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Guilty as charged! | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/18/17(Wed)23:05:46 No.719447132 ITT: Pretend we're reddit 51 KB JPG : Anonymous 01/18/17(Wed)23:08:03 No.719447353 >s----- film reference >gay dad joke 'WoW thanks for the gold guys, lets all meet up and have a massive o--- because of how perfect we all are' >>719447581 # >>719447619 # >>719447968 # : Anonymous 01/18/17(Wed)23:10:29 No.719447581 >>719447353 # /thread
: Anonymous 01/18/17(Wed)23:05:46 No.719447132 ITT: Pretend we're reddit 51 KB JPG : Anonymous 01/18/17(Wed)23:08:03 No.719447353 >s----- film reference >gay dad joke 'WoW thanks for the gold guys, lets all meet up and have a massive o--- because of how perfect we all are' >>719447581 # >>719447619 # >>719447968 # : Anonymous 01/18/17(Wed)23:10:29 No.719447581 >>719447353 # /thread

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Anon joins the military | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/06/19(Thu)06:39:19 No.801539730 Military Story Thread? Military Story Thread. I'll start. >Be me, join Navy. >Dad was in the Navy, grandad, his grandad, etc. >Finally in, on the boat, the works. >There's some furfag here but 11 KB JPG we're suppose to be "tolerant." Doesn't matter anyway, everyone's f----- gay anyway. >f--- around with my boys on the ship >finally time for lights out >Go to bunk >furfag approaches my bunk >"The f--- do you want furfag?" >feel something grab my ass, and then my c--- >mortified >flip s--- >beat the s--- out of him >get discharged >w/el don't wanna f----- go back >Drink my troubles away >Talk to therapist about it >"What did he say to you?" >... "I can't doc. I really just can't." >Can't take it anymore >Go home >Put gun in my mouth >Wife breaks door down and demands to know what he said. >He said... "uwu, wots dis? A foreskin? Gimme yer smeggie weggie!" >crying, wife consoles me as I type this 3 Replies / 2 Images View Thread
: Anonymous 06/06/19(Thu)06:39:19 No.801539730 Military Story Thread? Military Story Thread. I'll start. >Be me, join Navy. >Dad was in the Navy, grandad, his grandad, etc. >Finally in, on the boat, the works. >There's some furfag here but 11 KB JPG we're suppose to be "tolerant." Doesn't matter anyway, everyone's f----- gay anyway. >f--- around with my boys on the ship >finally time for lights out >Go to bunk >furfag approaches my bunk >"The f--- do you want furfag?" >feel something grab my ass, and then my c--- >mortified >flip s--- >beat the s--- out of him >get discharged >w/el don't wanna f----- go back >Drink my troubles away >Talk to therapist about it >"What did he say to you?" >... "I can't doc. I really just can't." >Can't take it anymore >Go home >Put gun in my mouth >Wife breaks door down and demands to know what he said. >He said... "uwu, wots dis? A foreskin? Gimme yer smeggie weggie!" >crying, wife consoles me as I type this 3 Replies / 2 Images View Thread

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Anon and the boys | /r/Greentext

>be an awkward social outcast weird loner with no life or friends >naturally be on 4chan >make a deeply personal post >responders call me a f----- and tell me to kms 29 KB JPG >strangely feels really good like banter from “the boys" that I never had in real life You make me feel cozy and at home /b/ and I love you
>be an awkward social outcast weird loner with no life or friends >naturally be on 4chan >make a deeply personal post >responders call me a f----- and tell me to kms 29 KB JPG >strangely feels really good like banter from “the boys" that I never had in real life You make me feel cozy and at home /b/ and I love you

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Anon orders food | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/05/21(Mon)11:53:58 No.851359630 >Be me >order food from DoorDash >says it will take 20 minutes >hard af >it's been 2 hours w-- >look outside to see trail of blood and a 597 KB JPG collapsed body >look down street and see horrific car crash >driver crashed and in his final moments brought me my food >rate him 1 star for being late and leaving his trash body in my driveway
: Anonymous 04/05/21(Mon)11:53:58 No.851359630 >Be me >order food from DoorDash >says it will take 20 minutes >hard af >it's been 2 hours w-- >look outside to see trail of blood and a 597 KB JPG collapsed body >look down street and see horrific car crash >driver crashed and in his final moments brought me my food >rate him 1 star for being late and leaving his trash body in my driveway

