into warhammer memes puts out a video cucking himself and bending the knee. "i'm sorry, those were heinous acts! p-please let me tweet again jack!!" you can't leave dc because the airlines have dubbed you a flight risk. you can't stay because the cops are actively looking for you after one of their own died. your roommate at the only hotel that would accept you is a guy named based_kekistani1488 who wants to show you his goblin slayer torrents. the sun is going down and you're getting cold.
: Anonymous (ID: Sfkg22R6) : 01/07/21(Thu)21:04:44 No.301025036 imagine spending the better part of the last 5 years having your brain and ego melted by uninterrupted /pol/ exposure, flying to washington in the middle of a pandemic to hear trump whine about oprah and mike pence at a rally, marching up to congress on his orders to smash s--- and then mill around aimlessly 51 KB JPG you go home and hear that biden won anyway and all of your favorite twitter news sources named like Patriot Newsman Of the West with avatars of roman statues have posted your photo online and are labeling you a "gay communist antifa actor." then the next day the god emperor you pasted into warhammer memes puts out a video cucking himself and bending the knee. "i'm sorry, those were heinous acts! p-please let me tweet again jack!!" you can't leave dc because the airlines have dubbed you a flight risk. you can't stay because the cops are actively looking for you after one of their own died. your roommate at the only hotel that would accept you is a guy named based_kekistani1488 who wants to show you his goblin slayer torrents. the sun is going down and you're getting cold.

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Anon is a decent human | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/22/18(Fri)07:00:15 No.772251560 >>772251055 (OP) # >be 15 WOOSH. VOUAVE Smol pener >sister 17 >walks out of bathroom after shower 40 KB JPG >towel hanging very loose around her body. >tell her to fasten her towel before it falls off >she nods and fastens it before walking away >i go shower and forget about it >because im not some sick degenerate like you f----. >>772251744 #
: Anonymous 06/22/18(Fri)07:00:15 No.772251560 >>772251055 (OP) # >be 15 WOOSH. VOUAVE Smol pener >sister 17 >walks out of bathroom after shower 40 KB JPG >towel hanging very loose around her body. >tell her to fasten her towel before it falls off >she nods and fastens it before walking away >i go shower and forget about it >because im not some sick degenerate like you f----. >>772251744 #

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anon gets hugged by goth roastie | /r/Greentext

File: take-some-time-of-your-da(...).jpg (38 KB, 602x538) O Anonymous 12/09/21(Thu)17:17:54 No.66494062 >be me >in class with the /b/oys >7/10 goth qt comes in >hugs all of us >w--.jpeg >she says : " y'all are good persons. that's why I hugged you." >doesnt elaborate >leaves I'm kinda happy, but w-- did she meant by that ? is she retarded ? was it a truth or dare ? what do robots ?
File: take-some-time-of-your-da(...).jpg (38 KB, 602x538) O Anonymous 12/09/21(Thu)17:17:54 No.66494062 >be me >in class with the /b/oys >7/10 goth qt comes in >hugs all of us >w--.jpeg >she says : " y'all are good persons. that's why I hugged you." >doesnt elaborate >leaves I'm kinda happy, but w-- did she meant by that ? is she retarded ? was it a truth or dare ? what do robots ?

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Anon is fucked in the head | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 12/10/21(Fri)01:15:46 No.868290294 >be me >hiding in alleyway >qt girl walking up the street doesn't see me >grab her and pull her into the 17 KB JPG shadows >put knife to her throat >she starts crying but i have my hand over her mouth >muffled "no please please don't no" >pull my phone out of my pocket >put it in front of her face >Never Gonna Give You Up by Rick Astley music video plays >she just looks at it >i let her go and run away laughing like Skeletor from He-Man Anyone else do things like this? it's a very fun prank to pull on late Friday nights when you're alone without any friends or loving caring family members.
: Anonymous 12/10/21(Fri)01:15:46 No.868290294 >be me >hiding in alleyway >qt girl walking up the street doesn't see me >grab her and pull her into the 17 KB JPG shadows >put knife to her throat >she starts crying but i have my hand over her mouth >muffled "no please please don't no" >pull my phone out of my pocket >put it in front of her face >Never Gonna Give You Up by Rick Astley music video plays >she just looks at it >i let her go and run away laughing like Skeletor from He-Man Anyone else do things like this? it's a very fun prank to pull on late Friday nights when you're alone without any friends or loving caring family members.

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Drawing the short straw | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous Why was I cursed with such shi(...) 12/08/21(Wed)18:48:15 No.66486135 >dad 6'1 >mom 5'10 >me 5'8" >younger brother 6'4 49 KB JPG >me kissless handheldless virgin at age 27 >younger brother Chad that had multiple girlfriends throughout high school and is in a college frat >me skinnyfat >younger brother 6 pack with sculpted body >me ugly beak like nose and beady eyes >younger brother chad jawline and hunter eyes Why was I cursed with such s--- genes? All the men in my family are taller than me. My father is 6'1, my paternal grandfather is 6'2, my maternal grandfather is 6'. My Uncles are 6' to 6'4, my cousins are 6'1 to 6'4. What happened?
: Anonymous Why was I cursed with such shi(...) 12/08/21(Wed)18:48:15 No.66486135 >dad 6'1 >mom 5'10 >me 5'8" >younger brother 6'4 49 KB JPG >me kissless handheldless virgin at age 27 >younger brother Chad that had multiple girlfriends throughout high school and is in a college frat >me skinnyfat >younger brother 6 pack with sculpted body >me ugly beak like nose and beady eyes >younger brother chad jawline and hunter eyes Why was I cursed with such s--- genes? All the men in my family are taller than me. My father is 6'1, my paternal grandfather is 6'2, my maternal grandfather is 6'. My Uncles are 6' to 6'4, my cousins are 6'1 to 6'4. What happened?