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Anon being irrelevant | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 12/07/21(Tue)22:06:37 No.17098969 vegan anon here. why dont you go vegan? >better health >better looks and feelings put your thoughts here. try to stay civil i guess cause people get up in arms about veganism for no good reason 533 KB PNG : Anonymous 12/07/21(Tue)22:08:05 No.17098975 >>17098969 (OP) # This board is for food and cooking. >>17098989 # : Anonymous 12/07/21(Tue)22:11:03 No.17098984 >>17098969 (OP) # >>better health >>better looks and feelings Neither are true >>17098989 #
: Anonymous 12/07/21(Tue)22:06:37 No.17098969 vegan anon here. why dont you go vegan? >better health >better looks and feelings put your thoughts here. try to stay civil i guess cause people get up in arms about veganism for no good reason 533 KB PNG : Anonymous 12/07/21(Tue)22:08:05 No.17098975 >>17098969 (OP) # This board is for food and cooking. >>17098989 # : Anonymous 12/07/21(Tue)22:11:03 No.17098984 >>17098969 (OP) # >>better health >>better looks and feelings Neither are true >>17098989 #

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Anon has a sleep paralysis demon | /r/Greentext

>be me >have sleep paralysis every now and then, pretty rare >wake up, can't move, paralyzed below neck >scared for some reason 146 KB PNG >see some black, humanoid shape silhoutte in room corner >nothing outstandingly bad, but don't want to deal with it anymore >start jerking off aggresively every time before bed, staring into that corner to assert dominance and show that I don't fear >one night wake up >can't move, heart racing >skinless woman looking thing with dozens of eyes on her face sitting on me, straddling. Has hands with claws like Freddy Kruger knife fingers but on both hands >nearly s--- myself >it whispers >"sleep naked you coward, I'll f--- you so hard you'll never be able to get off to any other human again" >"I'll be waiting, worm" >shut my eyes, praying to Lord to deliver me from this evil >surrounded my bed with salt the next day, no longer try to assert any sort of dominance >get sleep paralysis now more often, same s--- with silhoutte in dark room corner >week ago silhoutte moved to foot of the bed, looks like it stands behind salt line but I'm still getting nervous how f----- am I it's all in my head, just my f----- up imagination, right? Would going to psychiatrist help?
>be me >have sleep paralysis every now and then, pretty rare >wake up, can't move, paralyzed below neck >scared for some reason 146 KB PNG >see some black, humanoid shape silhoutte in room corner >nothing outstandingly bad, but don't want to deal with it anymore >start jerking off aggresively every time before bed, staring into that corner to assert dominance and show that I don't fear >one night wake up >can't move, heart racing >skinless woman looking thing with dozens of eyes on her face sitting on me, straddling. Has hands with claws like Freddy Kruger knife fingers but on both hands >nearly s--- myself >it whispers >"sleep naked you coward, I'll f--- you so hard you'll never be able to get off to any other human again" >"I'll be waiting, worm" >shut my eyes, praying to Lord to deliver me from this evil >surrounded my bed with salt the next day, no longer try to assert any sort of dominance >get sleep paralysis now more often, same s--- with silhoutte in dark room corner >week ago silhoutte moved to foot of the bed, looks like it stands behind salt line but I'm still getting nervous how f----- am I it's all in my head, just my f----- up imagination, right? Would going to psychiatrist help?

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Anon sells a few copies of cod | /r/Greentext

Anonymous No.592760531 Vor 53 Minuten >Be me working at gamestop >parent asks for a game called "cod" >tell her there is no game called "cod" but her son probably meant "Rapala pro bass fishing" there are lots of fish in that game and the closest we have >have ton of copies in the back >we have a deal on, if you buy 2 copies you get 1 free >she buys three brand new copies of this game >she comes back after christmas >all three copies have been opened >no refund because you opened them >a kid out there received 3 copies of a f------ fishing game for christmas 2 replies
Anonymous No.592760531 Vor 53 Minuten >Be me working at gamestop >parent asks for a game called "cod" >tell her there is no game called "cod" but her son probably meant "Rapala pro bass fishing" there are lots of fish in that game and the closest we have >have ton of copies in the back >we have a deal on, if you buy 2 copies you get 1 free >she buys three brand new copies of this game >she comes back after christmas >all three copies have been opened >no refund because you opened them >a kid out there received 3 copies of a f------ fishing game for christmas 2 replies

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Anon buys a kitchen | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 12/07/21(Tue)15:12:06 No.17095437 RESS 64F4EF9C-12CB-4778-9FD8-681FEC118919.png 682 KB PNG >buy a new home >check the kitchen >laminate countertops : Anonymous 12/07/21(Tue)15:12:27 No.17095440 ok : Anonymous 12/07/21(Tue)15:12:28 No.17095441 this is a weird meme >>17095445 #
: Anonymous 12/07/21(Tue)15:12:06 No.17095437 RESS 64F4EF9C-12CB-4778-9FD8-681FEC118919.png 682 KB PNG >buy a new home >check the kitchen >laminate countertops : Anonymous 12/07/21(Tue)15:12:27 No.17095440 ok : Anonymous 12/07/21(Tue)15:12:28 No.17095441 this is a weird meme >>17095445 #

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Anon laughs at current events | /r/Greentext

No.766291653 43 minutes ago JPG 17.5 KİB 248x189 This Starbucks s--- is cracking me up. To recap: >Black people loitering. >"Buy something or leave." >dasracist.jpg >Cops get involved. >Chimpouts across the country. >4chan makes fake Starbucks coupons for black people. >Black people go in droves to Starbucks. >"Gibs me dats" >Coupons are fake >Double Chimpout MFW 6 replies
No.766291653 43 minutes ago JPG 17.5 KİB 248x189 This Starbucks s--- is cracking me up. To recap: >Black people loitering. >"Buy something or leave." >dasracist.jpg >Cops get involved. >Chimpouts across the country. >4chan makes fake Starbucks coupons for black people. >Black people go in droves to Starbucks. >"Gibs me dats" >Coupons are fake >Double Chimpout MFW 6 replies

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Anon didn't think | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 12/04/21(Sat)23:49:22 No.160142913 >l-I didn't think- >THAT'S RIGHT YOU DIDN'T THINK 50 KB JPG
: Anonymous 12/04/21(Sat)23:49:22 No.160142913 >l-I didn't think- >THAT'S RIGHT YOU DIDN'T THINK 50 KB JPG

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anon solves his problem | /r/Greentext

>Be me >Have mega ant problem >They're resistant to black pepper 40 KB JPG >Bleach >Even liquid ant traps >One day I j------- in bathtub >Don't even clean it because I'm filth >Later I go back in bathroom and see ants have consumed almost all of my boy milk >Within the next couple days, almost all ants are gone >l've weaponized my man nectar
>Be me >Have mega ant problem >They're resistant to black pepper 40 KB JPG >Bleach >Even liquid ant traps >One day I j------- in bathtub >Don't even clean it because I'm filth >Later I go back in bathroom and see ants have consumed almost all of my boy milk >Within the next couple days, almost all ants are gone >l've weaponized my man nectar

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Anon is all of us | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 12/07/21(Tue)21:07:06 No.868188782 >be me >have f----- name >request irl mom to call me anon >she agrees >calls me anon >l am now anon 254 KB JPG >l am all of you
: Anonymous 12/07/21(Tue)21:07:06 No.868188782 >be me >have f----- name >request irl mom to call me anon >she agrees >calls me anon >l am now anon 254 KB JPG >l am all of you

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anon gives words of advice | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 12/07/21(Tue)11:29:23 No.66466374 >Virgin at 28 it's over, right? 4 KB JPG 2 Replies View Thread : Anonymous 12/07/21(Tue)11:30:36 No.66466383 Dumb frogposter. Kindly f--- off and kys please.
: Anonymous 12/07/21(Tue)11:29:23 No.66466374 >Virgin at 28 it's over, right? 4 KB JPG 2 Replies View Thread : Anonymous 12/07/21(Tue)11:30:36 No.66466383 Dumb frogposter. Kindly f--- off and kys please.