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Anons muscles | /r/Greentext

1635133345252.jpg 22 KB JPG >A man hadn't expierenced love for 25 years and tried to replace it with weight lifting. Here's what happened to him. : Anonymous 10/25/21(Mon)14:50:08 No.64081020 >>64080979 (OP) # SHUT UP
1635133345252.jpg 22 KB JPG >A man hadn't expierenced love for 25 years and tried to replace it with weight lifting. Here's what happened to him. : Anonymous 10/25/21(Mon)14:50:08 No.64081020 >>64080979 (OP) # SHUT UP

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Anon is 'Murican | /r/Greentext


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Anon has a trillion-dollar idea | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous (ID: NNJINTİH) 12/07/21(Tue)14:49:01 No.44210033 >go to Venezuela >exchange 1000 dollars for 700 trillion of local currency >go back to states >am now the richest person on earth crazy how that wurks huh >>44210578 #
: Anonymous (ID: NNJINTİH) 12/07/21(Tue)14:49:01 No.44210033 >go to Venezuela >exchange 1000 dollars for 700 trillion of local currency >go back to states >am now the richest person on earth crazy how that wurks huh >>44210578 #

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A Classic - Anon do be 17 tho | /r/Greentext


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Whats taters, precious? | /r/Greentext


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The final solution | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 12/09/21(Thu)12:46:50 No.868271827 >Permanently mandate vaccine passports globally for everything, even grocery stores, let's kick these unvaxxed nut jobs out of society >Permanently mandate covid vaccines for all children 5 and over 58 KB PNG (the younger the better when the CDC approves shots for infants) children are super spreads and having them vaxxed will knick covid in the butt >Fire all unvaxxed employees from every business, big, small, private or public, failure to do so will result in heavy fines >Make disinformation propaganda that goes against the vaccine illegal and suitable for hefty fines >No more anonymity online, that's where trolls are born, and that's where lies and disinformation starts, for now on your full name is displayed on every single website you post comments on >Make masks in public establishments permanent. Theyre the easiest thing in the world to wear and make a world of difference, I haven't been sick since late 2019 and I contribute a lot of that to masks There, I just fixed the covid crisis
: Anonymous 12/09/21(Thu)12:46:50 No.868271827 >Permanently mandate vaccine passports globally for everything, even grocery stores, let's kick these unvaxxed nut jobs out of society >Permanently mandate covid vaccines for all children 5 and over 58 KB PNG (the younger the better when the CDC approves shots for infants) children are super spreads and having them vaxxed will knick covid in the butt >Fire all unvaxxed employees from every business, big, small, private or public, failure to do so will result in heavy fines >Make disinformation propaganda that goes against the vaccine illegal and suitable for hefty fines >No more anonymity online, that's where trolls are born, and that's where lies and disinformation starts, for now on your full name is displayed on every single website you post comments on >Make masks in public establishments permanent. Theyre the easiest thing in the world to wear and make a world of difference, I haven't been sick since late 2019 and I contribute a lot of that to masks There, I just fixed the covid crisis

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be sexy, be cicada | /r/Greentext

Anonymous | 857481178 >wait 17 years >wake up >scream for 4 weeks >refuse to elaborate >die 16 REPLIES 3 IMAGES
Anonymous | 857481178 >wait 17 years >wake up >scream for 4 weeks >refuse to elaborate >die 16 REPLIES 3 IMAGES

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Anon is the most played of '21 | /r/Greentext


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Hmmmmmmmmmm | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 12/07/21(Tue)12:06:00 No.160280081 >>160280107 >>160280129 >>160280135 >>160280146 >>160280181 >>160280211 >>160280216 >>160280252 >>160280266 >>160280291 >>160280444 >>160280963 >>160281072 >>160281398 >>160281616 >>160281745 >>160281813 >>160282573 >>160282742 >>160284676 >>160286610 >>160288861 >>160288937 >>160289117 >>160290366 >>160291752 >>160291969 >>160292497 >>160294188 >>160295202 >>160297344 >>160298214 >>160298558 >>160299254 >>160299539 >>160300142 >>160300550 >>160303688 >>160307067 >>160307261 >>160311572 >>160311795 >attach bomb to thumper >let worm swallow bomb >kill worm >repeat until extinct now you can gather your spice in peace.
Anonymous 12/07/21(Tue)12:06:00 No.160280081 >>160280107 >>160280129 >>160280135 >>160280146 >>160280181 >>160280211 >>160280216 >>160280252 >>160280266 >>160280291 >>160280444 >>160280963 >>160281072 >>160281398 >>160281616 >>160281745 >>160281813 >>160282573 >>160282742 >>160284676 >>160286610 >>160288861 >>160288937 >>160289117 >>160290366 >>160291752 >>160291969 >>160292497 >>160294188 >>160295202 >>160297344 >>160298214 >>160298558 >>160299254 >>160299539 >>160300142 >>160300550 >>160303688 >>160307067 >>160307261 >>160311572 >>160311795 >attach bomb to thumper >let worm swallow bomb >kill worm >repeat until extinct now you can gather your spice in peace.

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anon forgets about inspection day | /r/Greentext


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