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Anon moves to Bell-air | /r/Greentext

Anonymous | 787981129 5 min. ago •.. I had a s----- f------ day, /b/! >Be me >Playing basket ball by myself at a court >hear "HEY F-----!" >Turn around and see three chads >"Wh-who? Me?" 38.2 kB JPG >"Yeah you! What are you doing on OUR court?!" >"It's a public court." >"Like Hell, GTFO!" >"No." >He goes up and push me >Feel angry >push him back >He punches me >Say "You wanna play? l'll play!" >Perceed to get into fight with them >They're kicking my ass >Whatever don't give up >All of a sudden hear a voice >"WHATS GOING ON!?" >Hearing this the 3 chads run off >It's my mom >"HOW COULD YOU?!" >"Mom, I'm sorry! They-" >My Mom is offically scared of me >She's decided on kicking me out to live with my Aunt and Uncle What do?
Anonymous | 787981129 5 min. ago •.. I had a s----- f------ day, /b/! >Be me >Playing basket ball by myself at a court >hear "HEY F-----!" >Turn around and see three chads >"Wh-who? Me?" 38.2 kB JPG >"Yeah you! What are you doing on OUR court?!" >"It's a public court." >"Like Hell, GTFO!" >"No." >He goes up and push me >Feel angry >push him back >He punches me >Say "You wanna play? l'll play!" >Perceed to get into fight with them >They're kicking my ass >Whatever don't give up >All of a sudden hear a voice >"WHATS GOING ON!?" >Hearing this the 3 chads run off >It's my mom >"HOW COULD YOU?!" >"Mom, I'm sorry! They-" >My Mom is offically scared of me >She's decided on kicking me out to live with my Aunt and Uncle What do?

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All the wrong moves | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 12/07/21(Tue)14:34:07 No.66468435 >go on 3 tinder dates >first girl - not hot no moves made >second girl - hot but didnt make a move, tried to play it cool got ghosted >third girl - hot made a move, got her over to my place. Tried to escalate to a kiss. Got rejected 20 KB JPG What the f---, how does this dating s--- work. I want p---- god damnit. Ive been beating my meat since september : Anonymous 12/07/21(Tue)14:41:52 No.66468525 >>66468435 (OP) # I've been beating my meat for the last 9 years. Сope.
: Anonymous 12/07/21(Tue)14:34:07 No.66468435 >go on 3 tinder dates >first girl - not hot no moves made >second girl - hot but didnt make a move, tried to play it cool got ghosted >third girl - hot made a move, got her over to my place. Tried to escalate to a kiss. Got rejected 20 KB JPG What the f---, how does this dating s--- work. I want p---- god damnit. Ive been beating my meat since september : Anonymous 12/07/21(Tue)14:41:52 No.66468525 >>66468435 (OP) # I've been beating my meat for the last 9 years. Сope.

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What's his secret? | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 12/04/16(Sun)16:42:03 No.39596368 >is fat/looks fat >doesn't lift >only eats fish and berries >still faster and stronger than 100% of /fit/ 1.95 MB PNG What is his secret? Anonymous 12/04/16(Sun)16:44:34 No.39596401 He's happy >>39598722 # >>39600157 # >>39601419 # >>39604092 # >>39604310 # >>39604367 # >>39604613 #
: Anonymous 12/04/16(Sun)16:42:03 No.39596368 >is fat/looks fat >doesn't lift >only eats fish and berries >still faster and stronger than 100% of /fit/ 1.95 MB PNG What is his secret? Anonymous 12/04/16(Sun)16:44:34 No.39596401 He's happy >>39598722 # >>39600157 # >>39601419 # >>39604092 # >>39604310 # >>39604367 # >>39604613 #

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Anon investigates IKEA | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous (ID: ISNLYTYS ) Ikea 09/12/21 (Sun)06:09:15 No.40716132 >Be Ikea >Charge $800 for s----- particle wood furniture that comes in 91 IKEA Home furnishings pieces >Buyer spends 2 hours putting it together themselves >Furniture will last 3 years tops if it doesn't collapse under its own 146 KB JPG weight. >Somehow convince the public that this is a better deal than buying a finished product made of real wood that will last them 2 lifetimes for the same price. >Be the reason this god awful furniture sales model seeps into mainstream American companies so everyone f------ does it now. F--- Ikea. How did they do it??
: Anonymous (ID: ISNLYTYS ) Ikea 09/12/21 (Sun)06:09:15 No.40716132 >Be Ikea >Charge $800 for s----- particle wood furniture that comes in 91 IKEA Home furnishings pieces >Buyer spends 2 hours putting it together themselves >Furniture will last 3 years tops if it doesn't collapse under its own 146 KB JPG weight. >Somehow convince the public that this is a better deal than buying a finished product made of real wood that will last them 2 lifetimes for the same price. >Be the reason this god awful furniture sales model seeps into mainstream American companies so everyone f------ does it now. F--- Ikea. How did they do it??

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Anon gives a sauce | /r/Greentext

:Anonymous 04/15/21(Thu)13:36:46 No.852124792 >guy asks for sauce >l tell him the sauce >he replies "thanks gonna c-- buckets now" >tfw I helped a man c-- buckets Am I gay now? W-- was I thinking 161 KB PNG 1 Reply View Thread : Anonymous 04/15/21(Thu)13:49:23 No.852125580 >>852124792(OP) # Yes, you are gay now. Suck the c--- f-----.
:Anonymous 04/15/21(Thu)13:36:46 No.852124792 >guy asks for sauce >l tell him the sauce >he replies "thanks gonna c-- buckets now" >tfw I helped a man c-- buckets Am I gay now? W-- was I thinking 161 KB PNG 1 Reply View Thread : Anonymous 04/15/21(Thu)13:49:23 No.852125580 >>852124792(OP) # Yes, you are gay now. Suck the c--- f-----.

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Anon encounters race dynamics in America | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 12/07/21(Tue)10:08:36 No.868156612 >be me, new in America from a s------- country >learn in school about treating everyone equal and respecting everyone >very wholesome, never learned this before, I like it 75 KB JPG >there's a controversy in media and everyone's talking about it >white mom is big sad that popular music her kids are listening to promotes drugs, crime, foul language, mysogny >I completely agree with her >start listening to commentary on the whole scenario >everyone is angry at her for disrespecting black culture >wut??? Is that black culture??? >should we respect that music and teach our kids that's good? That was my first very confusing encounter of the weird dynamic America has with blacks where they just side with black over white no matter what.
: Anonymous 12/07/21(Tue)10:08:36 No.868156612 >be me, new in America from a s------- country >learn in school about treating everyone equal and respecting everyone >very wholesome, never learned this before, I like it 75 KB JPG >there's a controversy in media and everyone's talking about it >white mom is big sad that popular music her kids are listening to promotes drugs, crime, foul language, mysogny >I completely agree with her >start listening to commentary on the whole scenario >everyone is angry at her for disrespecting black culture >wut??? Is that black culture??? >should we respect that music and teach our kids that's good? That was my first very confusing encounter of the weird dynamic America has with blacks where they just side with black over white no matter what.

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Oopsies, took the wrong truck | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 10/12/21(Tue)15:03:03 No.864888372 Backfiring pranks thread >Be me >Walking to local cafe in the morning to grab a cup of coffee before I go to work > As I'm walking I notice a familiar truck with the ignition on and 31 KB JPG windows tinted > Recognise it as my friends truck >See him standing in front of the cafe >Decide to do a little trolling > Jump in his truck and start driving > Drive slowly near the cafe hoping he will notice me > Guy I've never seen before screams " HEY THATS MY TRUCK!!!!" > OH F--- > PANIC > Drive for about 5 minutes in stolen truck > Park it and leave keys in the glove compartment >Order an uber and when uber arrives i cancel the ride and offer to pay in cash so no evidence of ride > I called in sick to work It's been about a week and the guy found his truck but I think I'm gonna retire from pranks
: Anonymous 10/12/21(Tue)15:03:03 No.864888372 Backfiring pranks thread >Be me >Walking to local cafe in the morning to grab a cup of coffee before I go to work > As I'm walking I notice a familiar truck with the ignition on and 31 KB JPG windows tinted > Recognise it as my friends truck >See him standing in front of the cafe >Decide to do a little trolling > Jump in his truck and start driving > Drive slowly near the cafe hoping he will notice me > Guy I've never seen before screams " HEY THATS MY TRUCK!!!!" > OH F--- > PANIC > Drive for about 5 minutes in stolen truck > Park it and leave keys in the glove compartment >Order an uber and when uber arrives i cancel the ride and offer to pay in cash so no evidence of ride > I called in sick to work It's been about a week and the guy found his truck but I think I'm gonna retire from pranks

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